Chapter 54
CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR
preston
I’ve wandered into fantasyland—only better, because this is actually my life now. And it’s so good I half expect someone to pull the rug out from under me if I dare say it out loud.
Lily’s birthday is this weekend, and I’m about to risk a conversation I’m not sure she’s ready for. But I’ll test the waters anyway, since she’s the sovereign of all my kingdoms, imaginary or otherwise, and nothing moves forward without my daughter’s decree.
Dinner went on longer than usual, laughter stretching the meal way past Lily’s bedtime.
I suggest we split night duties—Mia tackling the messy kitchen while I put Lily to bed.
She runs upstairs, Little Miss Independent, and I make my lazy way there, after kissing Mia slowly enough to make her swoon. Audibly.
I find my kid in her pajamas, the top inside out, hair sticking every which way after undoing her own braids, already tucked under the covers.
I sit on the edge of her bed, smoothing the blanket over her legs, while the question claws its way up my throat.
“Sunshine,” I start carefully, “how’s therapy with Dr. Lark going? We haven’t talked about that for a while.”
“It’s good. I like her. She has nicer dolls than I do, you know? I got to play with the new vet Barbie there last week.”
I laugh at the dig and make a mental note for the extra birthday present.
“Great to hear. Remember that I’m always here to listen to you too, okay? You can always talk to me.”
“I know.” She says it without hesitation, looking at me with a steadiness that squeezes something deep in my chest. We smile at each other, then I tickle her into a fit of giggles.
The melody begs the question. How did I ever let myself miss this?
How did I convince myself that work was worth the trade?
“So…” I shift on the mattress, smoothing the blanket again, trying to line my words up before I speak. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask. You can tell me if it’s too weird, okay?”
She nods, perfectly at ease, sinking deeper in bed, while I silently run through the differences between an anxiety attack and an actual heart attack.
I clear my throat and quit stalling. “How would you feel if I… started dating again?”
Her head tilts, all serious eyes and scrunched nose. “You mean like… a girlfriend?”
“Yeah. Something like that.” The air goes still, waiting for her answer.
She shrugs, casual as if I’d just asked which socks for the day. “That’s fine. But…” She lifts a finger.
Oh fuck.
“Can I choose?”
My pulse stutters. So does my voice. “Ch-choose?”
“Yep. I want to pick. I already know who.”
Of course I’m curious, but this could end in fireworks or carnage. She can choose the woman I’m falling for. If she names her nanny, I’m throwing my kid up in the air, and we’re going out to buy a lottery ticket.
Or, bile rises up my throat, she could name her favorite auntie, and I’ll projectile vomit on top of my firstborn and only daughter.
Or… a darker voice, from the corner where my worst fears reside, whispers that she might ask for her mom back, and I’d have nothing left to give her but splinters.
Either way, I can’t stop sweating, and smearing my pants isn’t off the table.
Unlike me, Lily doesn’t hesitate.
“Duh, Dad. Isn’t it obvious? Mia!” Lily kicks her feet under the blanket.
“She makes you smile way more than you did before, like, way more, and she makes me laugh so hard my tummy hurts. She does all those funny voices when she reads. Remember the dragon one? That’s the best. And she’s really, really good at Go Fish.
Better than you.” She pokes me, grin turning sassy.
“And the house isn’t quiet all the time now, it’s…
fun. And Mia listens to me, like, really listens.
And she never forgets ‘no crusts’ on my sandwiches.
And she even sings the silly songs I make up, even if they don’t rhyme.
” She takes a fast little breath in, then snuggles deeper into her pillow, her voice soft but certain.
“She just… belongs here. With us. Don’t you think? ”
Fuck. There goes Lily, observant and wise beyond her years, rattling off truth like it’s the ABCs. I press a hand over hers, desperate for steady ground. When I find my voice, it comes out rough.
“I do, Lil. I really do.”
Lily yawns, already rolling to her side. “Don’t mess it up, Dad. I choose Mia. Go ask her to be your girlfriend.”
When I flick off the lights, I’m more convinced than ever that our home’s been rezoned to dreamland. Then I step into the hall, and there’s Mia. Toothpaste foam coats her wide-open mouth, toothbrush dangling from her hand. One look at her and it’s clear she heard every word.
I approach with caution, and she doesn’t budge. I pluck the toothbrush from her hand, return it to the bathroom, and when I come back, she’s still rooted to the spot. Mouth wiped clean now, eyes sparkling with unshed tears. Awe and panic flicker in there.
“Guess eavesdropping’s kind of our thing, right?” I joke, hoping to pull her out of her stunned silence. It doesn’t work.
“I love her so much,” she whispers, staring at Lily’s door. One lone tear escapes her effort and falls.
“I know. But thanks for saying it out loud.”
I weave my fingers through hers, tugging her softly toward the stairs. Her grip falters, as if one more step might make it all too real. As if she’s holding something back.
“Lily’s blessing is the only green light I’ll ever need. And now we have it.”
She doesn’t answer, her mind already somewhere far away.
Quiet settles between us—hope on my side, hesitation on hers—and I can only pray Lily’s words hit where mine couldn’t. Hope that she’ll stop fighting the inevitable—us—soon enough.
I need to tug again, coaxing a small step from her. “Come to bed, Trouble. My daughter wants me to ask you something.”