Chapter 26
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Hutch
There’s a knock at my door. “Coming,” I call out as I walk over and open it, expecting it to be one of the guys.
We had discussed bumping up our book club meeting to tonight.
I told them I was on the fence because I wasn’t sure if Jocelyn was coming over, and I didn’t know when I’d get home from my meeting.
However, when I pull the door open, I find Jocelyn, a very upset Jocelyn.
She opens her mouth to speak, but instead a sob comes out, and she flings herself into my outstretched arms. I pull her to me and close the door. I have no idea what’s wrong, but whatever it is, it’s bad.
I run my hand up and down her spine while cupping the back of her head against me. “Shhhh,” I coo as I try to comfort her. “It’s alright. Whatever is wrong, we’ll figure it out.” I kiss the top of her head.
I manage to lift her into my arms and carry her to the sofa, where I carefully sit us down. She wraps her arms around my neck, and I find myself rocking her slightly, back and forth.
We don’t speak. I just hold her. Eventually, her sobs turn to sniffles.
I kiss her forehead and reach for a tissue, handing it to her. “You want to talk about it?” I say softly as I rub my thumb over her hip.
“I talked to him,” she admits as she blows her nose into the tissue.
“Your dad?” I ask, knowing the answer but wanting to hear it from her.
She nods.
“What’d he say?” I ask, the words coming out as less of a question and more of a protective growl. She leans her head back to look up at me as she tells me everything he said.
I listen and don’t speak, letting her tell me what she wants to share. When she finishes, I contemplate my words carefully, not wanting to upset her more.
“So, what are you going to do?” I ask.
She shrugs and sniffles again. “I don’t know. Part of me never wants to talk to him again, and another part of me desperately wants to try to salvage some type of relationship with him. I don’t have another father.”
Her words cut deep as I realize I, too, have been thinking about my relationship with my parents and siblings recently. It’s not like they ghosted me, like her father did to her, but they definitely pulled away emotionally. I can’t imagine the impact this has had on her and her sister.
“Did you talk to your mom or Val?” I ask.
She shakes her head. “No. I came straight here,” she admits. I tighten my hold on her. I can’t believe she chose me as the person she wanted to comfort her.
“What do you need, Jocelyn? Tell me,” I state as I look down at her. I want to take all her pain away. I hate seeing her upset.
“I…I don’t know,” she admits. “I don’t know how to feel or what I feel. It’s like I’m numb and feeling everything at the same time.”
“You want to go to the gym, and I could work you out until you pass out from exhaustion?” I ask because for me, the gym has been my therapy. I did have therapy for a bit after my accident, but I haven’t gone in for a few years.
She suddenly turns and straddles my lap, keeping her arms tightly wrapped around my neck. “How about you work me out in another way?” she asks as she leans in and kisses me.
My hands grip her hips, pushing her down against me. “I think Njal and I would like that,” I tease, pleased when she giggles.
“Oh, he would, huh?” she whispers as she peppers my face with kisses.
I thrust up against the heat between her legs, making both of us groan. “Yes, he would,” I grunt.
“Take me to your bedroom,” she demands as she rubs her nose against mine. I stand, pulling her up with me. Her legs wrap around my waist as I hastily walk us straight to my bed. She slides down my front and we remove our clothes, piece by piece, while watching each other.
“Make me forget for a while?” she pleads, her big eyes looking up at me with such reverence, I drop to my knees in front of her, leaning in and kissing her between her legs.
She parts her legs a little and grips my shoulders. I do my best to crouch before her, but again, my height makes it nearly impossible.
“Bed, now,” I growl as I lie down on my mattress. She climbs up on top of me. This time, she doesn’t hesitate as she sets her knees on either side of my head. I tap her ankles.
“Squat,” I grumble. I need her to have more control, to use my face how she needs. She complies. “Now sit, baby. If I’m not asphyxiated by this pretty pussy, you’re doing it wrong.”
She doesn’t even fight me on it, lowering herself until my tongue can slide inside her. I suck and lick until her tiny whimpers become erratic. Then I slide a single finger inside while I feast on her. She cries out as she soaks my neatly trimmed beard with her release.
I don’t give her time to recover as I drag her down my body, impaling her in one swift motion. Our gazes stay locked as we find our motion. The only sounds in the room are our breaths and the wet suction of her body against mine.
At some point, I see her mind start to wander from what we’re doing.
“Nope, back here, baby,” I correct her, as I reach up and bring her face to mine, letting my tongue slide along hers.
I reach between us with one hand, finding the spot that I know will push her over the edge.
I circle it and rub it quickly, feathering my touch, making her groan with need.
It only takes a minute before her muscles tense, and she clenches me inside her.
That’s all it takes to push me over the edge.
We come together in a blur of grunts and cries, ending with her melting on top of me.
I hold her close, kissing her forehead, and hoping I was able to distract her a little.
“Better?” I ask after a few minutes of our breathing coming back to normal.
“Yes,” she whispers. “Thank you.”
“Anytime,” I reply.
“I’m sorry, I’m such a mess,” she says as she draws patterns on my chest.
“You aren’t a mess, princessa. Considering everything, you’re doing great,” I encourage, my fingers brushing through her thick, wavy hair.
“I don’t feel like I’m doing great,” she admits as she nuzzles into the hollow between my chin and chest.
“Well, you are. That was a lot for you to hear tonight. You don’t have to process it all at once. Give yourself a few days,” I encourage.
She nods. “OK,” she whispers.
“Hutch?” she says.
“Yes, baby,” I reply, running my fingers down the smooth skin of her back.
“Can we go feed Cliff?” she asks.
I laugh. “We can do anything you like.”
“OK,” she replies as she gets up and goes to the bathroom before pulling her clothes back on. I shove my clothes back on, too, and take a container of peanuts down to the bench.
“Do you ever think about going back to therapy?” she asks as we toss peanuts over to where Cliff is sitting in her usual spot by the rocks and a tree stump.
“I haven’t in a long time. Why?” I ask.
“Just wondering. I’ve never been to a therapist,” she says quietly.
“Maybe you should try one out. See if it helps,” I state, reaching for more peanuts.
“Maybe,” she agrees.
We sit in near silence for half an hour, aside from occasional laughter when Cliff does something funny or cute or one of us telling Cliff she’s cute. I swear that trash panda is a diva because she practically smiles every time we say she’s cute.
Eventually, I grab her hand, and we head back up to my apartment.
I undress her slowly this time, cherishing every inch of her skin as I unwrap it like a gift.
Then, I pull her down on my bed with me and wrap my arms tightly around her.
She falls asleep after a while, and when her breathing slows, my mind begins to wander.
We are both dealing with some serious shit. I’ve masked mine in my quest to find the person who leaves flowers on the park bench each morning, but I’d be lying if I said that passion was anything more than an escape from my reality.
I want to say that we can help each other, but I also wonder if we’re making it harder for the other to recover and to deal with their own traumas.
Do two wrongs make a right? Shit, I don’t know.
Eventually, as my eyelids grow heavy, I decide to call Kasen and ask him who he’s seeing as a therapist. Maybe it’s time I go back to one.
Just for a while, just until I can sort myself out.
As for Jocelyn, I don’t want to stop what we have going, but I also don’t know if I can be enough for her right now.
She deserves the universe. I just don’t know if I can give it to her, and that kills me. Am I enough?