Chapter 19
HARDISON
The barn was quiet except for the scrape of my boots on concrete and the low shuffle of Diesel shifting in his stall. I leaned against the gate, arms folded, watching the big gelding chew hay like the world couldn’t touch him.
“Wish I had it that simple, boy,” I muttered, running a hand down his neck. His ears flicked back toward me like he was half listening.
I worked without thinking, cleaning out stalls, checking tack, stacking feed. The weight on my chest didn’t lift. If anything, it pressed heavier. Emberlynn’s words replayed in my head over and over, every damn one of them twisting like barbed wire. Trapped. Stuck.
Diesel nudged my shoulder when I went still for too long. “Don’t look at me like that,” I grumbled, shoving his nose back gently. “You don’t know what it’s like to want something so badly and feel like maybe you’re squeezing too tight.”
A door creaked behind me, followed by the unmistakable sound of boots and the softer scuff of rubber soles.
“Hardison?” Raya’s voice called, cautious but curious.
I wiped a hand over my face and turned. She waddled in, belly first, bundled in a big sweater that didn’t quite hide how far along she was. A basket swung from her arm.
“Didn’t mean to interrupt,” she said with a little smile. “I came for eggs.”
“You’re fine.” I nodded toward the henhouse on the far side of the barn. “Help yourself.”
She tilted her head at me instead of moving. “You look like you’re chewing something heavier than hay.”
I huffed, grabbing a pitchfork and stabbing it into the pile of old straw. “Just needed some air.”
“Air in the barn, huh?” she teased, then her tone softened. “Want to tell me what’s going on?”
I kept working, the fork biting and lifting, until the silence stretched too long. Finally, I dropped it against the wall and leaned on the handle.
“She told me she wants to move into town,” I said flatly.
Raya blinked. “That’s… bad?”
“It was when I thought she meant moving in here. With me. With us.” I shook my head, a bitter laugh escaping. “Hell, for a second I thought she was finally ready to settle. But no—she wants her own space. Said living with me would make her feel trapped.”
Raya’s brows drew together, her hand smoothing absently over her belly. “Did she say she doesn’t want you? Or did she say she fears moving too fast?”
I pinched the bridge of my nose, Diesel blowing out a long sigh like he was tired of the conversation too. “She said she wants us. Wants me. Just… not all the way. Not yet.”
“And that feels like rejection,” Raya finished for me.
I met her eyes, jaw tight. “Feels like she doesn’t trust I’m worth the risk. Like I gave her everything—my space, my life, my heart—and she’s still got one foot out the door.”
Raya walked closer, slow but steadily, until she rested her basket on a nearby bale of hay.
“Or maybe she’s just being smart. You two went from strangers to tangled up with each other in record time.
Maybe giving herself a little breathing room isn’t rejection—it’s survival. Especially if she’s serious about you.”
I scrubbed a hand down my face, staring at the dirt floor. “Doesn’t feel like it.”
She tilted her head. “Hardison, if she didn’t care, she wouldn’t be stressing about where she belongs. She wouldn’t have stayed this long. And she sure as hell wouldn’t be worried about how to make this work.”
Diesel bumped me again, impatient for attention. I stroked his muzzle absently, my throat tight.
“I just… I want her here,” I admitted, voice low. “Not in town. Not half in, half out. I’ve lived with enough half measures to last me a lifetime.”
Raya smiled softly, her eyes knowing in that way only a woman’s could be. “Then tell her that. Not in frustration. Not like a command. Just… honest. She’s giving you honesty, even when it’s hard. Meet her there.”
I swallowed hard, nodding once. “Yeah. Maybe.”
But even as I said it, the knot in my chest didn’t let go.
Raya studied me, her arms folded across her chest now, the basket forgotten on the hay.
“You ever think maybe you’re not the only one with scars?” she asked quietly.
I frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“She’s been through things, Hardison. You see the fire in her, but you don’t always see what lit it. Women don’t throw around words like trapped unless they’ve been trapped before.”
The word hit me harder than I wanted to admit. I thought of the way Emberlynn stiffened sometimes, how she scanned a room before settling, how control was always dancing on the edge of her voice.
I clenched my jaw. “So I’m supposed to what—just accept that she doesn’t trust me?”
Raya shook her head. “No. You’re supposed to show her she can. Trust doesn’t come from demanding it. It comes from proving over and over that you’re steady. That you’re safe. That you won’t disappear when she needs you most.”
Diesel snorted behind me, pawing the ground like he agreed with her. Damn horse.
I let out a rough laugh, scrubbing the back of my neck. “You make it sound simple.”
“It is simple,” Raya said, her eyes steady on mine.
“Simple isn’t the same as easy. You’re a man who thrives on routine, on knowing where things stand.
She’s a woman who needs freedom to breathe, but she keeps choosing to come back to you.
That’s not a contradiction, Hardison. That’s a balance waiting to happen. ”
Her words dug deep, turning over things I didn’t want to face. The military had taught me to push, to take ground, to own it. But Emberlynn wasn’t ground to claim. She was… God help me. She was the one thing I wanted to protect without putting a fence around.
I leaned harder against the stall door, looking at Raya. “So you’re saying I need to back off?”
“I’m saying,” she corrected, “you need to love her in a way that doesn’t feel like a cage. Let her see that moving closer to you doesn’t mean losing herself. The rest will come.”
I was quiet for a long moment. The barn held its breath with me.
Finally, I nodded once. “Appreciate you saying it straight.”
Raya smiled, softly but certain. “I’ve got enough hormones running through me to say a lot of things straight. But don’t mistake it—Emberlynn’s already half in love with you, Hardison. Don’t go scaring her off by trying to rush the other half.”
That hit me square in the chest. I felt it—the hope, the ache, the fear.
I reached over to the stall, scratching Diesel’s forehead until his eyes half-closed. “Guess I’ve got some learning to do.”
“Guess you do,” Raya agreed, grabbing her basket again. She winked at me before waddling toward the hens. “And for the record, if you screw this up, I’m siding with her.”
I snorted, shaking my head. “Appreciate the vote of confidence.”
“Don’t thank me yet,” she called over her shoulder. “Just get it right.”
The barn door creaked shut behind her, leaving me with Diesel and my thoughts.
And damn if it didn’t feel like both were staring me down, waiting to see what kind of man I was going to be.
Thinking better of it, I ran after Raya.
She hadn’t grabbed eggs, and I’d bet she’d forgotten.
She laughed when she realized what she’d done.
I told her to hang tight while I filled the basket with eggs and then walked her to the big house.
Then, I followed the trail to my house to go find my woman and make this right.
Walking inside, Emberlynn was fast asleep on the couch.
Her plate sat half eaten, and a sappy Christmas movie streamed on the television.
I took what was left on her plate, added more and sat at the table to eat.
When I was done, I put everything away and wiped down the counter one more time.
Then I kneeled beside Emberlynn and watched her beautiful ass sleep.
Emberlynn wore her hair short. She’d arrived with hair that was about an inch long.
Now, it reminded me of the old hairstyle that young Rihanna was known for.
Still short, she curled the pixie cut, and it framed her face.
She’d mentioned getting it cut when she went back home, but I loved the new way she wore it.
Her pouty lips were full and super succulent, soft, and ready for mine.
Her breasts were more than a handful, and her voluptuous curves gave her an hour glass frame even more heat.
Long legs… hips… ass… I’d always loved black women, but Emberlynn…
I sighed. I didn’t call her Queen because it sounded good.
It was because she was regal in more than one way.
Looking at her, you could tell that she deserved everyone blessing the ground that she walked on.
She was kind and caring, doing for others even if she didn’t have a single thing for herself.
How somebody could do her wrong was foreign to me.
Women don’t throw around words like trapped unless they’ve been trapped before.
I sighed and was brave. I stood up and slid my hands underneath her body, searching for the right placement to lift her.
When I found it, I pulled her against me, and her head rested on my shoulder.
I groaned when my leg reminded me it wasn’t healed all the way.
I’d try to remember that next time. Slowly, I made my way to the bedroom and put her in bed.
I stripped off my clothes and joined her.
Pulling her into my arms, I prayed to my God to give me strength.
Then I kissed her shoulder, blessing the moment.
“Hardison…” Emberlynn mumbled.
“Yeah, kitten.” My voice came out rougher than I’d intended.
“You’re back.”
“Told you I would be.” I kissed her shoulder again.
“Mad at me?” she whispered.
“No, nervous.” I admitted.
“Me too.” She sighed.
“That’s why we’re going to take it one day at a time. Whatever you need, I’ll be right here.”
“Thank you for understanding.”
“Thank you for trusting me.”
“Same.” Then I felt her fully relax into me as she dozed back to sleep.
I pulled the blanket around us and turned off my thoughts so I could join her.