Chapter 23 #2
“Initially, they were after my earnings. I could run, or I could give them the money and hope that was enough, or I could fight. They were large men, ruffian types. Not quite Abraham’s size but close. I was stupid. And arrogant. I chose to fight.”
“How old were you?”
“Fourteen, maybe. You know I never knew my true birthdate.” He huffed out a breath. “I lost of course, got a beating for my trouble. They found the box, but the biggest bloke wanted more. He—he held me down. Ripped my hose open.” Regge’s breathing became ragged.
Trembling and sniffling, his voice broke in a sob. I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to hear the rest, but I tried not to react. If Regge was strong enough to relive his past, I would be strong enough to listen. I tapped my fingers lightly on his shoulder.
“I fought them. I fought them so hard. I couldn’t see, my eyes were swelling shut, my mouth was full of blood.
I remember his hands on me, pushing me into the stinking hay.
The other one had backed off, said to just take the money and go.
But the big one kept saying, ‘He’s just a whore.
Just a whore.’” Regge was full on crying now, his shoulders shaking, his words more garbled.
“I felt him. I remember struggling to breathe under his weight, his hand on the back of my neck, holding me down. I managed to get my knees under me to push up, to try to throw him off. Then there was nothing. A blow to my noggin’ and I was out.
” He stopped talking, shaking with the memory.
I couldn’t say anything. My hand barely grazed his shoulder, just to let him know I was with him.
“My friends had come looking for me. Petey and his brother. Petey was a year younger but stouter than I. He could make a lot of noise when he wanted to. They saw the guy on top of me and hit him with a shovel. The bloke staggered away. They picked me up and helped me to their house. I… I checked myself, and I was fine. They’d gotten there before the deed was done. ”
“Still, it was traumatic, Regge. Here, we call it sexual assault.” I wanted to hold him and protect him forever.
“In those days, they wouldn’t see it that way.
Street kids were fair game, abused and beaten all the time.
I was lucky. I’d lost all my savings, but I hadn’t been raped.
I survived. It took a while for the bruises to heal, but that was just the outside of me.
In truth, I didn’t think much about how I felt about things. Inside.”
“Oh babe,” I whispered, my own voice raw with emotion. “I’m so sorry.”
He tightened his grip on me and cried, tears sliding down my chest. I felt the fear and hopelessness of a young Regge. His shoulders shook as he sobbed. Just like my vision.
Eventually he calmed, only a hitching breath now and then. He sat up to grab a tissue from the nightstand, turning away to blow his nose. I rubbed his back, the skin soft under my hand.
“It’s been years. I thought I put it behind me. I’m still a cocked-up mess. And weak. I’m sorry.”
I held him close for a minute, putting my words together. “Maybe being intimate with someone kind of broke the dam, you know? Like you’ve had all this bottled up and we let it out. This is good though, yeah? Because now that it’s out, you can start to heal.”
Cupping his jaw in one hand, I tilted his face up to look into his eyes. “You are the strongest man I know. So strong. So brave. I know this for a fact about you.” I pulled him to me, my hands running through his hair. “Did Theo know?”
His head shook. “Gods no. Theo would have made me pick them out so he could kill them. No. I told no one. I suppose I just wanted to forget about it.”
“Thank you for telling me. I knew it would be a tough thing to do.”
“You knew?”
“A vision. The first time I’ve ever had one of me. Or you, for that matter. I saw you and me here, you were crying, struggling to get the words out. So I knew it would happen and that it would be a good thing. A turning point or something.”
Regge shuddered as he shook his head. He let me pull him back under the covers.
“I know logically that it’s not my fault.
And that I was extremely lucky. But I’d been taking care of myself for so long.
I thought I was so tough. I would just brush it off, right?
Go on with my life.” He sighed, interlacing his fingers with mine.
“First time I ever had sex, for real, I freaked out and cried. The guy thought me mental. I never saw him again. It took me almost a year before I tried again, found a stable hand—a lovely ginger lad, closer to my age. He taught me a great deal.” I felt him smile against me.
“Then came Charlie. He was virginal and golden, adventurous and kind. Still, I couldn’t let him near me that way. ”
I scooched down in the bed, turning to face him, laying a hand on his cheek.
“We don’t ever have to do anything you don’t want to, Reg. I’m happy to leave things as they are.”
“What do you normally do? With others I mean.”
“There haven’t been others. Not recently anyway. See, this hot blond fell into my life and really screwed with my Grindr game.”
Regge’s lips pursed for half a second until he got it. He rolled his eyes. “Right.”
I smiled. “Depends on the other guy, really. I like it both ways, so it’s not a big deal for me if a guy wants to top. Sometimes it’s great. Like with you. It was great.”
He sighed. “I’d like to try though. With you. Experience what it would be like to have someone that close. Inside. Maybe I’ll hate it, I don’t know.”
“Let’s take things slow. We have lots of time,” I reassured him. I didn’t want him to feel any pressure to do something he wasn’t ready for, yet I told the truth. I was truly happy at that moment.
“What was it you said? Life is short. Let’s fuck already?” He tipped his head to grin at me.
“Don’t throw my romancey words back at me. You come up with your own sweet nothings, mister.”
This smile was brighter than the last one.
“Hm. Okay. Let’s see.” His eyes fixed on a space above my head as he thought.
Then he met my gaze. “This humble bed is my world, my life, and you the sun that rises each morn. To warm my aching bones, comfort my shattered heart, and bring me to life. Bring me to life once more, my love.” The smile turned wicked as Regge reached between us, his fingers hot against my dick.
“And rise. Rise to fill me with your light. In this humble world. This humble bed.”
I leaned in. “Show-off.” I kissed him, prying open his lips with my own. His answering moan was encouraging. I rolled us over, covering his body.
Balancing on my forearms, I placed tiny kisses on his puffy eyes, his nose, his forehead. “I want you in all the ways I can have you,” I said between kisses. “But I want you healed. I want you whole and beautiful and happy.”
He pulled me in closer, kissing me hard. After a moment, I leaned up to watch him.
“What?” He frowned at me.
“Patience.” I smiled. He was so gorgeous all kiss swollen and needy. “This was good. Things make sense now—why you do the things you do. But we can take our time? This thing with us has just started, and I want everything to be good for you. No. Not good, amazing. As amazing as you make me feel.”
He leaned up to press his lips to mine again. “You can come up with some pretty decent sweet nothings yourself.” He kissed me hard, swung a leg over and flipped me onto my back. “Now, I really want to suck you off.”
I laughed. “God, I thought you’d never ask.”