Chapter 25
Ava
I couldn’t sleep.
My imagination ran wild knowing we shared the same roof. It built whimsy, little sand castles. Played tricks on me, read into every smile, dissected every action. But then a pessimistic inner voice would wash in like a tide. If he wanted to, he would.
How many times had we ended up a breath apart?
And he hadn’t kissed me! Maybe this really was just an apology?
And I was getting worked up over nothing?
But then why say things like “anywhere, anytime?” He’d always been flirty.
Was that just his nature? Did he like the attention?
Well, shame on him! He shouldn’t play with people’s emotions like that!
Thanks to the blinds, the room remained dark, so Nina slept through my tossing and turning. I dug fingers into my hair, stretched my legs across the bed. Felt Eli’s promise whisper in my ear again.
A tentative knock brought me back to reality. I sat up, discombobulated, wondering if I’d imagined it.
Another knock.
In a T-shirt barely long enough to cover my underwear, I padded across the carpet, opened the door a crack, and squinted as light streamed in from the den.
There stood the culprit. The reason for my sleeplessness. Beaming at me with beautiful teeth and a defined jaw that I could easily imagine working kisses down my neck. My molars gnashed. In his dusty camel Carhartts and a faded blue tee, he could’ve just walked off the set of a small-town romance!
Staying here was a mistake.
Eli rocked on his heels. “Morning, sleepyhead. I–”
Nina’s sharp cry cut him off as she thumped out of her bed and ran to the door, clawing at my leg. She probably needed another dose of painkillers. “Uppy!”
“Not right now, Crackerjack.” Not unless I wanted to flash our visitor a sample of my cotton briefs. Eli slid his gaze away, and that’s when I knew he’d gotten a peek, anyway. Ugh. I needed coffee. “What do you want, Eli?”
“I came to check on you.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s a little after eight.”
“What! Are you serious?”
He nodded.
“I have to get ready for work!” I rushed through the bathroom to the indulgent walk-in closet, muttering, “Stupid sandcastles!”
“Want me to make you some breakfast?” Eli’s voice remained den-side.
Clean underwear, pants, shirt, bra. I yanked them all in a rush, then growled when my foot got caught in the fabric of my darn capris.
“Or not,” he said. “Whatever you want. You’re strong and capable either way.”
“I want beckfast!” Nina whined.
“Nina!” I called, “Come take your medicine.” My pulse raced to a sickening degree.
I hated being late. I dug through my plastic drawers for no-show socks, and the stupid thing gave me a paper cut …
a plastic cut? “Son of a Seabiscuit!” Squeezing my finger, I rushed to the bathroom sink, ran cold water over it, and dug out a Band-Aid.
Eli poked his head into the bathroom doorway. “Are you okay?”
“Get out! I’m changing!” I kicked the door shut in his face.
When I re-emerged, Eli was waiting in the den, leaning his butt against the back of the couch, his hands in his pockets.
“Where’s Nina?”
“Upstairs.”
“Nina!” I called. “Come put on your clothes.” But I didn’t have time to wrangle her out of her pajamas.
Eli followed me to the upper level. “We’ve got pancakes in the kitchen.”
“I’m good.” I couldn’t eat. My heart racketed in its cage. This wasn’t me. I didn’t call out of work on new jobs, then roll in late like a druncle at a baptism.
“Ava, seriously. You should eat something before you go.”
I had seven minutes to get into my truck if I wanted to clock in on time.
Bill fried bacon on the stove. Nina kicked her legs under the bench at the table as she bit into a silver dollar pancake.
I put the bottle of kids’ grape Tylenol on the kitchen counter, and glanced around the room. “Where’s Marley?”
“Helping Luke with the horses,” Eli said, pulling a mug from the cabinet.
I crossed the kitchen and took it from his fingers. “I can do that.” No more gallant acts for me to overthink later. A prickling feeling skittered across the back of my neck as I put a pod in the coffeemaker. “Yes, Eli?”
“What?”
I looked over my shoulder, and sure enough, he was leaning against an adjacent counter, holding his own coffee, and studying me. “Why are you looking at me like the cheat sheet to today’s test?”
“I’m not doing that.”
His dad laughed from the stove.
Eli straightened. “I’m not.”
“Right,” I drew out the vowels. “Well, can you stop?”
“It’s just …”
I sighed. Is this worth the cup of coffee?
His brow furrowed. “You have, I dunno, a … a storm cloud over your head, or something.”
Blame it on the pressure difference between reluctant affection and inevitable disappointment. Or my hot imagination and cold reality. Or his “anywhere, anytime.” “May I suggest an umbrella?” If it didn’t involve touching him, I really would cover his mouth with Band-Aids.
Bill laughed again, and Eli suddenly grew very interested in the marbled pattern on the counter.
“I have to go. I’ll bring this back,” I said as I lifted my mug. Then I bent to press a quick kiss to Nina’s head. “Bill, can you give Nina her medicine?”
“Okie Doke.”
As I was stepping out the door, Eli ran after me and shoved a paper towel full of pancakes at me.
“Here.” His hand wrapped around mine, forcing me to take it.
A large, strong hand that made mine tingle with anticipation.
Two strips of bacon lay across the cakey stack.
Little train tracks I apparently couldn’t stop myself from running down.
I only took it because to argue would’ve made me late.
“Bye, Nancy,” I called as I walked out the door of Rock ’N Roll. “Have a good weekend!” I held my carefree smile until I pulled my Chevy onto the street. When it dropped, it was a face-gasm of epic proportions.
So far, I still had a job.
The past few days spun around me like a funhouse tunnel. Nina’s broken arm, Steven’s slimy power play, Eli’s … I still wasn’t sure what it was.
I yanked out my ponytail and ran my fingers through my hair.
Terry still waited for his visit. I’d postponed when Nina fell.
Should I stop at Hidden Meadows before heading home?
My brain tripped over tasks, reconciling, prioritizing.
But Nina kept popping to the top. Did her arm hurt?
Did she get a nap? Lunch? In the end, I headed straight for Bill’s ranch.
I took my shoes off just inside the door and enjoyed the cold tile under my feet. But the stillness put my hair on end. “Hello?”
Muted voices lifted from downstairs. I found Bill sitting with Nina on the floor in our new room. No sign of Eli.
“And dis one. And dis …” Nina’s little finger pointed at all the treasures we’d proudly displayed on a cardboard box turned nightstand the previous evening.
“Those are very nice,” Bill told her. “And who’s this?” He pointed at a framed photo. “Is that your daddy?”
“Yeah.”
“What’s his name?”
“I don’t know.” Her voice held no sadness or longing, which should’ve been good, but instead it broke my heart. This little girl never knew her father. She didn’t even know his name! I couldn’t remember the last time I’d talked about him.
“Jason,” I blurted, joining them. “She was very little when he died.”
“Mama!” Nina jumped up and rushed at me, clubbing my leg with her plaster arm. Words bubbled out of her mouth like a forgotten water hose. Something about Play-Doh, and bones in the backyard.
I wrapped her in a hug, and my anxiety faded. “Wow! That sounds like an eventful day!”
Bill pushed himself off the floor. “I didn’t mean to intrude on your space. Nina wanted to show me her treasures.”
“I don’t mind.” I dumped my purse and shoes on the floor, then sank into my fluffy blue bedspread.
Bill was a godsend. What a culture shock it would be when Nina switched back to a place that smelled like disinfectant and had a ten-to-one child-to-caregiver ratio. But Bill had his own priorities–a son to convince to stay.
He picked up the framed photo. “I remember hearing something about him on the news.”
“Take some salt with that. The media had their own version.”
He returned the picture to the make-shift nightstand. “What’s the real version? If you don’t mind me asking?”
I took a minute, collecting my thoughts, waiting for that rush of sadness.
Bill’s eyes dropped to Nina, misreading my hesitance. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it around her.”
“No. She’s heard the story.” I combed my fingers through my hair.
Where to start?
“The boys caught a wild mustang,” I began.
“Usually, they purchased colts or younger mares and trained them, but this stud was causing problems nearby. Maybe it caught the scent of a mare in heat. Who knows?” I lay back onto the bed, suddenly too tired to sit upright.
“The boys went out and caught him. Once separated from the other horses, he calmed down. We thought he broke free from another ranch, but no one claimed him. After a month of working with him, they saddled him. He hardly flinched.” My fingers traced over quilted stitching.
Guilt churned my stomach, and regret burned my chest. “The mustang had a jittery personality. And there were so many people around.”
Ghostly images flickered in front of me. Lazy arms draped over fences, kids running circles while they waited for pony rides, their boots kicking up plumes of dirt. Casual conversations under the canopy of mesquite trees.
“I trusted Jason’s judgment. He knew horses better than anyone.
” My glossy eyes picked a point on the ceiling.
How quickly everyone had hunted for blame.
“We never would have allowed anyone else to approach or ride an unsafe horse, no matter what the news articles claimed.” All because of a stupid white trash bag.
“Anyway, the horse spooked. Jason fell the wrong way. It was quick. All of it.” A single tear, like his white hat, descended.
Bill held a reverent silence for me before saying, “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”