30. Indie #3
“I know. I put that hurt there,” Teddy dips his head, making me meet his eyes. “Indie, I’m okay.”
I bite my lip, ignoring the way his eyes track me doing that. “You’re being honest with me?”
“That’s all I’m going to be with you now.” Teddy looks a little sheepish now, scratching the back of his neck. “I did… bring it up to my therapist.”
My heart stops, thinking his therapist is going to call me some abusive monster and tell him to run for the hills. And I don’t even want to unpack how the idea of never seeing him again is shredding me apart. It’s like a monkey paw wish.
“She said that with the enmeshment with my mother, her needs became first for me. Managing her emotions. Making sure she was happy. There was always a ‘or else’ that was unspoken.”
My lip curls in disgust.
Teddy grins.
“But with you… I surrendered because I wanted to. Yeah, I’m willing to do anything to make things right. I wanted to please you. I wanted… you,” he swallows hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. “I never felt trapped with you. I felt free, instead.”
My face heats, that feeling coiling in my gut like a shot of whiskey.
“It didn’t feel like your emotions were hinging on me obeying you. I just wanted to show you that I was listening. In any way you needed. And that was… how I did it.”
“I shouldn’t have made you do that,” I say, feeling my cheeks heat. “It was… controlling. And wrong.”
Teddy tilts his head back and forth in a so-so motion.
“It was. But maybe I needed to know that you could take control without ever hurting me—and you didn’t,” he shrugs. “And maybe I needed to give you that because I wanted you to feel heard by me.”
I study his face. “You didn’t feel… like I was degrading you or…”
“No,” he shakes his head. “Instead I felt…”
“You felt?” I prompt after he trails off, eyes narrowed like he's trying to work through his thoughts. His cheeks color slightly; something dark and heated flashes across his face for a moment before he smiles.
“Trust," he says finally, nodding once. "In you.”
And that makes my gut clench.
“I don’t think I trust you,” I admit in a shameful whisper. “Not completely. Not yet.”
“That’s okay,” Teddy soothes. “But I would like the opportunity to rebuild that with you. If you’d let me.”
“As friends?” I clarify, and Teddy doesn’t look disappointed at that, like I had expected. Instead, his eyes light up and a wide smile spreads across his face.
“I would love that, Indie.”
“It’ll be slow,” I caution quickly. “Like… glacial.”
“I can do glacial,” he shrugs like it’s nothing.
“I won’t make you crawl again, I promise.”
“What if I ask nicely next time?” Teddy wiggles his eyebrows jokingly.
“Teddy!” I say, burying my beet-red face in my hands and hiding my smile.
“I’m sorry,” he chuckles.
“You’ve perfected saying that,” I mumble.
“Glad I’m excelling at something.”
“You excel at many things, Teddy. Don’t cut yourself short.”
Teddy goes still and just looks at me for a long time. I look back at him, and slowly, a smile spreads across his face.
“Thank you, Indie.”
I shrug, needing to look away before I overheat. “It’s just the truth.”
“Still…” he whispers, his voice thick.
I stand from the table, and Teddy follows my lead, taking the photo album with him. I walk him to my front door and, out of the corner of my eye, see him looking all around my place, scanning the walls and rooms he can see.
That’s when I realize the drawings—the Europe ones—I framed and was going to hang tonight are leaning against the far wall in the living room. His eyes are on me, but I can’t meet them yet. Not without combusting into pieces.
“Could you… make copies of those,” I say, pointing to the album after I pull open the front door. “I’d like to have them.”
“Of course,” he murmurs, stepping out into the hall. He turns back to me and sighs, “Indie? Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, Teddy,” I nod before clearing my throat. “And thank you for… understanding. I really am sorry, and I—”
“No need.”
“No. I need to say this,” I interrupt firmly, knowing I need to apologize. Knowing he should hear me apologize. I’m not his mother. I would never hurt him like that. “I’m sorry for testing you without discussing it first. That was wrong of me. And cruel. I’m incredibly sorry for my actions.”
Teddy smiles. “Apology accepted.”
“And I…” I meet his eyes. “I forgive you. For everything.”
Teddy’s face twitches. His shoulders drop. Then he smiles, before it falls slightly.
“Don’t forgive me just because you feel bad—”
“I forgave you back in Florence,” I admit, smiling sheepishly.
“Oh, that’s it—” Teddy grins, pointing at me with narrowed eyes. “You were just in it for the free breakfast, huh?”
I hold out my hands like he’s going to arrest me. “Guilty.”
Teddy chuckles, and I feel myself melting, huffing a laugh.
“Will you… text me when you get home? So I know you’re safe.”
Teddy beams.
“Sure,” Teddy nods eagerly. “If you want.”
I smile softly, “I do—wait, where are you staying?”
Teddy answers me with a wink before turning and walking down the hallway, disappearing from sight.
“What is that supposed to mean?”