Chapter 12
I only had a second to register Austin before he drove away. Then I turned back to Holden.
I let my gaze travel over his face slowly.
He looked tired. Worn down in a way that went deeper than a bad night’s sleep.
His jaw was tight as he watched Austin’s car disappear, something sharp flickering across his expression.
Anger, maybe. Or something close to it. But I didn’t linger there.
I couldn’t, because his eyes stopped me cold.
They were clear. Steady. Sober. And the sight of them alone made my chest ache so badly it almost brought me to tears.
“Holden,” I said again, my voice quieter now. “Why are you here? Why are you home? You were supposed to be in Idaho for another two weeks. What happened? Why didn’t Mom and Dad tell me you were coming home? Why—”
“Sis,” Holden interrupted gently, finally looking directly at me. “Calm down.”
I tilted my head, forcing myself to do exactly that. I took a slow breath through my nose. Then I smiled, even though my throat felt tight. “I missed you.”
My lip trembled as I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around his neck, holding on tighter than I meant to. For a moment, he stayed stiff in my arms, like he wasn’t sure what to do with the contact. Then I felt it. The tension left him all at once as he hugged me back.
“I missed you too, Blair,” he said softly.
“What about me, Holden?” Cherry called out, her voice cutting through the moment just enough to make me laugh as I pulled away. Holden let out a shy chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck. He’d always had a thing for Cherry. Who didn’t?
“Of course, Cherry,” Holden said coolly, shoving his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. “Though you two seem busy enough without me here.”
“Are you jealous, Holden?” Cherry raised her brows at him, clearly enjoying herself. “So are we going inside, or are we sleeping on the porch tonight? Group sleepover. Haven’t had one of those in ages.”
“Yeah,” I laughed, “because we’re not in seventh grade anymore.” Even as I joked, my eyes stayed on Holden. His gaze kept flicking between the street and the two of us, his jaw tight, his expression unreadable. There was something restless about him. Something coiled.
“Party pooper,” Cherry sighed dramatically. “Come on. I want to hear all about Idaho.”
“Cherry,” I said as I pushed open the front door, the others trailing in behind me. “The only things in Idaho are potatoes and cows.”
“I didn’t see shit in Idaho except a hospital bed and a psych ward,” Holden snapped as he stepped inside, bitterness cutting through his words. He reached out and flicked on the lights, the sudden brightness filling the room.
Cherry winced only slightly. “Well, where’s the fun in that?
” She walked straight to the couch and dropped onto it with a heavy sigh, tipping her head back against the cushions.
There was a smile on her mouth, soft and distracted, and I could tell by the look in her eyes that she was thinking about someone who wasn’t in this room.
“Well,” I said, sitting down beside her. Holden took the chair across from us, elbows braced on his knees as he leaned forward. His mouth was set in a scowl that didn’t quite match the conversation, and that’s when I knew something was off.
“Well?” Cherry prompted, glancing at me. I hadn’t realized I’d let the word hang. I’d been too busy trying to read Holden’s energy, trying to figure out where that sharpness was coming from.
“Rehab isn’t supposed to be fun,” I finished, my eyes still on him.
“Don’t I know it,” he muttered, rubbing his chin as his gaze drifted somewhere far away. For the first time in my life, I wished we actually did have twin telepathy, just so I could see what was happening inside his head.
“Maybe you should stop going then,” I said lightly. I was joking. But I wasn’t.
“That’s the plan,” Holden replied flatly, a sarcastic smirk tugging at his lips.
“So, Holden—” Cherry began.
“Who were you two with?” Holden cut in sharply, his voice suddenly louder, more pointed. He didn’t ask out of curiosity, more like he was trying to confirm a threat.
“I knew it,” Cherry laughed. “You are jealous.” I wasn’t worried about her teasing.
Holden and Cherry had always existed in that strange, undefined space, years of friendship layered with something else that never quite surfaced.
If there was attraction there, it was buried deep beneath familiarity.
What worried me was the way Holden’s eyes stayed locked on me when he asked the question.
“Nah, but for real,” Holden pressed, barely acknowledging Cherry at all.
“You wouldn’t know them,” I shrugged. I wasn’t sure why Holden was so interested, and that alone made me uneasy.
Brothers have an instinct to protect their sisters.
That part is natural. But when you’re born only minutes apart, that instinct becomes something else entirely.
It becomes inevitable. You’re in the same grade, the same school.
You go to the same parties, hang around the same people.
You watch them flirt and kiss and fall in love with people you’ve both known since third grade.
Or at least, we did. Until Holden started running with the kind of people I never would.
“What makes you think that?” Holden asked. “I know everyone from Hawking.” His eyes were on me now. Fully. Searching instead of deflecting. I wasn’t sure what he thought I was looking for, but whatever it was, he seemed convinced I was hiding something.
“They didn’t go to Hawking,” I said. “They go to West Bridge.”
“Private school boys with private school money,” Cherry chimed in, holding her hand up for a high five. I swatted it away, rolling my eyes.
“Gold digging now, Cherry?” Holden laughed, the tension in his shoulders loosening just a little. Not gone. Just… delayed. “Thought you were better than that.”
“She’s kidding,” I said quickly. And she was. I knew that for two reasons. First, because if Cherry actually wanted money, she’d have no trouble extracting it from anyone. And second, because in reality, she had absolutely no idea how much money Levi even had.
“What did you guys do?” Holden asked, cutting in before I could say anything else.
“Not much,” I answered honestly. And it was true. We hadn’t done much at all, yet somehow, my chest still felt full. “They picked us up from work. We went to the field and looked at the stars.”
“Did you know Blair was such a romantic?” Cherry laughed, glancing between us. “Because I sure didn’t.” I smiled despite myself. And Holden watched me like that answer mattered more than he wanted to admit.
“That’s all you did?” Holden asked. He ignored Cherry completely, his attention still fixed on me like he was trying to read something written just beneath my skin.
“Uh, yeah.” My face twisted in confusion before I could stop it. What was this interrogation, and where was it coming from?
“Well,” Cherry said lightly, and I knew immediately I was about three seconds away from committing violence.
“That’s not all she did. She had her tongue—” Smack.
The pale pink throw pillow bounced off her face, and the look of pure betrayal that crossed her expression was worth every ounce of effort.
“Yeah, I don’t want to hear about any of that,” Holden said quickly, holding his hands up like he was physically warding off the information.
“Our sweet baby is growing up,” Cherry sighed dramatically, apparently forgetting that her sweet baby had just assaulted her and would absolutely do it again.
“Why does it feel like you two are my embarrassing parents?” I laughed.
“Alright, alright,” Cherry said, grinning as she stood. “I’m going to bed. Are you coming?” She paused, then added sweetly, “And no, Holden, I’m not talking to you.”
“You wish,” Holden replied, finally giving her attention.
But his eyes never left me. The feeling settled low in my stomach, uneasy and unfamiliar.
It was the kind of nervous energy I imagined most teenagers felt when their parents sat them down after a party they were never supposed to attend.
The kind where the disappointment came before the lecture.
Where you already knew the consequences, even if they hadn’t been spoken yet.
Cherry leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to my cheek. “We’ll talk about tonight tomorrow.”
“Yes, Mom,” I whispered.
Holden and I both watched her disappear up the stairs.
Neither of us spoke. The silence stretched, thick and uncomfortable in a way I had never experienced with him before.
Not even during the worst moments. Not when I was begging him to get clean.
Not when I was cleaning vomit from his face and pretending it didn’t hurt. This was different.
“Blair,” Holden said the moment Cherry vanished from sight.
“Look at me.” I did. I turned and looked at him, and we were caught there together, locked in a staring contest neither of us seemed willing to lose.
Finally, after what felt like far too long, he sighed.
He shook his head and dragged his hands through his hair like he was trying to physically pull himself back together.
“What is going on?” I asked. “Why are you acting like this?”
“You know fucking better than to ever do the shit I’ve done, right?” Holden’s voice was low, controlled, like he was holding himself back from something louder and uglier. “You know that, right?”
“Are you serious?” I shot back. “Why are you asking me that?”
“Answer me,” he said sharply. “Blair, I want to hear your answer.”