Chapter 18
LUCY
“Fuck, that felt good,” I sighed once we reached the outside of the athletic center.
Tovah, Aviva, and Leslie surrounded me.
“Are you going to tell us what’s going on?” Leslie asked.
“Only if you swear that this stays here,” I told her.
As angry as I was, I didn’t want this to get out. It could destroy my reputation—and Coach’s career. He’d get fired for sleeping with a student, and no one would want anything to do with either of us. It was too taboo.
And then there was Professor Putrovski to consider. Would she still write me a recommendation letter if she knew I’d slept with the man she wanted?
Fuck.
“Of course it stays here,” Leslie said.
Aviva rolled her eyes. “You know we’re good at keeping secrets.”
“Maybe too good,” Tovah added, elbowing her.
“Like you can talk,” Aviva retorted.
Leslie raised her hand. “I can guess.” She turned to me. “You fucked him, didn’t you?”
Immediately, memories from the night before replayed in my mind. The feeling of him in between my legs, his eyes watching me, his cock making me so full, the mine, the way he held me…
I raised my chin. “Well, I’m not a virgin anymore, I’ll say that much.”
Leslie grinned. “I told you so. I knew you weren’t over him.” But when she saw my face, her own fell.
“Oh, no. That whole production was because he was an asshole, wasn’t he?”
I wasn’t going to lie about it. “The biggest asshole ever. Abandoned me in the middle of the night with some bullshit note,” I said, rifling through my purse and handing it over to her because I’d already memorized it.
Tovah shook her head. “I’ll kill him for you,” she offered. “I know someone who can help us hide the body. I mean, I’m engaged to someone who can help us hide the body...”
I shook my head, knowing she was telling the truth. “We can’t kill him. We’re only a few games away from making the playoffs. The team would never forgive me if he died, and I don’t think Trey is a good enough coach to get them where they need to be.”
Tovah and Aviva glanced at each other. “Okay, well then…”
I interrupted. “I don’t want to kill him. I want to make him regret walking out on me. Every single nanosecond of every single day, until he comes crawling back on his knees and begging, maybe then I’ll forgive him and let him fuck me again.”
“I love you,” Leslie said, admiration in her voice.
“So what’s the plan?”
“Does Jack still have access to Vice and Vixen?” I asked Aviva, referencing her own fiancé.
Vice and Vixen were two black market sex aphrodisiacs that were dealt around Tabb and Reina. Well, Vice was sort of like Viagra—on steroids. Vixen was more like a roofie and really fucked with people with XX chromosomes. It used to run rampant around both campuses until recently.
Aviva shook her head. “The team got out of that game after shit went so haywire. They still know who’s dealing, but I don’t think they have easy access. It’s not on campus anymore.”
Tovah cleared her throat. “I can get it. You want Vice, right?”
“What haven’t you told me?” Aviva accused.
“You can get it?” I asked.
Tovah nodded. “I know where to source it. I need to warn you though—even for a man as big as Coach Samson, that shit is potent. And it’ll turn him feral. Like, completely out of control. Make sure you’re ready for the responsibility of that—and the consequences.”
Feral, out of control, that was exactly what I wanted. The only time he was honest was when he snapped. I didn’t just need his body, I wanted all of him on board, and even though it was bad, even though I knew it was wrong…well, a girl had to do what a girl had to do.
“I want it,” I said.
“Oh, shit,” Leslie muttered.
I grinned.
It felt good to be bad.
A week later, I walked into the athletic administration building, heading up the stairs toward Blake’s office. In my purse was a little vial of Vice. I had a mission, and no one and nothing would deter me from it.
Fortunately, Trey wasn’t around, and Blake never locked his office door. He really needed to start doing that. And not leave his water bottle sitting out. He was just…
Just asking for it, Lucy?
Oh, shit.
I froze where I stood, in front of his desk, about to uncork the small vial of Vice Tovah had gotten for me and pour it in his water.
I sank into his chair, placing the vial gently on his desk and burying my head in my hands for the second time that day.
This was bad.
Like, there was bad, and there was give the man you were obsessed with Viagra without him knowing bad.
Sure, Mason might have done it to Leslie, and from what I’d guessed, Jack had done something similar to Aviva, but I couldn’t be that person.
I couldn’t take his choice away from him.
I was so desperate for his affection, that I was willing to—what?
—take away his choice? Fuck him without his real consent?
Turn him into an animal and steal the one thing he absolutely needed: his control?
Rising out of the chair, I wiped away another tear—the second time that week I’d cried.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered to the empty room. I was sorry for having even thought of it.
I went to open the door, and slammed right into a big, warm wall.
Craning my neck, I stared back at a pissed off Coach.
“Lucy, what the hell are you doing in my office?” he barked.
I shook my head. “I—”
I was never at a loss for words, but what was I supposed to tell him?
The truth, my conscience offered.
He stepped in the office, pushing me further inside, and locked the door behind him.
“Sit down and answer me,” he ordered.
I hovered, hesitant for the first time in my life.
“Lucy, I swear to god, if you don’t tell me what is going on…are you okay? Did someone do something to you? Why do you look so upset?”
Oh, that was bullshit.
“What do you think happened to me, asshole? You happened. You didn’t have to come to the hotel that night.” I swallowed. “You didn’t have to interrupt me with that guy from the bar. You didn’t have to fuck me, or call me yours, or—”
He raised a hand. “You’re right. You’re completely right. I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to do, but if I could go back, if I could erase the whole night…”
I jerked like he’d shot me. Oh god, that hurt. It took everything in me not to let my chin tremble from his words. He regretted me that much?
He saw my reaction, because he reached for me. I stepped out of his way, refusing to let him touch me.
“Fuck, Lucy.” He shook his head. “No, you misunderstand me. If I could go back, if I could erase the whole night, I’d do it the same way all over again.
” His lip quirked, although he looked better.
“It makes me the worst kind of man, but I don’t regret a second of it.
All I regret is hurting you—and staying away from you for so long. ”
“Oh.”
The wind went out of my sails. I wasn’t angry, I wasn’t…anything. Other than guilty, because I’d almost done something I couldn’t go back on.
Thank god I’d changed my mind.
“Is that why you came to my office, Lucy?” he said. “Because even though I don’t regret it, I refuse to hurt you again…” he trailed off. “What’s that in your hand?”
Oh, shit.
I tried to hide the vial, but he was too fast, crossing the room and bending down to swoop it out from between my fingers.
I stood up to grab it but he lifted it above my head, and when I stood on my tip toes, desperate, and reached, he grabbed one wrist, then the other, and forced them behind my back.
A whimper released from my throat. Him gripping me this way, keeping me still, the force behind it…god, I’d always wanted a man to use force on me like this. This man.
What was ironic was I’d basically tried to do the same thing to him.
He swirled the vial around, then popped the small cork and sniffed. Then threw back his head and laughed, shocking me.
“You were going to drug me with Vice? That was your big plan? Throw how little you cared in my face last week and then sneak it into a beverage so I was none the wiser? So you’d make me hard and horny for you, unable to keep my hands off you?
My cock out of your holes? Make me lose my mind?
Let me tell you something, troublemaker. ”
As he spoke, he was walking me backward, until my back hit the wall next to his bookcase, my arms trapped behind me. He loomed over me, swirling the Vice around.
“Vixen and Vice work differently. Vixen is like a roofie on speed—it makes women lose time and place and forget everything, including their own names, completely mastered by their own libidos. But that’s not how Vice works.
If a man takes it…it makes him hyper conscious of every moment.
Removes control, so he’s mastered by who and what he wants, so goddamn hard and obsessed all rational thought flies out the window.
But here’s the thing—you don’t need Vice for me, sweetheart.
I’m already hard for you—” he pushed his hips against my stomach, so I could feel just how hard, and another whimper escaped my mouth.
“Already horny, already obsessed, barely able to keep my hands off you. I’ve been a bad, bad man, because all I’ve been able to think about for days is what it’ll be like to shove my cock in all your holes.
That tight pussy I broke in.” His eyes went dark at that.
“Between those lips that were meant to wrap around my cock, and give that sassy mouth something else to do. Work my way into that tight, virgin ass, and own you every single fucking way. Make you scream for me, and plant myself inside you so deep you couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.
Fuck, Lucy. You really think that Vice will make a difference? ”
I could barely breathe from the images he was presenting to me. I wanted that, wanted all of that, but mostly—
“And why should I let you?” I said.
He raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t that why you’re here? Not to let me, but to make me?”
“I mean, yeah,” I said. “But I shouldn’t.”