Chapter 19 Musings
Darcy had returned home and was considering the happenings over a cup of coffee since he wanted to keep a clear head.
Today, had been the worst day of his life.
It was the culmination of several months which started at Ramsgate, continued at Meryton, and came to a climax at tonight’s dinner.
After his delayed return from Hertfordshire, he had gone to Gracechurch Street to apologise to Miss Elizabeth.
Even after having his own shortcomings as they pertained to manners pointed out quite forcefully, he still dreaded meeting an unmannered tradesman.
Yet when he arrived, neither the man nor Miss Elizabeth were in residence, which left him wondering if her father had deliberately sent him to the wrong address.
Considering how Mr Bennet had drawn out telling him that his daughter was in London, he would not put it past the man to have sent him on a wild goose chase.
Having dealt with that situation he had encountered Bingley who had his own tale of woe. For the first time in Darcy’s memory, Bingley was still in love after more than six weeks of knowing a lady. He usually fell out of love within two to six weeks of meeting his latest angel.
When Bingley related his sister’s account of seeing Miss Bennet, Darcy had started to wonder if there could be any truth in Miss Bingley’s insinuations. It could explain why Miss Elizabeth was not in Cheapside.
But surely, as he explained to his friend, Miss Bingley was wrong. She had never made a secret of the fact that she had no wish for her brother to be associated with that lady. And yet, there was a lingering doubt niggling in the back of his mind.
He was still trying to reassure his friend and himself when he received his aunt’s summons.
Being already in an unsettled state of mind, he wondered what could have put his aunt into such a snit. She only adopted that cold tone when she was seriously displeased.
While Darcy would have preferred to arrange for a search for Miss Elizabeth so that he could settle his obligations, he nonetheless knew that it would be wiser to accede to Lady Matlock’s invitation.
His mind was still busy with trying to find a way to track down the location of Miss Elizabeth when he walked into Matlock House and was confronted by the sight of the lady.
Having spent most of the previous thirty hours trying to speak to the lady without success and then encountering her in the last place he expected to see her, caused his words to run away with him without conscious censorship.
While the words themselves were not offensive per se, he realised that his tone of voice had been and the moment those words passed his lips he was mortified and regretted his lapse. He really did not need Richard’s forceful objection to his lapse in judgement.
But he put on a good face and apologised for his blunder. He was pleased when Miss Elizabeth’s stance towards him softened, at least slightly.
Darcy relaxed a little more when he met the genteel aunt and uncle with whom the sisters were staying. Perhaps not all the sister’s relatives were as bad as he had been led to believe by Miss Bingley.
Since he had been presented with the opportunity to apologise to Miss Elizabeth, he did so, only to mangle his words and insulting her further. He felt humiliated again when the lady responded in such a manner that it had taken him a while to realise his latest mistake.
It seemed that every time he was around Miss Elizabeth, he somehow said the wrong thing. Eventually he managed to get that straightened out but the strain of eating so much humble pie was wearying.
Despite that, he was determined to speak to Miss Bennet and smooth the way for his friend.
He was shocked when the lady declared that she had never had any interest in his friend and even thought him to be something of a rake. Darcy thought Bingley to be somewhat immature, but the evaluation of Miss Bennet did not sit well with him.
Since the dinner table was not the place to get into an argument, he let the subject drop and tried to focus on his other dinner partner.
He discovered that Miss Elizabeth was not only exceedingly pretty but also intelligent and well educated. And even though she always remained polite, she was also quite forthright in stating her opinions… even when they disagreed with his own.
While under normal circumstances he would have rejoiced in having an intelligent conversation with a lady, his enjoyment was tempered by his awareness of Miss Bennet’s interactions with Deveril.
He observed that the two appeared exceedingly comfortable in each other’s company.
Feeling anxious because of everything which had happened to him recently, that niggling doubt he had had earlier grew, particularly when he remembered Deveril’s younger brother.
While James Deveril was the same age as Richard, with whom he had been friends most of their lives, Gregory, the youngest Deveril had been Darcy’s age and in the same year at school with him.
Darcy and Gregory always clashed because Gregory became friends with Wickham.
There were rumours that Gregory had ruined several young ladies until he perished in a most convenient accident.
Darcy had wondered whether there was any similarity between the brothers, but that James was simply more discreet.
By the time the gentlemen retired to the library, Darcy had convinced himself that he needed to protect Bingley’s lady love from Deveril.
When he questioned Richard, who obviously knew the family better than he did, to discover if there could be any truth in Miss Bingley’s assertions and Deveril was playing fast and loose, he was so focused on that purpose that he forgot the presence of the lady’s uncle.
After Darcy’s slighting remarks caused a response from that gentleman, who called Darcy’s standards into question, everyone else added their own arguments to completely demolish Darcy’s point of view.
Darcy was used to being in charge with his judgement and decisions unquestioned. Yet in recent weeks everyone seemed to question his discernment … culminating in tonight’s argument. The humiliation was too much.
Thinking now about those few minutes, Darcy wanted to squirm. On reflection, his uncle had been correct. He had spent too much time with Bingley and his sister.
While his father had taught him good principles, he had followed them in pride and conceit. Attitudes which had worsened in recent years when he had thought meanly of the intelligence and worth of people outside his immediate circle. And possibly giving too much credence to some of the ones inside.
Tonight, he paid the price in humiliation, and he had no one to blame but himself.
After reviewing the whole evening, Darcy was grateful to his uncle and Richard for forcing him to see the error of his ways.
Painful as it was looking at what he had become, at least he was being given a chance to redeem himself.
And he had the support of his family while he worked to become the kind of man of whom he could be justifiably proud.
Deveril too was giving him a chance to reform, although Darcy would never forget the cold look he had received when Deveril took him aside and reminded him never to say a negative word about any Bennet lady.
He did not say that Darcy would not live long to regret it, but Darcy understood without the words being spoken.
He could also hardly believe that even Mr Gardiner had given him a chance to prove that he could change. Darcy wondered about the leniency but was grateful.
~T~
Mr Gardiner privately reported the gist of the conversation to his wife, except for that throwaway comment about the future duke. Mrs Gardiner was shocked at the potential repercussions to her nieces.
‘I am afraid that the conversation which took place was partly my fault. If I had been more careful to keep my voice down when I defended Jane, it might have come to nothing. As it was, it was fortunate to be amongst the right group of people since none of the men believed a word of what that idiot implied. Apart from that, I would have had to stand in line to get a chance at Darcy, since Deveril, the Earl and the Colonel were even more incensed than I was.’
Madeline Gardiner gave him a searching look. ‘There is more to it, is there not?’
‘There are at least three more things. One is that we know he was trying to apologise to Lizzy for his stupid remark in Meryton, even going so far as to go to Longbourn, which as I said before speaks well of his basic character. Another reason is that you have spoken well of the family and judging by the reaction of the Fitzwilliams, Darcy will not be allowed to forget himself so badly again.’ Gardiner smiled at his wife’s relieved smile.
‘Therefore, I am prepared to give him a chance to redeem himself.’
‘What is the other thing?’ she asked out of curiosity.
‘If Darcy should forget himself… he might run afoul of any number of burly stevedores.’
‘I certainly hope it will not come to that.’
‘So do I,’ Gardiner fervently agreed.
~T~
Since Elizabeth had not been privy to the discussion in the library, her impression of the gentleman had improved although there had been several ups and downs during the evening.
When he had first arrived and made his unfortunate comments, she had been angry, but had thoroughly enjoyed putting him into his place.
Then he managed to apologise for that comment, and she remembered the Colonel’s assessment that Darcy was a master of saying the wrong thing.
When he again managed to mangle the apology for his tolerable remark, she had overcome her anger by sharpening her wit at his expense.
But the discussion they had about literature over dinner had been thoroughly enjoyable. The Colonel had also been correct when he judged Darcy to be an excellent debater. The best part as far as Elizabeth was concerned was that the gentleman seemed to have no issue with her disagreeing with him.
They had both challenged each other’s ideas and listened with respect to their respective arguments. This was not at all what she had expected after their initial meeting but had to admit that she thoroughly enjoyed it.
She chuckled to herself as she remembered his stunned expression when she had explained to him that his insult had not been the cause of Mr Bingley’s eviction but only a small contributing factor.
Thinking of Bingley, Elizabeth hoped that Mr Darcy would be somewhat more discerning when it came to his friend. That man could have been bad for Jane’s reputation if he had been successful in wooing her sister.
On the other hand, it would be amusing encountering Miss Bingley. Based on Lady Matlock’s comments that woman’s days in society were numbered.
In the meantime, Elizabeth was looking forward to some lively debates.
~T~
Four other people were having pleasant thoughts about their dinner partners.
Having previously observed Miss Mary interacting with his ward, Fitzwilliam was pleased to have her as his dinner partner.
The more they conversed the more he found to like in the lady.
While she was intelligent which he enjoyed, she was not as bookish as her older sister.
As far as Richard was concerned, she had the perfect mixture of attributes which he enjoyed and hoped to find in one lady.
Since, thanks to Darcy, he would have to spend more time in the lady’s company, he forgave his cousin for being an idiot.
Mary too had enjoyed her evening. Although she found it difficult to credit that a gentleman as worldly as the Colonel and being the second son of an Earl would have any potentially serious interest in her, she was prepared to enjoy the experience for as long as it lasted.
After all, he was excellent company and quite easy on the eye.
Jane was pleased for several reasons. She had had the opportunity to disabuse Mr Darcy of the notion that she was interested in his friend Bingley.
Another reason for her pleasure was that during dinner she had noticed that Mary and the Colonel seemed to be getting on famously.
At least she had noticed that when she was not too busy enjoying her own conversation with Mr Deveril.
She had been thrilled to discover that he had returned to town and immediately sought her out…
albeit with the help of Colonel Fitzwilliam.
She could hardly wait until the morrow when the gentleman would call on her.
Deveril was pleased that Jane had not heard that slanderous comment by Darcy because he suspected that she would have been badly hurt by it.
The only reason why Deveril had not immediately challenged Darcy was the fact that he knew the man and suspected the idiot had acted out of a misguided loyalty to his friend.
At dinner Deveril had heard Jane explain to Darcy about her interactions with Bingley and while Deveril agreed with her assessment of the puppy, he could tell that Darcy took exception to it.
So, when Darcy started to spout that nonsense, he had been prepared for something of the kind.
But it was time to clip Miss Bingley’s wings.
In the meantime, he could hardly wait until he could call on Jane.
~T~
It was still dark outside when Darcy woke up and sat up in bed as a thought occurred to him which he had missed earlier due to his self-pity and wallowing in guilt.
That conversation which he had had over dinner with Miss Elizabeth had been thoroughly enjoyable. If the lady was going to spend more time with him in the coming weeks to calm the rumours going around town, that time would be anything but a chore… at least for him.
The more he thought about their conversation, the more he thought that Miss Elizabeth had also enjoyed their debate if he judged correctly based on the sparkle in her eyes.
Perhaps they would both enjoy the experience. Darcy determined that he would do his best to be an affable debating partner.
Unbeknownst to him, when he lay back to return to sleep, a beatific smile graced his features.
~T~