Chapter 11 #3
“It was worth it,” Austin murmured. He released my hand and stepped behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me back against his chest. A shaky breath left me before I could stop it.
I felt tiny like this. Held. And suddenly I realized that he made me feel the same way the stars did.
The same way the mountains had. Small. Safe. In awe.
“I told you it would be worth it,” I sighed. The words triggered a memory before I could stop it. “You know…” My voice trailed off.
“What, Yellow?” he whispered near my ear.
“I knew someone once,” I said quietly. “A long time ago. He said the same thing when he brought me here.” I felt Austin still behind me. Just barely. Enough to notice.
“What did he say?” he asked.
I breathed quietly, remembering. “He said, I told you it would be worth it.”
“He brought you here?” Austin asked, and this time I could hear the edge of jealousy threaded through his voice.
“Who was he? A boyfriend?” I almost laughed at his tone.
Not because his insecurity was funny, but because he was jealous of someone I had known so long ago.
Someone who existed in a version of my life that felt almost imaginary now.
Didn’t Austin realize? I had never met anyone like him.
“No,” I shook my head. “He wasn’t a boyfriend. Just a friend.”
“I see,” Austin said. There was still a hint of jealousy there, but most of it had softened. “Are you two still close?”
I paused, chewing on the inside of my cheek as Austin pulled me closer. He was warm. Not that his warmth was necessary in the thick summer air, but I welcomed it anyway.
“Well… no,” I said slowly. “Henry and I were friends for one summer. Just one. Between fifth and sixth grade. It was the summer before middle school, and I think we both knew everything was about to change. Holden was always the popular one between us. I was more of a loner until I met Cherry in middle school.”
“It’s hard to picture you as a loner,” Austin said. “You’re incredible. I can only imagine people are drawn to you as much as I am.” His chin rested gently on the top of my head.
“Not really,” I laughed softly. “Preteen girls are brutal. You’re either in, or you’re out. Or you’re just… there. That was me. And without school every day, it was just me.”
“And Henry?” Austin asked.
I nodded, careful not to move too much. “Yeah. He was kind of a loner too. He lived on my street. One day he rode his bike past while I was sitting in my front yard. He felt like an adventure. Like he was always searching for something.”
“Sounds like a good guy,” Austin said.
“He was,” I agreed. “It was a good summer. We’d leave our houses in the morning and just walk. I never really knew what we were looking for, but it always felt like he did.” The memories flickered through my mind like something half-forgotten but warm.
“So what happened?” Austin asked gently.
“When middle school started, everything changed. He found his people. And I think we both knew our friendship was only meant to last those eight weeks. Actually…” I trailed off, remembering exactly who those people were.
“That’s a pretty weak excuse,” Austin said, a note of irritation slipping in. “He just left you behind? Where is this guy now?”
“He died,” I said the words both bluntly and softly at the same time.
“Oh,” Austin muttered. “Shit. I’m sorry, Yellow. That must have been hard.”
“Well,” I exhaled. “By the time it happened, we were basically strangers. We hadn’t talked in years. It was like that summer never even happened. So yes, it was sad. But it was more tragic for the people who really knew him when he left.”
“That makes sense,” Austin said. “What happened?”
“Well,” I breathed, my chest tightening as the memory surfaced. “He took his life.”
I felt Austin freeze behind me. His breath caught sharply. “Wait,” he said. “What did you say his name was?”
“Henry.”
“As in Zane’s best friend,” Austin said, more to himself than to me. “Damn.”
“Yeah,” I nodded. “They were inseparable once they got to high school.” I could still picture their group in the halls of Hawking, moving like a unit.
“Seren told me about him,” Austin continued. “She said Zane was a mess after Henry died. That 's why he transferred to West Bridge.”
“It was bad,” I agreed quietly. “But… he seems okay now.”
“It’s weird,” Austin said after a moment. His voice slowed, thoughtful. “How connected we are. Not directly, but—through other people. Like our lives have been brushing past each other without us knowing.”
“Yeah,” I said, considering it. “Or maybe not. This city isn’t that big. Our schools felt like different worlds, but for years you and I were only fifteen minutes apart.”
“I wish I’d known,” Austin said casually. Too casually. “The last four years would’ve been better if I had.” The words settled deep inside me, striking somewhere soft and exposed.
“That’s the thing about fate,” I said. “Fate knows better than we do. It knew we weren’t meant to meet until we did.”
“I guess,” he said. “It just makes me realize how little we actually know about each other.”
“That’s what I’ve been saying,” I laughed. “We’re basically strangers.”
“Oh no, Yellow,” he chuckled. “We crossed that line already. That kiss moved us from strangers to something else.” My stomach fluttered at the memory.
It had been perfect—not because it was planned, but because it wasn’t.
Our lips colliding without warning, without preparation.
Just like us. Spontaneous. Inevitable. A metaphor wrapped up in a moment.
“You know,” Austin said, and his voice shifted.
The confidence drained from it, replaced by something uncertain.
Careful. “There are things you don’t know about me.
Things that happened during those years we didn’t know each other. ”
“Well, that’s to be expected,” I said, knowing I had secrets of my own. Secrets I wasn’t eager to share. Secrets that changed the way people looked at you once they knew them.
“I haven’t always been the best person,” Austin went on, ignoring my attempt to deflect. “There are things I’ve been through. Things that might change how you see me.”
I stayed quiet, listening. Because I understood exactly what he meant.
Of course, he knew about Holden. He knew about addiction—but he didn’t really know about addiction.
He didn’t know what it showed you, what it forced you to witness, or what it carved out of you while you were trying to survive it.
Most of all, he didn’t know who I became during that time.
Here’s the thing about the people who love you knowing the thoughts that once made you starve yourself almost to death.
It changes the way they watch you. Even Cherry, who knew better than anyone that I was okay now, still paid attention to how I moved around food.
She was subtle. Gentle. Careful. And I didn’t want Austin to look at me like that.
“I’ve been through things I’m not proud of too, Austin,” I said quietly.
“Really?” he asked.
“Really,” I nodded. “So how about this? We tell each other those things when we’re ready. Not because we think we owe them, but because we want the other person to know.”
Austin didn’t respond right away. For a second, I wondered if I’d said the wrong thing.
Then I felt his hands leave my waist. He stepped in front of me, close enough that his height blocked out the stars entirely.
His presence was sudden, grounding, impossible to ignore.
He lifted his hand and gently took my chin between his fingers, his thumb brushing over my skin with a tenderness that felt deliberate.
Careful. Like he was already choosing how not to break me.
“Are you sure?” Austin whispered, so quietly I could barely hear him over the wind. “What if the things I tell you change your mind about me?”
“What if the things I tell you change your mind about me?” I asked in return.
“They won’t.”
“Well,” I breathed, the word soft but certain. “Then I guess we just have to trust each other. I have to trust you, and you have to trust me.”
“You trust me?” Austin asked. A slow, beautiful smile curved onto his lips.
“Yeah,” I said quietly. “I think I do.”
His smile widened, his eyes moving over my face like he was memorizing it.
I held my breath as his gaze dropped to my lips.
It flickered back to my eyes for only a second before falling again, drawn there like it had a mind of its own.
I could feel the pull between us. I wasn’t sure if I was creating it or if he was.
Maybe we both were. Maybe that was the point.
We moved toward each other at the same time, and then his lips were on mine again.
Just like before—only different. Better.
This time, Austin was in control. His mouth moved with the kind of intention I was quickly learning to expect from him.
His hands slid into my hair, pulling me closer as we kissed beneath the stars.
My hands found his chest, pressing against him as if I could feel the rhythm of his heart through my palms. For minutes, we didn’t come up for air.
It sounded like every song I’d ever heard about falling in love.
It looked like every romance movie I’d ever watched.
It felt like every beautiful book I’d ever read, and somehow, still nothing like any of them at all.
By the time I heard Cherry’s voice, I couldn’t tell where Austin ended and I began. “Blair—oh. Oh shit,” she gasped. “Oh my god.”
I pulled away slowly, my breath uneven. Austin opened his eyes, just as startled. His hands were still on me, lingering, reluctant to leave. Neither of us looked toward Cherry. We only stared at each other, smiling in that quiet, stunned way that came from knowing we’d both felt it.
“Isn’t this cute,” Levi’s voice drifted up, finally pulling my gaze away. Cherry and Levi stood at the bottom of the hill, Cherry laughing into his chest.