Indie
MARCH
Ihonestly never thought I’d ever come back to Chicago.
And truthfully, I hoped I never would when I left. This city holds too many bad memories, the feelings that accompany them drowning out even the best of them—of Ellie, of Phoebe, of meeting Teddy and falling into the greatest love I’ve ever known.
This place was never my home, but that’s because home isn’t just a place for me.
It’s something I create wherever I go.
As long as I have Teddy with me, I’m home.
So, I thought Chicago would just be a distant memory.
Of course, Ellie is buried here, but she always told me, because she always spoke so casually about her death, not to waste time talking to dead bodies six feet under.
Not unless I felt a purpose in doing so.
I think it’s definitely subjective, as some patients’ families have told me they feel closer to their loved ones while speaking to their gravestones, while others find it unnecessary.
But Ellie said she wasn’t going to be in that old, broken-down body anymore. She would be dancing in the stars with her Ted. If I wanted to talk to her, all I had to do was say her name.mAnd I choose to believe that.
Heath and Luke didn’t want us to come back.
When Teddy and I first officially got back together, he called them to update them on everything, much like I did with my new friends.
Then we gave each other our phones when our respective friends asked to speak to us, and I smiled as Heath and Luke congratulated us and said they would come out to visit with their girlfriends, see the ocean, the boardwalk, and the house Teddy fixed up for us.
Then I watched Teddy’s eyes grow wider as he listened to Petra, Lupita, Zuri, and Genevieve all tell him not to break my heart again, that second chances are rare, and that he better treat me the way I deserved. They also informed him they would be coming out to make sure of it.
Teddy, with slight fear in his tone, sincerely promised he would. When I asked Teddy if he was alright, he smiled and said he was glad that I had met them and deserved their protection.
It’s nice for them to still have my back, even though we’re scattered across the world.
Phoebe had already called and told me that she and her wife would be using our house for their next vacation, and since we had so many empty bedrooms, we were excited.
And Stephanie and Danielle had already agreed to completely cut off the rest of the family. They had no idea of the shitstorm that was upon us.
No contact is a blessing and a curse.
A blessing not to have to deal with Dawn and her machinations.
But a curse, because then she can take you by surprise.
I had no warning about this.
Back in February, I was called into my boss’s office shortly after my shift began where HR and the board were on a conference call. As soon as HR said Eleanor Ambrose, I just knew what was happening.
From there, I was questioned for three straight hours about Ellie, going over every single minute detail about my relationship with her. They asked me questions from every angle, trying to trap me, but my story never changed.
I had to reiterate over and over that I was a resident doctor assigned to Eleanor Ambrose by chance; I did not seek her out.
I met her grandson when she had already been my patient for a month. We did not start dating until she left the cancer center and was officially no longer my patient. I did not manipulate, coerce, or demand the inheritance she left me.
I did not date my boyfriend with the intention of getting money from his sick grandmother.
God, just the thought of it makes me sick.
Teddy and I landed in Chicago last night after a tense flight.
Teddy’s been so wonderful, taking care of everything from booking our flights, our hotel in the city, as far away from his family home as we could get, even packing our things.
He would hold up my professional attire to me, the slacks and blouses I used for interviews, putting together my outfits while I sat uselessly on the bed in a daze.
And all morning, I was a quiet, shaking mess as Teddy tried to get some food in me, able to coax me into eating some fresh fruit from the hotel breakfast and then got us a rideshare to Hyde Cancer Center.
The place I became Dr. Miller.
But honestly, more importantly, where I met Ellie and Teddy.
The place where we laughed together with Ellie while she cheated at cards, waving her magic for both of us to meet.
Where Ellie was declared cancer-free, and I was cleared to date Teddy.
Where we fell in love. Where I daydreamed about our future—the future we’re living now.
Teddy isn’t able to come inside with me, not for this process. I was going to be questioned alone. I was going to have to sit in front of a bunch of older doctors who were once somebody in their heyday and listen to them question my integrity.
Not totally alone, though.
Phoebe found me a lawyer, one of her old college friends, who has experience representing doctors in malpractice cases. As our rideshare pulls up to the front of the hospital, she’s already waiting for us.
Lorraine Washington is a short woman with warm brown skin and dark hair in microbraids, pulled halfway back.
Her dark eyes are sharp and assessing as she scans my appearance from head to toe after Teddy and I climb out of the car.
She texted me this morning, telling me not to wear makeup, to pull my hair back into a ponytail, and to wear something blue.
So, I pulled on my cream-colored blouse and my lucky navy-blue slacks, which she nods in approval at.
“Good,” she says. “You look the picture of wide-eyed blonde innocence. Today should be simple. They’re going to question you.
They are going to be invasive. The men might even be gross.
You need to keep your voice flat and answer every question honestly.
They don’t have shit, but if the press caught that they were going soft on a doctor accused of elder abuse, it would look bad on the bottom line. Understand?”
I nod. “Yes.”
“Alright,” she turns to Teddy, “This is as far as you go, kid.”
My hand tightens around Teddy’s, and he looks as reluctant as I am to let go, but he cradles my face in his hands, pressing his forehead to mine. For a moment, I just feel him. Breathe in the scent of him. My hands wrap around his wrists, feeling his pulse beneath my fingertips, steady and strong.
“You’re going to be okay,” his voice is rough and it sounds more like he’s reassuring himself. I nod anyway, though, leaning forward to press my lips to his.
“I love you,” I whisper.
Teddy kisses me once more, lingering before he rasps against my mouth. “I love you, honey.”
And I let the words wrap around me like the comforting blanket they are.
Just a brief moment of comfort, but that’s all I need to get me to press my lips to Teddy’s once more, walk into Hyde, and hold my head up high as Lorraine guides me toward the elevators.
“You emancipated yourself from your parents at sixteen years old, correct?”
There’s something in Dr. Minkus’ tone that sounds wrong. Judgmental. The expensive suit, the gold watch, and the slight upturn to his nose either tell me he’s never struggled a day in his life, or he’s been bathed for so long in luxury that he’s forgotten.
I haven’t.
I will never forget what it means to be hungry.
To work toward something because it’s the only way out of poverty.
“Yes,” I say, my voice clear and as even as I can control.
“What was the reason you did so?”
I take a deep breath, Lorraine’s presence next to me feeling like my only ally in this cold conference room. I sit before three committee members at this long wooden table, all three doctors peering at me, looking for any hint of guilt.
The fluorescent overhead lighting is causing a throb behind my eyes as I try to keep my leg from bouncing. The nerves are itchy, crawling all over my body, but Lorraine told me to be calm. To keep an air of innocence because that’s exactly what I am. Innocent.
But perception is reality.
And the perception of me, when shown in a different light, gives truth to these accusations.
“My parents were alcoholics who were unconcerned with raising a daughter,” I clear my throat of the emotion threatening to shake my voice. “I decided to take that responsibility from them.”
Dr. Minkus’ lip curls, only slightly, but I see it.
I’ve seen that look many times over my life, usually after people find out about my past and have already decided the kind of person I am.
It’s paints a picture in their head that no matter what I say, won’t change.
It’s what Dawn did. It’s what Dr. Minkus is doing right now.
“And how did you support yourself?”
“I worked while getting my GED,” I say.
His brow raises, “What types of jobs?”
“I worked at fast food restaurants. I worked for a maid service and cleaned hotel rooms. I was a janitor at a local elementary school in Indiana. When I started college, I waitressed, cleaned houses on the side, and tutored classmates. Any place that would hire me, I worked.”
Dr. Moira Vale, the head chair of the ethics committee, makes a note in the file in front of her. She has short, cropped dark hair and a stern face that immediately makes my back straighten.
Sitting next to her is Dr. Angela Halloran, an older woman with long silver hair and a soft voice. She hasn’t said much, though Dr. Minkus has been monopolizing the meeting for the last hour. But she scares me the most for some reason.
A note taker sits at the far end of the table, their fingers moving a mile a minute on the keys as they document every question asked of me, every answer I give. They’ll compare these answers to the answers I gave back at Bluewater, looking for any holes, any lies.
“So,” Dr. Minkus tuts, tapping his pen once against the folder, “you grew up with very little money.”
There it is.
It’s not a question, it’s an observation and a very fair one at that. I was broke pretty much my whole life, and I still survived.