Chapter 29
With fifteen minutes to go until we bust into Carson’s house and torture the location of the Red Hitters out of him, the last thing I want to be told is that I can’t leave the van.
“You’re staying here,” Ivan says, his tone firm and his eyes unwavering.
He thinks that because I’m pregnant, I’m going to be a risk to this operation. Either that, or I’m going to be in more danger somehow, but that’s an incorrect assumption. I was fine until he knew I was pregnant, and then suddenly everything changed?
No, that’s not the way things work. If I was okay to go on missions and be by his side when he was working before we knew I was pregnant with triplets, there’s no reason why I can’t do it now. It’s not like I’m waddling, visibly pregnant and barely able to move without holding onto his arm for support.
“I’m going in there with you. It’s safer that way,” I insist as he slings a rifle across his back, hunching over in the van like he’s going to throw the door open and make a run for the house at any moment. We still have fifteen minutes, but Ivan is eager to get started.
“It’s not safer in the house,” Ivan grumbles. “You’re here, you’ll be fine, and you’re not going into the house.”
I shrug. “Nothing is stopping me.”
“I’m stopping you,” he growls, grabbing my wrist and tossing a handcuff around it. He attaches the other side to the steering wheel. “There, now you can flee if you need to, but you can’t leave the van.”
I tug on the handcuffs, but their metallic edges dig into my wrist when I pull. I won’t be able to get loose without hurting myself. “Jesus, is this really necessary?” I whine.
“Yes,” he snaps. “You’ve shown every intention of disobeying my commands, and for that you must be held accountable.”
“I’m the mother of your child, Ivan. You can’t do this to me,” I say, rattling the handcuffs against the steering wheel.
“Sorry, darling,” he replies, planting a kiss on my lips. “Some things are more important than the things you want.”
I scoff. “Name one.”
“Your safety, for instance,” he says, smirking as he puts a finger under my chin. “I can’t have my pretty girl getting hurt.”
I jerk my head away from him. “You just want to control me.”
“If I have to, I will,” he replies, leaning back. “I know you think I’m being cruel, but that’s what a man does when he’s truly in love. Your safety is more important to me than how you feel about me. Hate me if you want to, but I’ll only be happy when you’re safe.”
“Charming,” I reply sarcastically.
“Thank you,” he teases, flashing a cocky smile. “Now, stay here while I check a few last-minute things. I’ll be back in a second.”
“What? Where are you going?” I yelp as he throws the van door open and jumps out into the darkness.
“I’ll be back soon,” he promises, blowing me a kiss before slamming the door shut and disappearing.
Great. This is just wonderful.
I slump down in the driver’s seat of the van, considering taking the whole thing and driving straight into Carson’s house. The keys are still in the ignition, and I doubt Ivan is actually coming back. He’s starting the raid without me, trying to trick me into thinking it hasn’t happened yet.
I let out a deep sigh, staring at the steering wheel as I try to come to terms with my predicament. He’s right not to let me join, but that doesn’t mean I’m happy about it. My emotions have been all over the place since I became pregnant with triplets, and that hasn’t changed.
Dr. Tracy assured me that things would balance out in another few weeks, and I’d start feeling that elusive pregnancy glow, but right now I just feel terrible. It doesn’t help that I’m trapped in a van while Ivan gets to do all the exciting stuff.
I place my hand on my belly, rubbing it as I imagine what the triplets will be like. I suppose I’d better get used to staying home, because it’s not like I’m going to be able to go on any crazy adventures when they’re babies. They’ll need me, and I’m not going to abandon or neglect them.
My parents often left me home alone, and they didn’t care much for my needs as a child. I won’t be putting my precious triplets through that same treatment. I’m determined to be a good mother for them.
A bit of guilt creeps into my mind as I realize I was too quick to defy Ivan when he said it wasn’t safe. Not only was it a mistake to challenge him when he obviously knows best in these situations, but I also wouldn’t put our children in danger.
He was right, though it’s too late to tell him now. He’s already gone, and I’ll just have to wait for his return to tell him that I’m sorry.
Until then, I’m forced to sit here in silence, considering what my future is going to be like once everything comes together. I have confidence that Project G will be recovered, and after that we should have more free time to spend together. Sure, the first few months might be a bit more taxing, but once the triplets are born, I’m sure we’ll both shift our focus to them.
I can’t wait to see what kind of father Ivan will be. His arms are strong enough to hold all three of our children high in the air, and his legs are powerful enough to walk with them wrapped around his ankles.
I think a man has to be as fit as Ivan is to handle that many toddlers all at once. Anyone else wouldn’t be able to keep up, and that includes me! I can’t imagine doing something like this without him.
My mind is stuck on how great Ivan is, even as I hear shouting from inside Carson’s house. As long as there aren’t any gunshots, I know things haven’t gone sour. Besides, with as many men as Ivan brought to this surprise visit, I’m surprised Carson even had the opportunity to scream before he was gagged and subjected to their methods of persuasion.
While I don’t especially like the idea of torturing another human being, no matter how wicked they are, I understand that a lot hangs in the balance, and it’s not always possible to take the pacifist’s way out.
And so, as the time ticks by and the night grows colder, all I can do is wait. I’m lost in my thoughts, drifting in and out of reason mixed with a healthy dose of fantasy. I have faith in Ivan, but the future isn’t quite as clear as it used to be.
The unknown dwells on the horizon like a cloud threatening to cover the sun.
And I’m just a little flower, praying my only hope for survival doesn’t vanish forever.