Chapter 41 #2
She narrowed her eyes. Where was this going? It had been a few days since Jareth verbally attacked anyone and she had a feeling he was itching to cause strife. Something in his tone told her this wasn’t going to go well.
“I’m not sure I want to know.”
He waved his hand. “I’ve heard rumors. And I’m too curious and can’t keep it to myself any longer.”
“Rumors…”
Casimir was tense in front of her, listening in.
“Indeed,” Jareth said. “Is it true you were…how shall I put it? With Andras?”
Trying to tame her racing heart—the panic that always tried to make itself known when she thought too hard about what he’d done to her—she gave Jareth a hard look.
“All I’m going to say is, yes. I was in a relationship with him.
When he was in disguise. Before I knew of the existence of other realms and daemons and fae. Back when I believed he was human.”
“So that means…you fucked an ancient god. You slept with our enemy.”
Everyone froze. Even the soldiers accompanying them. Before Ava knew what was happening, both Raine and Casimir were lunging for Jareth, as if they were prepared to punch him.
But Ava started laughing, unable to control herself as she doubled over.
“Oh my god,” she said through her tears.
“I did. I really did. I had sex with an ancient god.” Her hands were on her knees now.
Because it truly was unbelievable. She sometimes still couldn’t grasp that it had happened.
That the local handyman was an evil god in disguise.
And for some reason, at this very moment, she found it hilarious.
It was probably the trauma talking.
Everyone looked at her as if she’d gone mad. “It’s not funny,” Casimir growled.
“But it really is…” she continued. “Because I didn’t even believe in any gods or higher powers before all of this. And I slept with one!”
She continued to laugh. She’d fallen for him. Let him into her house. Welcomed him into her bed. And then he drugged her and beat her and held her captive. Tortured her. Got her best friend killed. Tortured her love. Almost killed Raine. Killed Remy…
Oh fuck, here it comes, she thought.
Her laughter took a turn and she let out a sob, her chest squeezing as if in a vise.
Oh god, now is not the time for another breakdown.
“That’s what I thought,” Jareth murmured, receiving the reaction he intended to cause.
Ava tried to stop her tears, but it was too late, and she was gasping for air. Another panic attack. In the middle of the damned desert.
In front of everyone.
There was a scuffle and shouting, but Ava couldn’t determine what was happening through the whooshing in her ears. Casimir collected her in his arms, holding her to his chest. “Breathe, love. You must breathe.”
She nodded through her tears, taking a deep breath as he knelt, still holding her in his lap. He pulled down the scarf, allowing her more air, and cupped her face.
“Look at me.”
She met his eyes.
“Take a deep breath in with me. Count to four.”
She counted.
“Now breathe out.”
She exhaled.
“Again.”
She repeated his instructions as he watched her with concern, thumb stroking her cheek. Her heart finally slowed, and she took another deep breath.
“There you are. You’re alright.”
Her gaze moved to the rest of the party as the adrenaline dissipated. Jareth was on the ground, holding his face and cursing as if someone had punched him.
But it hadn’t been Casimir. Ava sniffled and glanced around. It wasn’t Raine either—though the expression on his face indicated he was prepared to. Someone else was standing over Jareth, fist still raised.
Gisela.
“You don’t speak to our princess that way,” she seethed. “I don’t care who you are.”
“You fucking bitch,” Jareth spat, starting to rise. “How dare you—"
But Imsel stepped in front of Gisela, raising their staff and pointing it at Jareth’s throat.
“I’ve put up with your insolence long enough.
We need you no longer. I won’t hesitate to tie you to one of these thorny trees and leave you in the desert for the predators to devour if you do not cease your disrespect to the members of our party. Understood?”
Jareth’s eyes went wide, an obvious insult on his tongue, but as he scanned the group, he knew he was clearly outnumbered. “Understood.”
Imsel gave a curt nod, their eyes lingering on Gisela for a moment before walking away from Jareth. The tension eased, though most everyone gave Jareth a wide berth.
“Are you alright?” Casimir tucked a strand of loose hair behind Ava’s ear.
“I’m fine. I’m sorry. I wasn’t expecting that to happen…it just came out of nowhere.”
“Ava.” He looked at her fiercely, gently gripping her chin.
“Yes?” she whispered.
“You had a reasonable reaction to someone purposely using your past against you. Don’t you ever apologize for feeling your emotions or needing a moment to recover. Ever.”
“Okay.” She swallowed.
“Are you ready to keep going?”
“Yes.”
He pressed his lips to her forehead, taking a deep breath before standing and helping her up. Nothing else was said about the altercation, and Ava remained silent as they trudged on through the sand, Casimir unwilling to let go of her hand the entire time.
She tried to quell her embarrassment at being triggered so easily, thinking she’d moved past all that had happened. That she was happy now that she’d found her true home, her family and friends. Her soulbond.
And she was happy…though trauma didn’t always care about that.
Sometimes it reared its ugly head at the most inconvenient of times.
A wound that was mending, albeit slowly.
But when something picked at the wound, fresh blood seemed to pour from it until she was forced to pull herself together and patch it back up again.
Scrambling to reclaim her path toward healing.
But she knew she would be alright in the end.
Because she had the tremendous support of everyone around her.
Others who had gone through similar horrors.
Who knew exactly what she was feeling. Who never judged her when she panicked or needed a moment to gather herself.
Who understood. And wasn’t that something?
Because to be understood was to be loved.
And loved she was.