24
GABE
I positioned myself over the weight bar, braced, then lifted it to my groin before hoisting it to my shoulders and jerking it above my head. It was heavy, but I held firm, tightening my core under the strain. I only let out my breath when I tossed it to the floor, not caring when it bounced on the rubber matting.
Jake would kill me if he’d seen. He hated it when people tossed the weights around. It damaged them. Wore them out quicker. But I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to release it under control. I didn’t care. And Jake wasn’t here.
I hadn’t talked to Syn since I went over there. I’d thought maybe once she’d sobered up, she’d call, realizing what an ass she’d been. But so far, nothing. I was so confused. For a moment, she’d been so vulnerable. So exposed. She’d opened up and told me her story. She’d shown me her scars. And then everything had turned to shit.
Syn had gotten to every part of me. She was under my skin. In my blood. She resided in the synapses of my brain. And I couldn’t figure out why. It was like she actively fought any attraction she had to me to the point it had me questioning what I’d done wrong. It seemed like any time I seriously liked a girl, they found some reason to reject me. I’d made it pretty fucking obvious how I felt about her, but I never thought I’d pressured her. It wasn’t my style. I felt insulted that she thought I would even need to.
I’d hoped to see her at the gym today, but she missed her appointment. I’d waited for her, distracted from the person I was training, but she never appeared.
But it had at least given me time to think. And I knew one thing. As annoyed as I was with her, I didn’t want to lose her. Seeing her had become the highlight of my day. We rarely did anything exciting or much at all, but it didn’t matter. Just being around her made me happy, like we were meant to be. So I didn’t care what sort of relationship we had; all I knew was I wanted her in my life. Her friendship was worth discarding any thought of a romantic relationship. She was worth it. People had stuck by me in the past through issues I was facing; maybe it was my turn to stick by someone. And I was pretty sure there was more to her story than she’d told me.
Finishing up my workout, I drove home and dumped my bag on the floor. Jake’s apartment had come a long way in the last few months. We’d finished lining one of the walls we’d put up and splashed a little paint around the place. Jake and Amelia had picked out a few more pieces of furniture, but they were still arguing about where they’d live once the baby came. Jake wanted them to move into the apartment, which would mean I would be out of a place to live. Amelia wanted to stay at her place, despite Jake complaining it was too small and filled with her family. But that would mean Molly would be out of a place to live.
There was a knock on the door, and for a moment my stupid heart raced, hoping it was Syn. But it wasn’t. It was Dante, Tyler’s teenage son, standing there when I opened the door.
“Hey,” he said, wandering past me and into the apartment. “Want to play COD?”
I looked at my phone. No missed calls. No messages. Nothing. I could do with the distraction.
“Sure. Start it up, and I’ll be there after I have a shower.”
Dante plopped down on one of the beanbags in front of the large flat-screen TV and slung the headphones over his head. He often stayed with Tyler and Lauren on weekends when he wasn’t at boarding school. We’d spent many hours together, pushing buttons, firing guns, and yelling at the screen. He was a good kid.
I had a quick shower and checked my phone again. Still no missed calls. After pulling on a fresh t-shirt and jeans, I went back out and settled into the beanbag beside Dante, determined to lose myself in the game.
“Dude, my kill count absolutely wasted yours,” Dante said as my screen faded to black. “Are you off your game tonight or what?”
I punched his arm, and he laughed. The whirl of the elevator sounded, and I leapt to my feet.
“Expecting someone?” Dante asked. “Is it a girl?” He drew the word out teasingly.
“Shut up, you little fucker.”
I pulled the door open, and Lauren blinked back at me, surprised.
“Were you expecting someone?” she asked.
It was the first time I’d ever opened the door to find Lauren there and felt disappointment. She wasn’t the person I wanted to see. Syn was. For some reason, it felt like a revelation. I took a deep breath, letting the feeling spread over me like a wave of relief.
Lauren peered at me curiously as she stepped inside, before darting her eyes to Dante. “It’s time for dinner.”
“Five minutes,” he said without even looking in her direction.
Lauren sighed, then turned her attention to me. “Everything okay?”
“Yep.” I grinned stupidly.
She frowned. “Why are you acting so strange?”
“Because I was disappointed it was you at the door.”
Lauren crossed her arms. “I’m going to need a little more information than that.”
“I’ve sort of been seeing someone,” I started.
“Syn?”
“How’d you know?”
“Sadie,” we both said at the same time.
“And you thought it was her at the door?”
“I was hoping it was, but it was you.”
“And that made you disappointed,” Lauren said slowly, raising her brows. “Because I wasn’t her?”
“Well, yes. And no. It made me realize that I wanted to see her even more than I’ve ever wanted to see you.”
“And that’s a good thing?”
My brows knitted together. “It’s a very good thing.”
“So why are you frowning?”
“Because we’re just friends.” The refrain was getting old, even to me.
“And you want more,” Lauren said. Then she peered at me more intently, and her face twisted into concern. “But she hurt you.” She didn’t say it as a question.
I just hung my head and chewed on my bottom lip, not sure if Lauren was the right person to be discussing this with.
“I know that look, Gabe. I’ve been on the other end of it. I know what it looks like when you’re hurt. And you only ever get hurt by the people you love. You don’t let anyone else get close enough.”
I didn’t say anything.
Lauren reached out and rested her hand on my forearm. I stared at it. In the past, her touch would have driven me insane, but now it just left me numb.
“You need to tell her, Gabe. Even if she doesn’t feel the same way, at least you’d know.”
“I kind of did.”
“There should be no ‘kind of’ about it. Make it clear.”
“I think there’s a part of her that’s scared of getting hurt. She has a pretty fucked-up relationship with her ex,” I said, sidestepping the issue.
“More fucked up than ours?”
I had to laugh. “Not even close. Ours is hard to top.” I looked up at her. There was no caution in the way she was looking at me, and I could look at her and not feel pain. We weren’t meant to be together. I knew that. But it was only right now that instead of seeing the woman I once loved, I saw the woman my brother loved. My sister-in-law. Okay, so that thought made me feel a little sick, considering how close we’d once been.
“Her parents still love her ex,” I said.
Lauren rolled her eyes. “I know what that’s like.”
“He hurt her deeply. Maybe more than I even know. Maybe she’s scared too.”
“Too?” Lauren asked.
I didn’t answer. It had just slipped out. I was scared. Scared of getting hurt, scared of putting myself out there. I didn’t know if I could face rejection again.
Lauren removed her hand. A few months ago, it would have been enough to send me into some downward spiral. Now I could look up and return her smile.
“I know this sounds stupid since I’ve not known her that long, but—” I swallowed, rolling the words around in my head before voicing them. “But…” I lowered my voice as though scared someone might be listening. “I think she’s the one.”
Lauren’s brows shot skyward. “The one?” she whispered back.
I chewed on my bottom lip again and nodded. “I know it’s too early. I know it’s stupid to even consider it, but it’s like I can picture us, picture our future. Our two little girls with super-straight hair, Syn pregnant with the next, a dog barking because someone arrived at the front door. It’s all just there in my head like a memory I haven’t experienced yet.” I shook my head. “It’s stupid. And it’s messy. Her father used to be Hamish’s driver, and her whole family probably hates mine.”
“I take it things didn’t end well with the driver.”
“Do things ever end well for my father’s employees?”
“For what it’s worth, Gabe, remember you deserve to be happy. And if Syn makes you happy, you should go for it. Don’t let fear stop you. Don’t you have that tattoo that says, ‘Don’t die wondering?’ What if Syn is your wonder?”
I snorted, amused by her choice of words. I didn’t even know what she meant by it, but it sounded good. “She’s…” I hesitated. “She’s got issues.”
“We’ve all got issues.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“It can be if you let it. Tell her,” she urged. “Tell her exactly how you feel. You owe yourself that. The rest is up to her.”