Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
A fter a few hours of restless sleep and a lot of time spent cleaning every nook and cranny in the Carriage House, Lizzie made her way to the inn’s kitchen just as the rising sun cast a soft morning glow over the lake. She was back in her favorite jeans and flannel shirt, with her hair in a ponytail and last night’s pain buried somewhere deep in her chest.
She found Carrie in the kitchen leaning against the sink with a cup of coffee in one hand and her phone in the other.
“Good morning,” Lizzie muttered and shuffled to the coffee pot.
“‘Morning.” Carrie yawned. “That’s quite the set of bags you’re carting around under your eyes.”
Lizzie poured coffee into a cup, added cream, took a cautious sip, and avoided the unspoken question. “Want me to take the tray up to the bride and groom?”
“Nah. Carter will take it in a few minutes. He has practice today.” Carrie narrowed her eyes. “So what’s up? You aren’t usually here for this part. ”
Lizzie shrugged. “Nothing. Just up, that’s all.”
“Uh-huh.” Carrie narrowed her eyes in suspicion.
Lizzie took another sip of coffee.
“Okay. I get it.” Carrie breathed the long, drawn-out sigh of a long-suffering friend. “You’re not ready to talk about it yet. That’s fine. I can wait. I’m notoriously patient.”
Lizzie snorted at that. “I didn’t think you even knew the word patient.”
“Of course I do. I’ve even been patient once or twice. But I’ll let you wake up before I badger you. I’m considerate like that.” Carrie grinned.
“Thanks,” Lizzie said. “I love it when you show restraint.”
“No, you don’t.” Carrie sauntered to the coffee pot and poured more into her cup. “Oh, the key for the Rose Room is back in your desk.”
Lizzie started. “What?”
“I found it on the island. I figured Renic had an early flight. It’s a long drive to Rochester.” Carrie took another sip of coffee. “Mmm, I love this blend. Rich and chocolatey.
“Renic left?” Lizzie couldn’t wrap her head around that. She’d expected him to check out at some point today. She’d been up all night wondering what she’d say when he left. She hadn’t anticipated he’d run out in the middle of the night. It just didn’t fit. Renic never ran from anything.
Carrie eyed her from over the rim of her cup. “He didn’t say goodbye?”
She sighed into her cup. “No.”
“Oh.” Carrie lowered her cup. “I take it the office chat didn’t go so well. Sure you don’t want to talk about it?”
Lizzie stared at the marble island. “There’s nothing to talk about. He had to get back to work. So do I. The bride and groom are set to leave by eleven, and then we have the teardown. ”
Lizzie set her cup in the sink and walked to the office door before Carrie spoke again.
“Lizzie?”
She glanced over her shoulder. The look of concern on her friend’s face almost undid the tight rope of control she had wrapped around her heart.
“I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”
Lizzie shrugged. “No big deal.”
“Uh-huh.” Carrie sipped her coffee and watched her with a knowing look in her eyes.
Lizzie quietly shut the door to her office.
“I made the right decision. It’s for the best,” she told the empty room.
The clothes were gone, and the uniforms were all stuffed into a laundry bag. Someone had picked the papers up off the floor and placed them in a pile on the corner of the desk. It would take her hours to organize them, but at least it gave her something to do that didn’t involve thinking about Renic.
A knock at the door nearly startled her out of her chair. The sky had changed colors from dawn gold to brilliant blue, and the pile of papers was once again neatly split up into stacks of invoices, to-do lists, and future event plans.
“Come in.”
The door flung open, and Carter sauntered in. His hands were shoved in his jeans pockets, and he was doing his best to look casual, but Lizzie could tell something was on his mind by the way he didn’t meet her gaze. “Hey, Lizzie. The lovebirds are gone. Want me to take down the lights?”
She glanced at her phone. It was eleven thirty. She’d spent the entire morning planning events that wouldn’t happen until next year instead of finishing up the one that ended last night. “I’ll help.”
Lizzie followed Carter to the barn and helped him carry plastic storage bins to the backyard. The two of them methodically moved from one bush to another, pulling down lights and wrapping them carefully around wood panels before placing them neatly in the bins.
Last night’s tension eased a little as they worked. It was a beautiful day, and Carter kept up a running commentary about his football practice, school in general, and about how he was thinking of changing his major.
“Why? What’s wrong with marketing?” Lizzie started to wrap another set of lights onto a panel.
Carter moved the ladder over a few feet and climbed up to get one of the higher strings down. “It’s okay, but the classes are graphics oriented, and I think a finance degree will help more with running the winery.”
Lizzie watched him balance one foot in a way only an athlete could manage. “Running the winery?”
“Yeah. I mean, I can’t let Mark do it all by himself. He’d screw it up. He doesn’t have my natural talent with numbers.”
Lizzie smiled up at him. “True. His talents are with the wine. It takes both to run a business. I just didn’t think you wanted to.”
“After a year of college, it doesn’t seem like such a bad thing. I mean, you make it all look easy.” He dropped the string of lights to the ground and climbed down the ladder. “So is that dude coming back or what?”
She shifted her gaze. “No.”
Carter huffed. “Dude was all over you, then just disappears. That’s so not cool.”
“He has work to do.” Lizzie put the lid on the first bin of lights and locked it into place. “Just like the rest of us.”
“Yeah, well, if it was me, I’d stick around.” Carter looked away. “I just think you deserve better.”
Lizzie wasn’t sure what to say to that, so she busied herself with another string of lights instead. She didn’t notice that Carter had moved so close to her until he reached out to pull the lights from her hands.
His intensely earnest gaze locked on hers. “I could be that guy. I would treat you so much better than he ever would. I wouldn’t run. I’d stay by your side. Always.”
“Oh, Carter. You are a sweet, wonderful man.” The longing in his eyes nearly broke her heart. Renic had been right. Carter did have a crush on her. He was sincere, kind, and would make some girl very happy one day. “I’m so flattered. But I’m not the girl for you.”
His shoulders dropped. “Why not?”
“You’re too young, for one thing.” She tilted her head, considering. “Although the other side of that is more true. I’m too old.”
He scoffed at that. “No, you’re not.”
“I am, Carter. You know I am. Your life is just starting. You have the entire world ahead of you, and you deserve to spend it with someone who’s experiencing it the same way you are.”
“What if I don’t want that?” Carter looked at the ground somewhere near her feet. “What if what I want is you?”
Lizzie took a deep breath. “I think of you and Mark as the brothers I never had. We’re a family, and I love you. But not that way. Do you understand?”
“Yeah. Okay.” Carter picked up the finished bin. “I’ll take this back to the barn.”
“Carter,” she called after him.
He didn’t look back.
Had she encouraged him without even realizing it? Her heart hurt. She should have noticed his crush sooner. Let him down more gently.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered .
Tears bubbled in her eyes and spilled over as she tugged at the next string of lights. She felt horrible. She’d broken Carter’s heart. She’d said awful, horrible, bitchy things to Renic, and worse, the reasons for her behavior felt flimsy and weak.
She sat on the top step of the stairs that led to Lookout Point and wiped at the tears that refused to stop. She couldn’t look at the daybed without picturing that magical night with Renic. Maybe she’d just leave the lights up.
Footsteps crunched on the gravel path behind her. She glanced over her shoulder and saw Della coming toward her in a white sweater, long, brown suede skirt, and tall boots.
Lizzie sniffed and hurriedly dried her eyes. “Having fun in my closet, I see,” she called out in a cheerful voice that was too high-pitched and wobbly.
Della flashed a big smile. “Well, Jordanna only brought me enough for a weekend. Besides, I look good in this, even if I had to roll it up at the waist. It was way too long.”
“That’s what you get for stealing my clothes, short stuff.”
“I’m not short. You just have bird legs.” Della sat down on the step next to Lizzie. “What’s up with Carter? I passed by him on the way over and he looked miserable.”
Lizzie grimaced. “He has a crush on me.”
“I know. Everyone knows. You mean you didn’t?”
Lizzie shook her head but didn’t comment. She didn’t trust herself to speak about it yet.
Della looked thoughtful. “Let me guess. He confessed his love and you told him he’s too young for you, right? He’ll find someone his own age, you’re in love with someone else, you love him but not like that? That’s usually what I tell them. Well, except for the young part. I usually tell them they’re too old for me, even if they’re not.”
Lizzie considered her sister. “You do that a lot? ”
“Enough.” Della shrugged. “It goes with the job, really. I’m building a fantasy on stage, you know? The song, the clothes, the dancing. It all takes the audience away from the world for a while. It’s not surprising that some of them would like to stay with the girl they think they see.”
Lizzie nodded. “Good point.”
They watched the boats sail by on the lake below in companionable silence for a few minutes. The pain in Lizzie’s heart dulled to an ache that left her tired and lonely, despite the company.
“Carrie said Renic went back to the city,” Della said.
Lizzie stared at the water. “Yes.”
“He didn’t say goodbye.”
“No.” Why did that simple statement of fact hurt so much?
Della wrapped her arms around her knees and laid her head down. “He wants me back in the city for a big meeting on Wednesday.”
Of course he did. He’d want Della back in the city as soon as possible, before she had time to change her mind. “Okay. You need a ride to the airport?”
“Nah. I have a car coming. I figure it’ll be better for you if I’m seen driving away from here. It’ll lure the cameras away.” Della glanced sideways at her. “So was I right? Are you in love with someone else?”
Lizzie put an arm around her sister’s shoulders and squeezed. “I love you, Dell Bell.”
Della pushed her away. “You know what I mean. We all know you two hooked up the other night. You weren’t exactly quiet.”
Lizzie’s cheeks turned instantly hot. “You heard us?”
Della laughed. “Not me. I had headphones on. But Carter did. ”
Lizzie groaned. “No wonder he said something today.”
“Yeah. Poor guy. You know, you could do worse.” Della nudged her shoulder.
“Della!” Lizzie gaped at her. “He’s like a younger brother to me. Emphasis on young.”
“Just kidding!” Della giggled. “But it’s not like you’ve been dating anybody else. Carrie says you haven’t been out with anyone since you moved here. Why is that?”
Lizzie gestured at the house behind them. “I’m busy getting this place running.”
Della glanced at it. “Seems pretty put together to me.”
“Looks are deceiving. It needs a lot of work. There’s a whole wing that hasn’t been renovated, and plumbing that needs to be updated, and the outbuildings that should be converted and—”
Della waved the to-do list away with the flick of one hand. “Give me a break. That’s everyday stuff, and none of it would keep you from dating.”
“There’s no time for men when plumbing is involved.” Lizzie thought about the Rose Room covered in water. “No money either.”
Della huffed. “I call full-load bullcrap on that. Renovations are not the reason you’ve been ignoring all the eligible bachelors throwing themselves at your feet. You love Renic.”
Lizzie opened her mouth to tell her that wasn’t at all true, and even if it was, it didn’t matter, but Della cut her off.
“Don’t bother denying it, Lizard Breath. I know you too well. I saw how you looked at him. I’ve heard how he talks about you . He asks about you every time he calls me. He has a picture of you in his office. Did you know that?”
“I’m sure it’s a picture of all of us, not just me, and I’m not denying anything. I’m telling you how it is.” Lizzie wasn’t used to getting lectured by any of her sisters, especially not the baby of the family. “We had a moment. It’s over.”
Della scoffed. “That’s not why you shoved him out the door and you know it. You don’t trust him. You think he might treat you the same way your ex-jackass did.”
“I didn’t shove him out the door. He left.” She frowned at the lake. “He had to go back to work.”
“Sure you didn’t.” Della’s voice was thick with sarcasm. “After having mind-blowing sex with the woman he’s been in love with for years he ran out the door in the middle of the night all on his own with no prompting whatsoever.”
Lizzie glared at her. “I didn’t make him leave. He walked out on his own. Believe it or not, your choice.”
“After you said what, exactly?”
Hot prickles ran up the back of her neck. “I pointed out that his life is out there and mine is here, and that I wasn’t going to be a convenient layover.”
“Oh my God. Lizzie. You did not tell him that.”
“It’s the truth, Della. I don’t want that life anymore, and he can’t leave it. So it really doesn’t matter if he loves me. It wouldn’t work out anyway.” Tears welled up in her eyes again. She turned her face away and wrapped her arms around the box of lights in her lap. “I said what I had to say to make him understand.”
Della put a soft hand on her shoulder. “He told you he loves you? He said the words?”
Lizzie sniffed and nodded. “Just threw them at me, actually. He said, ‘I love you, isn’t that enough.’”
“Finally. And you said…,” Della prompted.
“I said no. That I had a life here, and I don’t need him. And I don’t.” A tear spilled out, followed by another. “I’m doing just fine. ”
Della sighed. “Oh, Lizzie. You know, for being the oldest you sure suck at the whole relationship thing.”
“As if you’re any better.” She scrubbed the tears off her cheeks. “Your relationships never last past the next party.”
Della gave her a hard stare that was very unlike her. “Maybe not. But I know if I had the chance at love with a man like Renic I wouldn’t let it walk out the door without a fight.”
“Just drop it, Dell, okay?” Lizzie stood up and brushed off her jeans. She needed out of this conversation and away from anything to do with Renic. “I have to finish cleaning up. Are you leaving today or tomorrow?”
“Stop changing the subject and answer the question.” Della stood up and faced off against her. “Do you love him?”
Lizzie’s jaw clenched so tight it felt like a tooth would split. “It. Doesn’t. Matter.”
Della stomped her foot. “It does matter. I know dickface really screwed you over, and I know that’s why you left the music business behind. Well, that, and I suppose me going solo was a convenient excuse. But it’s been over three years, and you’ve set up a new life. So if you’re still using him as an excuse to push people away that’s just pathetic.”
“Screw you.” Lizzie’s cheeks heated up again, this time from anger instead of embarrassment. “What do you know about it. You’re out there without a care in the world, so excuse me if some of us have responsibilities.”
Della huffed out an impatient breath. “I think we’ve already established that I do care. I screwed up, and I’m sorry, and I came here to tell you that and to try and fix my mistake. I’m owning up to it, which is more than I can say for you right now.”
“What’s your point? ”
“If you turn your back on Renic again, you won’t get another chance with him. That’s my freaking point.”
They glared at each other while a lot of unspoken words swirled between them.
“I’m not the one who left, Del.”
“Yes, you did. You always do.” Della’s expression softened. “When it comes to your own life, you hide. You never let us know when you’re really hurting. You’ve always been strong for us. You are the mother I never had, and I love you. But we’re all grown up now. It’s time you put yourself first.”
“That’s why I’m here.” She gestured at the inn. “This is me, first.”
“No it isn’t,” Della rolled her eyes. “It’s them first. Don’t think I haven’t noticed why you did it. You saw Mark and Carter and their broken family, and you decided to fix it since you couldn’t fix your own.”
“That’s not what I did.” She glared at Della. “And I’m done being psychoanalyzed by my baby sister who is so messed up she torpedoed her own career.”
“Yes, it is,” Della pushed on. “You’ve been blaming Renic all this time for splitting up our family. But here’s the truth, Lizard Breath. He didn’t do it. I did.”
“You worry about your own life and butt out of mine.” Lizzie blinked as Della’s words finally sank in. “Wait, what?”
“I started to tell you this at least a dozen times, but I couldn’t do it.” Della hugged herself. “It was easy to just let it slide because you were here and I was off doing other things, and I didn’t have to see the look on your face every time his name was mentioned. That’s the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the unvarnished, too-little-too-late facts.”
Della laughed, and it was a soft, bitter sound that Lizzie didn’t like at all.
“What do you mean it was you? ”
“Going solo was my idea, not his. After Renic started Self Evident, I begged him to take me on as a solo artist. It was me. All me.” Della patted her chest to emphasize her point. “He argued against it, actually.”
Lizzie looked at her sister, dumbfounded. Of all the things she’d expected to hear, this wasn’t even on the top ten list. “ You begged him?”
Della stared at her with worried eyes. “I’m sorry, Lizzie. I should have told you years ago. I should have told you that day, before you cut Renic out of your life.”
“Why didn’t you?” The anger drained out of her like water down a bathtub, leaving her empty and numb.
“After you left, Mattie vanished. Piper refused to talk to me. I was alone. So very alone. I thought I would never see any of you, ever again. It felt awful.” Della swallowed. “But you came back, and you hugged me so tight. You were angry with him , not me. I realized he’d covered for me so that you wouldn’t hate me, and I was so grateful that I just couldn’t tell you it was all my fault.”
Della’s eyes glistened with unshed tears. “I couldn’t lose my best friend. My big sister. You’re the rock. You’re the place I run to when everything goes wrong and if I didn’t have you…I’m so sorry, Lizzie. I was a selfish asshole, and I screwed up your chance at happiness because I was an idiot.”
“Oh, Della.” Lizzie gathered her baby sister into her arms and squeezed.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Della hiccuped a sob into Lizzie’s shoulder.
“Shh. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.” Della cried while Lizzie soothed her hair and swayed back and forth. “You couldn’t lose me if you tried, Dell Bell. You’re my sister. We have each other, now and always. No matter what.”
A long time later, they sat back down on the stone step and leaned into each other. The sun had inched below the horizon, and the warmth of the day had faded.
Della sniffed and wiped at her face. “I’m not saying you should abandon your life here, but this place will be okay without you for a few days, or weeks.”
“Not during wedding season it won’t.” Lizzie huffed out a laugh.
“Mark and Carter are both fantastic, and Carrie is a force of nature. They’ll be just fine for a little bit without you. It’s time to stop blaming Renic for my choices, and it’s time to stop pushing him away just because you’re scared of being hurt again.”
Lizzie felt the tears bubble back up in her eyes again and looked away.
“He’s a good man,” Della said in a soft voice. “The best I’ve ever met. He cares about us like we were his own family, despite every stupid thing I’ve done to screw us up. And he loves you. He’s loved you for a really long time.”
Della put her hands on Lizzie’s shoulders and turned her until they faced each other. “You love him. Whatever you said to him to push him away hasn’t changed that.”
A wave of regret tightened Lizzie’s throat. She put her face in her hands. “I was so horrible to him.”
“He’ll forgive you.”
“What if he doesn’t?” She could barely push the words out.
Della rubbed her back. “Then he wouldn’t deserve you. But you’ll never know, unless you talk to him.”
“Maybe you’re right.” She uncovered her face gave her sister a watery smile. “I’ll think about it.”
“Oh, I know I’m right. Just glad you recognize it.” Della glanced at her phone. “I said I’d help Carrie with dinner. Want to join us? ”
The last thing Lizzie wanted right now was family dinner with Carter. “I’m going to finish up here.”
“Seriously? You’re still worried about the lights?” Della stood up and turned toward the house. “Can’t they wait until tomorrow?”
Lizzie glanced at the winery where Carter and Mark lived, then back at Della. “No.”
Della frowned, then her gaze flicked toward Lookout Point, and understanding flickered across her face. “Okay. See you inside.”
The twinkle lights kicked on, but Lizzie didn’t move.
She pictured what life might be like with Renic. Summer nights under the lights. Winter evenings by the fire. Music in out-of-the-way places. Lying in his arms in the backseat of his car, or here at the inn, or maybe his place in the city.
How long could they keep up that kind of life?
Would Renic leave her the way her ex had?
Would her heart ever recover if he did?
Should she take that chance?
She hugged her knees to her chest and waited for the answers to all her questions, but they never came.