Chapter Twenty-Four
Mac
I’m finally walking up to Lee’s apartment after what some would call an emotionally taxing day.
The weight of creating a moral inventory and what that entails is weighing me down.
As much as my cock begs me to grab Lee and bury myself inside her, my soul tells me to take her to bed and hold her all night.
Declan pulls out a key that I didn’t know he was in possession of and unlocks her door. Wasting no time, I walk in and look around for her. It isn’t until I see Annie in the recliner that I see Lee curled up on the couch sleeping.
“She been out long?” I ask quietly as I approach them.
“Maybe an hour and a half or so. She’s had a hard day with dialysis from what Tory says, so she needs to sleep.” Annie watches me skeptically. She doesn’t trust me yet, and I understand that.
“Since when does she do dialysis on Thursdays?” I ask, confused. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday is her normal schedule.
“Since that’s a conversation you guys need to have, but I’d do it in the morning so she can sleep, and before her dialysis starts at eleven.”
I’d just love to sit here and verbally spar with Annie some more, but I have more pressing things going on.
Scooping up Lee, I instantly notice she’s lighter than the last time I held her, and not by a little bit either, but by a lot.
My brow furrows, but when Lee moves in my arms and whispers my name, I just reassure her that it’s me and she can go back to sleep.
After getting us comfortable in her bed, I wrap her up in my arms.
“Sleep now, I’m right here.”
We both drift off in a matter of minutes, and I sleep better than I have since the last time I had her in my arms.
* * *
I’m woken up the next morning by the realization that the dream I was just having of Lee with her lips wrapped around my dick wasn’t actually a dream.
Her warm mouth is encasing most of me while her hand works what won’t fit.
My fingers lace through her hair and I pull slightly.
My hips lift off the bed as a silent encouragement to keep going.
In the next moment I feel the tip of my cock touching the back of her throat.
The urge to fuck her mouth has me tightening my grip on her hair.
She pops off and gives me a wicked smirk. Her watery eyes gleaming.
“Good morning, Handsome.” She licks me from base to tip before slowly sucking just the crown back into her mouth.
“Fuck, baby. You’re so goddamn beautiful with your lips wrapped around my cock like this.”
She swallows me back down, and I can’t help but pull her head back before I lose all my composure.
“Lelonie, listen to me.” I wait until her eyes come to mine and I breathe for a second. “I need you to tap my thigh twice if this is too much or you need me to stop, okay?”
She nods while biting her bottom lip.
“Lee!” I bark. Instantly feeling like an ass, but her consent is not something I’ll ever take for granted.
“Yes, sir.” She rushes out.
My hand strokes her cheek gently, “That’s my good little slut.”
Her eyes flash with heat and desire as she moans. She loves a little degradation with her praise, and I love giving it to her.
Using my hand still anchored to the hair at the back of her head, I guide her mouth onto my still rock hard dick. Setting a tempo that she’s keeping like a fucking champion while allowing me to rock into her with every bob of her head, I watch in fascination as she brings me closer to completion.
“Fuck, babe you look so damn good. I can’t wait to eat your pussy after this.
” She moans around me, and I’m right there.
It’s like she just knows because in the next second she swallows me all the way down.
I can feel her throat constricting around me, and that’s all it takes.
The fire at the base of my spine explodes, and so does my release, straight down her throat.
Fuck, I’ve missed this woman. Now it’s her turn to realize how much she’s missed me.
* * *
The rest of our morning has gone just as smoothly as it started.
After I had Lee coming on my tongue for the third time, I figured it was time to get up and start the day.
We’ve had breakfast together and are now lounging on her couch, both working from our laptops.
Lee’s hooked up to her dialysis for the day.
I know I have to ask her, but I’m not sure if I’m ready for her answer.
Deciding I’ve stalled for long enough, I shut my computer and put it down.
“So, can we talk about something?”
Her eyes dart to mine, and she slowly sets her laptop aside. “Uh, yeah. Did I do something wrong?” The worry lacing her features makes my stomach knot in the most painful way.
“No, Beautiful. At least I don’t think so?” I shrug because I don’t know why she didn’t mention to me that she’s obviously not feeling too hot. “Want to tell me why you had dialysis yesterday?” I make sure no judgment or anger is in my tone.
She shrugs in response, “You have a lot going on right now. I’m not trying to add on to it.”
“No, that’s not how this works and you know it. The truth. I’ve told you the truth about everything you’ve asked me, but you don’t tell me you’re getting worse?” As hard as I try, the irritation shines bright through my tone.
“Don’t do that, Mac. It’s not a big deal. My kidneys are shit and they’re going to get worse until I get a new one, you know this.”
Her voice seems so small, and it stops me in my tracks.
She’s right. I do know that, so why the fuck am I staying away from her right now?
She obviously needs me, and I’m majorly dropping the ball here.
How many times have her siblings or parents had to carry her to bed or take care of her when it should have been me?
“I’m not leaving again. I’m so sorry I haven’t been here. I’m so sorry I’ve missed so much the past two months.”
Her eyebrows shoot to her hairline, “No.”
“No?” Confusion takes over my features.
“No, you aren’t doing that. You’re going to leave on Sunday and work through your fourth step. We’re going to be fine. Once you get through that step, you can stay longer than a few nights a month.” Her tone brokers no argument, and I can’t help the temper that surges through me.
“I can’t fucking do this right now.” Throwing my hands up, I storm off to her room and call Davis before I say something I’m going to regret.
He answers on the second ring, “Hello?”
“She’s getting worse. She’s getting worse, Davis, and I’ve missed it.”
“Slow down, kid. What are you talking about?” Come on, keep up here.
“Lee, I’m talking about Lee. She’s gotten worse.
She’s lost weight, like a lot of weight.
Her dialysis has been bumped up, although I’m not exactly sure by how much because I stormed out of the room before I could get that far.
I need a fucking drink, Davis. I can’t handle this. Just a fucking shot, and I’ll be fine.”
“Are you kidding me, Mac? You don’t need that shit.
I’m not going to lie to you and say that doesn’t suck, because it does.
It really sucks, but I am going to remind you that you aren’t alone in this.
You have people to lean on and so does she.
Also, you made these once a month rules.
You can change them. I’d do it within reason, but that’s also an option.
You and her are in control here, but if you take that one drink, it all goes away.
Just play that tape forward for a second.
You know how it goes, you know where it leads.
You’ve been there before, and that story ends with you in jail or in the ground.
So just try dealing with this in a new way, without booze.
What’s the worst that could happen? You can always go back to drinking if you want.
But I promise you, you can do this.” He doesn’t get it.
“I can’t. She just told me she won’t let me see her more until I get past the fourth step. You know how fucking hard that is for me?”
The fourth step in my program seems simple enough, ‘take a moral inventory of yourself’.
Basically writing down all my resentments, fears, and anything that I think contributed to me being an addict and the effects it’s had on my life and well-being.
You’d think, ‘easy enough’ until you sit down and begin to write out all the fucked up shit you’ve done or experienced that made you turn to alcohol.
Especially when the biggest reason is not someone, but something that happened to someone you love.
“Then I guess we better get working through that fourth step then. It’s going to be okay. We’re going to get through it together then you’re going to go get your girl.”
Davis and I talk for a few more minutes and make plans to meet up when I leave here Sunday evening before hanging up. I lean my head back against the wall and take a few deep breaths before going back into the living room.
“You okay?” Lee asks as soon as she sees me. Her olive skin is so pale she practically matches the walls. Her face is too thin. She looks so sad, and I feel like an asshole.
“Yeah, I’m fine. How are you feeling?”
“Don’t do that. Please don’t dismiss me like that when we just fought and then I heard you talk about wanting a drink.”
“I’m not trying to dismiss you, Beautiful.
It’s like my hands twitch for it, and my mouth waters thinking about it, but I’m not going to do it.
I made my mind up when I laid in that bed and seriously thought I was going to die, that I’d never go back.
If I was fortunate enough for the withdrawal not to kill me, I’d never touch it again, and I meant that.
So yeah, out of habit, I wanted to throw one back to ease the burn of us fighting, and I’ve itched to have my hand wrapped around a glass of whiskey most mornings, but it passes.
This is far from being ‘the past’, it’s very much still a part of my present, but I’m going to keep working on it. And I refuse to go back.”
She moves to make room for me behind her back and gestures for me to move in behind her.
“You’ll tell me if you’re going to go back? You’ll tell me?” Her misty eyes are practically a spear to my heart.
“I’ll tell you the truth, always.” Moving to get settled behind her, I wrap my arm around her waist, making sure not to tug or pull on anything.
Her nurse gave me the rundown on how this shit wreaks havoc on her body multiple times a week.
So I already knew it’d be a slow day just like the last time I was here.
She doesn’t have to ask for anything. She just has to gesture for what she needs, and I’ll make it happen.
“Lee, I need you to tell me how you feel. Remember this agreement is a two way street. If you’re struggling… ”
She snuggles back into me, making sure there’s no space between us, “I’ll tell you.
Truth, always. I’m okay, just a little light headed and sleepy.
I’m sorry for not telling you, Quill. I’m now a five day a week patient.
A new kidney will come soon, I know it will, and you’re going to work through this step, then come home to me a little more often. ”
I can’t help the small smile that plays on my lips. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have reacted like that. I’m just scared. I’m going to work through it, then come straight to you, I promise.”
“You can do this. I believe in you.” She says past a yawn. I can’t say anything in response, my throat is too tight with emotion.
Peeking over at the clock on the wall, I note that she’s about halfway through her dialysis.
She drifts off to sleep not long after she tells me that she believes in me.
The rest of the day I stay awake and hold her while her body fights to keep her kidneys working.
All I can do now is pray that one of my family members and men that work for us are a match while keeping her and I as healthy as I can.