31. Luc
31
LUC
FIRSTS
I cut the bike’s engine about three buildings before Kari’s, using the momentum to roll the rest of the way, and the silence to sneak closer. Because even if my sisters are gonna be cool about all this, Kari still wants privacy, and I’m not ready to have my ass handed to me by Kari’s older, larger, dangerously protective big brother.
I bring the bike into the driveway out front, gravel and rocks crunching under my wheels, then I squeeze the brakes gently, slowing us to a stop and using the streetlights overhead to guide my way.
“That was smooth,” Kari whispers, reaching up already to unsnap her helmet and pull it off to reveal wild hair made curlier from the ride. “I never considered rolling it into the driveway.”
“I’m too smart for my own good.” I accept the helmet when she offers and dangle it off the handlebar, then I do the same with her bag, using the straps to hang it. I thrill under her touch when she places her hand on my shoulder and her feet on the ground. She uses me for balance. For strength.
All for naught, because the moment she’s off, I hook my arm around her hip and yank her in until she perches, off balance, across the bike in front of me. Looking down into her eyes, exhausted, and yet, dancing, I smile when her lips twitch with a ghost of the same. “I feel like I’m dreaming.” I lick my dry lips and study the million tiny freckles smattered over her cheeks. I visually trace her long lashes, and the locks of hair draped over one side of her face. “I know we’re still figuring us out. And fuck, Bear, I know we’re scared. There’s so much at risk?—”
She searches my gaze. “But…?”
“But I feel like it’s all a cruel dream and you’re still away in the city pretending I don’t exist. I’m scared I’m gonna wake up soon with the biggest fucking heartache ever.”
“That’s kinda how I feel too.” She nibbles the inside of her cheek and allows her eyes to flicker between mine. “You said no for so long, and now you’re all in, shouting yes. I’m still catching up.”
“So we’re both kinda shell-shocked.” I lean in and press a kiss to her sweet lips. “And now you’re inviting me inside. To your bed.”
“Don’t make it weird.” She slaps my shoulder and shoves up from the bike, snagging her bag as she goes. But she doesn’t throw my hand off when I grab on. She doesn’t fuss or snarl when I link our fingers and tug her back so we can walk side by side. “You and I aren’t compatible on the way we discuss these things. You seem to thrill in making me uncomfortable.”
“I mean…” I press my lips to her temple and chuckle as we start up the steps. “I do. Kinda. It’s the asshole in me. But it’s for the greater good,” I add when she shoves her elbow back and nails me in the gut. “I swear. If neither of us say anything, then we’re never gonna get anywhere. But if I continue to nudge you out of your comfort zone and into the outside world with me, then eventually, maybe, we’ll be able to get married and live our lives together forever.”
“Jesus.” Exhaling, she slides her hand into the front pocket of her backpack for her keys. “You’re never afraid to say the craziest things. I’m blushing over the word sex, and you’re out here spouting off about marriage.”
“That’s because I know where I’m going.” I snatch her keys and do the honors. “I’ve known, Bear, all along, where my life was heading. I just had the unfortunate luck of having to wait for you to live yours in the meantime.”
“Making decisions for us both,” she whispers, lowering her voice when I open the door and cross the threshold. “You think you get to dictate my life.”
“An argument we’ve already hashed and beaten to death. I’m not interested in fighting over that anymore.” I pull the key from the lock and turn to close the door at our backs. But I don’t miss the sneer on her lips. The lingering rage she continues to work through. “Come on,” I take her hand and duck my head. It’s weird, and Pink Panther-y, but I lead her through the living room and down the hall. I’ve been in this apartment countless times, despite the fact that the main occupant wanted nothing to do with me for the longest time. Which means, luckily for me, I know which room is hers. I don’t have to slow us down and explore an unfamiliar place. “Has Blake ever slept in your room?”
“Oh, shut up.” She thumps my shoulder, silent and painful, and takes the lead past my sister’s closed bedroom door. She hovers by hers for a beat. Hesitant and shaking. But when I lean into her space and raise a single, challenging brow, she rolls her eyes and pushes through. “Fine,” she hisses, holding the door just long enough for me to cross the threshold. Then she pushes it shut again, careful not to make a single sound with the latch.
“So this is your bedroom, huh?” I glance around the spacious room. The bed that’ll easily—with a little extra snuggling to compensate—hold two. I peek at the dream catcher hung on the wall and the fairy lights dangling from the ceiling. When the main light is out and the fairy lights are on, I imagine it’s almost as though she’s sleeping under the stars. “It smells like flowers in here.” I turn from the back wall and find her waiting by the door. Shy. Hesitant. Terrified. “I’m not judging you, ya know?”
“I don’t…” She searches my eyes, desperation making her voice quiver. “What?”
“You think if you say something—like, asking me to kiss you, or asking me to love you—is reason to be embarrassed. But I’m not judging you.”
“I know. You’re?—”
“You could ask me to wear devil’s horns and fuck a horse in public, and I still wouldn’t judge you.”
“A horse?” Her lips wrinkle in disgust. “You would fuck a horse? What the hell is wrong with you?”
Chuckling, I drop my hands by my sides and wander in her direction. “No, I wouldn’t fuck a horse. But you could ask me for anything, Kari.” I stop in front of her, our toes almost touching and her choppy breath hitting my chin, “And I’ll go to the ends of the earth to be what you need me to be.”
“But you won’t assault a horse?”
“Not unless you really, really begged. And then you’d have to write a five-page essay outlining your very specific reasons as to why you think I should do that to the poor beast. He doesn’t have a voice, after all, and sexually assaulting an animal is a crime in forty-nine US states.”
“Pretty sure it’s all fifty,” she sniggers. “Or, it should be.”
I bring my hand up and place it under her chin, gently tilting her head back until it rests against the door. “Should I tell you when I’m gonna kiss you? Or will I just do my thing?”
“Telling me makes it formal and odd,” she gulps. “That makes me feel weird.”
“So I’ll just do me then.” I pinch her chin between my thumb and finger and draw her to the tips of her toes. “And you’ll tell me when I’ve done something you don’t like.”
She licks her lips and nods, barely, considering the grip I have on her face. “Yes.”
“And you’ll speak up, clearly, and loudly, if I’m approaching a boundary you don’t want crossed?”
She swallows and nods again. “Yes.”
“Are there any boundaries you’d like to voice right now? Since we’re talking and things are already weird, you may as well use the moment to say what you need to say.”
She shakes her head, wordless and yet, a million thoughts flitter in her eyes.
“Can I pick you up?” I release her chin and gently peel her bag away, allowing it to slide to the floor with a too-loud scrape of the zipper against the door. “Can I put you to bed?”
Her cheeks burn a horrified red. But she closes her eyes and nods. So fucking brave. So trusting. “Yes. To both.”
“Thank fuck.” I slip my hands down her ribs and around to her backside. Then I lift, slamming my lips to hers when she opens her mouth to squeal. I turn on my heels, suckling her tongue into my mouth and groaning when she wraps her arms around my neck. She’s terrified. But she wants this. Fuckin’ A, she wants it, and I’ve waited for what seems like a million years. “You’re so fucking beautiful.” Instead of tossing her to the mattress, I turn and sit instead, holding her on my lap and grunting when she grinds down over my hardened cock. “So delicious, Bear.”
“Take control of this,” she pants, rolling her hips and teasing me with what could be. “Be bossy and stuff, so I don’t have to be in charge.”
I slip my hand beneath her shirt and trace the long lines of her back. Over her ribs and along the valley of her spine. “You want to be passive in this.” I break our kiss and dive in to taste her neck instead. I bite, but I don’t suck. I nibble, but I don’t leave a single fucking mark for someone else to witness tomorrow. “That’s not the Kari I remember, demanding I kiss her on the halfpipe.”
“That Kari was younger and braver.” She reaches down to the hem of her shirt and lifts it until the fabric catches on her chin. She surprises us both, staring into my eyes when, for the first time in my life, I don’t help a woman undress. “And she wasn’t asking for sex back then. Just a kiss.”
“You want to fuck tonight?” My lips curl higher, playful and verging on goofy. “You move fast, Bear. From I hate your guts , to split me open, in the space of a single shift at work.”
“Split me open?” She rolls her eyes, mocking. But at least she’s back to her normal, challenging self. “You think quite a lot of yourself, don’t you?”
“I don’t think. I know.” I shrug. “You don’t dive straight into the deep end on your first day at the pool, Bear. You gotta wade in slowly. Bring a big, strong man along to keep you safe.”
She pitches her shirt and looks to her left. Then she half climbs off my lap, so the only reason she doesn’t splat to the floor are my hands gripping her hips. She yanks her bedside drawer open and pushes random notebooks and bits of paper aside. Then she takes out a dildo that has my eyes popping wide and my heart skipping a beat. “Six years, I’ve wanted you.” She straightens on my lap once more, holding the bright pink tool between us so I get to see. “Six years, Luc. I’m technically a virgin, in that no man has penetrated my body. But…”
“You’re a naughty girl.” I snatch the dildo and hit the button on the end, starting the vibration until it rolls along my arm and leaves the woman trembling in my lap. “How often did you think of me while you did this, huh?” I bring it up and let the vibrating end touch, feather soft, her plump lips. “How many times did you explode and think of me?”
“Too many.” Sighing, she drags her lip between her teeth and groans. “So many times.”
“Even when you hated me?”
She exhales a choppy, stilted breath when I drag the vibrator over her clavicle and down to rest between her breasts. “Maybe even more then.” She rolls her hips and buys me a one-way ticket to hell. “I wanted you, even when I wished I’d never met you.”
“Angry sex is the best kind.” I lower the dildo and place it between her legs on the outside of her pants, pressing the hard length against her core and sending myself closer to the edge because the vibration rockets along my cock, too. “You can stay mad at me a little longer if you want.” I bite her lip, eliciting a groan of desperation that arrows straight for my heart. “Just for this one time. Now that I know you’re not some inexperienced, damsel virgin.” I hold her hip and push mine up. I can’t help myself. I couldn’t stop the movement even if I wanted to. “Now I know I don’t have to be careful…”
“I mean…” She backs up a little, allowing her shy side to win in a battle against bravery. For a moment, at least. “Be a little careful…”
Snickering, I toss the vibrator aside and spin on the bed, dropping a squeaking Kari onto her back and following until I can kneel between her legs. Her chest lifts and falls, her heart racing and stressing her bra on every inhalation.
“Let me taste.” I dip my fingers into the waistband of her pants and give a gentle tug. Just enough to let her know what I’m doing, but not so much to expose her. I want to give her time to say no. “I can fuck you tonight if that’s what you want. Or I can just lie here and chat since you’re so tired.”
“Luc—”
“But I wanna taste you first.” Carefully, I drag the blue fabric down, pinching the drawstrings of her pants and freeing them from the knot she created at the start of her shift. “Dildos can’t tongue fuck, Bear. That’s for me only.”
“Oh god.” She sets her feet on the bed and presses her palms to her eyes. But she lifts her hips and allows me room to maneuver the fabric. “Don’t ask me for permission for these things.” Her cheeks flame beneath her hands. “I’m begging you, don’t ask. It makes me feel awkward.”
“But you’re not too shy to show me a fuckin’ dildo.” I drag the pants along her creamy thighs and grin when I find her legs smattered in freckles too. From her time spent at the lake, swimming in the sun and not inviting me in. Blasphemy . “ I’m too shy to say I like you, Luc. But I’m not too shy to show you my sex toy collection .”
“That’s not my whole collection.” She smirks when my gaze snaps back up to meet hers. “Just my current favorite.”
“Fuck me.” I drag her pants down and tangle the fabric in her shoes. Desperate, I tug her laces undone and toss her sneakers aside, one, then the other. Kari giggles, her lithe body vibrating just like the bright pink dick buzzing on the bed. Then I unsnap my pants just to allow myself a little extra room to breathe. My cock roars in my boxers, seeping and pulsing with a feral need that is far more violent than she deserves. More violent than she could handle. “Please, Bear, for the love of everything holy, please let me taste you.”
“Stop ask?—”
“I’m gonna taste you,” I cut in. Not asking. Not making it weird. “I’m gonna take everything I’ve been dreaming of for six long fucking years.” I kneel on the bed, my knee between her legs, and scoop my free arm beneath her back to half lift, half drag her along the mattress. My touch is rough. Bruising. My desperation, palpable. “I’m gonna make us both really fucking happy.”
She crushes her hands to her eyes and shudders. “Oh god.”
“And your only job is to tell me no if something bothers you.”
Her breath hitches on the way out. “Okay.”
Lying her down, her head on the pillow, I bring my arm back and slide my fingertips over her flesh. Goosebumps sprinkle to the surface, nerves a physical, visible thing. But she circles her legs around my hips, demanding I stay close and sending shots of adrenaline firing through my veins. “Fuck, Kari.” Breathless, I lean over her and take her pebbled nipple between my lips. She still wears her bra, a simple, black, lace-less T-shirt bra that becomes the most beautiful fucking scrap of material I’ve ever seen in my life. “You’re gonna kill me, Bear.”
“Don’t die yet.” She cups my face and pulls me closer, latching her lips onto mine and taking my very soul with her kiss. “I’ve waited too long for this. You don’t get to check out yet.”
I snort and drop my lips to her neck. Her collarbones. The underside of her jaw. “I swear, however long you’ve waited,” I pull back and search her eyes. “I’ve waited longer.”
Her eyes glitter with emotion. Such a familiar look I’ve long ago grew accustomed to. But there are no tears this time. There’s no sadness.
“I love you,” she whispers. “Even when I hate you.”
“Fuck.” I dive in and take her lips with mine, my heart thundering in my chest and my cock pulsing against her core. Could this be real? Is it possible, after all these years, we’ve come out the other side of all the hurt and heartache, and finally, this gets to be our reality ? Fuck knows. But on the off chance it’s real, I dig my fingers into her underwear and find her soaked and waiting.
“Oh god!” She cries out, too loud. Way too loud, considering she shares an apartment. She slams her own hand to her face and latches her teeth into the heel of her palm. “Luc!”
“I love you too.” I slip my fingers into her pussy. Since we’re not asking. Not making it weird . Just one finger at first, then two until I feel the stretch. “I’ve loved you for as long as I’ve known how to love.” I pepper my lips over her forearm. Her jaw. Her chest. And when she mewls, I pump my fingers and grin when she explodes. Wet and demanding, her tight pussy clamps down and begs for more. “You’ re so needy.”
“I want to fuck.” She lifts her hips, chasing my hand and panting when I make her work for it. “Luca.”
“I wanna taste, first.” I steal my hand from her underwear and take the fabric as I go, exposing the short, curly thatch of hair that guards her entrance. My mouth waters at the promise of what’s to come. My stomach topples at the idea of coming with her.
In her.
“Go.” She drops her hand to the top of my head and pushes. Demanding and bossy enough to make me chuckle. She releases her legs from around my hips and lets them drop wide, then she tangles her fingers in my hair and continues to guide me down. “God, Luc.” Her breath comes out fast. Harsh. Fragmented. “Please.”
I study her sweet pussy. The swollen lips and throbbing clit just waiting for me to touch. Her creamy release already makes her glisten. The wet patch on her bed, like a beacon calling me closer. Fuck savoring. Fuck delayed gratification. I bury my nose against her clit and slide my tongue along her slit until she cries out. She bites her own hand and lets out a muffled groan. And when she attempts to snap her legs closed again, I press my palm to her thigh and nudge it away. “You taste like heaven.”
“Luc—”
“Like heaven if they were serving cocaine and candy.” I slip my fingers in and hook them back to glance across that bundle of nerves. Instantly, she detonates, filling my mouth and drenching her bed. “That’s my girl,” I pant, pressing the pad of my thumb to her clit. “Such a good girl.”
“Luca!”
“More.” I spread my fingers apart and tickle her asshole with the tip of my pinkie. Her body freezes. Every muscle turns taut, and her breath comes to a dead standstill. A boundary creeps closer, so I glance up and study her eyes, grinning when they scream a million thoughts a minute. “You can say no.” I kiss her thundering clit. “Or you can let me touch. Neither are wrong. And if you choose the second, that doesn’t mean you can’t stop me in a few minutes.”
“Okay…” Her word comes out on a crackling, almost-painful gasp. She licks her dry lips and nods, just a single drop of her chin. “Alright.”
“Such a brave girl.” I circle her clit with my lips and suckle until her eyes roll into the back of her head. Then I slip my digit into her ass and hum with pleasure when she groans. “Surprised you never tried this with your toy collection.” I lap at her slit and swallow down her delicious release. “A whole fleet of dildos and you never thought to grab a plug and shove it in your ass?”
“Oh god.” She bites her palm again and whimpers. “Stop talking about it. You’re making it weird.”
I snort and nibble along the very top of her thigh. “I’d like to talk about your asshole, Bear.”
“Luc—”
“It’s so tight,” I growl. “So pink and welcoming.”
“I’m gonna kill you.”
I chuckle and reach across for her dildo. Taking it in my hand, I close my eyes for a second as the vibration ricochets along my arm and into the depths of my chest. But when I open them again, I meet her stare and smirk. Her perfect green gaze watches my hand. Her teeth come out to play with her bottom lip. She might be a virgin, but she knows how this feels. “You’re telling me you’ve never put this in your ass?” I look down between her legs. The glistening sheen and the hungry pulse of her cunt. Then I lean back just a little more and spy her ass. “Never once accidentally tickled it and thought, let me try that?”
“Stop.” She covers her flaming face with her palms. But fuck it because she’s smiling. “I’m never doing this with you again if you insist on making it awkward.”
“Hell you aren’t.” I turn the vibration high and bring the tool down to glide between her folds. To slick it with her own release before I stop with the tip at her opening. “This is one of those medium-sized kinds, huh?” I nudge the head in, just a half inch until her breath catches and her eyes spring wide. “It’s not small, like a bullet. But it’s not large, like a real cock.”
My hips jut forward, like it’s me entering her body and not an inanimate fucking toy.
“You got the starter size, huh?”
“It’s respectable.” She whimpers when I slide it an inch in, clamping her lips shut and angling her head back so I see the strain of her neck. I see her pulse beneath delicate skin, and the blue veins that swim just below the surface. “Luc…”
“ I’m not respectable.” I drag the dildo out, only to slide it in again. But this time, she gets two inches. “And I’m not as small as this thing.”
“You can’t be nearly as big as your ego.”
I snort and give her another inch. “That’s what you think.” I bring my free hand away from her ass, eliciting a cry of despair when she realizes her loss, then I slip it into my pants instead, circling my cock and groaning when that touch alone has my release sprinting to the surface. “You can tell me to stop, okay?”
I fight my zipper and shove it down, desperate to free my dick from its constraints. “First time is still the first time, Bear. And a dildo was something you controlled. This is gonna be different.”
“I trust you.” Panting, she sets her feet on the bed and tilts her hips to take more. Her eyes glitter with need. With want. With desperation. Then she comes apart around the dildo and melts into the mattress. “Luc…”
“So responsive.” I draw the dildo out and set it on the blankets, then I reach up, one-handed, and draw my shirt up. “So fucking responsive, Kari. You’re gonna kill me.”
She worries her bottom lip and shakes her head side to side. “It’s gonna be fine. I promise.”
“I don’t have any condoms.” I lean in and kiss her. I force her to taste herself on my tongue. Her release on my lips. “I haven’t carried a condom around with me for a long time, Bear. So unless you have some, we can’t?—”
“I don’t have any.” But she rears up and wraps her hand around the back of my neck, holding me closer when I start to move away instead. “I trust you.”
“Babe…” My heart shudders in my chest. Her blind faith, far more powerful than any other words she could toss my way. “It’s not?—”
“I’m on birth control. And you’re claiming forever.”
I choke out a desperate laugh. “Yeah, well?—”
“We’re both clean. You love me and I love you.”
“You’re a virgin, Kari. And you’re not even demanding protection.” I release my cock and fold over her until my forehead rests against her chest. “You’re giving too much away.”
“Luc?”
I swallow the lump lodged in my throat and close my eyes. “Yeah?”
“Six years. And you’re gonna make it weird if you force me to convince you.” She slides her fingers into my hair and grabs on tight enough to make it sting. Dragging my head up, she waits for our eyes to meet. “If you make me ask, then we may as well stop. I can’t feel good about myself if I have to beg you to?—”
“To take advantage of you?” I lean closer and press a kiss to the center of her lips. “You don’t want to have to beg me to take your body and soul and lock them away for the rest of our lives?”
“I want you to want me,” she whispers. “So much, that you can’t even stop and think. I want you to have me. And then I want you to keep me. ”
“Fuck.” I drop my face to the middle of her chest and reach down to circle my cock. “Just say stop when you need me to stop.” I kiss her warm flesh and bring my tip to her fiery opening. She’s like lava, and I’m not sure I can take the heat. “Tell me to stop, okay? I’m begging you to?—”
“I trust you.” She cups my face and drags me up. Her eyes glisten with moisture. But they don’t spill over. They don’t break my heart like they have so many times over the years. “I trust you, Luc. It’s gonna be okay.”
“Fuck. Okay.” I lick my painfully dry lips and reach down to grab her leg. I hitch it higher to make room for my thighs, then I nudge, so fucking carefully, the head of my cock into her warmth.
Instantly, she realizes this isn’t the same as her dildo. Immediately, her breath comes to a stop and her eyes widen.
“It’s gonna hurt, Bear.” I roll my hips and give her just a little more. “The stretch will sting. Are you sure?—”
“Don’t ask.” She drops her head back and slams her eyes closed. But I see the way they roll in pleasure first. The way they express desire. “Be bossy. It’s easier for me.”
“Fine.” Fuck . “Fine.” I rock a little closer and grit my teeth when her vise-like grip is enough to destroy me. “You’re so fucking tight. So tight and perfect.”
“Luc…” She swallows, so the movement is visible in her neck.
“You’re doing so good.” I give her more and feel like an asshole when she hisses. But I slide my tongue over the line of her collarbone. “You can take all of me, Bear.” A little more. “You can do it.”
“Oh god.” She abuses her lip between her teeth and bites down until her skin turns white. “Luc?—”
“You’re so perfect.” I take her lips with mine, saving hers from her teeth and a scar she won’t like. Then I nudge a little more in and choke out a breath of desperation. My balls tighten and beg for release. Already. So easily. Because she’s so tight. “You’re so wet. So needy.”
“You can push in a little more.” Opening her legs wider, she draws a long breath and forces herself to relax. “You’re really not as large as you think you are.”
I bark out a laugh that I know would get me in trouble if my sister wakes in the next room. But I bring my focus back to Kari. To her playful expression and smart mouth. Her cheeks flame and her eyes dance. She wants to be sassy, so I give her what she asks and slide in until she’s taken me all and her breath hitches painfully. She draws a long, fast gasp, but to stop the sound escaping, I slap my hand over her mouth and accept her biting teeth as punishment.
“I hope you like what I’ve got, Bear.” I rock a little faster now to lubricate myself with her previous release. “Because this is the only cock you’ll ever know.” I groan as she tilts her hips and mewls. “I’m not leaving now that I’ve finally got you back.”
She wraps her arms around my shoulders and whimpers when I speed up, digging her nails into my back and marking my skin. “Oh god. That feels so… Ah.” She whimpers, part pleasure, part pain. “So good.”
“Filled you right up.” I hook my hands under her back and around to her shoulders. Then I slam forward and hold her to me so she can’t escape along the bed. “You’re doing so good, baby.” I close my eyes and pray, I fucking hope , not to come too soon. “So fucking good.”
“It doesn’t hurt so much anymore.” She lifts her legs and wraps them around my hips. “Go a little faster.”
“And you said you couldn’t be bossy.” I crash my lips over hers and suckle on her tongue, groaning when she cries into my mouth and breathes all the way down into my lungs. “You’re doing amazing.” I move faster. Faster, until it’s a piston that draws me perilously close to the edge. “So fucking amazing, Bear.”
She crushes her eyes closed and scrapes her nails along my back. “I’m gonna…” She moans. “Luc, I’m gonna?—”
“Jump.” I move faster and hold my fucking breath. Anything, to keep myself on this side of the line. “You can jump, Bear. I’ll be right here, ready to catch you.”