10. Even the devil gets lonely.
Chapter 10
Even the devil gets lonely.
Christian
T he air smells like stale beer and wet cigarettes. It’s pungent and causes my throat to burn. But I don’t let that stop me from taking a seat at the bar and ordering a drink. My cramped shitty motel room smells worse than this dive bar. I traded the smell of piss and rotten food for a drink.
Foul smells must be part of this small Indiana town’s charm.
It’s been three days since I left Amelia alone in her car, and they’ve been the worst three days I’ve had in a very long time. The last time I felt this bad, I had just checked myself into rehab. Again.
There’s nothing worse than those first few days of coming down from a high. The cravings and subsequent withdrawals were the main thing that drove me to keep using. I loved the highs, but I hated the withdrawals even more.
The highs were temporary, but those damn cravings are for life. I’ll be ninety years old and still crave my next hit. It gets easier and less intense with time, but it doesn’t go away. That’s the life I created for myself when I became an addict.
My cravings for Amelia are no different. Why I thought leaving her would help get her out of my mind is beyond me. At least thoughts of her distract me from my lethal cravings. That’s a positive I suppose.
This job was supposed to distract me. Help me clear my head so I can figure out how the hell we’re supposed to move forward. It’s been one big fat epic failure.
The smell and taste of her still linger on my senses, and the way her body tightens around me when I’m buried deep inside her haunts me every waking second. It even haunts my dreams.
The only thing this trip has taught me is that I’m screwed. I don’t think it’s possible for me to live without her anymore. Not unless I want two demons constantly tugging for my affection. Amelia and drugs. What a fucking battle controlling my body!
I check the time on my phone again and wonder for the hundredth time what’s taking Edge so long. He’s been very closed-lipped about this job. The only details I know are there are multiple packages, and I’ll be driving them to Montana alone.
As soon as we pick them up, Edge will head back to Beaver, and I’ll start the long journey to some small town hidden in the Rocky Mountains of northern Montana.
It’ll be an adventure, if nothing else. Traveling isn’t something I’ve done much of in my life. I ride my bike all over Ohio, but I rarely leave the state. I’ve taken a few trips to West Virginia, Kentucky, and upstate New York. This trip to Indiana is the farthest west I’ve ever been.
As much as I want to be back home holding Amelia, I’m looking forward to seeing more of this country.
I wonder if Amelia is interested in traveling. It’d take us away from the nosy community and our feuding families. I close my eyes and imagine a life with Amelia wrapped around me on the back of my bike.
Riding the open roads.
Chasing the sunsets.
Getting lost on curvy mountain trails.
Basking in the sun on some hidden lake in the middle of nowhere.
God, that would be the life.
A life I’m doomed to never have. Amelia may think she loves me, but the day will come when she wakes up and realizes I’m not worth her love.
She’s too good for me. Forget the fact that I’m a Mutter and a sworn enemy to her family.
I’m an addict, a loser, a troublemaker.
I may crave peace in my life, but I constantly seek chaos. It’s why she calls me that sometimes.
My phone buzzes and I pick it up from the bartop.
Angel
Please check in and let me know if you’re okay.
I’m worried about you.
And I miss you.
She messages me a few times a day, always saying the same thing. She’s worried, and she misses me. There’s so much I want to say to her, like how much I miss and need her too, but I don’t. Instead, I respond with the same two words I’ve sent her each time.
Christian
I’m fine.
It’s not much, but it’s all I can offer her right now. I’m a coward for leaving—and I know it—but I need time to process all this. A baby and a love confession are a lot for a man like me to handle.
I’m not built like my brothers. Emotions and empathy run in short supply in my brain. I suppose I have a fair amount of emotions. They’re just not the good ones. There’s not a lot of love and happiness swimming around in my thoughts. They’re consumed with hatred and contempt.
Though if I were to love someone, it’d be Amelia. Regardless, she’ll always be my angel.
“Hey sugar.” A woman who looks to be about fifty, even though she’s probably closer to my age, slides up next to me. Her chest is pressed against my arm and she rests her hand on my thigh. She’s rough and looks like she’s strung out on every drug known to man. “Haven’t seen you here before?”
“Don’t call me that.” I glare at her and remove her hand from my leg. I’m also pretty sure my lip turned into a sneer or something close to it.
She doesn’t seem to notice my contempt. If she does, she’s ignoring it. More likely, she’s too high to notice my reaction. “Call you what?”
“Sugar.” I give her a nudge, hoping she’ll get the point and get out of my personal space.
It doesn’t work. She just pushes closer against me.
“Then what should I call you?” I cringe at the stench on her breath. It smells like she hasn’t brushed her teeth in months. Her voice is scratchy and sounds like she hasn’t spoken in days. Her vocal cords are straining to get the words out.
“Nothing as sweet as sugar, that’s for damn sure.” My tone is harsh. I’m typically not afraid to tell people exactly what I think, but I’m being more direct and firm with her than most.
“You’re surly.” She runs her finger up my arm, and I knock it away. “I bet that makes you fantastic in bed.”
“Not something you’ll ever find out.” I growl. “I’m not interested.”
“Oh, come now. Don’t be like that.” She grins at me. She’s missing several teeth and the ones she has are dark with stains. “I know you’ll enjoy yourself once we get started. Plus, I’ve got something special that will make you feel so good.”
“Not! Interested!” This time I raise my voice, and she pulls away.
“No need to yell.” She has the audacity to look surprised by my reaction. “All you had to do was say no.”
“No,” I deadpan. Then I down my whiskey and wave at the bartender for another drink. He nods in my direction before grabbing a clean glass.
“You just look like a fella who knows how to have a little fun.” She looks me up and down like she’s studying me, then shakes her head. “Guess I was wrong.”
She pushes off the bar and heads back to whatever dark corner she crawled out of. I study her as she walks away. Her blond hair is long and greasy, with several knots in the back. She’s far too thin. Her clothes are dirty and hang loosely on her body. The shirt she’s wearing is stained with dirt and something that looks like blood.
As I stare at her, I can’t help but wonder if I ever looked that bad when I was strung out. It’s likely, but my memories of those days are hazy. And thank fuck for that. I don’t want to remember. The knowledge of how I hurt myself and my family is bad enough. I don’t need to live with those memories too.
“Hey man.” Edge slides onto the empty stool next to me. “You ready to go? The packages are ready.”
“Hell yes.” I pick up my fresh drink and toss it back. “Get me out of this hellhole.”
He chuckles and scans the bar. “Rough crowd in here.”
“That’s the damn truth.” I dig my wallet out of my pocket and throw enough cash down to cover my drink and a tip. “Where to, boss?”
“Not far.” Edge pushes to his feet and leads the way out of the bar. “Just a few miles down the road. Then we’ll get you on your way.”
I nod, more than ready to get out of this town. Maybe once I’m on the road, the drive will clear my head. It’s doubtful, but I’m holding out hope.
If nothing else, the drive is long and scenic. It’ll give me the time I need to come to terms with reality.
I can’t change the fact that I’m going to be a father. Now I have to decide what kind of man I’m going to be.
It only takes us five minutes to get to the warehouse where the package exchange takes place. I follow Edge in the SUV while he’s on his bike. A couple of his men are already here and guarding the side door to the warehouse.
Besides transportation, Edge’s MC offers a wide variety of security for sensitive jobs. I don’t know the nature of all the jobs he accepts, but from what I’ve overheard, some of them are dangerous. Even the transportation jobs I help with can be dangerous.
Sometimes one of his men will accompany me, but not always. It really depends on the circumstances. This time I’ll be traveling alone.
I toss the SUV into park and climb out. Edge is already instructing one of his men to inform them we’re here. We always try to make these exchanges quick in case we’re being followed. It’s rare, but it’s happened a few times.
No one has ever been hurt on a job I’ve helped with, but there was one time when one of Edge’s men got shot. Some people will stop at nothing to get back what we’ve taken.
“They’re in here.” A man holds the door open and waves us in. He looks frustrated, and from his tone, I’m guessing this isn’t going to be an easy job.
“Everything okay?” Edge asks.
The man huffs. “See for yourself, boss.”
The warehouse is dimly lit and I can’t see much as I follow Edge. There’s one light hanging off to the side, and that’s it. I can’t make out anything in the room, but I hear the whisper of female voices.
“Oh hell,” Edge sighs as he takes in the group of girls huddled together on a small cot along the wall. “I was told there were only four.”
“Nope,” the man that let us in replies. “Five, and they’re all feisty. Refusing to take new names.”
“We’re keeping our identities,” one girl says. She looks like she’s the oldest of the group, maybe around thirty. I can’t see them well, but the youngest looks like she could still be a teenager. “That’s not a negotiation.”
“We can’t guarantee your safety otherwise,” Edge says.
The girl snorts. “Doesn’t matter what you do. You can never guarantee my safety as long as my father is alive and free.”
“Then why involve us?” Edge sounds annoyed. “There are a lot of women and children who need our help. I can’t afford to waste my time and resources.”
The girl pushes to her feet and approaches Edge. She doesn’t hesitate. “I was told you’re the best. We need a fast escape, and you’re going to provide it for us.”
Edge studies her like he’s dissecting every inch of her face under a microscope. From the looks of her, she doesn’t fit the typical victim profile. The women we rescue and get to safety are scared and weak from being subjected to years of abuse. They’re running from abusive husbands or boyfriends that will kill them if they get caught. This woman doesn’t even look like she’d tolerate someone yelling at her, let alone beating her.
Yet somehow this group of girls still secured Edge’s help. He doesn’t take on every job that comes his way. He has certain criteria that must be met before he agrees. Protecting the identity of the women and children he helps is at the top of that list. That always requires a name change, even if only temporarily.
“What’s your name?” he asks.
“Ember.” She holds out her hand as if this is a business deal, and she’s in charge. Definitely not one of the fragile and terrified women who is afraid of their own shadow. Who can blame them after what they’ve endured? But not this one. She’s a fighter. It drags a faint smile out of me. “Ember Dixon.”
I furrow my brow. There’s something familiar about that name.
“Fuck!” Edge runs his fingers down his beard and pinches his lips together. I’m guessing he recognizes her name too. “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.”
“No, I’m not fucking kidding you.” Ember glares at him. “I’m Ember Dixon and these are my sisters. We require safe transportation to Montana. I paid a shit ton of money for you to do it. Now make it happen.”
The name clicks as I admire her determination. These are the Dixon sisters, heiresses to Dixon Records, one of the largest music labels in the world. A recent scandal revealed that they’ve been abused by their father and his friends their entire lives. The scandal broke when their mother finally spoke out about it after their father announced that Ember was engaged to a tycoon friend of his from Dubai. If I recall, the man was nearly twice her age.
Their mother was found dead within days after the story was released and no one has seen the sisters since. Their father was arrested and awaits trial for murder and child abuse. At least seven other men are under investigation for participation in their father’s abuse.
Edge shakes his head as he studies the other four girls huddled on the bed. They don’t look as brave and strong as Ember. “I was told there were only four of you. We’re going to need another car.”
“No,” Ember says quickly. “Your confusion is not my problem. We stay together. Always.”
“The car I arranged isn’t big enough.” Edge points out.
“Not my fault.” Ember crosses her arms over her chest and steps closer to Edge. “Figure it out.”
“Lady, these extractions take days, sometimes even weeks, of planning. I can’t just figure this out at the last minute. I planned for four, not five.”
“Edge,” I whisper as I step up next to him. “We can make it work if one of them rides in the back.”
He shakes his head before I finish. “It’s not safe. If you get pulled over, you’ll be fucked.”
“I won’t get pulled over.” I insist.
“You can’t know that.” Edge’s voice has a hint of anger in it. He’s usually cool and collected at these exchanges, but he hates surprises. Especially one like this. “We have to operate as if anything can go wrong. Lives are at stake.”
“We accept the risk,” Ember says. “Whatever it takes to keep us together. We’ll do it.”
“I can’t put my men at risk. It’s not fair to them,” Edge says.
“I’ll do it,” I say. I study the girls on the cot. This may not be a typical job, but it’s obvious they’re scared even if their sister isn’t. A couple of them have bruises.
“Christian.” Edge looks at me with annoyance. “If the rumors in the media are correct, you can’t afford to take that risk. It needs to be a clean job.”
“I said I’ll do it.” I meet Ember’s determined gaze. “Let’s go. It’s a long drive.”
“Christian!” Edge yells.
I snap my eyes to his. I’ve never argued with his orders or ever showed him any disrespect. I respect the hell out of Edge, but I’m doing this job. These girls may not be like most of the women we help, but they deserve safety too.
“I’m doing this,” I say with more determination than usual. “I welcome their company.”
Edge looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. Maybe I have. I’ve always preferred solitude to being around people. But I’ve lived a lifetime with shitty parents. I relate to these women. That’s not something anyone should experience. I may have had it bad, but something tells me these girls had it worse.
Edge shakes his head, clearly not happy with me.
“Fine.” He pulls an envelope out of his pocket and hands it to me. “Here’s everything you need. Cash, stopping points, and the location of the drop off point. If you run into any trouble, use the burner phone. Got it.”
I nod and take the envelope. It’s always the same deal, but he insists on telling me what to do every time like it’s the first time I’ve helped. He’s cautious if nothing else and cares a great deal about his team and the women he helps. I can’t fault him for that.
“Okay, let’s roll out,” Edge growls. He’s still not happy, but he’s not canceling the job.
Thank fuck for that, because I’m not ready to head home just yet. I still have too much shit to work out in my head before I face that damn town and its nosey citizens.