15
EMERSYN
I woke tangled up with Gabe. He was sleeping shirtless, in only his underwear, and his skin was warm beneath mine. A wave of guilt crashed over me. I hadn’t meant to become friends with him. Not in the way we had. But I felt so at ease. Safe. Affection, touch—it wasn’t something I usually felt comfortable with, but with Gabe, it was different. I didn’t experience the usual swell of panic or the tightening at the back of my throat. But I did feel a slight increase in heart rate.
He slept with his head tipped back, mouth open. His hair was spread across the pillow, some of the blond strands tickling me. My leg was hooked over his, something I must have done in my slightly intoxicated sleep. My head pounded a little, but it wasn’t bad.
Unraveling myself and trying not to notice the way his flesh felt against mine, I drew in a sharp breath when I realized just how much of me hurt. My legs ached. My arms ached. Somehow, even my fingers felt sore. Jake’s session had done a real number on me. Slowly, I got out of bed and attempted to tiptoe through the lounge, trying not to wince with each step, but Gabe’s voice stopped me.
“Why are you walking like that?”
“Like what?” I said, straightening up.
Gabe just lifted that one brow and smirked.
I gave up the pretense and let my body fall in on itself. “Maybe because I’m all stiff. Is Jake some sort of evil witch or something? Does he have a doll he’s stabbing with a needle right now?”
Gabe laughed. “Come here.” He patted the bed, and I begrudgingly waddled back. “Lie down.” So I did. “Where does it hurt?”
“Everywhere,” I moaned. “My shoulders. My back. My legs. My butt.”
“Your butt?”
I twisted my head enough to see Gabe’s smirk as he rubbed his hands together.
“How is it possible to hurt this much?”
“From a simple assessment? I have no idea.” Gabe’s hands clamped over my shoulders and started moving in slow circles. “Have you ever, like, exercised before?” At first I tried not to wince as his fingers worked the tender muscles of my shoulders, but soon the pain gave way to pleasure, and I had to resist the urge to moan.
“Haha,” I said dryly, trying to distract myself from how my body was melting under his touch. He tugged the collar of my shirt aside, and his hands connected with my bare flesh. They were the perfect combination of softness and roughness. The calluses on his palms almost scratched my skin, igniting a fire that made me want more. I wanted his hands to travel further. I wanted his touch to explore more of my body. I didn’t understand how his touch seemed so casual, so uninhibited, when I was beginning to burn in all the places I shouldn’t. But it reminded me of who he was. Who I was.
“Fuck, you’re tight,” Gabe said as he worked a knot between my shoulder blades. I snorted, and his hands stopped. “That’s not what I meant. Get your mind out of the gutter.”
As his hands continued their magic, I tried to ignore the sensation of his thighs pressing against either side of my body. Or the way my body reacted when he shifted, his position, his hips brushing slightly against the small of my back. Or the heat that flared between my legs.
“I’m sorry about Harry,” he said. The last thing I wanted to think about right now was Harry. “I’ll talk to him today and tell him he needs to sort his shit.”
“Uh-huh,” I replied absently. Harry’s behavior felt like a distant memory in that moment. Gabe’s hands moved further down my back, and I tensed as he found a particularly tender spot.
“He did something similar to Amelia. Jake told me that Harry’s been through a lot, seen a lot, and that he has a lot of issues because of it.”
“We’ve all got issues,” I said, trying to focus on his words instead of the distraction of his touch. “That doesn’t excuse what he did.”
“You’re right, and I’ll make sure he knows that. But honestly, I think the way you handled it last night spoke louder than any words could.” He shifted back, sliding over my butt and down my legs. His hands gripped the flesh under the cheeks of my butt, and I inhaled sharply. “How are your hamstrings feeling?” he asked, amusement lacing his tone. “Want me to work on them a bit?”
I laughed and shrugged away from his touch, not knowing what sort of puddle of desire I might turn into if he continued. “I think I’ll be fine. Thanks.”
Gabe looked at me quizzically, a slight rise in the corner of his mouth turning into a smirk. “Make sure you drink lots of water today, okay?”
I nodded as I pulled on my clothes and moved toward the door. This was dangerous. This could get me in trouble. I needed to do better. I needed to remind myself why I was doing this. And it wasn’t for free massages.
Drew and Harry were asleep on the sofas. Stefan wasn’t. No doubt he was in Tara’s room. I needed coffee, so I flicked on the kettle and audibly gasped when I stretched to grab the tin from the cupboard. Despite Gabe’s attention, I was still sore as hell. I was pouring the water into the mug when Harry walked in.
“Morning,” he said, yawning and looking at me cautiously.
“Want a coffee?” I asked, keeping my voice cool. He’d gotten to me the night before, made me feel unsafe in my own home, but I wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of knowing that.
“Sure.” He walked over and leaned against the bench, close to me. “Sorry about last night. I was drunk and you…” He looked me over and shrugged.
Part of me wanted to ask him to finish that sentence, but instead, I snorted. “That doesn’t give you the right to kiss me when I’ve made it clear I wasn't interested.”
“You’re right.” He pouted exaggeratedly. “I’m sorry.”
He was silent as I stirred the coffee and handed him one.
“You know,” he started, “you’re not like other girls.”
I rolled my eyes. I’d heard this line a thousand times. “I’m exactly like other girls. Generally, we don’t want to be kissed by guys we’ve told we’re not into.”
He took a sip of coffee. “Fuck, that’s hot. But that’s not what I meant. You’re different.”
“Everyone is different,” I replied icily.
I hated it when people did that. Men especially. It implied that being different from other girls was something to be proud of, an attempt to make us turn on each other. Sure, I didn’t have many friends, especially female ones, but that was because of me, not them. I could be a bitch, but that didn’t make me different. In fact, sometimes, it made me the same.
Drew walked in and plonked himself down at the table, cradling his head in his hands. “Why did I drink so much?”
“Want a coffee?” I asked cheerily, hoping Harry noticed the change in my tone.
“I need something to soak up all this alcohol. I think I’m still slightly drunk.”
I gestured. “Cereal in the cupboard.”
Gabe appeared a few moments later. He didn’t look hungover. He didn’t even look tired. He looked like a freaking Adonis. He’d pulled on jeans but nothing else. His skin was tanned and toned, and I couldn’t help but admire the contours of him. The tattoo down the side of his torso was beginning to fade, the ink almost green. When I finally tore my eyes away from his chest and up to his face, he was grinning at me. I rolled my eyes. He winked. I took a sip from my mug and tried to hide behind it.
“Ready for a day on the water?” Gabe slapped Drew on the back.
“I’m not going in any stupid cold water today,” Drew groaned.
Gabe laughed. “You never do.” He looked around the kitchen, walked over, sniffed my coffee, and scrunched up his nose before throwing his arm around my shoulder. There it was. That casual affection again. The kind that made my heart flutter and did nothing to him at all. “Where’s Stefan?” he asked.
The scent of him wafted over me, and I tried my best not to inhale. He always smelled fresh, like he’d just stepped out of the shower, whether he actually had or not.
“My guess is Tara’s bed.” I nodded in the direction of Tara’s room.
Harry was glaring at me, so I stayed tucked under Gabe’s arm, even though the closeness of him was making my heart skip faster. I couldn’t think about him that way. Not with the article I was planning on writing. Not with the articles I’d already written. Still, an image of reaching up, cupping his cheeks, and gently kissing him slipped through my mind.
But I reminded myself we were friends. Nothing more. In fact, being just friends was dangerous enough.
Gabe nudged me. “You go wake him. I’m not risking walking in on anything.”
“I don’t want to walk in on anything either,” I protested.
Gabe grabbed a bowl and filled it with cereal. “It’s your house.”
“Fine,” I huffed. “But if I have to see anything, I’m relaying it to you in extreme graphic detail.”
Gabe shuddered as he lifted a spoonful of cereal to his mouth. Stefan and Tara were sleeping soundly, so I was spared the assault on my eyes. I gathered what I’d need for the day, then we walked—I tried not to show how much simply walking hurt—back down to the pool hall to collect the cars. Harry, Drew, and Stefan went back to Gabe’s place to grab their boards and wetsuits, and Gabe and I drove to the beach.
“You okay?” Gabe asked when we were alone, his gaze sliding sideways.
“I’m good.”
“Again, I’m so sorry about Harry. He can be an utter bastard at times.”
“It’s okay.” I flashed him a grin to hide the truth. “Nothing I couldn’t handle.” I stood and looked out over the water, breathing in the fresh ocean air.
“Apparently so,” Gabe laughed. “The look on Harry’s face when you grabbed his balls was priceless.”
“So, are you two close?” I asked, now that I was able to concentrate on the answer.
Gabe shook his head. “Not really. He’s more Jake’s friend than mine. I guess we’ve kind of been hanging out since Jake’s been busy with the baby on the way and everything. I think that might be about to change.”
By this time, the guys had arrived with the gear. Gabe announced that his first order of business was to give me lessons. He handed me a wetsuit and told me he hoped it fit okay. Then he grabbed a board and laid it on the sand as Stefan and Harry whooped and hollered, running into the waves with their own boards in tow.
“This is a long board,” Gabe said. “It’s better for beginners.”
I frowned. “But we’re not even in the water yet.”
“Not yet. But you will be.”
“You’re confident.”
“I’m a good teacher. But first, we’re going to learn to pop up on land. Okay, lay on the board.”
I did as he said, grunting as I lowered my body down. Gabe grinned. I whacked his calf.
“Good. Okay, center yourself, feet together. Perfect.” Gabe placed down his own board and lay beside me. “Now let’s pretend we’re paddling out. Paddle. Paddle. Paddle.”
“Do we really have to pretend to paddle?”
“Nope. I just wanted to see if you’d do it.”
I flicked some sand in his face.
Gabe laughed and spat out a couple of grains that ended up in his mouth. “When you’re ready, push up with your hands almost like you’re doing a push-up.”
“But I can’t do a push-up.”
“Try,” he urged while demonstrating. “Now bring your front foot under you, placing it in the center of the board, and stand up smoothly with your knees slightly bent, arms out for balance.”
He made it look effortless, so I took a deep breath and made my first attempt. I was useless. My feet just didn’t do what his did.
“Nearly,” he encouraged.
“Nearly?” I spluttered. “I think you mean hardly.”
“Practice makes perfect,” Gabe said.
“Practice makes perfect,” I mocked. But I tried again. And again. And again. And pretty soon, I was able to pop up in a way that earned a clap from Gabe.
“Okay, now all you need to do is do it in the water.”
I looked out over the ocean. The height of the waves had increased. Harry was having a hard time catching a wave. He kept chickening out at the last moment, while Stefan seemed to catch them effortlessly, gliding across the water before diving into the depths.
“Nope.” I shook my head.
“What do you mean, nope?”
I walked closer to the water and let a wave crash over my bare feet. It was freezing. “Nope,” I said again. “I’d die of hypothermia.”
“You will not. That wetsuit will shield you.”
“This thing?” I plucked the tight material away from my chest. It seemed thin and flimsy. “It doesn’t feel like it’s going to protect me from anything.”
“Well, how about we just go for a swim first and get used to the temperature?” He reached for my hand, but I took a step back.
Our eyes met. Gabe took another step forward, and I took another step back. The corners of his mouth twitched, and he lunged at me, but I was ready. I turned and ran down the beach as Gabe chased me, laughter bubbling up from my chest.
“I’m not getting in that water!” I yelled, my voice floating back to him on the breeze.
Gabe switched to another gear, his legs pumping as he chased me. It was both exhilarating and exhausting. I did my best to outrun him, but he caught me, tossing me over his shoulder and running us both into the water. He fell into a wave, holding me tight as the coldness crashed over me.
“It’s freezing!” I yelled as soon as we surfaced, rubbing the water from my eyes.
“But you’ve done it now. You’re in the water.”
He had a point. I jumped on him, pushing him under just before a wave crashed over us. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d laughed so hard or felt this carefree, this happy. I clung to Gabe’s back as he swam us to shore. Gabe grabbed the board, and I followed him back into the water. After countless spills where I didn’t manage to pop up even once, I left him to it and limped over to join Drew on the comfort of the shore.
“Feeling any better?” I peeled off my wetsuit and quickly wrapped a towel around my shoulders.
Drew groaned. “I haven’t had that much to drink in years. Now I remember why.”
I sat down, plopping myself on the sand and relishing the feeling of not moving my tender muscles.
“What about you?” He peered over at me. “You seem oddly perky for someone who drank last night.”
I wrapped the towel tighter, feeling the breeze sweeping off the ocean. “I didn’t have much, and what I did have, the cold water shocked it from me.”
Drew looked at the water as though he was considering wading into the waves, then decided against it.
“How long have you known Gabe?” I asked.
“I feel like there wasn’t a time I didn’t know him. He’s kind of larger than life, you know?”
“Yeah,” I chuckled. “I’m finding that out.”
Drew cocked his head to the side. “So is there anything going on between you two? He seems pretty smitten.”
I choked out a laugh. “Sure. We’re just friends.”
Drew looked at me skeptically. “Just don’t break his heart.”
“I swear, we’re just friends.”
“Does he know that?”
“We both do.”
“Huh.” Drew grunted. “He’s been through a lot of shit, just saying.”
“He’s told me.” I rested my chin on my knees and watched Gabe. He shook his head as he popped up onto the board and grinned, giving us a quick wave.
“About Lauren?” Drew questioned.
“About Lauren, about Isabel.”
“How long have you known him?”
“A couple of weeks.”
“Huh. He doesn’t normally open up that quickly. More of a shag-and-run sort of guy.”
“Maybe that’s why. We haven’t ‘shagged,’ as you put it.”
Drew lifted his brows in skepticism but didn’t say anything.
* * *
Gabe stayed over each night for the next few days. We fell into a strange sort of routine where he’d turn up at my place, usually when I was already in bed, and climb in with me, talking for a while before we both fell asleep. He’d be gone in the morning before I woke. I stopped going out as much, stopped caring about what I needed to write, just because I knew he’d be at my place. It was strange, but being around Gabe was more appealing than going out to discover local gossip.
Drew and Stefan had headed back home, much to Tara’s disappointment, and Harry didn’t make an appearance after the day of surfing. I wasn’t sure, but I thought Gabe had told him not to.
We never spoke of what was happening between us. It was like we were both content with the odd arrangement, and if we spoke about it, it might break the spell that had been cast. I kept telling myself I was encouraging our friendship because of the potential for the story. But I hadn’t asked him any relevant questions, and I hadn’t stumbled across information from our conversations. I simply kept being friends with him because I liked being around him. I just wasn’t sure why he maintained his friendship with me. There were no obvious answers. So one night, as we sat on opposite ends of the sofa, feet intertwined between us, I couldn’t help but ask, “Why do you keep coming over?”
Gabe looked up, brows bunched together, and replied, “Because, as I’ve told you before, I like spending time with you. Why do you think I’m here?”
I shrugged. “I’m not sure, honestly. Maybe you consider me some sort of challenge?”
“Like sexually?”
My cheeks flamed at the suggestion. Gabe likely had many candidates that could scratch that itch for him, so to speak, but I couldn’t think of a different reason.
Gabe’s voice rose in pitch. “You really think that little of me?”
“So the fact that I haven’t slept with you has nothing to do with you keeping up our friendship?” I countered, already regretting my questioning. “You’ve already admitted what happened with Lauren,” I added.
He paused, pondering his answer until finally he spoke. “That might have been who I was in the past, but I don’t think that’s who I am anymore. I mean, maybe it is; maybe I haven’t changed at all, but it’s not who I want to be. I admit that when you said you weren’t interested in me that way, something inside me reared up that desperately wanted to sleep with you. But it’s not like I don’t have female friends I’ve never slept with and—”
“Like who?”
“Molly, for one. But you’re…” He narrowed his eyes, considering whether he should continue.
“I’m?” I prodded. I was in this deep. We may as well finish the conversation.
“Never mind.”
“So you don’t want to sleep with me?” I knew I was playing with fire.
“Yes,” he said without hesitation.
“Yes?”
His eyes flickered with something, a hunger, a desire. He leaned forward, closer to me. “Yes, Emersyn Cabot, I want to sleep with you. Rather desperately, if I’m being honest.”
I tried to keep my expression schooled into something that resembled indifference, but inwardly, wings began to flutter against the cage of my chest.
Gabe sat back again, his eyes scanning my face, trying to gauge my reaction. “But I know that’s not what you want, so I will never pressure you. That’s not who I am. It’s never been who I am. You know that you can tell me to leave whenever you want, and I will go. I won’t bother you again. I will walk out that door right now if that’s what you want.”
“I know,” I stammered. But I didn’t say anything more. I didn’t tell him to walk out that door because I didn’t want him to.
He grinned, and his foot nudged mine playfully. “You like having me on this string, don’t you? You like toying with me.”
“Maybe…” I left the word hanging between us, aware of the trouble it could get me into.
He leaned closer to me again, his lips brushing against my ear as he spoke. “Just so you know, I’m good with that.”
And then our eyes met. There was this intensity between us, this palpable feeling of desire. And I felt terrible. Guilty. Horrible. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I didn’t tell him to go.
Instead, later that night in bed, I lay beside him and imagined what it would feel like for him to be above me and ever so slowly lower his mouth to mine. I envisioned his lips making their way down my body, leaving a soft trail of heat in their wake. I thought about what it might feel like to be with him without restraint, to let him know just how much I wanted to be with him.
But I knew that could never happen—should never happen. So, with a sigh of frustration, I rolled onto my side and tried to sleep, forcing him out of my mind.
He woke me up the next morning by sitting bolt upright in bed. “What’s the time?” he asked groggily.
“Fucked if I know.”
Since meeting Gabe, my routine had fallen apart. I didn’t have a regular job, nor did I need a set bedtime or wake time. I followed the beat of my own drum, even if it had become somewhat aligned with Gabe’s lately.
“Fuck.” Gabe slipped out of bed, frantically searching for his clothes. “I’m late for work.” He grabbed his jeans and hopped on one foot, trying to thread his other foot into the material. He fell over, and I laughed at him as he struggled to get into his jeans. Leaning over the edge of the bed, I tossed his t-shirt at him.
“Are you not even going to have a shower before you go?”
“I’m running too late. I’ll have one at work.” He leaned over and placed a kiss on my nose. It was what we did—non-sexual but affectionate. At least, that’s what I told myself. In truth, almost all the ways he touched me ignited lustful thoughts lately. At least on my behalf.
He ran out the door seconds later. I tried to go back to sleep, but it was pointless. I was awake. So I grabbed my laptop, propped myself against the headboard, and pulled up Gabe’s social media. I checked it every day, even though he didn’t post often. But that day, there was a new photo. It was one I had taken of him, Drew, Stefan, and Harry at the beach. Three of them were in wetsuits while Drew remained in dry clothing beside them. The sun was setting in the background and glinted across the camera, creating a prism of color. Then I started scrolling through the feeds of the rest of his family members.
Did I feel guilty for doing it? Yes.
Was I about to stop? No.
I knew this story could be huge. I just needed to identify who was the victim of Jake’s fists. Everything I’d discovered so far had turned out to be nothing.
Amelia had posted another pregnancy shot. It looked as though it had been taken professionally, and I wondered if Lauren had taken it. She’d made quite the name for herself, but her photography didn’t usually focus on people.
I clicked on Amelia’s tagged photos, something I’d never done before. There were a few where she was tagged in fancy dress costumes from the place she worked and now owned. A few more had been tagged by her sister, but one caught my eye. It was from the account of someone named Brandon Stevens. It was a picture of Amelia and a man, presumably Brandon Stevens, eating ice creams. It was simply captioned, “Finally met my daughter.” I pressed on his account and opened his profile. He hadn’t posted anything in months, but there was no denying it. Even without the blood covering his face, I knew he was the man from the footage. I’d also seen pictures of Amelia’s father, and he looked nothing like this man. The photo only confused me more.
My door opened, and Gabe poked his head back in, causing me to slam down the screen, my heart ricocheting against my chest.
He scrunched up his face into something between a smirk and a smile. “Were you stalking me again?”
I laughed and tossed my hair over my shoulder. “You wish, pretty boy.”
“I take exception to that. I’m not a pretty boy.”
“Yeah,” I nodded slowly and grimaced. “You kind of are.”
Gabe jumped onto the bed. “What I choose to take from that is that you just called me pretty.”
I shook my head, laughing. “You’re unbelievable.”
Gabe batted his eyelashes. “You love it. Hey, do you have any plans today?”
“Just doing some research.” I hoped my face wasn’t as red as it felt.
He held up a package. “I promised Jake I’d drop this off to Amelia before work today, but it’s too late now. You wouldn’t feel like stealing Brittney’s car and doing it for me, would you? I know I shouldn’t—”
“No problem.” I stretched across and grabbed the package, shaking it. “What is it?”
“Just something Amelia ordered for the baby and had delivered to work. Jake wasn’t there yesterday because he covered for me on Saturday, so I did a double shift, but I promised him I’d drop it off before I started.”
“Not a problem. It would be nice to catch up with her anyway.”
“Cheers.” He leaned across to kiss me again, but instead of the usual peck on the nose, his lips brushed against mine. Both of us sort of reeled back, surprised by the bolt of electricity that rippled between us. We stared at each other until I laughed nervously.
Flames licked Gabe’s cheeks. “Right. Thanks. Bye then.” And then he was gone.