12. Nothing like a good ass kicking to straighten a man out.
Chapter 12
Nothing like a good ass kicking to straighten a man out.
Christian
M y phone buzzes again from where it’s sitting face up on the center console. I glance over to see the message that pops up before the screen goes dark again.
Angel
Please answer me. I’m worried. Anything will help calm my nerves.
I reach for it and flip it over, hoping like hell Ember didn’t see it. That woman is unlike any of the other women we’ve helped before. She’s talkative, strong, and has no problem voicing her opinions. I can’t imagine her ever letting a man abuse her.
Then again, I guess people do crazy things when it involves their parents.
“Is that your girlfriend?” Ember asks. It’s an innocent question. I can tell by her tone she’s just trying to make small talk. She does that a lot. Unlike me, she doesn’t like silence.
It’s been a long three days driving these women to Montana. Normally, I’d drive a lot more miles each day and make it to the destination in half the time a normal person would. I don’t need much sleep and driving brings me peace and comfort. I can drive for hours before needing to rest.
But not with five women. They have to stop for the bathroom every hundred miles because apparently, they can’t all piss at the same time.
Unlike Ember, her sisters are quiet. They whisper amongst themselves and occasionally have a conversation with Ember. But mostly they sleep. It’s like this is the first time they’ve slept in years and are making up for lost time.
I can see the evidence of their abuse all over their bodies. Plus, their quiet, reserved—almost fearful—demeanor makes it apparent. If their father did half the things the media has said he’s done to them, he deserves to be castrated before a lifetime of torture is inflicted on him.
“Well?” Ember probes.
When I glance over at her, she’s staring at me with her arms crossed over her chest. “Well, what?”
“Answer my question. Is Angel your girlfriend?”
I groan, annoyed that she saw the text message. I do not want to talk about Amelia with this woman, but if I don’t give her something, she won’t stop asking me. “You could say that, I guess.”
She snorts. “You guess? If you don’t know, then you should probably figure it out.”
“It’s complicated,” I growl, and it causes her to retreat toward the window. When I glance over at her, it’s the first time I’ve seen fear in her eyes. My gruff demeanor can be too much for most people. It probably comes across as threatening to an abuse survivor.
“Sorry, I’m not going to hurt you,” I say in a much softer tone. I don’t usually have to worry about how I sound with the woman I help, because they never want to talk. But all Ember wants to do is talk.
She takes a few deep breaths before she nods. Her body relaxes as she adjusts in her seat. “It’s okay. Just caught me off guard.”
Silence falls over us for several miles after that. I focus on the road while Ember stares out the window. There’s not much to see right now, considering it’s almost one o’clock in the morning. I probably should have stopped for the night hours ago and gotten some rest, but I’m anxious to get this job over with.
We’ve only got a little over an hour before we reach the safe house. Once I drop them off, I can sleep for a few hours before I start my long drive home.
Home .
There’s going to be hell to pay once I get back. Grams and my brothers are going to be pissed at me for disappearing. I didn’t tell any of them I was leaving. The only person I told was Amelia, and I didn’t tell her much.
Rule number one for this job is to tell no one where you’re going or what you’re doing. Rule number two is no contact with family or friends after a package is picked up. Burner phone only just to be safe. Overkill? Maybe. But I don’t make the rules.
Short trips are easy, but a job this long is proving to be challenging.
Chase has messaged me almost as much as Amelia has. The rest of my brothers send me random text messages asking me where I am. They’re all worried I’m using again. It pisses me off even though I can’t blame them. I’d assume someone like me is using again too if they just up and vanished for almost two weeks.
Two weeks. That’s how long it will be by the time I get back. I’ve never disappeared for that long before. Not even when I was using.
God, I’m an asshole.
But what choice do I have? Lives are at stake. If I speak to anyone about what I’m really doing, it could jeopardize the job. I will not be the one responsible for getting these women hurt. They’ve been through enough already.
Besides, I like helping Edge. It gives me a greater purpose and a slight hint of redemption for all my past transgressions. It by no means wipes them away, but it makes me feel a little better about myself.
“Do you do this often?” Ember finally breaks the long stretch of silence.
“What do you mean?”
“Rescue abused women and then not tell your girlfriend what you’re doing?”
I glance over at her. She’s staring at me like she can’t decide if she likes me or not. I don’t like me so she can join the party. “Can’t tell anyone what I’m doing. Too risky.”
“Hmm,” is all she says before she turns her attention back to the window and stares into the darkness.
“You don’t approve?” I’m not sure why I ask her that. I don’t really care what her opinion is of me. In about an hour, I’ll drop her and her sisters off and I’ll never see them again.
She shrugs. “What do I know? I’ve never had a healthy relationship and I’m almost thirty. But if I were in a healthy relationship, I’d want to know what my partner was up to when he left me for days on end.”
“Who said I had a healthy relationship?”
“Maybe you should ask yourself why that is,” she says matter-of-factly as if fixing my issues with Amelia is easy.
“I said it’s complicated.” It takes great effort to keep my tone calm. This conversation makes me very uncomfortable.
“Then uncomplicate it or dump her.”
I snap my eyes at her in surprise. Her suggestion sends a wave of panic through me.
When our eyes meet, she laughs. “That’s what I thought.”
“Just say what’s on your mind.” This time I don’t hold back my irritation. I don’t want to scare her, but I don’t like how she’s dissecting me either.
“Love is rare.” She sighs and her expression turns hard. “There was a time when I didn’t think it really existed. But I had it once, and I lost it.” She turns to me with tears in her eyes. “If you have it, don’t let it slip away. You might never find it again.”
I grunt, not wanting to listen to her words, but they hit me hard. I don’t want to lose Amelia. But I don’t know how to give her what she deserves.
And now we have a baby on the way.
Complicated doesn’t even begin to describe the mess I’ve gotten myself into. Some of it can’t ever be fixed or changed. Her family will always hate mine and vice versa.
Do I care?
No, I don’t think I do.
Her family might never accept me, but mine will accept her with open arms. Maybe that’s enough. It’s gonna have to be because I don’t think I can figure this out on my own.
It’s still dark out when I pull my bike up next to the garage. The loud rumble likely wakes up my entire family.
I shut off the engine and let out a deep sigh. I’m exhausted and in serious need of a shower and clean clothes. I was so desperate to get out of town that I didn’t prepare for this trip.
I also feel like I could sleep for days. Though I suspect sleep is not in my immediate future. I have a family to face and then I have to find Amelia.
Shower first. I don’t want her to see me like this. It’ll only worry her more.
Unfortunately, I barely make it ten steps toward the house before I’m charged by my brothers. Mac and Ash reach me first. They grab me and slam me against the back wall of the garage. Pain radiates through my entire body from the impact. I’m too tired to brace myself, and it nearly knocks the wind out of me.
“Get out of my way,” Chase calls out. When I look up, I don’t see him. Liam and Warren are right behind Mac and Ash. Liam has a murderous look in his eyes, but Warren looks confused.
A moment later, Chase pushes his way through my brothers and fists his hands in my jacket. He pulls me close until our eyes are within inches of each other. They’re filled with pain, worry, and anger.
Before I can say anything, he pulls his fist back and punches me in the jaw. My head bounces off the building. My vision blurs as a sharp pain shoots through my head.
“Chase, stop!” Liam yells as he pulls Chase off me. I blink until my eyes refocus. Whatever worry Chase felt a moment ago is gone. All I see is rage coursing through his body. “What if he’s high?”
“He’s not high.” Chase barks. He pushes Liam off him and holds his angry glare on me. “He’s just an asshole.”
That part is true. I am an asshole for running away. A real man would’ve stayed and dealt with the aftermath of the bomb that dropped on this town two weeks ago. What’s done is done, and I’ll have to pay the consequences. Whatever they may be.
He shakes his head and tosses his arm out in an angry wave before he turns around and walks away. Lina is waiting for him in the shadows not too far from where we’re standing. She wraps her arm around him in comfort as they walk back to his apartment that he built over the barn behind the main house.
I scan my brothers. They’re all staring at me with differing levels of emotion. Anger. Concern. Hurt. Confusion. I see it all in their expressions.
“Anyone else want to take a swing?” I ask as I push off the building and brace myself. “I’ll take it if that’s what you need.”
“Where’ve you been?” Liam crosses his arms over his chest and glares at me.
“Out,” is all I offer.
“No shit,” he growls. “You’re gonna have to give us more than that.”
I shake my head. “Can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t?” Ash asks.
“Can’t.” I repeat. I hate doing this to them because I know they worry. But I can’t jeopardize Edge’s operation. The work he does is too important.
When my brothers don’t say anything else, I push past them and start toward the house. “If you don’t mind, I need a shower before I leave.”
“Where are you going now?” Liam yells.
“To see Lia,” I say. “Thanks for not kicking my ass. I’m gonna need my energy for Lia’s brothers.”
“She’s not at home,” Mac calls out.
I stop dead in my tracks and slowly turn to face him. “Where is she?”
He shrugs. “She was staying with Nova, but I heard she disappeared two days ago. She hasn’t even been to work.”
“Fuck,” I whisper. The flower shop is important to her, and I’ll never forgive myself if I cause her to lose it.
I pull out my phone and reread the last few messages from her. Not once did she tell me where she was staying. But in her last message from yesterday, she said she was waiting for me. She didn’t say where, but she also doesn’t have to. I know where she is.
“I’ll find her,” I say before I continue walking toward the house.
“How?” Liam calls out, but I don’t answer him.
I need to clean up and go get my girl before I lose her forever. It’s time I man up. My life is no longer just about me. I’ve got two other people who are depending on me now.
And I can’t let either of them down.
A calmness I haven’t felt in weeks settles over me the second Amelia’s car comes into view. My gut instincts were right. She’s hiding out in my cabin, waiting for me to return.
I park my bike by her car, and half expect her to come running out. If for no other reason than to give me shit for disappearing on her. But there’s no movement from inside the cabin.
It’s a little after eight in the morning. Either she’s still asleep or really pissed at me. My bike is loud, and I can’t imagine her sleeping through that rumble.
If I were her, I’d be pissed.
I pull off my helmet and stare at the front door. An image of Amelia standing on the porch holding a baby pops into my head. Her smile is so bright it’s almost blinding. A warmth fills my insides and makes my heart beat faster. So fast, in fact, I can hardly breathe.
Pushing the dream out of my head, I slide off my bike and head inside. It’s too quiet for this time of morning. She should be up and getting ready for work. But my brothers said she hasn’t gone to work for the past two days.
I shouldn’t have left her. I should have stayed and been the man she needed me to be, even if I had to fake it. Pretend to have it all under control. That’s what she needed from me. Not a chickenshit that runs away to hide from his problems.
It’s done. All I can do now is try to fix my mistakes and hope she doesn’t hate me.
As soon as I open the front door, her scent overwhelms me. Sweet and cheerful. That’s my Amelia.
Her jacket is tossed over the armrest of the couch and there are some groceries on the small table by the kitchenette. It looks like she prepared to stay here for an extended period. As much as I’d love to keep her here with me, this cabin isn’t big enough for a family.
I never intended for it to be more than an escape when I needed to hide. No one was ever supposed to know I even owned this cabin. But that was before her. Before I gave into temptation and made her mine.
She changed everything, and I need to rethink my life.
When I see Amelia curled up in my bed sleeping, my breath catches in my throat. Her hair is fanned out over the pillow, her soft curves visible beneath the covers. The faintest snore escapes here with every breath she takes. It’s the cutest thing I’ve ever heard.
In all the time we’ve spent together here, sleeping is not one of the activities we’ve indulged in. She’s never spent the night. I’ve never held her while we slept.
The emotions that come over me are so strong they almost knock me off my feet. I want that. I want Amelia to be here with me always. I never thought I’d be a father, and I’m still scared shitless, but I want this with her. All of it.
Not bothering with my clothes, I pull the covers back and slip into the bed next to her. She lets out a soft moan as I wrap my arms around her, resting a hand on her belly. My baby. I can’t see it or feel it yet, but I can sense it’s here.
An excitement I’ve never let myself feel before washes over me. Is this my chance to right all the wrongs of my past? It seems so stupid for someone like me to reproduce. I’m damaged goods. I don’t need to pass that on to a kid.
But then again, I wasn’t given a fair chance at life. My fate was sealed for me the day I was born. It doesn’t have to be that way for this baby. He or she will have an amazing mother. She will make up for all of my shortcomings and never let this kid suffer because of who its father is.
I can do better—be better—for them.
I kiss the top of her head and whisper, “I’m sorry. I’ll never leave you like that again.”
“Mmmkay,” she moans as she sinks further into me. She’s not awake, and it hasn’t registered to her conscience that I’m here. I wrap my arms tighter around her and relish the calm she provides. I don’t know how long that will last once she wakes up.
Her body stiffens, and it feels like she stops breathing. Then she shoots up in bed and whips her head around to face me. “Christian!”
She stares at me for several seconds like she’s not sure if she can trust her eyes. A range of emotions stare down at me. Surprise. Confusion. Anger. Happiness. Fear. And even love.
I still can’t believe this woman loves me.
“Hi,” I whisper. I reach up and brush her hair away from her face. She gasps at my touch.
“Oh, my God,” she says as she throws her arms around me and squeezes me tight. “Where have you been?”
Her arms around me feel like heaven, so I do the only thing I know how to do. I hug her back. I hug her so tight I’m surprised she can still breathe. “I’m here now.”
“I was so worried.” Her voice cracks as she fights back tears. “You’ve never been gone this long before.”
“I know, and I’ll never do it again. Not like that.”
She nods and doesn’t speak for several minutes as she holds me tight. It’s like she’s afraid I’ll vanish if she lets go.
“I’ve got you, baby,” I whisper before I kiss the side of her head. “I promise.”
She nods before she releases me and sits up. I instantly miss her warmth against me. She wipes her face dry before she slaps her hand against my chest. “Never leave me like that again. Ever.”
I shake my head. “Never, baby. I’m staying right here.”
“Good,” she sighs and adjusts until she’s sitting cross-legged next to me. I rest my hand on her knee and squeeze. “We need you. More than you know.”
I hold her stare for several seconds before I shift my gaze to her belly. “Everything okay? I mean … I know nothing about babies and pregnancies. Are you okay?”
She nods. “I went to the doctor last week. The doctor says I’m about ten weeks along. Due at the end of March. That matches up with when I ran out of pills. I guess we didn’t use condoms for long enough after that break.”
I shift until my head is resting on her lap, and then I press my hand over her stomach. “I’m so sorry I panicked and left like that. I’m still panicking, but I’m here. I won’t leave like that again.”
“I know.” She runs her fingers through my hair, and it feels like heaven. “Just promise to talk to me from now on. You can tell me anything. I will never judge you.”
“I’ll try.” She squeezes me closer, and I nuzzle my face into her, giving her stomach a kiss. “Can’t promise I won’t fuck it up, though. And often.”
She chuckles. “I can handle it.”
I look up at her and smile when I see the light in her eyes. “I don’t deserve you.”
“Yes, you do.” She leans down and kisses my forehead. “I’ve got something for you. Wait here.”
She extracts herself from my hold and scoots out of the bed. I groan when I realize she’s wearing nothing but a tiny pair of thongs and one of my old T-shirts. I can just make out the curve of her ass as she walks around the bed.
“When can I fuck that ass again?” I say, not bothering to filter my thoughts.
She looks over her shoulder and rolls her eyes at me. “Always so crude.”
“You love that about me,” I say just before she disappears into the front room.
“You’re not wrong,” she calls out. There’s a hint of playfulness to her tone that lets me know we’re okay. She has every reason to hate me. She should hate me for the way I ran away, leaving her alone to deal with this mess.
I’ve still got a lot to make up for, and I’ll do whatever it takes to deserve her heart.
I roll over onto my back and kick my shoes off. When my head sinks back into the pillow, I realize just how tired I am. I’ve been on the go, mostly running on adrenaline and fear, for nearly a month.
“Here,” she says as she crawls onto the bed and straddles me. She hands me a small piece of paper.
“What’s this?” I stare at it for a moment before my eyes focus. Then my eyes widen as I realize what it might be. “Is this—”
The smile that spreads across her face is brighter than the sun on a clear day. She nods.
“Our baby,” I whisper.
“It’s just a teeny tiny nugget at the moment, but yeah, that’s our baby.”
She leans down and rests her head on my chest. I wrap one arm around her and hold her close while I stare at the tiny bean shaped nugget in the picture.
I’m in awe. Both for this woman and this tiny baby I helped create. A sensation I can’t quite explain consumes me. It feels both joyful and terrifying at the same time. I can’t put words to it but I know one thing for sure. I need this woman more than I need the air I breathe.
“I don’t want to lose you,” I admit out loud for the first time.
“Then don’t,” she says like it’s the simplest thing in the world. I kiss the top of her head as my eyes fall heavy. Being here with her is all it takes to calm my soul and put me at ease.
“Live here with me?” I ask before sleep consumes me.
“Yes,” is all she says before I drift off.
We still have a lot to figure out. It will take time, and this cabin needs a lot of work before we can make it home. But I’m committed to making it happen. As long as she’s with me, anything is possible.