Chapter Twenty-Two
Mac
One Month Sober
Lee: Today’s the day.
Mac: I know, I can’t wait. I’ll be there tonight after my meeting, then I’m yours until Sunday.
Lee: You’re sure you aren’t breaking any rules by coming over on a Thursday night.
I can’t help but laugh.She’s been so supportive these past two weeks, just waiting for our time to reconnect. I can’t wait to wrap her around me and let her consume me for the next three days.
Mac: Babe, we made the rules. No one is policing us. I’ve talked to my therapist and Davis and we all agreed that it’s fine.
Lee: Okay, I’ll see you soon, Handsome.
Mac: I can’t wait, Beautiful.
* * *
Knocking on the door to the apartment, I feel a sense of deja vu.
The last time I did this, she was so sick it practically destroyed me.
Today, if it’s that bad again, I’ll have nothing to fall back on.
I’ll have to handle it on my own, and that’s terrifying.
I still don’t know how to handle all this without the crutch of a drink, but I do know that the village I have won’t let me fall.
The only way I’m going back now is if I’m determined to make myself.
The door swings open about half a second before a mess of curly brown hair assaults my eyes and nose.
My hands grab her under her thighs on instinct, and her hands come up to run her fingers through my hair.
Well, what was my hair? Her body goes rigid as she pulls back to look me in the eyes.
“Quill? Please God tell me you’ve cut your hair and that I didn’t just throw myself into Rowan’s arms.” I can’t help the laugh that bursts from my lungs.
“I’m honored, but Rowan is a solid twenty pounds heavier than I am. Albeit, it’s all muscle but twenty pounds is twenty pounds all the same.”
She stares at my hair as her hands rub my head.
My hair looks more like my brother’s now.
It’s cut close on the sides and fades to a medium length on top.
I’m sure it looks a wreck right now with her rubbing it like doing so will make it grow back.
It won’t though. Gone is the mop of waves, and with it the boy who was holding on to a ghost for fifteen years.
I kept my hair shaggy because I knew she liked it when we were kids, and some part of me thought if I kept it the same length and style as when she went missing, it’d somehow bring her home to me.
“It’s different.” She says smiling at me, bringing her twinkling eyes back to mine.
“I like it, a lot.” She grabs my cheeks right before bringing her lips down to mine.
It doesn’t take long before my tongue pries her lips open and slips inside her mouth.
I can’t help the groan that works up from deep in my chest. Fuck, she feels so good.
I’ve missed her so much. Kieran clears his throat behind us as we pull away.
“Hey, Lee.”
Her cheeks flush the prettiest shade of red. “Hey, Kie.”
She wiggles to be put down, but I’m not letting go of her that easily.
Firming my grip on her, I walk us into the apartment with Kie right on our heels.
He came with me because he’s staying here tonight to make sure I’m good.
He’s been going to Al-Anon religiously, and he and Declan have been my biggest supporters through this.
Not to say my other brothers aren’t supportive, but the two of them have gone above and beyond.
Bringing us to the long couch, I sit her down and kiss her one last time before straightening up.
Dieter’s in the kitchen, and when I realize what he’s doing I force myself to step away.
I need to talk to him about her medicine in the morning and how dialysis is about to go.
She protests but lets me go after I promise to be right back.
She reluctantly settles back into the couch.
Kieran brings up Nix, and just like that, they ease into an animated conversation about my sister-in-law.
“Hey, D.” I announce myself as I walk into the kitchen.
“Hey, nice hair. How are you doing?” My hand runs through the short strands on instinct.
“Thanks. I’m good. Glad to be back here with her.
Listen, I know Jakob is going to be here in the morning, but I want to be the one to handle her medicine and treatment.
He can oversee it, but I want to learn how.
If the past month has taught me anything, it’s that I want to be as involved as humanly possible while I’m here.
I want her to eventually be able to come over and stay at my house, too.
” He starts to protest, but I quickly add in, “Not right now, but I still want that option there. My house is secure, and it’d be a change of scenery for her. Maybe we’ll switch every other month.”
He eyes me suspiciously for a few seconds before finally tipping his chin in acknowledgment.
“Look, I’m not going to lie to you. We’ve worked our asses off to keep her out of this life.
She and Annie deserve so much more than what this shit has to offer her.
It won’t happen overnight, and we have some trust to build with you before we just hand her over to the Byrne Palace for an entire weekend.
With that being said, I’ll talk to her about it.
She’s an adult and can make her own choices.
I just want her to be safe while she’s making them. I’m sure you can relate to that.”
I want to argue with him, to tell him to fuck off and that I was just telling him as a courtesy, but I know damn well my brothers would act the same way about me if the situation was reversed.
Maybe the house isn’t the best place for us.
I’ll figure this out until something more permanent is ready for us.
“Yeah, I get that. We’ll put that on the back burner for now. Teach me about what you’re doing in the meantime?”
Dieter points to a laminated piece of paper sitting on the counter and begins to teach me how to get her medicine ready in the morning. This very well may be what the rest of my life looks like, and if it is, I’ll deal with it. I’ll do anything to be hers.
* * *
Lee
I’m listening to Kieran tell me about Phoenix and their honeymoon. At least that’s what I’m pretending to do. Really, I’m trying to ear hustle in on Mac and Dieter’s conversation. I’ve been doing well balancing between the two when Kieran calls me out.
“Okay, I’ll bite. You aren’t listening to a word I’m saying, Lee. What’s up?”
The voices in the kitchen are almost nonexistent; they’re so quiet. Huffing out an annoyed breath, I bring my attention back to Kieran.
“Dieter and I aren’t exactly talking, so I was trying to see what he was telling Mac. I’m sorry, I wasn’t meaning to be rude.”
“No, you’re fine. Look, I have to ask you something.” Kie looks over at the kitchen to make sure no one is listening in on us. Once he’s satisfied, he looks back over to me. All I give him in response is a raised eyebrow for him to continue.
“So, Mac tells me everything. Which means I obviously know about your kidneys. I don’t know why they’re on the fritz, just that they are.
Don’t get mad at him, everyone needs that one person to vent to.
I’m Mac’s. Even if he didn’t tell me, I would have figured it out pretty quickly.
There’s a dialysis machine right behind you. ”
“I didn’t know he needed to vent about me.” That actually hits my ego pretty hard. But Kieran rolls his eyes at me.
Rolls. His. Eyes.
“Don’t be sensitive. I just mean we talk about everything.
Anyway, I know you’re on the donor list, but I guess my question is why hasn’t anyone in your family donated?
” He looks inquisitive, not judgmental. Honestly, I don’t blame him.
The only reason I know about any of this is because I have to.
I mean, who in their right mind would just look this stuff up for funsies?
“They aren’t matches. There’s a lot of screenings, tests, and types that all have to match up perfectly. It’s not even a guarantee that biological relatives would match. So I wait. My match will come. My information is in the system just waiting for a match to come through.”
“So if a match comes through, then what happens? They call and you go in same day?”
“No, it’s a whole process. It takes a few months. So say a match popped up right now. It’d still take months until the surgery. I don’t think they tell me until it’s a sure thing.” Kieran nods and crosses his ankle over his knee, he’s getting settled into the couch.
“Mac can’t donate even if you guys match?”
“No, he can’t. I don’t want Mac to even worry or think about that, though.
I want him to worry about himself and his sobriety.
Selfishly, I want him here with me, especially on the bad days.
But Kieran, I swear I will never stand in the way of him and being the healthiest version of himself.
I can’t go to Al-Anon in person because of my health, but I signed up for virtual meetings.
I started a few days after he got back.”
A smile splits his face. “My brothers and I started them a few days after he got back too.”
Our conversation is cut short because Mac walks back in the room with a handful of pills. He sits down on the coffee table in front of me, handing me a glass of water before offering them to me in his now outstretched hand. Taking them quickly, I hand him back the glass so he can set it down.
“Thank you.”