26
EMERSYN
The elevator was down, so I had to climb the stairs to Jake’s apartment door. I stood with my hand raised, but I couldn’t bring myself to knock. I knew that if there was to be anything between us, I needed to come clean. I needed to tell him everything. And I wasn’t sure if I was prepared to accept the consequences of my confession.
The elation I’d felt from deleting all the articles was waning, replaced by fear. I stared at my hand, willing it forward, willing it to rap against the door, but nothing happened. I couldn’t help but imagine the expression on Gabe’s face when I came clean.
How would he react once he knew I had gone out of my way to befriend him? What would he think once he learned I’d been responsible for the things written about his family, even if I’d since deleted them?
I’m not sure how long I stood there frozen, but it was near midnight when the door burst open, and someone almost walked into me.
“Hey,” the boy said, peering at me in puzzlement. “Can I help you with something?”
I cleared my throat. “Um, I’m looking for Gabe?”
“Gabe!” the boy yelled back into the apartment. “Someone’s here for you.” He ducked past me, an amused look on his face as he made no attempt to hide the way he looked me up and down. “He’s in there. Just go on in. He won’t be long.”
I pushed the door, and it swung open with a creak.
“Hello?”
There was no answer.
“Hello?” I called out again, but once more, there was no reply.
The apartment was a strange mix of modern minimalism and a construction zone. The kitchen was mostly complete with shiny new appliances, but the bedroom walls were only half erected, leaving the space exposed to the rest of the apartment. There was a mattress on the floor, the blankets strewn and messy, and in front of the giant TV screen sat some beanbags and a stiff-looking new sofa. A trail of steam poured out from an open door—the bathroom, I assumed. I crept a little closer, peering through the open door to find Gabe in the shower, his body fully visible through the glass partition. He had his back to me, his hands buried in a lather of soap in his hair. Bubbles slipped down the golden skin of his back and legs, rivulets of water cutting between them.
I swallowed deeply, bracing myself against the almost violent rush of lust that swept through me. I didn’t remember ever feeling that way with Conrad. I recalled feeling excitement, and near the end, dread, but never this rush of desire so strong it was painful.
I was frozen, blatantly staring when he turned. He didn’t seem startled; instead, his eyes met mine briefly before he tipped his head back, letting the water flow through his hair as his hands pushed the bubbles away.
My gaze slipped from his face to the threads of his throat, to the contours of his collarbones. They followed the swells of his chest to the ridges of his abs and the glorious v-shaped dips that led to his groin.
I swear a small moan escaped as my gaze fell lower, and the blood rushed to my cheeks so intensely that I snapped my eyes back to his face, only to find him watching me.
Without saying a word, he turned off the water and stepped from the shower. He wrapped a towel around his waist without bothering to dry himself and walked to the doorway, leaning against it and crossing his arms.
I opened my mouth to say something, then snapped it shut again, my mind suddenly blank. It was hard to think with him standing there like that, looking the way he did. I’d fought so hard against my feelings for so long; now they almost overwhelmed me.
Gabe’s mouth twisted into a smirk.
My breath was shallow, and I began to feel a little lightheaded.
He lifted a brow in question.
“I—I—” I stuttered, finding that the words I’d so carefully practiced in my mind had vanished. Still, Gabe didn’t say anything; he just stood there expectantly, droplets of water sparkling from the lights above.
I took a step forward, then stopped myself. I couldn’t do this with him standing there, looking like that. Gabe smirked. I closed my eyes, but he remained burned in my vision, so I turned around, placing my back to him.
“I’m sorry about the other night,” I eventually said. “I kind of freaked out. I didn’t mean to. I—” I chewed on my lip, unsure what to say or how much to confess. “It wasn’t because I don’t like you in that way, because I do. I panicked.” I swallowed. “I haven’t been with anyone like that since Conrad, and, well, if I’m honest, I’m not sure I can trust my own judgment.” I hadn’t even realized that until I voiced it out loud. “In fact, I’ve only ever been with one person in my whole life, and you’re—” I paused. “You’re freaking Gabe Thornton.”
I waited for him to say something, but nothing but silence filled the apartment. I turned around. He hadn’t moved and was still standing there, leaning against the doorway, but his smirk was gone, and his expression was unreadable.
I took a deep breath, steeling myself, and continued. “I need to be honest with you.”
He stepped forward then, coming to stand right in front of me, so close that he took my breath away. I was sure he could hear the pounding of my heart. I was sure he could see the fine layer of sweat that had suddenly appeared all over my body.
“I—I—” Words fled my mind. All I could think about was what it would feel like to taste his lips. I swallowed and tried again. “I need to tell you…” I trailed off as he lowered his head, removing all but a fraction of space between us.
“What do you want , Syn?” he said, with such a delicious, gravelly tone to his voice that it made my insides clench.
My eyes dipped to his mouth. I wanted him to kiss me, but he kept that whisper of a distance between us. His blue eyes locked on mine, and it felt as though my chest was going to explode.
“You’re going to have to say it,” he said, his voice so low it was barely a whisper.
I swallowed. “I want you. All of you.”
He crushed his mouth against mine, and my hands moved to tangle in his damp hair. Gabe’s arms wrapped around me and cupped beneath my ass, lifting my body to crush against his. The way his mouth moved did things to my insides I didn’t think possible. The passion we had both felt for months blazed out of control. It consumed me. I became desperate for his touch, almost wanting to climb inside him as his mouth crashed against mine. It felt as if all the pent-up denial of our affection had finally erupted. My fingers clutched his hair, weaving through the damp strands. There was nothing between us, not even a whisper of our skin, but still, I craved more.
My breathing became ragged. I clawed at him wildly, wanting to explore every inch of his body. All the restrained anguish of my previously denied feelings spilled from me violently.
Somehow, while still holding me, Gabe’s hands grabbed the hem of my shirt, and I lifted my arms, allowing him to toss the material aside. Then I dove against his mouth again, not wanting a second to pass without his lips on mine. A low moan escaped him, and I thought I’d die right there and then from the sound of it. I’d never made someone make a sound like that before. It was one of torment and tenderness, yearning and need.
“We can go slow,” Gabe said, mistaking the way I pulled back for something other than the need to see him.
I gripped his face again. “I don’t want to.” I shook my head. “I feel like I’ve been waiting for this to happen for a long time, and I don’t want to stop.”
“Good,” he grunted as he walked us to the mattress on the floor and lowered me onto it. “Because I’ve wanted you for so long now it hurts.” I waited for him to cover my body with his own, but instead, he just stood there and stared at me.
For a moment, I just lay there with my eyes squeezed shut. I knew he was looking at my scars. They were fully exposed to him, and even though I didn’t want to be the type to worry about what he might think, I still did.
“Syn,” he said gently. “Syn, open your eyes.”
When I did, he was staring straight at me. Not at my body. Not at my scars. Just deep into my eyes. He held my gaze as he lowered himself over me, his hand brushing over my shoulder before trailing his fingers down my arm. I bit my lip, knowing he’d feel the rough patches of skin.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he whispered. He lowered his head and kissed one of my scars. Then he kissed my forehead, my nose, my cheeks, my mouth, trailing down over my chin, my jawline, my neck, until I’d forgotten all about my scars and was writhing and moaning in anticipation.
My need for him returned with a vengeance, and I grabbed the towel around his waist and pulled it aside. I sucked in a breath as I wrapped my hand around his length. He was hard and thick. His eyes rolled back in his head for a moment, then his mouth returned to my skin, tongue sweeping across my breast until he sucked my nipple through the lace.
Impatiently, I let go of him to slip the straps of my bra down and tossed the offending material aside. Gabe’s gaze fell to my freed breasts, and his eyes darkened. He licked his lips with the smallest of motions, and something clenched deep within me.
Then he took a deep breath and trailed his nose between the swells, causing my back to arch as though he controlled my body with a single string. With the tip of his nose, he continued his leisurely descent down my body, sliding across to kiss the single red blotch of skin on my side. I lifted my hips as he nipped his teeth against the material of my underwear. He tugged them down, over my thighs, past my knees, and down my calves until he finally pulled them over my ankles. Then he stood, my underwear still between his teeth and his perfect body on full display.
Every inch of him was flawless. His skin somehow glistened in the light. The dips and swells of his muscles were perfectly defined. I envied the way the tail ends of the letters of his tattoo licked the side of his torso. I wanted to taste them. I wanted to be them.
He let my underwear drop to the floor. “I’ve thought about this moment so many times,” he whispered.
“Me too,” I whispered back.
He smirked. “I better not disappoint then.”
“I don’t think that’s possible,” I breathed as my eyes scanned over him, almost in disbelief at the perfection of him.
Gabe climbed on top of me slowly, his eyes never leaving mine. There was no urgency in our actions anymore. There was almost a hushed sense of wonder. He touched his lips to mine ever so slightly, and I resisted the urge to wrap my arms around him and crush him closer. But I didn’t want to break this spell, this sense of marvel. Lowering himself, Gabe splayed himself over my body. Feet intertwined, thigh to thigh, stomach to stomach, chest to chest, lips to lips. The hardness of him dug into me as he gently rocked. It was as though his desperation to be inside me couldn’t be stilled.
“You sure about this?” Gabe asked, his mouth brushing against my ear.
“Yes.” I wanted him more than I’d wanted anything before. I didn’t think this sort of need was possible. I’d laughed when I’d read about the desperation women felt, thinking it was only reserved for romance novels and corny movies. But this was proving me wrong. Gabe was proving me wrong.
Reaching between us, Gabe took himself in his hand. I tilted my hips, eager to help him guide himself into me when he stopped. His forehead fell to mine, and he uttered the word, “Shit.”
“What?” I asked, literally grinding myself against him.
He pulled himself away, falling back to rest on his knees, and ran his hand through his hair. His cock prodded out front, and I resisted the temptation to grab it and use it to pull him back to me like some sort of handle.
“What?” I said again, propping myself up on my elbows.
Gabe grinned sheepishly. “I don’t have a condom.” He looked around the room as though one might suddenly appear. “Maybe Jake’s got one here.” He scratched his chin. “Amelia’s pregnant. He’s not going to have one. I guess I could go ask Tyler…” He let his voice trail off, not finishing his thought. “We could just fool around?” He raised a single brow.
I sat up and wrapped my arms around his neck. “I’m on birth control, you idiot.”
A flash of hope flickered in his expression. “But still…” He chewed his bottom lip, and I reached up and tugged, pulling him down on top of me.
“I need you,” I said, nibbling on his ear. “Now.”
Gabe moaned again. The sound reverberated between my thighs, leaving me trembling. I let my legs fall open, and Gabe adjusted himself so his cock rubbed against my slickness. He rocked like that, his hands caressing my face, his eyes scanning mine as though searching for something, until finally, he tilted his hips, and the tip of him rested against my entrance.
I couldn’t help the sharp gasp that escaped when he entered me. It wasn’t a gasp of surprise or pain. It was a gasp of fulfillment. But Gabe still looked at me, alarmed.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m wonderful,” I sighed, pulling his lips to mine again.
We kissed as we fucked. Gentle and methodical, slowly building up the pace until our need overtook our actions. Gabe's hands bunched the sheet beneath us. The cords of his neck strained. His hair fell like a curtain around us, and I wound my fingers into it, scraping them along his scalp and tugging at the roots.
The pressure began to mount. I’d had this feeling before. Once. Once when I allowed my mind to wander. Once when I’d imagined I was with him. But it hadn’t been this intense. My heart pounded. I felt as though I wanted to crawl out of my skin and into his. My flesh beaded with sweat. The sensation inside me grew and grew until it all became too much. Stars burst behind my eyes. Some sort of guttural sound pushed its way out of my mouth. My entire body tensed, arching off the bed until finally, I collapsed back onto the mattress. I wasn’t even aware that Gabe had finished too.
He lay on top of me, panting, our chests rising and falling in unison.
“Wow,” he said after what seemed like minutes of nothing but pounding hearts, rapid breathing, and cooling skin.
I’d orgasmed before. At least, I thought I had. It hadn’t happened with Conrad; it had only happened by myself. Now, I was left wondering if it had ever actually happened at all.
Nothing had been like that.
Nothing.
Ever.
Even with Gabe’s flesh still pressed against mine, my skin tingled. It was as though nerve cells had been awakened that had lain dormant for years.
Was sex always this good? Or was this merely a result of the denial I’d been in, pushing back all the passion I’d felt for Gabe?
“Wow,” Gabe uttered again. He rose onto his elbows, ready to pull himself out, but I clutched his back, tugging him against me again.
“Not yet,” I pleaded with him. He was still semi-hard, and I wasn’t ready to feel the emptiness. In response, Gabe let his head fall to my chest, crushing my breasts. I danced my fingers over his back, trailing over the lines of his shoulders, the cut of his blades, the indentations of his ribs.
We didn’t talk.
We just lay there.
Breathing.
Touching.
All I wanted was to do it again. I needed to know whether the intensity of that sensation was something unique to Gabe or if it was a one-off. Because if it was something I could expect again, Gabe was going to have a difficult time keeping me off him.
After a few minutes of trailing my fingers across his skin, Gabe tilted his head upward, sliding his body across mine until our mouths met. It was a gentle kiss. An exploratory kiss. One where our tongues collided, and our lips slid over each other’s as though we were mapping the contours.
Gabe’s hands found their way to the softness of my breasts again. His cock stirred within me. He started rocking. He cupped my cheek as he lifted to his elbows, using the leverage to increase the depth of his thrusts.
And it happened again.
It uncoiled slowly, building pressure in time with his thrusts, but then it whipped, sending a bolt of electricity through me so quickly that Gabe didn’t have the chance to explode with me. He watched me intently as I came undone. His eyes held softness, but his mouth was twisted into the slightest smirk of amusement.
I blinked rapidly as though waking from a deep slumber, confusion about where I was and how I got here rippling around the edges of my awareness.
“You okay?” he asked again, holding himself still.
“I think so.” If I was honest, I wasn’t sure. Every inch of me still throbbed, but in an exhausted yet satisfied way. “Um,” I said, feeling nervous. “Was that, ah, normal?”
Gabe stroked a strand of hair across my forehead, removing it from where it was trapped in my eyelashes. “I think you’re the only one who can answer that.”
“Okay. Well, I’ve never felt that . . . that…” I didn’t know how to voice it.
“You’ve never come before?” One of Gabe’s brows rose with curiosity.
“I thought I had.” I frowned. “I think I might have been wrong. This was different. It was more intense.”
“You’re very sensitive,” Gabe rubbed his thumb across the pad of my lower lip, his eyes following the movement.
I covered my eyes, hiding from him. “I’m sorry. I just couldn’t help it. I was fine, and then the next second—”
Gabe peeled my hands away. “It’s nothing you need to apologize for. If I can make you come like that with barely touching you…” He grinned.
“Barely touching me? You were—you are—inside me, Gabe.”
Lowering his head, he took the lobe of my ear into his mouth and bit ever so gently.
I gasped.
“Oh, the fun we’re going to have,” he whispered, his breath hot against my neck. He kissed me, laying a quick peck on the tip of my nose, and then pulled himself out. His cock glistened with my arousal.
“What about you?” I asked, noting how hard he still was.
Gabe smirked lopsidedly. “Oh, I’m not done with you yet.”