41. Luc
41
LUC
ALL THE DETAILS
“ I didn’t catch the last bit of your story.” Kane sets his elbows on the table and his chin in his hands, and grinning like the Cheshire Cat, he bounces his brows. “You said Jess and I were making out, then you stopped talking out loud, bro. Finish it.”
“I did finish it.” I crack the seal on my Coke and turn the can so the lip faces me. “I just didn’t feel you were entitled to hear it out loud. Anyway, you know what happened that day. Got married. Danced. Drank. We were gone before midnight and the rest of you partied on. I’m not asking you what you did, and you don’t ask me what I did.”
“You’re lucky my wife is your sister.” He points a finger, like a gun, straight between my eyes. Then scowling so a long line marks the middle of his forehead, he grumbles, “Damn lucky. I know you hid some of the good details from me, Lenaghan. I’ve hurt men for less.”
“Uh huh.” I pick up my soda and take a long sip. “That night was two years ago. And now here we are. The house has been mostly finished. The yard is like… a little bit landscaped. The nursery was set up, but only because of Kari since I was clearly too fucking busy to help.”
“You were working extra shifts and making money for your family. Don’t spiral down that hole and fuck your mental health up. You were setting up your family’s future.”
“We needed time together! We have money, Bish.”
“And hindsight is always gonna kick a man when he’s down. You wanted to set things up so you could stay home for a bit with Kari and the babies. That’s not something to be ashamed of.”
“Coveting money when we were already comfortable is shameful.” I turn my Coke on the table and hold my temper before it explodes. Before Jess comes running, on a mission to save the fucking day. “We’re still selling music, Bish. We have passive income. The hospital is not the only injection we have into our bank accounts, but still, I chose to work. When she asked me to help set up the nursery, it was always, ‘ next weekend ’. Always, ‘ when I get a second ’.”
“Dude—”
“It was never, ‘ sure, babe! Let me fulfill those promises I made to you on our wedding day !’ Why was I so fucking busy when all I’ve ever wanted was more time with her? We’d lost so much of it already, and here I was, staring down the barrel of two kids and the very life I always wanted. And what? I was too busy to be around?”
“You were future proofing your life.” He leans onto the table and stares into my eyes. “You know me, Luc. You know I’m the last guy on this earth who will blow hot air up another’s ass just to save his feelings. I’m not the ass patting, there there kind. But I’m sitting here now anyway, telling you that you did what you thought was right. You do not deserve more punishment than you’re already suffering.”
“We argued that day in the car.” I choke out a sobbing breath and lock it all down. I still my lungs and firm my jaw. I think back to twelve days ago, the sun beating down on us and reflecting off the car’s windows. Kari was almost full term and ready to pop. In pain every fucking step she took because she’s so small, and she had two of my babies in her belly. “She only wanted time with me, Bish. She wanted to enjoy our last couple of weeks where it was just us, because although we both fought for those babies, although we both wanted them, we still wanted us, too. I actually like spending time with my wife, man. But the currency she wanted to trade in was time, and I was dealing only in money.”
“That asshole shouldn’t have been on the road.” Kane sneers, his lip curling into a dangerous curve. “If he didn’t make those choices that day, then he wouldn’t have run that red and hit you. He is the reason your car was totaled, and he’s the reason Kari’s pregnancy ended the way it did. Fuck, Luc. He did this. Not you.”
“And yet, here I am, broiling in the consequences of getting into the car that day.” I sniffle and look up to meet his almost black eyes. “She wanted to stay home, ya know? She wanted to stay in our room where the ceiling was made of stars and watch a movie. Lay on the bed and just… be. Us. She wanted to close the windows and lock the doors. Shut the world out. Her request was so fucking simple. So pure and sweet. And I chose, instead, to head out. Drag her along somewhere she didn’t even wanna go.” I pull my bottom lip between my teeth and bite down just hard enough to distract my brain from the ache in my heart. “So don’t sit there and tell me I’m innocent in all this. Don’t pat my back and make me out to be some hero, all because I chose work over her. I chose comfort over love.”
“You chose those things for love,” he snarls. “You weren’t saving up for a singles trip to Bali, stupid. You weren’t putting that cash in the slot machines or drinking your way to oblivion. You wanted to make a good life for your family, so stop with the woe is me and harden the fuck up. I will die on this hill and defend you until my last breath. Because you sure as hell seem to have given up on defending yourself. And you still have a family to take care of. Quit the shit and get back to work.”