17. Seventeen
Seventeen
M organ
By 3:00, halfway through my shift, I still did not know what to do about Zak and Dante. The way I saw it, I had three choices. None of which would make me particularly happy.
I could continue dating both men, as Zak suggested. But now that I knew they lived together, I feared jealousy would put a strain on their friendship. Having two men fighting over me was not the turn-on it was for some women.
I could break things off with one of them. But how could I pick one over the other? Who should I choose? Dante, the dark and brooding alpha who taught me release, comes from submission. The man who helped me escape the guilt which had consumed me since Tammy’s death.
Or sweet, sensitive Zak, whose intelligence and sincerity made him easy to talk with. He’d shown me how to laugh again. We shared so much in common and, just as important, he was a kind and gentle lover.
No matter who I picked, someone would be left hurt and resentful. It was a thought I could not bear. Together, they had made me whole again.
The last option, the only one that made sense and which I dreaded the most, was I to stop seeing both of them. It was the responsible thing to do. The only way no one got hurt. At least no one but me.
It was an impossible choice, but it was not the only thing on my mind. A few days earlier, I had made an offer on a cute one-bedroom condo, with a stunning view of the canal. The real estate agent called me shortly after I arrived at work to tell me the owner accepted a competing offer.
Dejected, I called Monte at the Paradise Fishing Lodge to give him my bank card information since my relocation stipend would run out the following week. He assured me it would not be a problem, but said he could only accommodate me until the 14th of the month. “All the rooms on the island have been booked since last year for the big lionfish tournament.”
I did not know what a lionfish was or where I would go, but assured Monte I would be out by the 13th. Elenora, who had overheard both conversations, reminded me she still had the room above her garage available. I politely changed the subject. The nursing supervisor had issues with boundaries, and even though the apartment had its own entrance, I was not eager to have my personal affairs the topic of discussion among the staff.
With the housing shortage in Turtle Key so severe, I had few options. But it was not like I would end up living out of my car. The hospital paid me a good salary and there were towns further north where housing was more plentiful. But it would mean a lengthy commute on top of the long hours I already worked. I thought about calling the Realtor back and telling her to expand the search area. But I was not ready to give up hope yet. I loved Turtle Key and wanted it to be my forever home.
The rest of the day seemed to drag. It was unusually quiet in the ER, which gave me plenty of time to think about Zak and Dante. I had the nagging feeling there was something I was overlooking. But no matter how hard I tried to come up with a solution, I could not find one.
By the time I left work, I had resolved to end things with both men. In the shower at my motel, I rehearsed what I was going to say. While getting dressed, I visualized myself walking through their door. Resolute, I would explain my decision and ask them to limit our future contact to hospital matters only. At which point I would kiss them on the cheeks and leave. It was not a scene I was eager to play out, but did not believe I had any other choice.
All day long, thoughts of my cousin Cynthia had been popping into my head. I found the timing strange. Cynthia and I had been close growing up. But I had not seen her since my sister’s funeral, when she and her husbands, Jay and Trent, had made the trip from Tennessee. And although we had stayed in touch after that, I had not spoken to her since coming to Turtle Key. So why was I thinking about her now?
It was not until Zak opened the door wearing a shirt I knew belonged to Dante that I made the connection.
Had I not been so flustered at discovering the two men I was involved with were roommates, I might have seen it earlier. All the evidence was there. Zak and Dante had been just as surprised as I was to discover they were rivals in our little triangle. But their jealousy had seemed directed more at me than at each other.
There were other signs that seemed so obvious now. Zak’s reason for having never brought me to his house made little sense. Since he didn’t know Dante was the other man I was seeing, why would he have thought things would be awkward if he introduced me to his roommate?
Other things, like the tender way Zak brushed back Dante’s hair to study the bump on his head. How the two of them finished each other’s sentences.
I had never asked either man to be monogamous; just the opposite. I had encouraged them to take other lovers. Dante had been up front with me about his bisexuality. Zak had never given me any reason to believe he was not heterosexual, so even once I discovered they lived together, it still didn’t occur to me they might be lovers.
Now though, I was pretty sure it was the case. But even if I was right, I did not know how it might change things between the three of us. I kept my suspicions to myself and decided to hang around and see how the evening played out. At worst, I might get the chance to act out a secret fantasy,
“Come on in.” He opened the door wide and gave me a warm smile. “Dante's grilling on the back deck. I hope you like coconut shrimp.”
As we passed through the kitchen, he reached into the refrigerator and handed me a beer. When he withdrew a second Corona, it surprised me because I'd never seen him drink anything stronger than sweet tea. But when we got outside, and Zak handed the beer to Dante, I wanted to admonish them for going against my instructions to avoid alcohol because of his head injury. But he displayed no lingering effects from our run in with the sandbar, so instead, I told them dinner smelled delicious and took a seat at the rectangular table.
“That’s all Dante,” Zak smiled at his roommate and possibly lover. “He’s the cook when we're both at home. Other wise, I just pickup take out.”
Oliver, who had been sleeping on a deck chair, opened his eyes. As soon as he spotted me, he came over wagging his tail. I lifted him onto my lap and asked how long they had had him.
When Dante finished telling the story of how Zak rescued the dog from the streets, he declared dinner was ready and brought plates of shrimp, rice, and grilled pineapple to the table. I tried not to read anything into it when they sat next to each other and across from me.
“Everything smells so yummy,” I said and looked at the view behind them. “Is that the Seven Mile Bridge?”
Zak nodded. “You can’t see it from here, but the Atlantic is just a short walk in the other direction.”
I had a fairly good idea what a home that close to the water cost and it was much more than I could afford. Dante must have known what I was thinking. “I’ve seen pictures of the place when he first bought it. It looked nothing like it does now.”
“When Covid hit, the previous owners had trouble renting it out and eventually turned it over to the bank.” Zak explained.” After I bought it out of foreclosure, I had to evict the people who had been squatting in it. They trashed it so bad, it was almost six months before I cleaned it up enough to make it livable again. There are still a lot of renovations I want to do, but they will have to wait until I can find a suitable tenant for the other bedroom.”
I vaguely recalled Dante telling me when we first met that his roommate had an extra bedroom if I was looking for some place to live. I had considered it a bad idea then and an even worse one now. To change the subject, I asked what they knew about lionfish.
“It’s an invasive species that’s killing the reef,” Zak said. “It breeds non-stop, feeds on the native fish, and has no predators.”
“Every year they hold a week-long tournament where spearfishing teams from all over the world compete to see who can harvest the most fish,” Dante told me. “There's even a competition among chefs to create dishes featuring the little buggers. It’s a huge deal.”
“Do they taste any good?” I asked.
“Not bad, but its spines are venomous, so if it's not cleaned right, it could kill you. Which is why the state has to pay people to get rid of them. If there was a market for lionfish, commercial fishermen would have already over-fished them the way they did with grouper and snapper.”
We continued to make small talk until we finished our meal. I had been watching both men closely, and detected no animosity between them. By the time Zak cleared our plates, neither had mentioned the events of that morning and I wondered if their plan was just to ignore the fact that they were dating the same woman.
But I could not ignore it. It needed to be addressed. Zak came back to the table, and I was about to give them the speech I planned to make when I first arrived. Before I got the chance, Dante spoke.
“Something has come up and we think it's important you know about it.” He rubbed the back of his neck and took a deep breath. “I've been attracted to Zak for a long time and after you left this morning, he admitted to feeling the same way about me.”
My expression must have faltered because he reached out and took my hand. “It's not what you think. We're not breaking up with you.”
“We would like to continue seeing you, but feel it's important Zak and I explore our feelings for one another as well.” I smiled at the realization my intuition had been correct.
“I'm not gay, you understand,” said Zak, a little defensively. “I'm not even sure I'm bisexual, but I can no longer deny that my feelings for Dante are as deep as those I have for you.”
“If this in any way makes you uncomfortable, we will understand,” Dante said. “But we would really like it if the three of us could make a go of things.”
I had never been with two men before, but like most heterosexual women, I had thought about it more than once. May have even pleasured myself a few times while thinking about it. That they desired one another only made the idea that much hotter.
“I would never ask you to deny your sexuality. It is an important part of who you are.” I told them. “But so there are no misunderstandings. What you're saying is that you want the three of us to form a poylcule or, more specifically, a triad where all three of us are dating and having sex with each other.”
Zak looked at me, stunned. “How do you know those terms? I’d never even heard of such things until Dante suggested it this morning.”
“My cousin Cynthia has been in a polyamorous relationship for years. When you think about it, we’ve been doing the same thing all along. The only difference is now I know you and Dante are having sex, too.” The men exchanged looks. “Oh my god you guys haven’t done it yet.”
“We wanted to wait until we talked to you first,” Zak said.
“I appreciate that. And am on board with the idea. But I am going to leave so you two can get busy.” As much as I wanted to stay and at least watch, I knew if the three of us had any chance of forming a successful triad, it was important Zak get comfortable with the physical aspects of his and Dante’s relationship. I was not sure that could happen with me present. I stood to leave, but Zak took my hand.
“Actually, I think it might be easier for me if you were there.”
“Excellent idea,” said Dante. When I did not object, he took each of us by the hand, and led the way inside and up the stairs to the second floor. “Zak has the bigger bed. It will give us more room.”