Chapter Fourteen #2
God, why does he continue to push me instead of getting the fuck out of here for his own safety? Does he have no concept of self-preservation? My fists ball instinctively, and it takes every bit of me to restrain myself from cold-clocking him. Instead, I manage a weak nod.
He stands, pacing around the room with his hands on his hips.
He huffs out a little laugh, but there’s no mirth in it.
Only the bitterness that comes with being hurt.
Finally, he stops and clears his throat.
“So, you let Trista-Lynn fuck you—I mean, duh, Taryn—but what? Is this because I’m a guy?
You said you were bi, but how do you know?
Just from watching two men throw each other around on the TV screen?
Have you actually ever done anything with any other men? ”
Finally, I snap. I launch off the sofa and stalk to the other side of the open space, that way he’s well out of my reach.
“I don’t have to fuck someone to know that I’m attracted to them, Gannett.
And, for the record, the only other man’s hands that have been on me, weren’t there by my own choosing,” I seethe.
My heart gallops and I struggle to take air into my lungs.
The blind rage, mixed with pure panic, now feels like they’re strangling every organ inside my body and locking every muscle under my scorched-feeling skin.
Gannett’s jaw slackens. The moment realization hits, evident in every feature of his handsome face. When his eyes flick up to mine, there’s nothing but pure malice in his voice when he simply asks, “Who?”
All I can do is shake my head. Shame and embarrassment add to the tempest of emotions battering my head and chest.
“Who, Gordy?” he asks again, his voice laden with gravel. Rage, that I didn’t think he was capable of, rolling off him like smoke. “I swear to god, I’ll fuckin’ kill hi—”
“You can’t, because he’s already fucking dead!
” I snap back, my chest heaving, white-knuckling the countertop I’m leaning against. “Marlin, alright? The motherfucker found out I liked guys, and he thought that by fuckin’ touching me, he’d get me—I don’t know—convert me or something.
All he did was leave me fearing another man’s hands on me, but it didn’t stop me from finding men attractive.
At this point, you have everything! Are you fuckin’ happy now? !” I roar.
The constriction around my chest tightens even more, and my vision starts to tunnel.
“No, I’m not fucking happy!” he barks back.
“I mean, yes, I’m glad you trusted me enough to tell me, but Gordy—that’s fucking horrible!
Beyond horrible! I don’t even know a word big enough to describe how fuckin’ badly I want to make him pay for how much he hurt you!
” his voice cracks, and that’s when I see it again: the pity.
“Don’t,” I grit out, spinning away so I don’t have to see that look on his face anymore. I grip the counter again, my arms bracketing the sink, because I feel nausea roiling within me. “Don’t fucking look at me like that.”
As I attempt to suck in a few calming breaths, I feel his presence behind me. “Look at you like what?” he quietly asks me.
A rogue tear breaks away and slips down my cheek. “L-like you feel sorry for m-me. B-because I’m not w-worth your goddamned pity,” I huff out, my words coming out as cracked and shattered as I feel. “I h-hate f-feeling like I’m b-broken.”
He sighs, mirroring my stance next to me.
“I can have sympathy for you and still not treat you as if you’re broken at the same time,” he states.
“I know I’m not the brightest guy in the entire world—hell, I just thanked my ex-wife for her copulation earlier—but I do know this: you are not worthless.
Not by a long shot. Fuck, Gordy, after all you’ve been through, you have to be the strongest man I know. ”
“I wish that were true,” I whisper, and he turns to face me, resting his hip on the counter.
“Gordy, look at me,” he says, but all I can do is shake my head.
I can’t fucking do this, now that he knows everything.
He’s going to treat me with kid gloves without even realizing it, and I don’t want that.
With every fiber of my being, I don’t want to go back to feeling as helpless as I did back then.
He reaches around and grabs my shoulders, forcing me to face him.
“Fuck, Gannett, just stop!” I bellow. “Just fucking stop being so goddamned stubborn! Do you really want me to fight you right now? Because that’s what’s about to fucking happen, if you don’t lay off!”
“Yes, man!” he yells back, shoving me backwards with the hands he had on my shoulders.
Then he charges ahead, fists balled at his sides as he stands toe-to-toe with me.
“Yes! If that’s what it's going to take to get you to realize I am not fucking going to just give up on you, then yes—fight me. I don’t know jack shit about how to fix things with words, I never have, but if you need to take out everything on me—fucking do it! I want you to!”
Oh, this stub-born moth-er-fuck-er. Blood rushes to my head as I lunge for him.
He’s stunned momentarily before he’s able to right himself, and we’re locked in a grapple.
I am able to knee him in the side with an oomph before he growls and fights back.
It’s no holds barred as we crash into furniture and fumble our way around from the kitchen back into the living room.
Doing as he asked, to take everything out on him, I completely unleash.
To his credit, he’s giving me his all back, and at no point in between all the grunts and curses does he utter the safe phrase.
Damn, he’s gotten better at fighting since our first time on the mat.
The fuck’s he doing, training with Micah?
That thought causes my blood to boil more, as I hit him with a few more jabs and kicks, careful not to leave any cuts or bruises anywhere they’d be seen and raise questions.
I’ve just gotten him into a rear-naked chokehold, when there’s pounding on the door. “Dad?!” I hear Taryn yell from just outside. “Is everything alright?”
I go still, as does Gannett. The only sound in the room right now is us fighting for breath. “I’m fine!” I call out.
“Whatever you’re doing is fucking loud downstairs! What’s going on?”
Shit, how do I explain that I’m just casually giving Gannett the worst ass-whooping he’s probably ever had in his life?
“Uh, that’d be my fault, T-dawg! I let Gulligan back in, and we’re trying to catch him!” Gannett jumps in, ready all too quickly with a lie to protect me.
“Who?” Taryn asks.
“My seagull! Don’t come in here, we’re trying to get him to go out the patio door!” Gannett replies. Then he whispers to me, “Dude, are you going to fuckin’ remove your arm from around my neck so I can breathe, or what? And… are you fucking hard?”
Now that the adrenaline is coming down, I note that, yes, I am, in fact, pressing a full blown erection into Gannett’s back right now. Fuck my life.
“Okay, well…” Taryn trails off. “Just, uh, keep it down or something?”
“We’ll try!” Gannett offers back. Once Taryn’s boots thunk downstairs, Gannett shimmies out of my hold. “Soooo…” he drawls, looking down at my crotch. “It would appear that fighting with me gets you just as turned on as I am from fighting with you.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose and puff out a beleaguered breath. “Don’t make this weird, Gannett.”
“Oh, contraire, mon frère,” he snickers. “Awkwardness is my foreplay.”
I blink at him. “Forté is what I think you mean.”
He shakes his head. “Foreplay. Like that thing you do to get in the mood.”
“I’m not in the mood. Nor do I want to be.”
“Oh, come on. I think we’ve both established that we’re, ya know, into each other. I just—I mean, how do we go about this carefully? I don’t want to, like, trigger you or whatever.”
“And that already makes things weird enough. I’m not doing this with you, end of story. Now, I need to get ready for work. When I get back, forget this ever fucking happened.”
I don’t even give him a chance to rebut before I stalk off and head for the shower—locking the door behind me.