Chapter Four
Ava
The buzzing underneath my cheek jolts me up in confusion. The swimming in my head reverberates against my skull and my mouth is sticky and dry. Speckles of warm dots line the right side of my face as the sun filters through the curtains, spotlighting my body. I rub my eyes as I try to piece together how in the hell I made it back home last night.
I look down and around my room taking inventory. I am wearing the same clothes I wore last night, my purse is sitting on the top of my dresser, and my shoes are on the floor. Everything seems to be in place, except for any memory of coming home. I spot my phone next to my pillow and twist upward to grab it. The twenty-seven notifications are not what I was expecting, let alone, all from Sarah.
“Ava it’s me. Are you here?” Sarah bangs on my front door frantically.
I jump from the pile of pillows, and practically sprint towards the door. “ Hey, sorry,” I say, swinging the door open. She stood there with her fist lifted, like she was ready to knock again.
Lowering her fist, she stomps past me, “Where have you been!?” She turns around, raising her phone, “I have been trying to call you! I thought you were dead in a ditch!”
I close the door and face her as I run my hands through my hair, tying it back, “I don’t know what happened. Did you not bring me home?”
Fuck my head hurt .
“No, but honestly I thought Leo did because you disappeared with him last night,” she says, sitting her tote on the kitchen counter.
The smell of the Cafe downstairs makes me want coffee to cure this pounding fucking headache. I fill the coffee pot with water as I clear my throat, “He may have? But I honestly do not remember shit. I guess he did,” I question myself, scooping an extra spoonful of grounds into the filter.
Sarah leans against the counter and crosses her arms. Her face was bare but there was a fire behind her eyes I haven’t seen before. She usually has enough faith in me to handle myself, but I can't help but think she is irritated as she narrows her eyes.
She pushes off the counter shaking her head, “Well, I was just worried,” she says, placing her hands on her waist. Swiping them to her side, she shakes off her tone of concern, “His beautiful smile! I saw the way he looked at you. Did you at least remember exchanging numbers?” She shimmies her shoulders excitedly, raising her brow. This was the silly Sarah I knew and loved for all these years.
My tense shoulders relax, “Mmm well, as much as it pains me to say, I had a good time last night. Well, the moments I remember at least,” I chuckle nervously, sipping my overly sweet coffee. I twist my lip up at the thought of the Volokhov brothers, watching me like I was their entertainment. My heart sank thinking about Leo. I don’t know if I had sex with him last night. I didn’t feel any different, except for my headache, and I still have on the clothes from the night, so I don’t think I did. I just hope I didn’t embarrass the shit out of myself and he decided it was time to take me home.
I bet he did. He definitely does not want anything to do with me anymore.
“Well, you need to go take a shower and I will make us some food.” Sarah opens the cabinet above the single sink, taking out a bottle of acetaminophen. “And you’re going to need these.” She plops two white pills in my hand.
“Thanks,” I say as I gulp the pills down with the hot coffee, making my way to the bathroom.
The steam from the hot shower rises in the small room. It fills my lungs, thickening the weight of the confusion as to what happened last night. I step in and close my eyes as the hot water streams down my back. I want it to wash away my recklessness. To push it down the drain so I can start over. For it to be forgotten, just like I have always done, shoving it off with a smile like nothing's wrong. I sink my forehead to the bathroom wall, letting the hot water flow.
My stomach flips thinking about Roman’s black eyes staring at me last night, his body still, as if he was sizing me up. His brother is the next in line to reign, and that cocky fucking attitude of his, like he was untouchable. A wave of an epiphany struck me. A thought I ever-so-often have, but this time it felt different.
I start scrubbing my arms with my sweet cherry-scented soap.
I want to take down the Volokhov Bratva, and the fuckers will rot for everything they have ever done.
I am sick of playing this game. So tired of being their perfect pawn. No matter what I do or how much I try for a sense of normal, I can’t escape them. The only issue is, how in the hell would I even get close enough, let alone find actual proof, for a bigger agency other than the local police?
An excitement stirs in me, just like it did last night. The same reckless curiosity gnawing at my bones. The Rabbit Cafe is mine, and I am not my parents. Their debt is theirs, not mine, and the Bratva has never cared enough about me or the Cafe. The blood, sweat and tears I put into that place was the only thing that kept me on solid ground. Something I am proud of.
My thumb grazes over the raised scars on my hips, making me shudder as I squeeze my eyes shut. The painful memories will not exist as nothing. The Bratva must be incinerated somehow and I am going to be the one to figure it out.
“Ava come here! Oh my God,” Sarah shouts from the other room.
“What is it?” I yell back, rinsing the last bits of conditioner out of my hair. “Just give me a second.” I turn off the water, wrapping a long, white, fluffy towel around me.
Sarah is standing in front of the TV with her mouth gaping as I approach her.
He was discovered this morning around five, by a local jogger, who says he found the victim propped up against a tree in Patterson Park. We have now identified the body as Leo Stravani and his death is under current investigation.
Sarah turns to me, eyes wide, “What in the actual fuck happened last night Ava?”
“I… I don’t know, like I said,” I spat back at her. My heart sank.
What if I did this?
That thought was fleeting though because how could a drunk, black out drunk mind you, carry a six-foot man into a park and go unnoticed? I don’t have that kind of strength or willpower.
A pair of what investigators say are rabbit ears were found branded on his body in what authorities say may be gang related. Allegedly, locals say this individual may be affiliated with local gang related activities and if you have any information to call this number, and as always, you and witnesses will remain anonymous.
“Well, at least you didn’t do it. Are you going to call and tell them you were with him? I wouldn’t because for one you don’t remember and they were in the Volokhov’s club… so it sounds to me like it’s none of our business.” She sips from her cup raising her eyebrows. She wasn’t wrong. As civilians you don’t get involved even if you have an inkling. The last time someone did call, in connection to a car-crash loaded with guns, is also currently a missing persons case.
Anonymous my ass.
The hung-over headache was dissipating but nausea crept to my throat, amplifying me into a sprint to the bathroom. I hug the porcelain toilet for dear life as thoughts of Leo weave up my spine as I vomit. Tears well in my eyes from the ache accompanying the burn of bile.
I push the handle, flushing the throw-up down the toilet along with any remorse I had for the Bratva. Being alone hasn’t always bothered me. Growing up, you could say I was alone most of the time, but I had a few friends. They split when we graduated and we never really stayed in touch. Nobody really understood truly what my life was, and why I became distant from my wealthy upbringing. The thing is, you can lie about happiness, but you can’t lie about the sickness that consumes every fake smile you make or the blazing fear of never being good enough.
Being reckless is not because you are stupid, but because it is the one thing that has ever made you feel like anyone would want you. That life was worth living. I have Sarah, but she only knows the parts of me that I pretend. I've only had myself for as long as I can remember. I press the toilet’s handle down again for good measure, if not to flush down any hesitation I have about putting my upbringing to the test.
Sarah hands me a glass of water, “Are you alright? I can’t believe that. I don’t want to sound cold hearted but they asked for it. If I would have known he was in the Italian mob I wouldn’t have even thought about pursuing those guys. I have a feeling the one that had his tongue half-way down my throat was one too.”
“It hurts, and I feel like I am some kind of curse.”
“What do you mean? Why would you think that?”
“It doesn’t matter. I am probably being a little dramatic about myself. But damn, his hands are all over me one second, me waking up with no idea how I got home, and now he is dead.”
“I have never felt like you were anything but… well, like…” She moves her hair behind her ear, “the color yellow. If that makes any sense. What I am trying to say is you are witty and kind and I know I see your passion through the Cafe and being your best friend.” Sarah hops off the bathroom floor lending a hand, ignoring what I said about Leo. She is usually a little more sympathetic, but for some reason these past few days I feel like this was the most I have talked about the mafias, and she seems to make extreme lite of a death. I mean, death was inevitable for me growing up. It was always around like a fly that wouldn’t leave you alone. I would always hear about so and so died, murdered or killed, but hearing about death shouldn’t be normal for Sarah.
I grab her hand as she lifts me up, “Thanks.”
“How about you get dressed and go out for the day. Have some time for you. I got the Cafe today.” Sarah walks me to my room, pulling out an outfit for the day.
I laugh, “I’m not a child.”
“Nope, but you do need someone to tell you when you need to have you time, and that is going to be me.” Sarah throws a pair of lace panties at me chuckling trying to keep a straight face.
The sidewalks splotch with fresh fallen leaves, crunching under my feet as I walk to order some food. The sunny day and people walking their dogs do not distract me as much as I want. My thoughts need to come back to reasonable reality, but this is the reality.
If Leo was murdered, it was most likely he owed money to or ripped off the Volokhov Bratva. All I knew, was I didn’t want anything to do with any type of mafia last night, and of course I danced with someone who was in the fucking mafia.
I open the door to my favorite Tapas Restaurant as my stomach growls for sustenance to replace the worry. It’s warm and bright with yellow and orange paint. I sit at the bar and scan the paper menu for a drink.
“Hey, you.”
I lift my eyes to the voice. “Oh, hey Shawn. Coincidence seeing you here.” I smile, happy to see a familiar face. I almost didn’t recognize him with jeans and a sweatshirt on. He owns one of the biggest law firms in the city so he usually wears a prim and proper suit most of the time. Shawn has always been a regular at the Cafe and is one of the nicest customers we have.
“Surprisingly, I don’t just live off of your delicious coffee. I eat too.”
“I don’t believe you with how much I see you,” I joke.
What am I a fucking school girl?
I open my purse as I shuffle through receipts and gum wrappers, searching for my wallet to pay for my to-go order, when an odd card catches my eye.
“Well, today the weather will be…” Shawn's voice trails off into a drone when I see something written on the black card. A slicing tone rings in my head, drowning out the world around me as I read the words.
My Little Rabbit, my muse. You will always be on my mind .
I flip the card over to the other side, keeping it in my purse. The bright red edges contrast against my pale skin and Aces A’s in the corners. A white rabbit centers the middle, splattering out from its body like it was drawn with a paint marker. I stuff it past the receipts and wallet quickly.
“...So what do you say?”
My eyes shoot to Shawn, “I’m—I’m sorry what?”
“Go out with me tonight… for dinner… Ava are you feeling ok? You look like you saw a ghost.” Shawn puts his hand on my knee, making me jump off the bar stool.
Luckily, the waiter placed my call-in order on the bar top. I hand him my card as Shawn waits for me to respond, but I feel lost, thinking about the white rabbit on the card. I sign the receipt, “Oh, I have to go… Um, maybe a raincheck,” I say as I grab the food bag.
“Well, you don’t need—”
“ —It was nice seeing you out and about, Shawn. See you soon!” I shout as I practically sprint toward the front door and push it open. Shawn was a nice guy, don't get me wrong, but the card was not anything I have ever seen before. It was eerily similar to the Cafe’s logo but darker, more sinister.
“Hey! Ava!”
I look up, stopping in my tracks. My stomach growls with hunger, wishing Stepan would just leave me the hell alone.
Was he tracking me or something?
His white shirt is unbuttoned at the top, exposing his upper chest. His gloaming eyes spill annoyance as his driver pulls the car to the curb, “Where are you going, and why are you not making me a delicious drink this morning? Was last night too much for this little lamb?” His pouting face made me search for the right words.
This is my chance.
I saunter toward the back window, playing into his cat call, surprisingly not tripping on my feet with how nervous I am. He leans over the open window as I stop in front of him. A tug pulls on my belly button like there was an invisible string, warning me that this was not a good idea. “Well, Sarah has taken over today while I grabbed some lunch.” I hold the food bag up. “If you would like, I could share?” I guess this was it.
You don’t even have a fucking plan yet.
His jaw ticks, tracing down the front of my t-shirt and leggings as if he was marking his territory. “I saw you last night with Leo and it makes me wonder… Why did he end up dead?” he asks sarcastically. “I guess he deserved it, for whomever’s path he did cross, but there is one thing Ava, that you need to get through that pretty fucking skull. I don’t care who you fuck but fuck an average Joe, not my business partners. Now I have to cover it up and make sure no one links you to him, which in turn, to us.” He picks at his nails as if I already know his threats are to not be taken lightly.
“Yeah, that is horrible but I didn’t know who he was though. You and I both know, ever since I started working for you, I have steered as far away from anything that was from my past.”
“You belong to my family. A worker. That is all.”
I can smell the cigarette smoke and vodka on his breath as I lean into his face, “Well, I could be more than just a silly drink maker too. You know?” The words pain me as I give the performance of my life flirting with him. People pass by as they go about their daily walks, ignoring me as I stand on the edge of the curb, leaning into an all black SUV.
No, not sketchy at all.
I search for any familiar faces to distract me from my efforts as Stepan stares at my body. I look across the street when a shadowy figure catches my attention. It looks like a man standing slightly behind a tree with a hood over their head, but it’s hard to tell.
I squint my eyes to see if my mind is playing tricks on me, but Stepan interrupts my confusion, snapping my attention back. “Mmm Ava, have we grown out of being the young prude,” he says, raising his eyebrows, “Get in the car, now.” He faces forward as he sits back, waiting for me to get in. My eyes widen as I round the backside of the SUV.
What did I just fucking do?