Chapter Twenty-Three
Audrey
I’ve never been this exhausted. Every inch of me aches from the top of my head to the soles of my feet. It’s mid-afternoon, and we’re heading to one of Wolf’s properties. I still can’t wrap my mind around the fact that this man has so much.
We arrive at his beach house and step inside. I immediately walk to the large patio doors to look out at the ocean and take in the calming sight, smells, and sounds of the Pacific. No matter what’s going on in my life, if I go to the water, it instantly grounds me. That’s always been my favorite form of therapy.
Wolf comes up behind me, his arms gently wrapping around my middle. I sigh in contentment as I lean against him, then chuckle.
“What?” he asks, his voice calm and sleepy.
“We really stink.”
He’s quiet for a minute, then his chest shakes against my back. “Those are words I never thought either of us would say to the other.”
“Not something I’d normally be proud of, but considering we just started a fire, then worked hard to put it out, I don’t feel too bad about it.” The world has stopped burning now, but something inside of me ignited, and these flames keep burning hotter.
We move inside and head to the shower together. Normally, this would lead to immediate lovemaking, but this time we wash away the smoke and grime from each other’s bodies, showing love in a different way. His hand gently caresses my scalp before I lean back and rinse the soap away. I feel pampered and loved, like nothing can ever go wrong in my life again.
A little piece of my mind is still trying to cast shadows, trying to shout that things could still go wrong, but I push these evil voices away. I’m where I want to be, and I’m certainly in the arms of the man I need to be with.
We climb from the shower, put on soft, warm robes, then move back to the deck where the sun is shining and life is moving forward as if nothing monumental has happened. It’s shocking that so much can change for me, but it affects no one else. I suppose it’s hard for any of us to remember that the world does not revolve around us.
Wolf grabs a bottle of wine, some cheese, crackers, and fruit, for a snack before we fall into bed together for some rest. I can barely think, even though there’s so much I want to analyze.
“How are you holding up?” he asks as I munch on some much-needed food.
“I’m not a hundred percent sure,” I admit.
“I fully understand. That was certainly a hectic twenty-four hours.”
“I’ve never experienced anything like it, not quite the suprise I was trying to picture when you said you had a surprise planned.” He doesn’t find me amusing. Humor can heal any wound, though, in my honest opinion. I reach over and squeeze his hand. “Now I know for sure there’s nothing you can’t do.”
“I’d love to believe that’s true, but I’m sure there’s a lot I can’t do,” he says with as much humility as the man’s capable of putting into his confident voice. I chuckle again.
I look out at the gentle waves lapping on the sand as families play, couples throw frisbees, and multiple people run with their dogs faithfully at their side. So much joy is found on the beach. I hate that anything bad could happen in such an awe-inspiring place.
“I’m afraid when the adrenaline wears away, we won’t feel the same way we do now,” I admit.
He squeezes my fingers. I look at him and he shakes his head. “I’m sorry it took something this tragic for me to tell you I love you for the first time. It shouldn’t have happened like that, Audrey. You deserve more. But I promise you the words weren’t spoken out of fear or adrenaline. They were spoken from the heart. I love you. That won’t change tonight, tomorrow, or in a month. I also understand if you need some alone time to think about it all, to let it process. I get how your mind works.”
Damn, I love this man, love that he’s not threatened by how I think, how I process. Just because it’s different from the way he does things doesn’t make it wrong. I squeeze his fingers back.
“I’m going to head home tomorrow to see Chloe. I want to talk to her about it all. She’s also freaking out. She wanted to immediately fly down here, but I managed to talk her out of it since I didn’t want my niece in all of this smoky air.”
“I don’t want her hunting me down, so I think that’s a great idea. I can join you in a couple of days, or I can give you more time if you need.”
“I love you, Wolf. Thank you.” He’s not at all threatened by my need to process. This means so much.
He stands, then holds out his hand. “Let’s get a nap so we can recharge and I can make love to you before you leave.” My body immediately tingles at his words. I smile as I take his hand and stand.
“Are you saying you don’t have the energy to make love before sleep?” I taunt before reaching down and running my finger over his pants. His body immediately responds to my touch. I squeeze him and he sucks in a breath. I laugh, then run into the house. He catches me in a few steps.
We don’t get to sleep for another hour, but when we finally do close our eyes, we’re out within seconds.
*****
Chloe’s in our usual spot at the café beside our favorite park, sipping tea, tapping her foot as she impatiently waits for me. She looks up and smiles, relief washing over her. I totally understand. We’re best friends, and if something happens to one of us, we need to physically lay eyes on the other to ensure they’re okay.
She jumps from her seat as I step up and throws her arms around me, holding on for an extra long moment before she steps back and looks me over from head to toe, making me laugh.
“I’m fine,” I tell her, noticing Pea isn’t here. “Where’s my niece?”
She laughs. “I needed some alone bestie time. She’s with her father.”
“You do realize that holding a baby is the best therapy a person can have, don’t you?”
“Well, babies, puppies, and kittens,” she says. “But I needed your full attention first. We’ll get our drinks to go and walk, then head back to my house, where you can spoil your niece.”
“Deal.”
Drinks in hand, we start walking. It’s a bit windy, and certainly a lot colder here than it was in Southern California, but at least it’s not raining. In the Pacific Northwest you have to be grateful for the small things.
“Please tell me you aren’t going to run away from Wolf. He sounds like the only man on this planet who can be an equal partner for you. I haven’t spent much time with him, but I love him already,” Chloe says.
I chuckle. “No, I haven’t run away from him, but I did tell him I needed a few days to process everything, and the only way for me to do that was with my best friend.”
“What do you need time to think about?” she asks. She knows me better than anyone else, so she’s not judging. She honestly wants to know.
I sigh as we move along the trail. “We were in this seriously high-adrenaline situation and finally said I love you to each other. It’s overwhelming. Part of me fears we rushed because of the near-death experience. What if we were wrong? What if, after the adrenaline is gone, we have regrets?”
“That could happen with or without danger, Aud. People fall in love, and sometimes they fall out of love. That shouldn’t make us too afraid to try. I know you’ll regret it forever if you walk away from him. This man really is good for you. I see a light in you I can’t ever remember seeing before. I love that you’re so independent. But you can keep that independence and still give your heart to someone.”
“Maybe what I actually fear is how real this is.”
“I think that’s pretty accurate,” she says.
I laugh. “You could try to argue with me a little more.”
“I don’t want to argue when you make perfect sense,” she says as she nudges my arm. There truly is nothing as great as a real friendship. “How long did you tell him you needed?”
“I told him I needed to see you. He said he’ll be here in a couple of days.”
She pauses for a moment. “Do you want to see him in a couple of days?”
“I want to see him right now.”
She beams. “Now, that’s a beautiful thing.”
“I agree.”
We continue walking, and I feel lighter. Sure, I’m scared about what’s happening with Wolf, but I don’t want to run. I needed to see my bestie; I’ve done that now, and I still want to be with the man I left in California. I’m going to go to him. I don’t want to wait. Maybe it’s really that simple. Maybe I don’t need to make it so complicated. Maybe it’s okay for me to entrust another person with my heart, to entrust another person to help carry the burdens of life with me.
I won’t change overnight. I can give myself a break. I’m okay with it. I can, however, make small changes. Someday, those changes might become a habit. My day gets a little brighter as Chloe and I switch topics and enjoy our time together. I have a feeling each day will be brighter from here on out.