Chapter 44
Chapter Forty-four
Ben
Mazzy’s beautiful, perfect face fell, and I realized once again I was a dumbass.
“Baby, no,” I rushed out, slipping my hands around her neck. “I want you, always. Forever. But we’re not moving to New Zealand. That’s what I don’t want. You’re not giving up your job and school.”
“But…Ben. It’s the Warriors. This is what you’ve always wanted.”
“It was,” I agreed. “Getting to play with that team would be one of the highest honors. A year ago, I would’ve already been on a plane, no hesitation.”
“Then what…?”
Her pulse fluttered beneath my thumb, and I brushed back and forth over it.
“My brothers pointed out a lot of things to me, the first being I haven’t signed the contract.
I would’ve chalked that up to me holding out hope you’d change your mind about coming with me, but if I’d really intended on going no matter what, why hadn’t I signed it?
I had to really sit and think about it.”
“What did you come up with?”
I let out a breath that felt too big for my chest. “Roman said something to me I couldn’t get out of my head.”
Mazzy blinked up at me, waiting, so patient, I still wasn’t sure I deserved her. But, by god, would I do the work until I did.
“He told me my career is going to come to an end, no matter what,” I said quietly.
“But I’m luckier than he was, and I get to choose what mine looks like.
I can choose how I walk away from rugby.
I can choose the final chapter. He asked me if I wanted that chapter to be me, alone, in a country on the other side of the world.
Pretending I’m living the dream, while my entire life is back here. ”
Her lips parted, breath catching.
I swallowed hard. “The thing is, playing without the people I love standing beside me wouldn’t feel like a triumph. It would feel hollow.”
I touched her cheek, brushing my thumb along the dampness gathering there. “And he was right, baby. I’ve been chasing rugby my whole life. I’ve loved it. Bled for it. But recently, my priorities shifted. I didn’t even realize how much until I thought about what Roman said.”
I leaned in, my forehead touching hers, needing her to hear me. “Being Katty’s dad is the greatest honor I could ever have. And being your man?” My throat thickened, and every word I pushed out was wobbly. “That’s everything, Mazz. That’s the dream. That’s the life I didn’t think I’d ever get.”
A tear rolled down her cheek, and I wiped it away with my thumb, the backs of my own eyes burning.
“I can’t walk away from that,” I whispered. “I won’t. Not even for the Warriors.”
Her breath hitched. “Ben…”
“I’m choosing you,” I said, firm and steady. “I’m choosing our family. That’s my ending. That’s the story I want. And leaving you two behind? That’s not even on the table. Not anymore.”
She broke, a soft, relieved sob spilling from her, and I pulled her against my chest, holding her for all the days I’d missed having her in my arms.
“Are you really sure?” she asked. “I don’t want you to regret this. Please don’t regret it. I’ll be by your side no matter what.”
I kissed her temple then trailed my lips down the side of her face. “I love you for being willing to try, baby. I appreciate it more than words can say. But I’m sure. My agent is already preparing a contract with the Mountain Lions for my final season. It’s gonna be amazing.”
She tipped her head back, giving me her wet, beautiful eyes. “You’re going to retire?”
“Mmmhmm. One more epic season, then I’m walking away. And I’m not scared. Well…okay, I’m somewhat scared. I’ll have the rest of my life to figure out, and that feels…bigger than I’m willing to contemplate at the moment.”
Her laugh was like music to my ears. “Me too, if I’m being honest.”
“Yeah…I think you’ve got it more figured out than you give yourself credit for.” I touched my lips to hers. “You’re at the beginning of something great, baby. It’s going to be your time to shine. I’ve had all these years to chase my dream down the pitch. It’s my time to support you chasing yours.”
Her breath stuttered. “But…you are rugby.”
“Try again, baby.” I kissed her once more. “I play rugby. I am Kateryna’s dad, and your future husband. Hopefully.”
She squeezed her eyes shut. “Don’t propose to me right now.”
I barked a laugh. “Did you think that was a proposal? Nope. That was just a statement of fact. When I propose, you’ll know, and you’ll be excited about it.”
Her eyes flashed open, much less panicked. A teasing smirk played on her lips, and I knew we’d be okay. “You think?”
“I know.” Now that we had that settled, I had a few more things I needed to tell her. “I’m sorry I shut down on you, Mazz. I didn’t know how to deal—and since we’re putting it all on the table, I can’t say I’ve got it all figured out. My mom being here is a mindfuck of massive proportions.”
“I know. I can only imagine.”
“I think—” I shook my head. “No, I know I can be real with you. I know you’re a safe place for me. I forgot for a minute there, and running felt a whole hell of a lot easier than dealing, but I’m standing still now. Will you stand with me and help me work through this?”
“You don’t even need to ask. I’m with you, Benny.
” Her arms circled my neck, her soft body molded against mine.
“If something like this happens again and you need time to work it out, just tell me, and I’ll give it to you.
I’m no expert on life or anything, really, but I want this with you.
I want us to love and take care of each other, always. ”
My heart was a hurricane, blazing a warpath in my chest, trying to get to her. “Are you sure I can’t propose to you right now? ’Cause I already know there’s no way in hell I’ll ever stop loving you.”
Her face nuzzled against my shoulder. “Maybe wait a little while so no one thinks we’re lunatics. But you have to know I’m a sure thing.”
“I was hoping…”
Her soft breath was hot against my skin. “Hey, Ben…would you rather argue about who loves who more for the next fifty years or skip to the part where I win?”
I grinned against her hair, and my competitive nature surged to the forefront. “If you think you’d ever come out on top when I’m clearly the winner, you’d better think again, baby.”
With an indignant squeak, she shoved out of my arms. “Those are fighting words, buddy. I very obviously love you the most. I was prepared to move to New Zealand for you. Tell me I win right now.”
I took a step toward her. “While that was very nice of you, I don’t think you understand how much I love you.” I prowled forward, and she retreated backward. “That’s okay, though. I have at least fifty years to get you to admit I’m the most in love.”
Her eyes widened as I stalked toward her, slow and deliberate, like I had every intention of proving my point right there on her living room rug. Which…yeah, I did.
“Ben…” she warned, laughing as she backed up another step, bumping into the arm of the couch.
I lifted a brow. “Are you surrendering already?”
“Never.” She darted left, slipping out of my reach by an inch.
“Oh, it’s like that?” I lunged, and she squealed, spinning away and racing toward the stairs.
“Mazzy,” I growled, half laughing, half ready to throw her over my shoulder. “Get back here so I can love you properly.”
“Not until you admit I win!” she called over her shoulder, that musical laugh bouncing off the walls.
I gave chase, my footsteps pounding lightly behind hers, my chest almost too full with everything she made me feel.
At the top of the stairs, she skidded around the corner, nearly slipping, and I grinned as she did that thing where she looked back at me while still running, eyes bright, cheeks flushed, like she enjoyed being hunted by me.
She yelped when I caught her around the waist, lifting her clean off the ground as she kicked her legs in the air, laughing so hard she could barely breathe.
“Ben! Put me down!”
I carried her into our bedroom, my mouth against the side of her neck. “Admit I love you more.”
“Never!” she said again, breathless and gleeful.
I tossed her on the bed and followed her down, my body landing on top of hers. Her arms looped around my neck, and my forehead rolled over hers. Our wild grins matched, and our hearts thumped in time.
“I love you.” She brushed her smile over mine.
“Love you too, baby.”
Then I kissed her for all the days we’d been apart and all the days to come. She held me tight against her, welcoming me into her body and heart like I’d always belong to her. Even on the hard days. Even when smiles didn’t come easily.
If this was how the next fifty years were going to go, we’d both win.
But that didn’t mean I wouldn’t keep trying.