Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Hutch
I sit and watch Jocelyn get to know her grandmother, aunt, and even her two cousins, who are in high school and arrive home not long after our arrival.
She’s at home with them, talking and laughing as if they’ve known each other her whole life.
Her grandmother pulls out photo albums; they discuss the family.
Jocelyn’s smile is so big, it nearly splits her face.
I feel like a voyeur, but she keeps glancing over at me, and I can tell she likes having someone there with her.
Jocelyn learns that an argument over her father attending school in the Midwest caused a rift between him and his parents.
His younger sister, Natalia, sided with her parents, and Marco never came back home.
His mother blames his pride, but I can tell from her questions that Jocelyn thinks there is more to that story.
After a lovely day with her family, including lunch, I drove us back to the house. The others have spent the day hiking in the nearby rainforest and are all now lounging around the pool, except for Kasen and Piper, who decided to go snorkeling at the beach.
We don’t speak much on the drive. I let her watch the scenery out the window.
I’m sure she has a lot to unpack from what just happened.
I want to say something, but in the end, I just let the music from my phone fill the silence in the car.
I park the car in the driveway and start to get out, but Jocelyn grabs my arm.
I glance over at her. Our gazes lock, and I’m suddenly tongue-tied. What do I even say?
“So…we should talk about…you know,” she says, her cheeks turning a dark shade of pink.
“It’s OK. You were excited,” I say, not wanting her to feel embarrassed and also afraid to let my feelings be exposed.
It’s better this way. It’s better to bury whatever that was and move on.
After all, if I acted on those feelings, I could lose a good friend.
I need her in my life. If I’ve learned anything, it’s the ones you depend on most can desert you when you need them the most.
“Oh…right…yeah, I was,” she says slowly as if trying to comprehend my words. “Anyhow, I…sorry about that,” she adds quickly and then gets out of the car.
Fuck. I hope we can put this behind us.
“Hey, how’d it go?” Roxy says as she gets up out of a lounge chair and walks over to us.
Jocelyn’s smile makes it all worth it; every awkward second of that conversation evaporates as her lips turn up and she laughs. “So good. Like, a million times better than I could have imagined.”
Everyone circles around her, and she tells them about our day as Kasen and Piper walk up from the beach to join us. We listen intently as Jocelyn waves her hands in the air with animation as she speaks about her grandmother and the rest of her family.
When she finishes, Roxy gives her a big hug. “I’m so happy for you,” she says.
“Oh geez. I need to call Mom and Val,” Jocelyn says and then frowns. “Or, should I wait?”
“I think you should call them,” I urge. “They should know.”
Everyone nods in agreement. I motion for her to use the guesthouse.
“OK, here goes nothing,” she says.
“We can all go down to the beach bar for dinner tonight,” I suggest as she gets up out of a chair.
“That sounds great,” she says, walking toward the guesthouse.
Everyone talks excitedly about Jocelyn’s newfound family. I just hope this doesn’t change things with the rest of us. I also hope that kiss doesn’t mess things up between us.
* * *
Somehow, the guys ended up staying at the beach bar after dinner. Bray offered to take Ava home and tuck her in, but Carly insisted he stay and enjoy himself. So, the ladies went back to make ice cream sundaes, leaving all of us here to nurse our beers.
“That’s pretty awesome about Jocelyn’s family,” Kasen states as he peels the label off his beer bottle.
“Uh-huh,” I say as I take a large sip of beer.
Kasen leans in and looks at my face. “You kissed her, didn’t you?”
I freeze like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar. Only my cookie jar is Jocelyn and her fucking, kissable lips.
“Yeah, he did,” Bray says with a laugh.
“Do tell, Romeo,” Gray adds.
“Yeah, let’s hear it,” Fletcher insists.
Al just leans back and watches the banter while eyeing me up like some assessing professor. Do I tell them? Fuck it, if I can’t talk with friends about it, then who can I talk to about it?
“I’d just pulled up to her grandmother’s house.
And she was sort of excited, and before I knew it, she leaned over and kissed me.
I think she meant to make it a quick kiss.
You know, like a thank-you kiss or something.
But then, shit, I don’t know. We just started really going at it.
Then she pulled back and apologized, and before I could say anything, her grandmother was tapping on our window.
Then when we got back, she started talking about it again, but I sort of just said no big deal, and then she was like, OK and got out of the car,” I explain.
Gray slaps his forehead. “Hutch, she was trying to have a heart-to-heart, and you basically shot her down.”
“Yeah, classic fail, mate,” Kasen says.
The others nod. Am I an idiot? What did I miss? I was doing the right thing. I’m not good boyfriend material. I have too much baggage.
“What’s that look for?” Kasen asks. Fuck. That man doesn’t miss anything.
I run a hand through my hair and re-tie it into a ponytail. “Listen, I’m a mess. We all know that. Jocelyn deserves the best. And, maybe that’s not me.”
“If it’s not you, then who?” Al interjects, and a silence falls across the table as if Buddha himself has spoken.
“Someone who doesn’t have issues,” I answer, because that’s the truth. There has to be someone better out there.
Bray laughs, and soon all the guys are laughing.
“What? What’s so fucking funny?” I growl, suddenly wishing I’d gone back to the house with the ladies and Ava.
“Everyone has issues,” Bray says. “Everyone.”
“Not like mine, though,” I explain as I tap my hip. “I have a bum hip. A failed sports career. And a messed-up relationship with my family.”
“I have a messed-up relationship with my family. And I didn’t exactly have an amazing career when I first met Roxy,” Gray says.
“My family is fucked. I’m a reformed partier who had his life covered by tabloids. And half my ex-girlfriends have spilled relationship details to magazines,” Fletcher adds.
“I practically live at the ER. I don’t even have time for a relationship,” Bray says. I sort of want to point out that he needs to go talk to Carly about why they haven’t hooked up yet, but I decide not to delve into that topic tonight.
“You wanna talk fucked up. I’m in therapy for PTSD,” Kasen states. I mean, he has a point. Poor guy went through hell and back.
Al looks at all of us. “Don’t let any of that get in the way of love. We all have vices and demons, but that shouldn’t stop us from loving or being loved. Edith and I didn’t always have it easy, but she was the love of my life. And the only thing I regret is not telling her even more than I did.”
I suddenly feel like a moron. Why haven’t I tried to make something more out of my relationship with Jocelyn? We’re clearly attracted to each other. She’s funny. She’s a good listener. She’s smart. I can tell her anything. Isn’t that a basis for a good relationship?
Al looks at me and pats my hand. “The best relationships start out as friendships. Although I think in your case, you two have just had the longest foreplay in the history of foreplay. You’ve clearly been attracted to each other since you first met. Now, go talk to her before it’s too late.”
“Yeah, mate, go get your woman. Jocelyn is the real deal. Women like her don’t come along every day,” Kasen urges.
The others nod. He’s right. What if I’m too late? What if I fucked it all up without trying? There’s only one thing left to do. Go find Jocelyn and tell her how I feel. Or at least tell her…fuck it, I have no idea what I’m going to tell her, but I have a ten-minute walk to figure it the hell out.
“I’m going,” I say as I stand up and turn to leave.
“Go get her, tiger!” Gray yells.
There’s a ruckus of hoots and hollers from my friends as they cheer me on while I walk down the beach toward the house, hoping I’m not too late to tell her my true feelings.