Chapter 36
THIRTY-SIX
MEREDITH
As soon as Calder left for chores—two orgasms later—I texted an SOS to Sawyer. It’s Friday, but I asked if she could meet me for lunch at the brewery. Even better if she could bring food. Calder will be busy picking up Ransom’s car and, hopefully, Holly’s camera.
I’m labeling a barrel-aged ale for the street fair when Sawyer arrives. She’s carrying a bag from the grocery store.
“I hope you’re not expecting what your boyfriend brings.” Her gaze lands on the signs I dragged out of the supply room and set on the counter, and her mouth forms an O. “Oh shit. The fair. I forgot to ask for time off.”
My stomach sinks. A Scandalous Affair is widely advertised, and our small booth is overrun for two days.
Local businesses and vendors rely on it.
Much as I love working in the brewery and serving in the taproom, I adore talking and fielding questions about the beer and the process.
I’m outside, and when I have help, I can even participate in the fair and go around to other booths.
What makes the day so special is that Sawyer and I do it together.
“Oh.” I’m crap at hiding my disappointment. “I can see if Molly or Brenner can pitch in for a few hours each day.”
“I might have to trade with Kelly. Maybe I can just be on call.”
She spreads the salads and sandwiches out on the counter. It’s not the entrées Calder orders from Williston, thanks to the dedicated fleet of delivery drivers he and his brothers have acquired, but it’s better than the nothing or yogurt I usually eat for lunch. I dig in.
Sawyer swivels in her stool to face me. “You didn’t disagree when I said ‘boyfriend.’”
I might as well get to the point. I’m not expecting anyone to stop by, and the conversation from this morning is chewing through my stomach lining. “He asked me to move in with him.”
Her eyes flare wide. “No way.” She covers her mouth with a hand. “Are you going to do it?” Then she grips my biceps. “Is that why I’m here? You’re leaving me again?”
“No! I don’t know.” My belly is an emotional slurry, and I get stuck between wanting to grin and cry. Calder wants to make us work, but he won’t stay here to do it. “I can’t wrap my head around the whole thing. Less than two weeks ago, I was hopelessly single.”
“You were deliberately single. Plenty of guys shoot their shot, and you’ve ignored everyone.”
Heat pricks the backs of my eyes. I didn’t want to make the same mistake, but I’m on the verge of making the biggest one of all. “And I don’t want to go.”
“You told him that?”
I nod. My appetite has left the building. “I’m sure he thinks staying will upset his brothers and they’ll leave him like they left Ransom.”
“And you’re just another Winslow tearing the Crosses apart.
” She brushes her hands and hops down from her stool.
She rounds the bar, grabs two mugs from the cooler, and pulls out a couple of cans of root beer she brought.
“God, Meredith. Doesn’t he live in some fancy place in Denver?
He probably has a housekeeper and, I dunno, a driver or something. ”
I take the mug she offers and down ice-cold soda. “His personal chef makes meals twice a month, otherwise Calder orders food for the whole office when he’s working.”
She blinks at me. “Okayyyy.”
I swirl my glass, contemplating what I should do.
Bubbles effervesce through the drink. Should I give up everything I know and move in with a guy I’m spinning head over heels for, or stay in my status quo, answering to three different bosses when I’m meant to be a boss too?
Bowen and Landry have no reason to make this easy on me. I’m the wrench in the system.
“I asked Ransom if we could make an in-house root beer to sell so nondrinkers can have more than just water.”
“But Julia didn’t have a root beer recipe, so you couldn’t.
” She recites it like a play she memorized long ago, which was how it started to feel.
The brewery was Julia’s way or the highway, and the ranch was Ransom’s.
He was holding tightly to the treasured memories Calder and his brothers don’t want to think about.
Holly and I used to have long talks about my place at Jules Creek. How much do I push Ransom? Why would I want to? She was the one who supported my move to Williston, and she was the first one I called to come home. I could use some of her caring but realistic insight now.
She picks up her sandwich but doesn’t take a bite. “So, you would find a new job in Denver? Wait—Calder could be your sugar daddy.”
I scowl at her. I already feel like I’m living off someone else’s labor. “If I don’t sell, will he still want me to move?”
She sucks in a breath and drops her food. “Do you think he’s manipulating you?”
“No,” I answer honestly. The conflict is too apparent within him.
“Not at all. But I think selling is their way of erasing everything. They were so betrayed by Ransom. What if keeping the brewery and the ranch is a way to give them back a big part of themselves? What if they regret selling? But what if selling is the only way I get to keep Calder?”
Sympathy fills her eyes. “Oh, Meredith. You and I are still in Scandal because of Ransom. I loved that gruff man too, but you have to think of yourself. Without this place, you’ll be free to go anywhere and do anything.”
I want to be here. With Calder. He’s not the same hard, emotionless man who arrived that first day. In such a short time, he’s found a part of himself that makes him happier. What if it could be like that for his brothers too?
Sawyer gnaws on her lower lips and focuses on the countertop. There’s something else weighing on her. She’s not just concerned for me. “Sawyer, is everything okay?”
“It’s fine,” she says too lightly. “No matter what, I’m going to pay my debt to Crossroads.”
“Jeez, Saws, I’m sorry. I didn’t even think—”
“No.” She waves her hands in the air. “No. Do not consider me in all this. I have my house and a good job. I would miss you, but I’m a big girl. I can fly to Denver to visit too.”
“I can’t imagine living so far from you. I don’t know what to do.”
She rubs her hands up and down her legs. “Like I said, put yourself first for once.”
I nibble on my lower lip. Would it be so bad?
I’d give up everything I know, but I’d have money from the sale.
Freedom. Yet the only thing I want more freedom with is my job, and I want to be seen as more than the little sister of Ransom’s wife.
I wanted to mean more to him than just a promise to Holly.
He showed me in the will where I fit into his life.
That stubborn, complicated man showed us all how he really felt.
Yet he was also very simple. He loved his family.
And that’s what’s bothering me with all this.
“We’re all putting ourselves first. That’s what feels wrong about it.”