Chapter 5
Chapter Five
HARRY
M a is pacin’. Glancing at the damn clock every few laps of the kitchen. I know what she’s doin’, and it ain’t gonna work. Louisa Masters is about as available to me as a second moon landin’. I finish up my early lunch and wash up my plate. I have no intention of being here when she decides to grace us with her presence.
You think for a man who’s spent the last ten years pining for this girl, I’d be happy to see her. But coming face-to-face with her was anything but a good experience. It brought back the memory of her runnin’ from me as fast as she could. Not to mention the heartbreak that followed. It took me years to come back from that.
“Later, Ma. Enjoy your lesson.” I grab my hat and stalk for the back door.
“You’re not stayin’?” she calls out behind me.
Like hell.
I fly out the back screen door like the house is fire. I can feel Ma’s gaze burnin’ into my back. Guess I’ll be getting an ear chewing for that later. I’m not meanin’ to be rude. Just don’t need another round of Louisa in my life right now.
I have to focus. I’m so close to getting us off this tiny-ass farm and onto a ranch. In three months, give or take a few weeks, I’ll be in the position to make my move.
Hell will freeze over before I let Louisa glide into town and wreck my life again. I round the side of the house to where I parked the truck. Fences on the southern side need attending to. I’ll start on them first. That’ll take a few hours; she should be gone by then.
Here’s hoping.
I run the buckboard to the barn and load it up with the post hole shovel and crowbar, post rammer, toolbox, and three fresh coils of wire. Nothing like keepin’ your hands busy to clear your head. Ma’s sentiment. Works every damn time.
Tracking the vehicles across the fields, I hop out to work the few gates on the place as I go. Reaching the southern boundary fence, I let her idle at a stop as I sweep my gaze up and down the long run of sagging posts and wire. So much for a few hours.
The old man told me it needed fixin’.
This needs replacing.
Dammit.
Lucky for this old fence, I now have the perfect reason to spend hours with my hands busy. I kill the engine and grab the toolbox from behind the driver’s seat. Snipping the wire, I watch as the entire line sags even further when the last bit of tension goes.
Four hours later, my hands cramping from repetitive use of the wire cutters and pliers, I call it a day on the fence. With all new posts rammed into the soft earth and two new wires along the long stretch to hold it in place until tomorrow, I toss the tools back into the box alongside the leftover posts.
Sliding the toolbox back behind the seat, I push the seat back and climb in. I rest my head back on the low bench seat backrest and close my eyes. Balling my hands tight and flinging them open, I coax the blood back into my hands. As feeling returns to my fingertips, I turn the engine over. She rumbles to life.
The drive back is slow. I’m killing time.
I’m well aware that this is me being a coward. Or standoffish. One of the two.
I’m sure Ma will have words ready and waitin’ for me when I get back to the house. When I finally reach the barn, I jump out and haul the fencing gear out, in case Ma needs to go somewhere between now and when I make it back to that fence.
It’s only when I turn the truck for home that I catch a glimpse of a small yellow Datsun in the driveway.
Surely, Louisa isn’t still here?
I grind my jaw, weighing up my options.
I’m guessin’ she’s going to be around for a while, since she got a job at the diner. I should be polite. She is doing a nice thing for Ma.
I pull up by the house and turn the vehicle off, making myself climb out and up the stairs before I lose my nerve. Walking into the kitchen, something heavenly engulfs my senses. Louisa leans over a large pot. Ma is chopping beside her. Neither woman looks up. The old record player is on. The two women sway to an Elvis tune.
I can’t help the smile that stretches over my face.
For the briefest second, I let myself think this is my life. Coming back from ranchin’ work to these two.
My chest aches.
I punch the thought down and clear my throat.
“Oh hi!” Louisa says, looking up from the pot. The wooden spoon, still in her elegant hand, continues to stir like it’s second nature.
“I—” I say. Ma winks at me. “Hello, Louisa.”
I shove my hands in my back pockets, not knowing what to do with myself. Lord above, how am I nervous and angry at the same time?
“You want to try?” Louisa holds the spoon up from the pot. Steam billows up from a thick red sauce.
“I should—” I turn on my heel.
“Come here, my boy. You have to taste this, we’ve been slavin’ over this here stove for two hours. Show Louisa the respect and hospitality you were raised to have.”
Heat flushes my neck. I drop my gaze to the floor. Ma may be a small lady and comes with a heart of gold for those she loves, but lord above, she gets the last word when I step out of line.
As I, apparently, am now.
“Yes, ma’am.” I look to Ma with an apology.
With a coy smile, she shakes her head. I walk to where Louisa stirs the pot again. “Let me have it.”
Her eyes light up as she pulls the spoon out of the pot. It drips, and she swipes it over the edge with quick precision. It’s heading for my mouth a heartbeat later. I lean in. Her scent mixes with the fragrant sauce and a stone grows in my throat. I choke on the last of the air in my lungs. The spoon meets my tongue.
I close my lips around the hot wooden spoon. Instantly, flavors spring to life in my mouth. She takes the spoon back, slowly. Her green eyes are on my face. Now her chest heaves like she’s the one who just had something hot shoved in her damn face.
I swallow the mouthful down.
My eyes drift shut. I’m drowning in the most incredible flavors.
“Do you like it?” she asks softly.
I open my eyes. Lips parted, I can’t pull my gaze from hers.
She frowns, then schools her face. “Do you... do you want some more?”
Body rigid from being this close to the only woman I have ever loved, ever wanted, I try to move. To tell her no. To tell her it’s fine.
I can’t do either.
“Oh! Hon, you’re going to be late for your date!” Ma gasps, her hand coming to rest on Louisa’s shoulder.
Louisa startles and spins back to face Ma. “Oh, goodness, I lost track of time! I have to go.”
She unties the apron, her fine fingers expertly working the knot undone. I watch as they press against the small of her back. Heart hammering, I can’t do anything more than simply stand there. Barely breathing.
She moves quickly, giving Ma a quick hug. “Same time next Wednesday? We can do the fresh pasta to go with that sauce. You did such a great job, Rosie.”
Rosie?
What the hell?
That’s a bit friendly.
Like the dope I am, I stand there, wordless, as Louisa rushes away from me for the second time in ten years. Running toward another guy.
This time doesn’t feel any better than the first.
* * *
The last of the sun’s rays disappear over the horizon as the old man stirs. It only takes three minutes before the cuss words and raised voice start.
Fuck me.
I make a point to be in the kitchen as he wanders around waiting for a plate of food to materialize at his place. Head of the table. Head of the family. Like he deserves that title.
More like the ass of the family.
Bitter, nasty old shit he is.
“What you lookin’ at?” he hisses at me, fingering tobacco onto a paper before he licks the edge and rolls his smoke.
Ma hates it when he smokes in the house. He does it when he’s in one of his moods to spite her. His messy bed hair is oily and plastered to one side of his face. Ma gently sets a plate of food and cutlery at his spot on the table.
“Eat something, Eddy, you’ll feel better.” Ma gives him a pleading look. Her hands wring through the apron covering her skirt.
“Ah, probably tastes like dirt.” He pushes it away.
My hands fist under the table as Ma sits in her spot across from me. Her gaze stays stuck to her plate. I eat the food she prepared and make sure to clean the plate.
He puffs away on his tobacco like it’s his last meal.
Wouldn’t that be somethin’.
“I’m taking the truck. Boys are having a game tonight.”
How on earth he can keep track of anything in his alcohol-induced hazy days is beyond me.
“Fill it up on the way home, will ya?” I ask.
“You run it dry again?!” he hollers.
Knew that was a bad idea the second the words left my mouth. Ma stares at me. I stare at her for a heartbeat before dragging my attention back to the man who’s supposed to be my loving father figure.
“Yeah, while I was busy makin’ a living and keeping a roof over your sorry ass.”
He jolts from the chair, unsteady as usual.
“Harry,” Ma whispers, shaking her head.
She wants me to keep quiet. Let things go. Let it be.
I’m done with his bullshit.
So, I stand and fold my arms over my chest. I’m bigger, taller, and not riddled with the aftereffects of the drink.
“You think you’re some big rancher now, do ya? Couldn’t make a rag out of cut cloth. Go ahead, brag all you want. I bought this land. Started this family!”
“And drove it into the goddamn ground when you lost interest.” My words are guttural, harsh. “Go to town, take your fill. The only thing you’re good for is holdin’ down a bed, anyway.”
He takes a swing at me, and I lean back as he stumbles forward and crashes into the china cabinet.
With a little luck, the truck won’t make it home.
It’s when I turn back that I realize my mistake. Tears stream down Ma’s face as her gaze is stuck on her shaking hands between her plate and the edge of the table.
Fuck.
She’s probably thinking he’s gonna take this out on her when he gets back. That somehow, it’s her fault I ran my mouth.
The old mongrel deserves more than the railin’ I give him. But that’s not a luxury I can afford when the consequences affect the only person I have left in my life.
Louisa’s smile springs to mind with that thought.
I push it away.
Nope, still down to one person. It doesn’t matter how much my stupid damn heart still aches for Louisa, she’s not mine. Most likely never will be.
What woman in their right mind would volunteer to be part of a family like this?
“Not wastin’ my time here with you two ungrateful ingrates,” the old man says, swiping up the truck keys from the hook by the door and pushing through the front door. The engine roars and gravel flings at the house as I look to Ma. “I’m sorry.”
She shakes her head again. This time, she looks up and tries to force a wobbly smile. I wish she wouldn’t bother tryin’ to protect me anymore; that role has definitely flipped between us. And I will put myself between her and that monster any day of the week.
“If I—” She pulls in a ragged breath and tries to compose herself. “I would give you a different life if I could, my boy.”
My nostrils flare, tears burning the back of my eyes. I know she would.
She tries to every day.
Berating herself.
Being submissive to him to keep the fuckin’ peace.
All for me.
But I’m done with these eggshells. With this pandering to a man who doesn’t deserve the family he’s been gifted.
Done.
I briefly consider cutting the brake lines the next time the old man needs the vehicle. But the fear of being caught and leaving Ma all alone squashes that erratic thought.
Any chance I have of seeing Louisa again would evaporate.
So, we stay stuck in this pattern, until life grants us the miracle of change.