Prologue
Mayson “Trucker” Calhoune
The music was now a dull pulse in the castle-like structure behind me. It had taken some fancy footwork to book it even two years in advanced—two years, some fancy footwork and Kaos calling in a favour.
Kaos would move heaven and hell to get his woman what she wanted—anything to make her happy.
I wondered if I was that kind of lover.
But I was so tired.
All I could manage in that moment, was to lift the beer bottle to my lips.
As I glanced behind me, the sign on the gate told me in big, bold letters that no alcohol beyond this point.
The temperature had dropped drastically. And being on the hill made it even cooler for a July night. But still, I’d only dipped outside in my vest over my dress shirt.
I couldn’t wait to get home to remove my bowtie.
That was Zoom’s rule—men must wear bowties to match with Kaos. It didn’t matter the colour of if it was the kind that squirted water.
And since she hadn’t given us more rules, I happily complied—but I never saw the reason for neckties or bowties.
Again, I stuck my finger into the neck of my shirt and tugged a little.
I frowned and drank from the bottle before turning my attention to the city below me. The lights were slowly coming on, and the sky had gone dark, the moon hidden by some dark clouds.
“Here you are.”
I looked up to see Moose standing there, towering over me sitting on the rickety park bench. When I said nothing, he handed me another beer, drew up his pants by pinching the thighs and sat beside me.
He grunted with the movement.
I knew that feeling well.
When the body had somehow became a whole ache and every movement hurt—something as simple as sitting.
“I wasn’t hiding.” I managed to finish my beer before opening the one he’d handed me. “My social battery isn’t what it used to be.”
I drank.
“And it takes more and more time for me to rest.” I added. “I feel like I haven’t slept in five million years.”
“Ah, yes.” Moose chuckled. “The burnout. I know that feeling very well.”
I quirked a brow.
“We all go through it.” Moose explained. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
I sighed.
“When was the last time you took some time off—not just a weekend. Actual time. Where you just sit with your demons.”
“I haven’t. And now it’s bad timing.”
“How so?” Moose questioned.
“I won’t be able to until Zoom gets off her honeymoon.”
I signed and turned my eyes to the lights below us.
“Damn.” Moose muttered. “I forgot you’re running that place until then. How long she gone for?
“Two weeks. I think—I can’t remember.”
The length of Zoom’s time off was now sitting on my shoulders—no, on my head—along with everything else.
“How do you deal with burnout?” I asked. “Because I’m struggling right now. My bright sparks are Lena and then there’s Zoom and Kaos—my family outside of the job.”
Moose blushed in the dim lighting and drank from his bottle.
“I used to just take the time.” Moose told me. “I realized that taking a day just sitting at my place doing nothing—then another day out to not think about anything is self-care. It’s good for my mental health.”
“Mm. A stiff drink?”
Moose hesitated then nodded. “Sometimes. It’s just—”
When I looked at him again, Moose stretched his legs out in front of him.
“Why argue with my captain about it?” Moose went on. “He’d just deem me unfit for duty and call it a day.”
I chuckled.
“My point is, I’d be forced to take time off anyway.” Moose shrugged. “But now with Pen—she’s my sanity.”
“Well, I’ll figure out some time to get some rest when I can.” I told him. “That’s the best I can do. I mean, they could bring us another captain to fill in for Zoom while she’s out. That comes with its own fair share of frustrations.”
“I get it.”
“But I don’t want my team to have to deal with that.”
Moose nodded.
“Makes sense.” He leaned back against the bench. “Listen, a Pen-fix may not work for you. We’re all different and this is—well, different.”
That made sense to me.
But as of that moment, I needed to get my shit together.
Soon I’d be running a place that couldn’t afford any kind of screw-up. My mind needed to be in the game or the results could be devastating.
The station needed me to be able to hold things down until we got our captain back. It made sense that I took over since I’d been there since the very beginning.
Thankfully, no one else had noticed me free-falling.
Inhaling, I straightened my back, grunted at the release it caused through my body and finished my drink.
By the time we returned to the reception, a few of the guests had gone because they’d been at the wedding all day.
The bride looked tired but was glowing with a kind of happiness I didn’t understand. Kaos was at her side, his bowtie undone and hanging around his neck as he shook hands and greeted other guests. I stood off to the side, allowing them to mingle.
“You know, you can’t hide how you’re feeling forever.” Moose told me. “Sooner or later, you’re going to have to tell someone. But even if they don’t notice—”
“I won’t take it on the job.”
I read his mind.
Moose made a face at me.
He wanted to say something else, but his phone began vibrating.
The smile that crawled across his features told me if I stuck around for that conversation, I’d be a third wheel.
Pen was the only person who could make him smile like that.
I took the hint.
Patting his shoulder, I walked away and allowed my body to get swallowed by the crowd. Quickly, I retrieved the gift I’d brought for the newly weds and dropped it off with the others. All I wanted to do was head home, but I couldn’t leave until I let the bride know.
“Hey beautiful.” I walked up behind Zoom, the crystals on her wedding dress rough against my palm at her lower back.
She spun and grinned before tossing her body into my arms.
“Congratulations.” I told her, hugging her back. “I can’t get over how beautiful you look.”
“Trucker!” She cheered. “I’m a wife now.”
I grinned.
“I know.” I released her to pat Kaos on the shoulder. “Who would have guessed it would be to this guy.”
“Hey, now.” Kaos laughed. “Thanks for coming.”
“Of course.” I eyed Zoom. “Or your wife would neuter me.”
Kaos crinkled his nose at me.
“That’s nice.” Kaos wrapped an arm around her hips. “Hearing someone call her my wife will never get old. What’s up?”
“I’m heading out.” I told them. “I have to be at the station early tomorrow and I don’t want to be half asleep for that.”
Kaos nodded.
“I’m sorry,” Zoom said.
I managed a smile.
It took me another little while to get out of the place. I was stopped by our friends for short conversations before I all but fell out the door.
The temperature was steady again—and I filled my lungs with some fresh air, wishing I hadn’t quit smoking so many years ago.
“Hey, wait!”
Turning, Moose ran toward me.
“I’m getting back on a plane first thing in the morning.” Moose explained. “Remember what I said, right?”
I thought back to his words and nodded.
“I’ll take a break as soon as I can.” I told him. “You’re right that I can’t keep going on like this, but the station needs me to step up right now. It’ll be easier on the gang.”
And over the next little while, I sucked it up.
During the day, I worked as I was expected to. During that time, I handled my responsibilities and Zoom’s as well as ran the fire station to ensure we had everything handled.
One call blurred into another and another, but I managed to hold everything together as my feelings of soul weariness grew and grew.
It swelled like a tidal wave from some far-off place. It expanded into my chest to almost a size twice as big as me and more.
At nights, I drank to soothe the ache, the numbness the uncertainty.
I drank to not remember—to not remember the exhaustion that pulsed through every part of me. Though hungover most mornings, I was able to hide it all.
I couldn’t go on like this.
Though I had times of craving a cigarette, times when I found myself walking into a store with the purpose of purchasing a new pack, I usually exited with gum, candy, soda or bottles of water.
I would end up buying things I didn’t need to keep my mind off the addiction that had taken me so long to kick.
“Uncle!”
Arching a brow, I looked away from the report I’d been agonizing over before rising and walking to the balcony. Lena waved up at me, grinning from ear to ear and lifting a bag up to show me.
My heart immediately soared—happily.
Her dark hair was tied up at the top of her head as she was dressed in a Thai dress our friend Storm had sent her from Thailand. Gold and black, it looked lovely on her.
Smiling, I jogged down the stairs to hug Lena Forsythe. She wasn’t my DNA niece, but no one could tell her differently.
She hugged me back then lifted the bag once more.
“I thought you could use an uncle niece date,” Lena told me. “I figured there will be less time once school starts.”
I pouted at the thought of her going away.
“You have time?” Lena chuckled. “Are you on call?”
I shook my head.
“Not on call but if I get a call out—”
“Got it.” Lena wrapped an arm around my hips to lead me toward the lunch space. “We need to hurry then. I was told you were down and needed a hug.”
“Have you been talking to Kaos and Zoom?”
“Not a chance. If there isn’t some kind of emergency, they were told not to be on their phones.” Lena set the bag on a table and began removing burgers.
“You stopped at Bucky’s!” I grinned.
“Aunty Zoom said they were your favourites.” Lena spoke. “I wish I could have tried their milkshakes. But their ice-cream machine was being serviced and it would have been an hour to wait.”
“Next time.” I reached for a french fry.”
“Yeah.” Lena nodded. “Anyway, uncle Kaos and aunty are on their honeymoon. I was talking to aunty Pen and uncle Moose.”
Figures.
But I wasn’t going to complain. Of course, Moose was going to talk to Pen about it.