Chapter Twenty-One
Ava
This past week has been slow, and calm. I thought for sure Shawn would have been by this week, though, I keep finding his notes strewn around. Under coffee containers, in the dryer at the laundromat, and even one folded neatly in a pair of my underwear. The cotton balls are always laying next to them twisting my stomach in disgust, but instead of a poem all four of them read: Sweet Rabbit.
I watched the news but nothing about men ending up with sliced rabbit heads were in the headlines. The regularity of my routine, making coffee, watching over my shoulder and keeping a blade taped under the counter was becoming the same fucking feelings of those what if’s. But now those feelings are because I am ready to get it over with, figure out my freedom, then Shawn. The feds would at least have better faith in believing me about a stalker who masturbates at the thought of me and leaves cotton balls so I know he does.
Can I really trust the government? No. But is it my last option right now? Yes.
Dusk has crept in from the last time I peered out of the Cafe’s windows. Sarah was not working today, or the new hire, but It’s been a slow day.
I push open the front door for some fresh air before I start closing down for the night. The mist and stale scent of flowers from the shop next door makes me close my eyes, letting the tiny cool droplets cool my cheeks.
Pain around my neck practically crushes my throat inward as a hand grabs the front, slamming me onto my back. Agony swelters between my shoulderblades. I struggle to scream because in true terror, it flicks wood ash down your throat, packing it until you suffocate. I open my mouth, but nothing but a frail cry passes my lips, until I hear the slimy voice.
“You whore.”
Shawn
I move my bundle of hair out of my face as I wobble to a stand, “Get away!” I barely screech as tears well in my eyes.
Shawn flips and holds my elbows together, “You shouldn’t be out here. You can’t protect yourself from them,” he spat.
He pulls me closer to his front side, looking around, as he shuffles me into the alley. I thrash for an escape, searching for anyone but cars pass on the street without a care. He presses my elbows together with more force, squeezing my aching shoulder blades together. I could have a broken back for all I know, but adrenaline courses through me.
I see red.
A gentle sound of hums plays in my head, blurring in and out of the rage as the world around me fades. My struggles become less prominent as I calculate if I can run or if I am giving in. To go limp. To stop fighting and drift into the soft humming.
My frontside presses against the wall as his hand pulls one arm from behind my back, scraping it along the bricks. I cry out as blood drips to my elbow.
He lifts the back of my shirt, wedging my other arm between the wall and my torso. “Say you like me!” Shawn screams in my ear.
“Fuck you!” I yell as my hair falls into my face.
“Gladly! With all that I have ever done for you. You owe me. I was always there and you never wanted to give me a chance. But you’ll give scumbags a chance,” he rants, pulling down the left side of my pants, exposing my buttcheek. He unbuttons his pants, keeping his weight on me.
I force my head back into his nose.
“You bitch!” He slams a fist into the back of my skull, chipping my forehead slightly on the wall, and then a blow into my side. “I am going to kill you,” he whispers as he fumbles with his pocket knife, letting the pressure off of my hand. I elbow his gut and reach for the knife clip as I face him.
A punch across my face throws me off until I flip my wrist, opening the knife.
Got you, fucker.
Blood covers my front teeth as I flash a sinister grin and drive the blade into his shoulder with a twist. The world goes back into a buzz, drowning out Shawn’s wails. My jaw drops as my reality sinks in as I run, leaving his knife in him.
The quickest way inside was through the front, but as I round the corner, Sarah is struggling to the door, fumbling with take-out bags.
“What the fuck?” Sarah says.
I am silent until I fully reach half of my body inside, pleading with her, “Come on!”
She scoots past me as I lock the door, “What the hell happened?!”
I burst into tears, covering my face. All these years, my whole life, I have never wanted to become anything like the monsters that raised me, yet here I was. The sobs began to mix with my laughter when I realized how good it felt though. To stick up for myself.
Sarah sits the bags down on a table and examines my arm, and forehead. “What happened?” Her concern starts to build with anger, “Was it those Volokhovs?!”
I burst out laughing, swiping the blood from my forehead, “No, no. It wasn’t.” I take a deep breath calming myself. “It was… Shawn.”
“The regular Shawn?”
“Yes.”
Her mouth hung open, “Well…well we have to call somebody , like the police. Or like something.”
“Why do you say it like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like there is something I need to know.”
“No, no just,” She exhales, “I’m sorry I just can’t believe this has happened. You have to this time Ava. Call them, or I can. How about I do it?”
“No, I don’t…don’t think he will be back.” I look at my bloody fingers, “I…stabbed him.”
Sarah hugs me tight and there is a new blossoming spring coursing through me. She may call the police but resolving my own conflict felt better.
Even though I know the feeling will be fleeting.
Roman
A week has passed since my come dripped from her and tomorrow, Ava will be back at the house. I couldn’t stop thinking about her but I have a week and a half to figure out what to do with Stepan and my Father.
Since I have been distracted by Ava, the boys and I have been playing catch up before the Masquerade.
A boat floats by in the distance as I swipe my blade over flesh as I concentrate on her face and how I haven’t been in her shadow lately, other than sneaking cards for her and looking at her laugh while she makes drinks from the sidewalk.
I push the man over the cement ledge into the shallow water.
Stepan has been intermittently texting me, probably between his binges, about the guests and the party planners coming by the house and to stay out of their way. Gladly . He said he would be back the morning of the party and none of the boys were invited. He practically threatened me about no plus ones, so I don’t fuck it up and said it’s because you are a fuck up enough as is.
Alexei pulls a briefcase out of the back of the SUV as the bay sloshes against the freshly branded member of the Bratva, slushing him against the concrete. “You know, I think this is your best one yet!” He chirped as he opened the case pulling out chains and weights.
Sergey and Nikolai watch from the sides as I light my cigarette, inhaling with the long drag and checking the time.
10:07 p.m.
“He got what he deserved,” I say as the blood inks into the water from the gauged slices. Every canvas is different but I am proud of the exposed rabbit head, poking above the water slightly. He is my third this week and we are closer to where we need to be.
Alexei trumpets tapping his fingers together, “The way you made him confess what he did to deserve it over and over while you sliced and diced was great!”
My eyes narrow downward to the man as Alexei spins the open case to my feet. I crisscross the chains around the man's neck, wrapping the weights within it to make sure it was secure. Snubbing out my cigarette I watched him drift, floating steadily on top until he was engulfed by the pitch-black water.
Nikolai is calm as he approaches my side to watch the show. “Now we have to figure out a plan for the top, but then what?”
I watch the bubbles collect to the surface. “We will need to meet before the party. Our window is coming to a close and we don’t want to be late.” There is a weight on me and I am not sure what it is. It could be apathy but I feel a sense of sadness with it.
“Well, the Feds are still on our trail. I’ll keep working on this, but we need to be careful.”
“Yes.” I turn to him and nod and his eyes are not of concern but of joy. It has been years and here we stand, to finish the undertaking.
The drive to the warehouse was short, and I was ready for the night to end. Ava is hiding something and in these next few days I hope to find out what it is. It may be the weight that is pressing down on me.
The metal door clanks open as we enter and just like all the warehouse flats before, it was sectioned off into rooms and open. Slanted stained glass windows, connecting with the ceiling, reflect a red hue against the small, spiraling metal staircase.
“That’s your room.” Nikolai points up as the boys close the door, chattering about the Masquerade.
Sergey is smooth with his steps to my side, smiling, “Italian’s will be there and though it is tempting I think we should stick with the Bratva first.”
I shucked my leather coat off, tossing it on the coat rack. “Ah,” I say, holding onto his shoulders. “It is time to rest. Luckily we are on schedule.” Sergey was always serious, with a smile about business, but my mind could only think about one thing right now, Ava.
I trudge up the metal staircase until I reach inside my room and shut the door. The room has most of my things in boxes, which feels differently from the room at the house.
Inside the small bathroom, I turn on the hot water and strip until I’m bare. I look into the mirror and notice the blood specks forming a crescent shape around my eye.
I close the shower curtain as I step in. Leaning my arm on my head, against the wall under the shower head, I swipe the blood from my face as the water streams over my shoulder, washing the specks away.
Her serene sense of living and mossy eyes, like after a fresh rain in a forest, flash behind my closed lids. She is what drives me, what keeps me going. To cut away the pieces of humanity people want to ignore.
I lower my hand around my cock as the vision of My Little Rabbit plays in my head. Her auburn hair cascading across her back, ass exposed for me. I groan with pleasure at the way she carries the weight of her despair. Her giggles and the softness in her mouth. That mouth, like it was made to choke on me until she cries for more. Her ability to be up to no good and yet I could care less. I release onto the shower floor as it swirls down the drain wishing it was her throat.
The morning frost clung to the window as I set a box near the front door. I would stay here but I need to keep an eye on Ava these next few days and the house.
“All set,” Nikolai says as he pokes his glasses up his nose, reflecting the blue screen of his computer. “Shipment will be in tomorrow and I covered the exchange.”
“Sounds good.” I look around. “Where is everyone?”
He takes a sip of coffee out of his mug. “They went for food. Stay and eat with us.”
“Not today, thank you. I have someone to see.”
Nikolai sets his cup down. “Who?”
I shake my head, grabbing a box with a smirk as I walk out, “I’ll see you soon.”
I close the SUV’s back door until the same sinking feeling I felt last night starts to fester in my gut when I see Shawn crossing the street into a Bakery, and not The Rabbit Cafe. He holds his shoulder as he scurries like a rat across the striped yellow until he disappears inside.
I am furious as I speed to the Cafe. What if I missed something? I always watch and know where she is but these past few nights of killing catch-up have been time consuming. The ache settles in my chest of having to finish the job of why she is even my muse in the first place and also not being with her to keep safe.
The cloudy morning is dull against Cafe’s windows and the hanging plants lining them droop with sadness compared to them a week ago. I reach the empty counter as people pretend to not look. I peak my head over to see Sarah crouched, stocking cups below.
She startles, “Oh Fuck!” She yells as she stands, trying to hide her embarrassment. “I’m sorry! You scared me.”
“Where is Ava?”
“Well, she has off today, because you know today is the day she works at the second job.” Her eyes go left, then right, and left again.
“No, she works a full day, then she leaves.”
“Well…” She stares. “Ok, come here,” she says as she walks through the swinging doors to the kitchen area.
I follow, “What happened, Sarah?”
“Ok, so she is my best friend, you know. I thought it was you, but it wasn’t.”
“Spit it out Sarah.”
“I’m telling you because maybe you can… I can’t believe I am saying this… help.”
“With what?”
“Shawn beat her up badly… and tried to kill her.”
My skin boils and my eyes haze black as I think of all the ways I am going to mangle his body.
Sarah steps towards me, “She has taken some time off and she… I’m worried about her—”
I walk past Sarah to Ava’s stairs, “Thank you for telling me.” I’m happy she told me but all I want to do is see Ava.
I skip over, alternating the concrete steps, to her apartment door. I knock with a closed fist, “Ava, It’s Roman.” nothing. “Ava, open up, it’s Roman.” I plant my feet as I hear the click of the doorknob.
Her face is bandaged and bruised. She’s in an oversized pullover and sweats with her hair in a messy bun. I step toward her as she lifts her head. Her eyes glaze with tears, red and swollen. As much as I want to run out of that door and slice his dick into two, his time will come. He will die, but he broke My Sweet Rabbit.
My hand shakes from the adrenaline as I brush her cheek with my thumb. She leans into my touch as we stand silently. I never shake from hate, death, fear, fucking, or loss. She has struck something within me, a momentum throttling me onto an unknown path.
She whispers,“Sarah told you?”.
“Yes, but it doesn’t matter who told me because I am going to rip any joy he thought he would have in his life and burn it alive.” Just like the seared memories that he has burned into her.
She slouches slightly pulling her face into her sleeved palm, and cries. She brushes her hips with her thumb, back and forth. “It isn’t the first time.” She squeaks through her words until her breath regulates. She sniffles, bending back straight, “But you know what… These scars that were given to me, were not like this time.” She pushes her glasses up her nose and wipes the snot on her sleeve. “No, this time I stood up for myself but I don’t know if I...” Her eyes glimmer with spirit, and hope. “I stabbed him, and fuck, with everything I have done to not be pieces of shit like all of you , It’s like… I—”
“ —Enjoyed it.” I pull her in toward me.