Chapter 5
CHAPTER FIVE
Jocelyn
We spent most of last night trying to figure out what I could write about, and in the end, I didn’t feel connected to any of it.
So, Hutch put on an old movie, and I started to fall asleep on his shoulder.
He insisted I sleep on his sofa, but I knew my mom would freak out if I didn’t come home, so I declined, which I tend to do, and he drove me back to my apartment.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to fall asleep against him.
It’s not just his size that makes me feel safe; it’s everything about him.
He’s calm and sweet. He doesn’t have a mean bone in his body.
And he actually listens. Maybe I should work on finding him a girlfriend. He’d make the perfect boyfriend.
“Earth to Joc, you want red or white?” Roxy asks as she walks around pouring wine into glasses.
It’s ladies’ wine night at Margie and Cornelia’s apartment, and as an honorary member of the apartment building, I get to attend.
Margie and Cornelia may be older, but they are hilarious, and their lives are more exciting than mine.
“Uh, red,” I answer as I stare out the window. The streetlights illuminate the sidewalks, and light snow falls as people walk home at the end of the day. It’s a beautiful part of the city, and unlike where I live, it’s quiet.
“What’s up?” Roxy asks after she hands me a glass of merlot.
“Nothing…I…” I trail off as I see a man walking toward the café, but then he turns and goes down an alley. Is that my dad? I want to jump up and go follow him, but running after a man down a dark city alley seems like a bad idea.
“Seriously, what is going on?” Roxy asks, and I can hear the conversations around me stop.
I turn back to see all my friends staring at me. Fuck it, if I can’t tell them, who can I tell?
“This is going to sound crazy, but I swear I just saw my dad,” I state as I point out the window.
“I thought your dad lived in Puerto Rico or somewhere,” Carly says, clearly remembering that was where my dad was from.
“Could he be back here?” Piper asks.
I shrug. “I don’t know. I’ve lost touch with him a number of years ago,” I admit as I look back down at the street. I haven’t exactly told them a ton about my family, other than my parents are divorced and I don’t talk to my dad anymore.
“Are you sure it’s him, then?” Margie asks.
I shake my head. I’m being crazy. There’s no way. “I…I don’t know. Maybe? Possibly? I just swear I keep seeing him. Maybe I’m losing it,” I state as I take a sip of wine.
Cornelia reaches over and pats my leg. “You aren’t losing it, sweetheart. Perhaps, you miss him, and it’s your mind’s way of reminding you of him.”
“Maybe,” I reply against the rim of my wineglass.
Cam claps her hands together. “I know what you need,” she says, grinning like the cat that swallowed the canary.
I raise an eyebrow. This ought to be good.
“Kiss, marry, fuck,” she declares, waggling her eyebrows.
I can’t help but laugh. Cam’s awesome.
“Ohhh, I’ve heard about this game,” Margie says, rubbing her hands together as if she’s been preparing for years.
“But we have to do it with the guys,” Cam adds with an evil smirk.
Roxy rolls her eyes. “We’ve done this before.”
Shrugging, Cam looks back at Margie. “So what? Let’s play again.”
Jessa’s eyes widen. “Do I have to play?”
Cam shakes her head. “Not if you don’t want to.”
Margie waves Jessa off and looks back at Cam. “Marry Al. They always say marry your friend, right? Fuck, Kasen.” She looks at Piper. “Sorry, but he looks fuckable.”
Piper blushes.
“And…kiss…Bray,” she finishes.
Cam looks at Piper.
“Can’t I just say Kasen for all three?” she asks, her cheeks turning pink.
Cam rolls her eyes and looks at Roxy, who holds up her hands.
“I’m practically a married woman. Gray for all three.
Although if it were a ‘why choose’ scenario, I’d take Bray, Gray, Kasen, Hutch, and Fletch.
I mean, our men are…well…” She looks at Jessa.
“No offense, but Troy’s like my dad and Al’s practically our grandfather. ”
Jessa giggles. “None taken.”
Everyone’s eyes turn to me, and I feel the heat crawling up my neck.
“Hmmmm, that’s tough. Kiss Kasen, I guess. He’s got good lips. Fuck…Fletch, mostly for his voice.” I turn to Cam. “You have to admit, he needs to narrate audiobooks.”
Cam laughs. “I always tell him that.”
“And…” I pause because my answer is most definitely marry Hutch, but I’m afraid to say that. Will they all see through me? I can barely admit that I have a crush on Hutch to myself, let alone my friends.
I chicken out.
“Marry Bray,” I say.
Cam raises a single eyebrow, and Roxy narrows her eyes. Fuck, they know. I feel my armpits begin to sweat under their scrutiny.
“Why marry Bray?” Carly asks.
“Well, uh, he’s a doctor, he’s attractive, and he’s nice,” I rattle on like an idiot.
“So why not Gray or Hutch?” Cam asks.
“Oh, I mean, I’d be lucky to marry any of the guys. You have to admit, they are all attractive, kind, smart, and funny,” I state because that’s the truth.
“But what makes Bray marriage material?” Roxy inquires. “Like, why Bray over Hutch?”
I press my lips together, trying like hell to come up with my thesis on why I can’t marry Hutch, hypothetically.
“I don’t know. It’s just a game. I mean, I could say marry Gray or marry Hutch. Doesn’t matter, really,” I argue.
“I think you should marry Hutch,” Cornelia states, picking up her wineglass and taking a sip while watching me over the rim of it.
“You and Hutch are pretty friendly,” Roxy points out. “Like Margie said, you should marry your friend.”
“OK, then I’ll marry Hutch,” I say, trying to end this line of questioning.
Roxy cocks her head to one side. “Let’s play truth or dare.”
“Oh, I haven’t played that game in years,” Cornelia says.
Margie starts laughing, and everyone turns to her. I’m grateful the focus has shifted away from me.
“What?” I ask as I look at her.
Cornelia glares at her best friend. “Don’t even go there.”
“What? Go where?” Roxy asks as she looks between the two of them.
Margie catches her breath and looks at Cornelia.
“One time, when we were much younger, we played that game with some guys we were dating at the time,” Margie starts.
We all lean in because we know this is going to be an epic story.
“So, we were dating best friends. They were a little younger and a little wild. And we were going through our new widow phase and wanted some fun. So, I dared Cornelia and the guy she was seeing to use a cock ring that night,” Margie starts.
“A what?” Jessa asks.
Roxy leans over and explains it, and Jessa’s face turns bright red.
“Anyhow, Cornelia and…oh, what was his name…” Margie says.
“Gerry,” Cornelia replies. “Oh, no, uh, Jeff.”
“Anyhow, doesn’t matter. We all go about our evenings, and then we go to bed, and later that night, there’s a knock at my door. After putting on some clothes, I go to the hallway and find Cornelia out there. She’s in her robe and has a look of panic,” Margie continues.
“Well, it’s your damn fault,” Cornelia huffs.
“I’m not the one who didn’t make sure the cock ring was the right size. Not to mention, you never did tell me where you went and found one in under an hour. We thought for sure you all just went to grab a bottle of alcohol,” Margie argues.
I laugh as I start to put two and two together.
“Yep, this one here ran out with her boy toy and bought the wrong-size one, and the damn thing came off in her coochie, and she wanted help fishing it out,” Margie says with a smirk.
Everyone busts out laughing.
“Oh my God!” Cam manages. “Did you fish it out for her?”
Margie shakes her head. “Hell, no. I draw the line at sticking appendages up my friends’ orifices. Anyhow, I told her to march right back in there and wake that jackass up and have him fish it out, which he did. And that was the last time we played that game,” Margie announces.
“Good riddance. Both to that game, that sex toy, and Jeff. Honestly, there’s a reason that toy didn’t fit,” Cornelia says with a raised eyebrow, making us all laugh again.
And just like that, everyone begins telling truth or dare stories instead of actually playing the game. I find myself remembering playing with Val growing up and the fun we had. Maybe I should confide in her about thinking I’ve seen our father. Or maybe not.
I look back out the window and see Hutch walking toward the park in his hunting gear. Cliff sits on the bench as if waiting for his human friend to arrive.
A part of me wonders if Hutch is as lonely as I feel at times.
And that same part of me wants desperately to wrap up my girls’ night and go sit with him in the snow.
But I should know better than to trust men.
I couldn’t even trust my dad to stick around.
Why would a former football player want me around anymore than I already am?