Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
Ben
As soon as Mazzy Belle Emerson left the stadium, any semblance of sanity I had left fled with her.
I was pretty sure I’d given my coach a vague excuse for not returning to practice, but it could have come out as caveman grunts.
Staying wasn’t an option. That was all I knew.
If I even tried to return the pitch, I’d end up decapitating a teammate.
My brother’s head, on the other hand, I wasn’t so worried about. If he lost it, that was on him.
A ball of fury blazed in my gut, and the drive across town had done nothing to dampen it. Roman was fortunate Nate was in his office when I swung open the door. He was going to need someone to hold me back. I’d never been more angry in my life—and certainly never at my brother.
“Roman!” I shouted as the door hit the wall. “What did you do?”
Startled, he jumped to his feet. “Ben? What are you doing here?”
Nate stood too, and I shot by him, rounding to Roman on the other side of his desk. Not giving Roman any time to brace, I shoved him, and he went down hard, his chair rolling several feet backward.
“What’s happening?” Nate swung around the desk to get between us, laying his hand on my heaving chest. “Are you okay?”
“No!” I threw my arms up and tossed my head back. “Not even a little.”
Nate kept on speaking to me like I was a wild animal. To be quite honest, I needed it. “What’s going on, Benny?”
I turned to him, his face blurring through the tears I couldn’t seem to kick. “I have a kid.”
Nate’s head jerked back. “What? What are you talking about?”
Roman climbed to his feet and slowly approached, wisely keeping his mouth shut. If only he’d done that back then.
“Hey, Romeo, you remember a pregnant girl telling you she was having your baby?” My hands curled into fists as I imagined Mazzy standing at the barricade, all her hopes demolished by my arrogant twat of a brother. “You remember what you said?”
His brow crinkled as he blinked. “I’m not—are you talking about Shira?”
I chuffed. “No, asshole, I’m not talking about your wife. God, are you stupid? I’m—you—Mazzy…fuck.” My brain was on fire. I couldn’t seem to put what I wanted to say in the right order.
Nate got in front of me, cutting off my view of Roman. Both hands on my shoulders, he put his forehead near mine. He was good at this—keeping calm, talking things out.
“Slow down, Benny. Forget about Roman. He’s not here right now. Talk to me.”
I took a deep breath. Then another. “I have a daughter, Natey. A little girl.” I didn’t even know what she looked like. Why hadn’t I asked to see a picture? “She’s four and a half.”
He stiffened, and his breath stuttered, but he quickly evened out and got back to business. “And you’re saying her mother…told Roman she was pregnant?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying. She’d tried to come tell me, got us mixed up, and our fucking asshole of a brother told her to get lost. He threatened her, Nate.”
“No, no,” Roman grumbled. “That’s not right. When is this person saying this happened? And how do you know it’s true? You can’t just go by some random woman’s word.”
“Oh yeah?” I would have shoved Nate out of my way so I could strangle my twin, but I didn’t want to hurt him, and the way I was feeling, I would have.
“You’re telling me you don’t remember a woman approaching you at the player’s entrance a little under five years ago and telling you she was pregnant?
That never happened? Before you answer, think really hard. ”
Nate moved just enough for me to see Roman’s grimace. He shoved his fingers through his hair and tugged hard, leaving his curls to look a hell of a lot like mine.
“Ben…” He sighed. “Yes. I’d put it out of my mind, but yes, I do remember something like that. I assumed she was just another mixed-up fan. That wasn’t the first time something similar happened, and I didn’t want to give her even an inch to run with the story she’d made up.”
“She didn’t make it up,” I bit out. “She thought you were me.”
“Who is this woman?” Nate asked.
“Mazzy.” When he still seemed puzzled, I explained. “The woman I met when I almost crash-landed on the way back from New Zealand. And no, she isn’t lying. We had sex without a condom, and this shit happens when you do things like that.”
Nate shook his head. “Christ, I remember you telling us about her…she got pregnant? She has your kid?”
“She does.” I choked on my words—on the reality of all I’d missed. “Her name’s Kateryna. Mazzy calls her Katty.”
“Goddammit.” Nate pulled me into a hug, holding me tight, and I let my face fall onto his shoulder, clutching at his shirt.
“What am I gonna do?” I mumbled. “This is so messed up.”
A hand landed on my back, and I knew without looking it was Roman’s. “Ben, I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry, man. I didn’t know, but that’s no excuse. I realize that. I want to make it right. Tell me how I can.”
I lifted my head, catching his gaze. “How do you think I could make up for you missing Jonah’s first four years?”
His jaw rippled then he nodded once. “You couldn’t.”
“Right,” I agreed. “Nothing’s going to get those years back.”
Nate, always the big brother, guided me to Roman’s chair. “Now that you’re not going to murder Roman—”
I held up my hand. “I never agreed to that.”
He raised a brow. “Now that you’re not going to murder Roman today, let’s take a deep breath and talk about this.”
Nate perched on the corner of Roman’s desk, and Roman leaned against the window. It would have been a shame if it cracked and he fell right out of it. A real shame…
Nate pointed to my face. “You’re thinking something evil.”
I folded my arms, scowling at him. “No, I’m not. You can’t prove it.”
Roman huffed, his eyes on his phone. “I’m getting Ade on a call. No sense in having a family meeting without him.”
“I’m not here for a meeting. I’m here to murder you,” I grumbled.
Adrian chose that moment to pick up. “Who’s murdering who?”
“Ben is planning on murdering me,” Roman explained.
“For valid reasons,” I yelled to be sure Adrian heard me.
He laughed. “What could they possibly be? Did you realize he stole your face again?”
I glared at the phone. “You wouldn’t appreciate having to share a face with an asshole, especially not when he made it so you missed the first four years of your daughter’s life.”
A beat of silence, then Adrian uttered, “What?”
Thankfully, Nate took over, explaining everything. I didn’t have it in me to say it again—not when I’d only just stopped myself from going on a murderous rampage.
Roman was looking at me, searching for something I wasn’t willing to give him.
Deep down, I understood he’d made a mistake, but like he’d said, there was nothing he could do to get the years I’d missed back.
I’d forgive him eventually, but not yet.
Not today. I had to stay mad, or I wasn’t gonna make it.
Adrian’s first response was, “Do either of you know how to properly use condoms? Do I need to run a class?”
Leave it to the owner of a sex club to bring up contraceptives. He had a valid point, but now was not the time for making points.
“At least I used one,” Roman muttered.
“Broken condom or not, that ship has sailed,” I replied.
“Yeah. I guess it has.” Adrian let out a heavy breath. “So what’s next? A paternity test, I’m assuming?”
I closed my eyes. “I’m not there yet. Mazzy and I are going to talk tonight. I’m hoping I’ll get to meet Katty soon, but I wouldn’t blame Mazzy if she wants to keep her away from me. I’m a deadbeat, after all.”
“Hold on,” Adrian cut in. “If that’s your child, she has no right to keep her from you. Roman, Nate, I’m assuming your lawyers can put you in touch with someone in family law who can handle this.”
“Sure,” Nate said. “I’ll make a call after this.”
My eyes flew open. “No one’s making any calls on my behalf.”
“Fine,” he conceded. “I’ll put you in touch with a lawyer who can help you.”
I narrowed my eyes at my brother. “I shouldn’t be surprised the two of you are thinking about lawyers and paternity tests when I’m sitting here fucking devastated I missed the start of my kid’s life.
Hell, while I was babysitting and loving on my nephew, my own daughter was living in the same city, and I had no idea.
So, excuse me if the conversation going on around me is royally pissing me off. ”
The room went silent, except for my panting breaths. I had to get myself under control before I went into cardiac arrest. I’d never felt so outside of my body, like someone else was holding the reins, and I was just…there.
Roman pushed off the window and came to me, arms wrapping around me so tight, I couldn’t have fought my way out of his embrace if I’d tried—and I wasn’t trying. Shoving my face into his neck, I sucked in great gasps of air.
“Sorry,” Adrian said quietly. He didn’t back down often, so he must have meant it. “I can only imagine how you’re feeling, Benny.”
“I wasn’t thinking,” Nate said. “Of course you’re devastated. We’ll figure this out together. And no more lawyer talk until you bring it up.”
“I’ve got you.” Roman’s arms tightened. It didn’t matter how mad I was at him; he was still the other half of me, and I needed this hug right now. “You’re gonna be the best dad, Ben.”
I shook my head. “I’ve already failed her.”
“You’ll make it right.” He knocked his head against mine. “Jonah can’t get enough of you. Katty’s going to be the same way.”
Hearing him say her name made it more real. “Isn’t that a great name?” I was glad Mazzy had chosen it without me. I probably would have picked something stupid like Begonia or Coconut.
His laugh was breathy next to my ear. “Really great. I bet she’s so cute.”
I pulled back and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. “I can’t wait to meet her.”
Roman took my face in his hands. “I can’t either. I hope you’ll let me.”
“I’m not there yet,” I said.
“I know.” He patted my cheeks once before letting me go. “Take the time you need. Just know I’m eager to be an uncle.”
“Me too,” Nate agreed.
“Same,” Adrian said.
Chills ran through me. This was real. I had a daughter, and my brothers were her uncles. Shira was her aunt. Jonah was her cousin. Everything was about to change, and I had to think it would be for the better.
“I have a daughter.” I looked at Nate and Roman then at Adrian’s image on the phone screen. “I have a kid. Me. I’m a father.”
Nate chuckled. “Pretty crazy.”
Adrian added, “Total mindfuck.”
Roman locked eyes with me. After two beats, he smiled. “It’s going to be incredible, Benny. Just incredible.”
Mazzy Belle Emerson wasn’t anything like I remembered. This version of her was all business. She called me exactly as she said she would and got right into it without any preamble.
“We’ll meet you at our favorite park tomorrow if you’re available.”
“Yes,” I rushed out. “Anytime. I’ll make it happen.”
“I’m off work at three. We can meet you at four for an hour.”
An hour? That wouldn’t be enough. I already knew that. But beggars couldn’t be choosers.
“Okay. So…um, how do we do this? Does she know?”
“She doesn’t, and I’m not sure. My instincts tell me to introduce you as Ben and let her get to know you. She doesn’t have any men in her life. This will be new and strange for her.”
“No men?” At first, I liked the sound of that, then a thought occurred to me. “What about your dad?”
After a pause, she said, “He passed away.”
“Oh god, I’m so sorry.”
She made a little huff. “I’d say it’s okay, but it’s really not.”
“No, I wouldn’t think so.” I scrubbed at my jaw, wishing I’d kept my damn mouth shut. “Can I bring her something tomorrow?”
“She doesn’t need anything, and you don’t have to buy her affection.”
“I don’t think that’s what I wanted to do…” I let my hand drop into my lap, helpless. “I’ve never bought her anything. I’m so behind. I need to—”
“Ben, stop. You have plenty of time to provide for her. For this time, I’d rather you meet her before you jump in with both feet.”
I barked a laugh. “Too late, Mazzy-mazz. I’m already at the bottom of the pool, fully immersed, and I haven’t even seen her yet.”
She sucked in a breath. “Of course you are.” Then she let it out. “Do you want me to send you some pictures?”
I almost said yes, but stopped myself. “Is it crazy that I want to see her in person first?”
“Not crazy, no. That’s how I first saw her.”
I laughed. “I guess it is. I want to know about that—about everything. I have a million questions for you.”
“I’ll answer anything you want to know about Katty.”
I heard her line in the sand. She’d be an open book about Katty. Anything else? Doubtful.
“Tomorrow, Mazz. I can’t wait.”
“See you tomorrow, Ben.”
I’d screwed up a lot in my life, but I vowed I would get this right.
There was no other option.