Chapter 65 Knox
KNOX
SINNERS AND SAINTS GROUP CHAT
Blake: Knox, how are you feeling?
Me: Fine.
Axel: “Fine,” he says. The man had his skull cracked open like a coconut, and he says FINE.
Jace: You did have a significant fracture.
Me: I’m aware. I was there.
Axel: Were you though? You had TWO concussions. Back-to-back. Your brain was basically a Magic 8-Ball for a while there. “Will Knox remember his own name?” Shakes head. “Ask again later.”
Ryker: That’s not how concussions work.
Axel: Oh, I’m sorry, did YOU go to WebMD at 2 a.m. while stress-eating Doritos? No? Then sit down.
Blake: You stress-ate Doritos over Knox?
Axel: COOL RANCH. The emotional support flavor.
Me: I’m touched.
Axel: You should be. I don’t break out Cool Ranch for just anyone. That’s reserved for life-threatening injuries and season finales of reality TV.
Me: Jace, thank you for the second cell phone.
Jace: My assistant spent three days setting up the first one. Contacts, apps, accessibility features. She created a digital tutorial folder. Color-coded.
Ryker: She didn’t.
Jace: She named it Technology for Boomers: A Gentle Guide.
Axel: DYING. *Crying laughing emoji*
Blake: That woman deserves a raise.
Jace: She got one. And a spa day. You should’ve seen her face when I told her the phone was destroyed in the fire. She looked at me like I’d told her I ran over her grandmother. Twice. Then backed up to confirm.
Blake: I bet she felt bad when you told her how it actually got destroyed.
Jace: Indeed. She upgraded him to the best iPhone on the market.
Axel: Oh, what a sweet little administrative assistant!
Jace: That tutorial folder had HYPERLINKS, Knox.
Axel: Speaking of things Knox is avoiding, when’s the housewarming party?
Me: No.
Axel: You’ve been putting me off for months! Pretty soon, it won’t be a housewarming party. It’ll be a Congratulations on Your First Year of Freedom party.
Me: Still no.
Axel: We could have it at the mansion. Or Jace’s penthouse. Jace has, like, fourteen rooms.
Jace: Twelve.
Axel: Oh, TWELVE. My mistake. How embarrassing for you.
Ryker: You just want an excuse to get drunk and break things.
Axel: I can do BOTH, Ryker. I contain multitudes.
Blake: Maybe a small gathering?
Me: No gathering.
Axel: A tasteful soirée.
Me: No.
Axel: A humble shindig.
Me: Axel.
Axel: A modest jamboree.
Ryker: Those are all the same thing.
Axel: They are NOT. A shindig has a completely different energy than a jamboree. Look it up.
Jace: There will be no party.
Axel: There will ABSOLUTELY be a party. And I’m bringing a pinata shaped like a prison cell. *Wrecking ball emoji*
Me: I will end you.
Axel: SEE? That’s the energy I wanted! Very manly. Very threatening. I felt that in my chest.
Blake: He’s not joking, Axel.
Axel: Please. The man’s got a concussion and a skull fracture. I could outrun him.
Me: I’m recovering. And try it.
Ryker: Axel couldn’t outrun a shopping cart.
Axel: EXCUSE ME. I am NIMBLE.
Ryker: You tripped over a flat surface last week.
Axel: That floor was slippery, and you KNOW it.
Blake: Can we please focus? Tessa’s due any day now. We should be on standby.
Axel: Oh, I’m on standby. I’ve got a hospital bag packed. Snacks, fuzzy socks, a labor playlist.
Ryker: You made a labor playlist?
Axel: It’s called Push It Real Good, and it’s three hours of carefully curated pump-up anthems.
Blake: Does Tessa know about this?
Axel: She will when I hit play in the delivery room.
Blake: You’re not going to be in the delivery room.
Axel: We’ll see.
Blake: We will not see. Boundaries exist.
Axel: I’m kidding. I don’t want to see that shit. I’ll wait in the hall. WITH MY PLAYLIST PUMPING.
Me: I’m muting this conversation.
Axel: You don’t know how. That’s in Chapter 4 of the Boomer Guide. *Laugh out loud emoji*
Blake: Holy shit. T
Axel: “T” what?
Axel: Hello?
Axel: Did Blake just get abducted by aliens mid-sentence? “T” what? “T-he aliens just grabbed me”?
Axel: BLAKE.
Axel: You can’t leave a man hanging on a consonant. That’s psychological warfare.
Blake: Tessa’s water just broke.
Axel: Please tell me it wasn’t on the Persian rug.
Blake: AXEL.
Axel: THAT RUG IS VINTAGE.
Ryker: His wife is in labor.
Axel: AND I SUPPORT HER FULLY. But that rug survived two World Wars.
Me: We’re on our way.
Axel: Wait for me. I need to grab the playlist.
Axel: AND TOWELS. FOR THE RUG.
Blake: I’m turning off my phone now. See you at Mercy Harbor.
Axel: GODSPEED, TINY HUMAN.