Chapter Three
Audrey
If caffeine were a love language, there’s no doubt my best friend Chloe and I would be soulmates with no need for men in our lives. But, sadly, a little factor like sex makes that impossible. We both like a nice package far too much to give up men. Well, that, and the fact that she’s now disgustingly in love with her hunk of a husband who worships the very ground she walks on. I want to be jealous, but I love her far too much to begrudge her total happiness. I like her man, too. That helps a lot. I don’t mind sharing her with her husband as long as he shares as well so we can have our much-needed girl time, which is essential to my soul.
Our quaint little corner of downtown Seattle, which is drenched in sunshine for once, is a perfect homecoming for me after getting back from Florida, another place I absolutely love. If it weren’t so far away from my family and bestie, I’d move there in a heartbeat. But that will never happen, so I have to take in the beautiful days here in Seattle whenever they occur. If it gets too gloomy here, I travel to keep me sane.
We’re seated on mismatched chairs at a patio table outside of a hipster café that serves everything from lavender oat milk lattes to espresso strong enough to grow hair and make a person see their future. We both love it.
Chloe takes a slow sip of her cold brew, her eyes twinkling over the rim of the mason jar containing her drink. “You’ve stalled long enough, woman. Spill,” she demands.
I give my own drink — a coconut milk vanilla iced latte — a slow stir and smile. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
She gives a very unladylike snort. “You texted me in all caps YOU WONT BELIEVE WHO I MET ON THE PLANE , followed by a few flame emojis. You don’t get to pretend something didn’t happen.” She lets out a long sigh. “Unless you’ve already lost interest, which wouldn’t surprise me at all.” She pauses and analyzes me as only she can do. “There’s still a little extra sparkle in your eyes, though, so I have a feeling you haven’t lost anything at all.”
I lean back in my seat and push my sunglasses onto my hair. I want to talk about the man I met on the plane, which surprises me. “His name’s Wolf,” I tell her with a chuckle, still finding his name both amusing and incredibly fitting.
“Like the animal?” she asks with a laugh.
“ Exactly like the animal.” I wink.
Her lips are still twitching. “That’s either extremely dangerous or incredibly sexy.”
“He’s sexy for sure, and most certainly dangerous. He’s tall, dark, and handsome, the beginning of every romance book I’ve ever read. He also has dimples that should come with a warning label, a smile that makes your panties wet, and so much confidence that it made me want to slap him and jump into his lap and kiss him at the same time.”
“Do tell more.” She bites into her pastry while wiping a bit of drool from the corner of her lip. Just because she’s madly in love doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to hear about other women’s romances. A good story is always worth hearing. I’ve made her wait until I returned home to hear this story. She’s now going to drill out every single detail.
“He was sitting next to me in first class. I might’ve dumped a glass of red wine straight into his lap.”
Chloe laughs. “You what?” She leans a bit closer.
“I promise it was an accident. The plane hit turbulence, and I was engrossed in a very spicy chapter of my book, and my hand slipped. I was horrified until he spoke.”
She laughs hard at this, holding up her hand for me to wait until she can speak. “That is so you, Aud.”
“Well, he didn’t even blink as I reached over to wipe off the wine, not realizing what I was doing until it was too late. I jerked back as if a snake bit me.”
She laughs more. “If it was a good snake, you’d have noticed,” she says with a raise of her brows. My grin grows.
“Oh, it was a noticeable snake, alright.” I pause as I think back to the moment. It was a great one among many great moments.
“And?” she asks, clearly impatient.
“He flirted. I flirted. He gave back better than any man I’ve ever put in their place before. There wasn’t an iota of meekness about him. It was hot as hell. He then asked me out... twice.”
She holds up her hand. “Okay, hold on, you have to back this train up a little bit. “You... Audrey Beach... flirted with a man for more than thirty seconds?”
I sigh. “Yes, I flirted... quite a bit, actually. I was certainly testing him like I do all men, and the more he pushed back, the more intrigued I became. The man was gorgeous, but there was also depth to him. He’s certainly used to getting his way with his looks, but he’s intelligent as well. He’s that golden wrapper all of the little girls and boys are hoping to find.”
“But you didn’t go out with him?” Now, she’s clearly confused. So am I. There isn’t a team of therapists strong enough to solve how my muddled mind works.
“Nope. You know I never accept a first offer.”
“But he asked twice ,” she points out.
“In the same conversation, so it doesn’t count.”
“What if he’s Mr. Right, and you never see him again?”
“Then it’s not meant to be.” I sigh. “I won’t see him again, but it did make me think that maybe, just maybe, I should try going on some dates again, though I’ll probably be disappointed. I had fun flirting with him, and I loved the little butterflies in my stomach. But I hate the disillusionment when my dates fail. Any man can be interesting for an hour or two, but they can’t hold up for an entire night, much less a week, month, or year.”
“I can’t believe you stayed with your self-sabotaging, not-accepting-the-first-offer rule. If you don’t risk disappointment, you’ll never have a happily-ever-after,” she scolds. We’ve gone round and round on this. However, she was pretty gun-shy not that long ago herself. It all worked out for her.
“I don’t think it’s sabotaging anything. It’s setting a standard that I care enough about myself to demand the best. I expect it of myself, so it’s not so bad to want it from a partner. I can’t be in a relationship with someone intimidated by me. It would make me a jerk, and I don’t want to dislike myself. A partner is supposed to lift us up, not pull us down.”
“You can tell yourself that all day long, but you’re still letting fear rule you. I haven’t heard you talk about a man like this in a long time. You should’ve seen where it could lead.”
“If it’s meant to happen, we’ll see each other again.”
“Do you want my honest opinion?”
I laugh as I shake my head. “Nope.”
“Well, too bad, because you’re getting it. You’re scared there might actually be a man out there who can break through your walls and make you flutter your lashes. You’re scared that a man might be able to... domesticate you.” She laughs as she ends her sentence while a shudder goes through me.
“Really? Domesticated? Are we suddenly living in the fifties?”
“I’d do great in the fifties. Okay, maybe not great, but I can have a strong man who can lift me up without losing who I am. You don’t want to let a man in because if you do, you might get hurt. That’s your real fear. But life’s about so much more than fun adventures, great sex, and traveling. It’s about family and love and a true partner to lift us up when the world’s pulling us down.”
“That’s what I have you for.”
“And I’ll always be here for you. But we can have each other, and strong partners. I, for one, am not giving up great sex.”
I laugh. “When did you become my personal therapist?”
“When all others refused to take you as a client anymore because you broke them,” she says with a laugh.
“If you start quoting inspirational Pinterest boards again, I might have to puke.”
“I just want you to have what I have. I don’t want you to be too scared to accept something real and possibly chaotic because you’re afraid of being hurt. Sometimes, wine in the lap is simply fate in a merlot-colored disguise.”
I shake my head and am about to reply when a woman sitting at a table beside us leans over. “You should go for it,” she says, not even pretending she wasn’t listening in. “That man sounds dreamy, and they’re indeed hard to come by.”
Both Chloe and I turn to look at her. She’s stunning, with a dark braid slung over one shoulder, aviator sunglasses perched on her nose, and flawless brown skin that can’t be bought. Her confidence might even exceed mine. She lifts her iced coffee in a silent toast.
“Thank you,” Chloe says with a laugh.
“Don’t mind me eavesdropping 'cause you two are much louder than you might think,” she says. “I’m Dana.”
I gaze at her for a moment, her face seeming very familiar. My eyes widen in shock as her name registers. “Wait! Are you —?”
She cuts me off. “Dana Jensen.” She pulls off her sunglasses. “Used to be CIA. Now, I’m simply a badass female looking for my next adventure.”
Chloe’s jaw drops. “I know you. You were a huge part in taking down that—”
Dana waves her hand in the air. “That’s all in the past. What’s important is you,” she says as she points at me. “Take it from a woman who finds it incredibly hard to find a man equal to me, let alone, tougher. That man sounds like a dream, and if you aren’t going for him, please send him my way.”
I’m instantly jealous, which I don’t understand. I’m not intimidated by most females, but this woman could give me a run for my money. “I didn’t say I won’t ever go out with him. Just not right then,” I tell her.
She laughs as she raises her brow. “Did he walk away with his tail between his legs?”
“No,” I admit. “It’s why the man’s still on my mind. I’d normally have forgotten him by now.”
“Then he’s worth a date,” Dana says.
“And, you’re clearly interested,” Chloe adds.
“I’m not saying I’m interested; I’m just saying, I’m not fully dismissing him.”
Dana stands as she gives us both a once-over. “Here’s some unwanted advice from someone who’s been shot at more than she’s been kissed — if you feel a spark of something real, don’t run. Otherwise, you’re going to have that nagging what if whispering in your ear for the rest of your life as more and more people fail you.” Then, before we can respond, she turns and walks off, her empty coffee cup tossed with perfect aim into the trash can about twenty feet away. I turn back and look at Chloe, not sure how to feel.
“She was terrifying,” I say.
“And sexy as hell. Almost makes me want to switch teams.” We both laugh.
“If I could find a man that strong, I’d be a goner.”
“You might have, but you ran.”
I sit back and watch people stroll past as they laugh and sip drinks, living their lives like everything is perfectly normal. They don’t have the internal struggles I deal with every moment of my life. Then again, maybe they do. We never show our true selves to strangers. We want them to only see the best in us because, for some strange reason, we care more about what strangers think about us than what those we love the most think. How messed up is that?
“Okay, maybe I am scared.”
Chloe instantly reaches over and pats my hand. “That’s the first step in fixing yourself.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to have something meaningful. I don’t want to lose myself or compromise to the point that I don’t know who I am.”
“You’re far too strong for that, Aud. Just as I am. Plus, we have each other to help pull us out of sticky or messy situations, if, or more accurately when, we land in the wrong place.”
“I don’t know why any of this matters. I most likely won’t see this man again. He was simply a passenger on a plane going to a destination. I don’t even know where he’s from.”
“Then maybe he isn’t the one, but this can be a lesson for the next time. I think the strongest women are those who stop running and face whatever is chasing them.” My phone rings and it’s a blocked number. I hit end, but my heart skips a little beat. Chloe looks at me.
“Mystery call?” she asks.
“Most likely a sales call.” I can’t help but wonder if this mysterious Wolf really will track me down. I don’t see how it’s possible, but maybe that’s what I’m waiting for. Again, I don’t understand what’s wrong with me.
I sip on my latte and continue to stir, gazing at the swirl of vanilla and espresso like it can give me answers or hypnotize me into being a bit less stubborn.
I look up and grin at Chloe. “Okay, if I run into this mysterious Wolf again, I might accept an offer of a date... if he’s bold enough to make it.”
“And if another man asks you out who makes your stomach flutter?”
I let out a sigh. “I’ll break my first rule,” I say, not sure if I can keep that promise. I’m pretty set in my ways.
Chloe instantly perks up. “That’s what I want to hear.” And just like that, our therapy session ends. We move on to other topics, and my shoulders relax.
Wolf isn’t pushed out of my mind, but he’s at least sitting in time-out for now. My life will never revolve around a man, not when I have such strong relationships. Maybe, just maybe, a man will eventually fit into my life, but that doesn’t mean I have to be consumed by him. Maybe, eventually, I’ll have a partner, even if it seems doubtful.