Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-Five
LOUISA
T oo much.
Too big.
One stroke of Harry Rawlins, and I’ve melted into oblivion.
He pulls out, ever so slowly.
My body trembles from the loss. The air in my lungs reduces to nothing but cinders. Mouth gasping, I wriggle back an inch. How can he give me that just to take it away? I cant my ass up.
“No, Harry...”
He slams into me again.
Harry fills me up, consuming me entirely. Like no one else before. Emotion clogs my airways. I hold onto his grip like he’s the last lifeline I have.
Who am I kidding... he absolutely is.
“Mine, Louisa May. You always have been.”
A sob breaks through, falling through my trembling lips. I suck back the emotion. I want this. I want him. I want this life.
No.
Not want.
Not anymore.
Now, it’s pure need .
I can’t imagine another life worth as much as this.
He slides out. The fist in my hair shifts, turning my gaze to his again.
“This right here, darlin’? This is what stays. You and me. You feel lost, you come find me. I’m your true north. Always have been. Understand?”
I nod.
He slams into me harder, shaking his head. “Nope, I wanna hear you say it.”
“Harry,” I pant. “Right here, you’re my home.”
His mouth crashes over my parted lips. With every thrust, I tighten around him more and more. Each puffy breath burns as he releases my hip and his hand sweeps up my stomach, squeezing my breast. I lay my head on his shoulder.
“Fuck,” he growls. “You have no idea?—”
He swallows hard with a heady groan.
I find those deep blues, and they are devastating. Flooded with love, need, and something so surreal. It’s the fire that makes him Harry. It bores into me. Finding my wandering soul and lighting it on fire. Now he’s part of me, like I have been part of him since our first innocent kiss as high school sweethearts.
I can’t breathe.
He waited so long.
Tears burn behind my eyes.
Jaw clenching, he drops his head, lips brushing my ear. “Breathe, Louisa May, we’re right where we’re supposed to be.”
I fold my hands around his as he takes up a caressing rhythm. Warm kisses dust down my neck. Rough hands slide over my skin, coming to rest on my hips. “I want to watch you. I want to see us joined, Louisa May.”
I nod, sucking in a shaky lungful.
He pulls out. I curl into myself at the loss. Harry sits against the headboard and holds his arms out. I walk on my knees, moving over his lap, knees on either side. He brushes my hair from my face, tucking it behind my ear.
“God above, you’re so fuckin’ beautiful.”
His Adam’s apple bobs.
I huff an amused sound, rolling my lips together as I press my palms to his chest.
“Come on, Lou. Show me what your stunning face looks like when it falls apart.”
I rise, and he lines his fat tip up with my entrance. Still, even after being nailed to the wall, he’s too big. His chest rises and plummets as I sink a little way.
Jaw clenched, his hands snap to my hips. “Sweet Jesus, woman.” The words are no more than a low growl.
Heavens, this man.
I pause, only an inch or so onto him.
The stretch is everything.
Harry is everything.
I want to sink so low there is no way to tell where I start and he ends. So we can no longer be pulled apart. Leaving no possible way for life to separate us ever again.
I need this man in the worst way.
He leans forward, clamping a nipple between his teeth, and I have no control over the way my body sinks onto his. His raw rumble fills me up, taking over my soul, shredding it and ravaging every morsel of self-doubt, every sliver of uncertainty over where I belong.
His grip turns feral, bruising when I take up the rhythm between us. Lips parted on threadbare breath, I search the face of the man in front of me as it falls to pieces. His face tugs into something so desperate that catches me off guard so badly, emotion flares behind my eyes, flaring my breathing hot and fast.
Nope, I can feel whatever this undertow is, but I am steering this ship. I close my eyes, forcing my emotion into something I can give.
I cant my hips, taking him deeper, and his head falls back, hitting the headboard. Delight courses through my veins at the thought of turning this burly, stoic man to putty.
I love it.
Leaning down, I dust hot, wet kisses over his collarbones, tracking them upward, laying a trail up his throat as it works under the touch of my lips. I nip his jaw as I rise.
I plummet back down, claiming his mouth.
He thrusts up, and I can’t help the whimper that spills out. He devours the sound, pushing off the headboard. Hands gripping my face, he sends his hips up, thrusting hard as I rock my hips.
Deep blue eyes burn into my own as he sends me spiraling, thrusting so deep. Again and again.
“Harry,” I whisper, hands planted on his chest.
“Yeah, darlin’,” he rasps.
“Where have you been all my life?”
A choked chuckle tumbles from his face before it twists into something tortured. His breathing disintegrates into choppy bursts. His hands grip down hard on my hips, and I still over him, eyes searching his.
Briefly closing his eyes, he says, “Waiting right here for you to find your way home.”
He thumbs my cheek, moisture coating his fingertips. I didn’t realize I let the tears slip. He kisses me hard, and I break apart in his hold. But when he leans back and his brows fall, I wait for the next Harry Rawlins revelation I know will blow me away.
And he does when he says, “You never left this man any other choice, Louisa May.”
In this moment, I wish I could change the last ten years. Take it all back. Stay rooted to the spot that night he dropped on one knee. What I wouldn’t give to take back all the hurt I caused him. The long, lonely years he lived through.
“No.” He runs a hand through my hair. “I can see those cogs turnin’. Don’t you dare feel bad for having a life. I wanted that for you, still do.”
“I—”
His brows rise, as he dips his head as if reminding me to choose my words.
“I don’t deserve you,” I finally breathe.
“Yeah, you do, Lou. You just took a while to realize it.”
My face falls.
Only Harry would know the self-consciousness I deal with, the anxiety that holds me hostage every time I want something. He is the one good thing I’ve never let myself have. Not in the last ten years. As if my heart knew how good a man he is. Screaming for me to stay away, unless I ruin him, too.
I scrunch my nose up to stave off tears.
Good lord, I’m a mess.
I put it down to the last few months. Nothing about it’s been easy or drama-free.
As I settle into studying Harry’s gaze, I’m hopeful for the future, down deep in my heart and soul. The kind of hope that lets you know, whatever happens in life, I will be okay, because I will be with him.
I will have him by my side.
No matter what.
Before emotion takes me under and sucks me in an undercurrent I can’t escape, I palm his face. His rough stubble is heaven under my fingertips.
“Well, in that case, I will spend the rest of my days showing you how much you deserve this woman and this life you want so much.”
He chuckles and pulls my mouth to his.
“You’re on, little lady.”
I wriggle my hips, my only weapon left after his confession. His blues darken immediately, and his tongue is wanting in. I rock my hips, and the bliss grows instantly.
“Fu-uck, Lou.”
I rise to my knees until his tip only just remains inside me. This right here, the way his face is all strung out, the sweet agony of having him right there , I’m savoring it.
It’s only when fiery blues find me do I lower, only a little. A half snarl leaves his lips as rough hands snap to my hips, and he slams me downward.
“Ahh—Har—” Eyes closing, my head falls back as I arch into him. The whimpers keep fallin’ as he thunders up into me, his pace unrelenting.
His lips close around a nipple, and the mewl falling from my throat is raw.
Feral.
“Deeper, Louisa May?”
I nod my head furiously, not able to breathe a word.
Harry shifts, grabbing me around the waist. He kneels before resting back on his heels. I’m still above him, but he is impossibly deep. I can barely rise all the way up.
“Fuck me . So damn tight.”
It’s all I can do to stay upright on trembling legs as he thrusts hard. I grip his shoulder with one hand, the other fisted in his hair.
I open my mouth to say something, I don’t even know what, but every last syllable, thought, evaporates with each new, harsh thrust. Harry’s all hard stomach, muscular legs, corded forearms. I’m a puddle of something unrecognizable in his hold.
Lightning fires, short-circuiting each nerve in my body as he hits something so deep. There is no air left. I gasp, desperate for more, not caring I’m drowning in him.
I cry out when his hand leaves my hip and his thumb brushes over my clit.
Oh god.
“Lou, come for me. I need to feel you fall apart.”
“Ha—”
I choke on a thin inhale.
His thumb continues to run circles over my clit as the bonfire in my core roars to life.
With a growl, he sucks my nipple. Hard.
I explode around him, hips bucking into his harsh thrusts. Back arched. My hand, still in his hair, tightens, white-knuckling his messed-up brown hair. His mouth parts as he winces, but his lips curl up the tiniest bit as I cry out.
He’s taking in every shape my face takes, every sound I make, every movement. He’s mesmerized.
Like I’m his true north, and he refuses to let his eyes wander, to lose focus. Never wanting to lose his way ever again.
I won’t let that happen.
I tighten around him further, taking up the rhythm, desperate to give him back what he’s given me. It’s more than a release, it’s my heart and soul, the days I have left to live. The happiness, joy, love, and anything else I can give. It’s his.
It’s ours.
Harry takes my face, dragging my mouth to his as he meets me thrust for thrust.
“I love you, Louisa May Masters,” he breathes. His forehead meets mine, and he growls, low and heady, as hot ropes flood into me. I ride him through his release, wanting to draw out every last ounce of his pleasure.
Starting now, this man has my utmost attention.
His breathing settles as he leans back with his palms flat on the bed behind him. The sweetest smile pops over his handsome face.
I lean down and kiss that smile, dusting my lips over his.
“For the record, Harrison Rawlins, thank you for waitin’ on me.”
Something like disappointment flashes through his eyes, but he runs a finger between my breasts and up my neck before tugging on my bottom lip.
“Sure thing, darlin’.”