Chapter Three
Declan
Walking over here and hugging Lee was one hundred percent a ploy to piss Jakob off.
Don’t get me wrong, Lee and I have a special bond after what we went through together, but I’d already hugged and talked to her before seeing her talking to her oldest brother.
I don’t initiate that shit more than once in a blue moon, so everyone aside from Jakob knew it was a farce.
Now with her and my brother gone, it’s just the two of us standing here in awkward silence.
“Truce?” I ask him, praying he agrees in the way we always did before. I’m so fucking tired of fighting.
“Fuck your truce.”
Okay… Or not.
“Come on. How long are you going to be pissed about this?”
He darts his eyes around to see who’s watching us before hissing out in a low voice, “You can’t be serious right now?
I’ll always be pissed about it. I don’t want to talk to you, Declan.
I don’t want to have to see you. I don’t even want to know if we’ve been within a forty yard radius of each other.
I want to get through this wedding, then never see you again. ”
That hurts more than I’ll admit. “What about birthdays? Family get together’s? If they have kids?” I’m rambling but realize my mistake as soon as it’s out of my mouth.
“Fuck you, that was low, and you know it.” He shoulder checks me as he moves past, but I won’t let him go that easily. That was a dick move, and I swear I didn’t mean it as a dig. Especially not at Lelonie.
He storms out of the tent and I follow after him.
I’m fucking cold blooded, don’t get me wrong, but I’m never unnecessarily cruel, especially when it comes to my family, and that was cruel.
Infertility has been a sore spot for Lee and Mac for years, and I know that.
He just gets me so pissed I don’t think before saying shit.
It’s like watching his eyes darken is a high that I’m addicted to. I can’t help myself.
Watching my surroundings, I make sure Natasha is still caught up in a conversation with an old family friend of hers before following him any farther. The last thing I need is her seeing me sneak off with him, even if it is just to fight. She’ll turn it into something else to hold over my head.
Catching up to him as he storms behind the pool house, I grab his arm and roughly pin him to the back wall.
Our position looks almost identical to the one we were in weeks ago, only I don’t have a knife– well I do, but I don’t have it out –and he’s the one pinned by a forearm to the neck.
Making sure that I’m only putting enough weight behind my stance to stop him from getting out of it, I wait and watch emotions dance across his angular face.
He settles on mild annoyance while glaring at me.
“I’m sorry.” The sincerity in my voice must shine through because his body relaxes under my forearm, causing me to lean closer to him.
“I didn’t mean to sound insensitive. Mac struggles with the kids thing too, and it was a stupid thing to say.
Kids or no kids, we’re going to be seeing each other more than just wedding shit, and that was my point. ”
“Or we just make it a point to fucking stay away from each other.” The heat in his eyes is so palpable that if I didn’t know any better, I’d swear they’d burn me.
“Seriously, Jake? I don’t even know why you’re so damn mad at me anymore.
You’re a stubborn jackass. If you’d stop talking in code all of the time, we could work this shit out.
” I push my forearm harder into him just to be a dick, but quickly realize that it brings our faces barely a few inches apart.
Something heats in Jake’s eyes before they dart down to my lips and back up to mine before repeating the process.
My heart kicks up a few notches as I drag my eyes down to his perfect bow shaped lips just in time to see his tongue dart out to his lower lip for just a fraction of a second.
What the fuck are we doing? And more importantly, why do I not care?
He pushes against me, bringing his lips closer to mine and a shiver slides down my spine.
My eyes close on instinct and I can feel his breath on my lips.
I’m leaning to erase the remaining space when the moment is broken by Dieter and Kieran’s voices cutting through the tense fog surrounding us.
I fly back from him just as they turn the corner.
We don’t break eye contact. I’m refusing to look away for fear that they’ll see the primal lust in my eyes, and I’d assume that’s his reasoning too.
“I’m serious, Declan. Never talk to me again.” He once again shoulders past me, but this time I let him. Because this is exactly who Jakob ‘fight this until the very end’ Fischer is. And not for the first time, I’m left wondering what the fuck is going on with me.
* * *
I’ve paraded Natasha around this engagement party for hours until finally people are beginning to leave and my social tank is empty, just like she demanded of me.
“You wanna get out of here?” She asks me while dragging the tips of her fingers down my chest.
She’s trying to be seductive, but it just makes my stomach churn with bile.
She knows I don’t want to get out of here with her.
Usually I can throw up my mask and it’s fine, but tonight the hands are back grabbing at me.
I’m so thrown by my earlier standoff with Jakob that I need her to get out of here so I can go get my head on straight.
“Nah, I’m good. I’ll have one of the guards take you home.” Stepping out of her reach, I stoically dismiss her.
“Seriously? What’s your deal? You’ve been distant towards me all evening. I’d watch how you treat me if I were you, Dec.”
Here’s the problem: Natasha knows way more than she should, and in the lives we’ve both lived, knowledge is power.
Because of the information she wields like a deadly weapon and her threats to my ex best friend, she gets away with more than I’d ever let anyone else.
I’d never let someone jerk me around on a chain, but to keep him safe? Shit, call me Sparky and watch me bark.
I can’t give her a single hint that Jakob twisted me up earlier.
She’ll hold it over my head like the other shit she knows, the other threats she hits me with.
I’ve tried to ghost her plenty of times in the past; the problem is that my brothers are right.
She’s conniving and knows exactly how to get what she wants.
“Nothing, I have work stuff to handle as soon as Rowan ends his conversation with the Fischer’s.” I tilt my head over at Rowan.
“Oh, well, call me later?” She practically purrs at me.
“I’ll see what time I get done.”
Before I have to endure any more of Natasha’s shit, I wave over Kieran’s best friend, Ryan. He also happens to be one of our guards.
“Hey, I need you to make sure Ms. Pavlov gets home safely. She’s ready to leave now.”
He looks at me like I’m insane. “Sure thing, Boss. First, I need to make sure I’m okay to leave Mrs. Byrne here while I do that.”
Ryan is Phoenix’s personal guard. He follows her like a shadow constantly, but there’s no need for him to be here when she’s currently wrapped in her husband’s arms. She looks so exhausted that I’m surprised Kieran hasn’t hauled her home or up to the room they have here already.
I’d be shocked if they had any more kids after this one with how rough this is on her.
She’s still getting sick multiple times a day, for Christ’s sake.
Pulling out my phone I call Kieran and watch as he pulls it out of his pocket and answers. “Yeah?”
“Ryan is going to run Natasha home. He’ll be back in less than two hours. You good with that?”
We all watch him across the yard as he nods while answering, “That’s fine. She’s not looking too well, so we’re going to go inside in just a minute.”
“She is right here and I’m okay, Mystery Man. I’m just a little tired.”
He cuts his eyes over to me, which causes me to laugh.
“Okay, good. Get her horizontal. She looks like she’s about to fall asleep standing there.”
“I’m on it.”
I hang up and pocket my phone just as Kie picks her up bridal style and gently carries her into the house.
“You’re good, Ry.” I give him a firm nod, and he puts his hand out, gesturing to her to walk in front of him to the vehicle.
Before she follows him, she turns to me and presses up on her toes to kiss me. I turn my head at the last second so she catches my cheek. She looks put out but just nods and follows Ryan. I try to calm my breathing so the hands will loosen around my throat, but it seems like nothing is working.
I wait until they’re out of sight before I pull my tie loose and turn to scan the crowd one more time as my hand comes up and discreetly grabs my neck.
I just have to be certain that there is no physical barrier causing me to have such a hard time right now.
My eyes wheel around the backyard looking for anything to ground me when they clash with none other than Jake’s ice blue eyes.
His brows furrow in concern as he watches me carefully. It’s only a few seconds later when I break eye contact with him and spin on my heels to make my way up to my room. My breathing becomes increasingly more choppy as I ascend the stairs and push open my bedroom door.
I say bedroom, but they’re really more like studio apartments sans kitchen.
My feet carry me into my bathroom and straight into the large shower.
I’m not even in control of my limbs anymore.
I just watch as my hand reaches out and blasts the cold water from all three shower heads.
The jolt is physical as the freezing water soaks my clothes through.
I was always taught that extreme cold to the underside of your wrists will shock you out of a panic attack.
That’s cool and all, and it’s a trick I do use when I’m not home.
But when I’m home and I can feel the hands grabbing at me, I have to stand under the freezing heavy drops raining down on my body.
I’m not sure how long I stand under the cold water when someone knocks on the door. I don’t answer. I can’t. They haven’t let go enough yet. The next thing I know, Rowan’s hand pushes open the door before he reaches into the shower and changes the temperature to something less arctic.
“You can’t keep doing this, Dec.”
“I’m fine, I just couldn’t breathe.” I practically pant trying to catch my breath.
“Take the fucking meds before you catch hypothermia and your dick falls off.”
“I don’t want them. I don’t need them. I’m fine.” I pinch the bridge of my nose and let out an annoyed huff as I shut the shower off, still fully clothed.
“There’s no shame in that shit, brother. Take them. If they don’t help, then stop. If they do, then keep taking them. You’ve got to start doing something, though, because it’s gotten worse over the past few months.”
Because she’s been coming around more. I want to tell him, but I don’t dare utter the words.
I’m a six foot four two hundred and thirty pound man.
What the fuck do I look like being controlled?
Especially by a woman of Natasha’s stature.
No one would even believe me. She would be long dead if I’d just open my fucking mouth.
Only she knows too much, and she’s not shy about her willingness to ruin the lives of people I love.
One in particular with inch long hair and ice blue eyes.
“I’ll try it and see. I’ll call the doctor tomorrow.”
He looks at me skeptically but eventually nods, “Get dressed, and if you’re up to it, Maeve is looking for her movie buddy.” He gives me a small smile, then leaves the bathroom.
I’m always ‘up for it,’ so I start shedding my clothes to dry off so I can replace them with a pair of sweats and a hoodie.
Then I need to find my niece and nephew to see if they want to watch a movie with me.
Rhett and Maeve always make me feel better after a shitty day.
It’s Maeve’s turn to pick the movie, and if I had to guess, I’d say my wild night will consist of the three of us and possibly the twins in the movie room with Princess Mulan.
Yes, she’s a princess, and no, we don’t care if you agree with us.
I know I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be when my day ends with a toddler knocked out on my chest and an eight year old curled up at my side.
There’s processors on the end table, my youngest brothers lightly snoring on their own couches beside us, and my heart beating slow and steady.
I’ve been keeping secrets and being controlled for half a decade, and I don’t know how much longer I can keep it up.