Chapter 21 #2
“It’s not that I think you can’t handle it. It’s that I don’t…” I stop, searching for the words. “I never wanted this. I never wanted my independence to be slowly stripped away or to have to rely on others, and when this progresses—”
“Then I’ll step in and help because that’s what partners do.”
“But you shouldn’t have to.”
“You shouldn’t have to go through it either,” he says simply. Fletcher lowers his voice. “You’ve been dealt a shitty hand, but that doesn’t mean you need to make it shittier by refusing yourself joy.”
I look away.
“You need to trust me, okay? You’re not a burden to me. You’re the opposite. Being with you… I can’t even describe it. You give me something no one else has.”
I study his face, thinking about all the times he’d given himself to me, even before we knew what our relationship could be. Is he saying he gets something out of this too?
“Please don’t push me away,” he whispers. “I want to be with you, Vince.”
I want to say yes. I want to lean in, promise him I’ll be around forever. But how can I when I still don’t know what comes next? This illness might progress to the point I don’t even recognize myself in two years. Will he still want me then?
I sigh. “It’s not just the MS that’s bothering me.”
“What do you mean?”
I pull my knee up, resting an arm on it. “Ace came in for the concert the other day.”
Fletcher stills, but slowly nods. “Yeah, I saw him.”
“He got his dream job working on motorcycles.”
Fletcher’s brows knit together. “And that made you realize you want to change jobs or something?”
I drop my head back against the wall. How can I explain this without sounding as pathetic as I feel?
“It made me realize I’ve never had a dream like that,” I say finally.
“I was never allowed to. My parents…” I fist my hand, anger coursing through me.
“From a young age, I was told to join the army as soon as I was eighteen. It’s what they did, and their parents before them, so I was expected to follow in their path. ”
Fletcher folds his legs, keeping his hand on my thigh. “And it wasn’t for you, was it?”
I glance at him. “I hated it. Truly hated it. But whenever I thought about leaving…” I shake my head. “I just couldn’t do it. Not until my dad died. Then the pressure to continue died with him, and I got out as soon as I could. Floated between jobs. Did whatever I had to do to pay rent.”
For over a decade is the part I don’t say. Twelve years I’ve been floating… and for what? To end up lost? Living paycheck to paycheck?
I scrub my face. “I don’t know what I’m doing with my life now.”
He doesn’t reply right away, eyes searching mine. “Do any of us, though?”
I laugh.
“I’m serious. Does anyone really know what they’re doing in life? I sure as fuck don’t.”
I give him a skeptical look.
He chuckles. “Seriously. I never dreamed of owning a business. And even now, I don’t know what the next five, ten, fifteen years look like.
I could wake up one day and find the economy crashed and no one can afford remodels.
Then what? I’ll be looking for another way to make ends meet, same as you.
No one’s future is guaranteed. We just have to make the best of today. ”
It’s such a cliché thing to say, yet it has never felt more true. Especially for me. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed.
I crack a smile. “When did you get all wise?”
“Hey, I’ve been living day-to-day ever since my divorce.
I’ve told you that. The first time I’ve really let myself think about something other than Georgie or myself was when I met you.
” He leans in. “I’m not here to tell you what to do, but I know you’ll figure it out.
Until then? Don’t let fear rob us of this, okay?
We don’t need all the answers to know we fit together. ”
I’m still not sure I believe him. Fletcher deserves more than a maybe or a promise of today. He deserves someone who can give him forever. I wish I could be that for him.
But maybe he is right about one thing. Whatever happens this week, whatever the tests say—this is still mine. This moment. This connection. And I don’t want to take that away from him either.
I don’t know how to trust that he’ll always choose this, but I don’t want to refuse what he’s offering just because I’m afraid it won’t last.
“Will today always be enough for you?” I whisper. “Because that’s all I can promise, Fletcher. Just today, every day. Exactly as I am.”
Fletcher cups my face. “Today is all I’ll ever need.”
He leans in at the same time I do. I hold his face as I deepen the kiss. I run a hand along his stomach, under his shirt. His breath hitches.
We lie down facing each other, limbs tangled. When I pull him against me, Fletcher groans and drives his hips forward. I shove his pants down to knead his ass.
Fletcher rolls onto his back, pulling me with him.
He pulls my shirt off, then glides both hands up my chest to my face.
I kiss him hungrily before sitting back to remove his pants and underwear the rest of the way.
His cock bobs proudly in the dim light. Fletcher peels his shirt off, supporting his weight on his elbows as he watches me.
Kneeling between his legs, I lick up both sides of his cock, then take him into my mouth.
The smooth, blunt head slides down my throat with ease.
Fletcher curses, head dropping back.
I hollow out my cheeks before bobbing. When I stop, he thrusts his hips, fucking my throat. It makes my cock throb in my pajamas. I get to my feet to remove them, stroking myself.
“Please tell me you packed lube,” I say.
He chuckles. “Weekend away with my boyfriend? Of course I did. Condoms too.”
I pause, letting the word sink in. Boyfriend. A quiet smile passes between us. We’ve blown each other a hundred times, but we haven’t penetrated. Mostly because I wasn’t sure if I could handle it. But I want it now.
I need it now.
I crawl over his body and kiss him. “I don’t need condoms.”
A flicker of surprise dances across his face.
“I had all kinds of tests done when I first saw a doctor. So I know I’m—”
He pulls me in for a hard kiss. Looping one arm around my shoulders, he pulls me down on top of him. He rocks his hips up at the same time I slide a hand under his ass and grind down hard.
“Oh, fuck yes.” Fletcher groans. “Side pocket.”
I slide off him and reach for the bag. Along with the lube, I find three sex toys. I hold up the bright red vibrating cock ring. “This looks fun.”
He grins. “Figured you might like it.”
I coat two fingers with lube, and he grimaces when I slide them inside his hole to stretch him open. I take it slowly, but his hold on me is firm, almost urgent. A mix of need and want. He gasps loudly when I touch his prostate.
I kiss him and rub it again, ignoring the painful spikes of electricity in my fingertips. Seeing Fletcher come undone from my touch is enough to overshadow the pain. I wish I could enjoy this without my body betraying me, but I can’t.
And yet, he’d expected that.
Fletcher had prepared for it. It’s why he brought the toys. I kiss him again, my heart pounding. Is there nothing this man isn’t willing to do for me?
I sit back and coat my shaft before sliding the cock ring on. The extra pressure makes my eyes widen, and I gasp when I turn the vibration on.
“Is it okay?”
“It’s amazing,” I say. “Feel it.”
Fletcher wraps one hand around my cock, right next to the ring. Our kisses become heated instantly. He pulls me on top of him, leg curling around my hip as I guide myself in. His eyes flutter close, lips pressed together as if in pain.
“You okay?”
“Don’t stop.”
It’s not the answer I wanted, but I trust him, bottoming out after only a few thrusts. Fletcher leans up to kiss me, hand sliding behind my head. His breathing is fast, shallow, like he’s already drunk with lust. He moves his hips, grunting. “More. Give me more.”
I drive into him, holding my weight above him. My muscles ache within seconds, but I don’t stop. Between his tight hole, the pulsing around my cock, and the way Fletcher holds me, I’m going to be gone within seconds anyway.
“Fletch,” I breathe.
He reaches for me, eyes locked on mine. “Right there with you.”
I sink deep as my cock pulses, mouth falling open. Fletcher pulls me down for a kiss, then slides his arms around my back. I fall on top of him with a grunt. He kisses me passionately, moving his hips. A few shallow thrusts later, and heat spills between our bellies as he groans.
I pull back to look at him, overwhelmed with emotion.
I don’t know what I did to deserve Fletcher’s kindness, or his devotion, but I hope I’ll never fail to be enough for him. Because as terrified as I am about him growing tired of me, I’m even more scared of living a life without him. Fletcher is everything to me.
The words I want to say sit on the tip of my tongue. I love you.
He kisses me softly, as if he heard them anyway.
I slide off him and hold him until we both fall asleep.
Please, let this be enough.