Chapter 26
CADE
The Pit
KNOX: How’s it going?
I glance back at the ring.
“This is complete bullshit!” Lex roars while Sabine runs him through some basic shoulder shrugs.
“L’ombre,” she says, gently leaning back on the ropes. “You can shout at me til you’re blue in the face if it’ll bring you peace.”
ME: Just waiting for Sabine to haul off and slap him again.
KNOX: That bad?
ME: You have no idea.
KNOX: Well, at least Sabine won’t try to sue us.
I look up from my phone just in time to see Lex roll his eyes at her.
“You can do that too,” she chuckles. “But it won’t heal the lightning flaring through that shoulder of yours any faster, chéri.”
Lex groans.
ME: It’s still early.
KNOX: Keep me posted. If it gets good, be sure to get that shit on video.
Since we got back from Miami, Lex has burned through three different physical therapists in a record amount of time.
The first one left in tears. The second threatened to sue.
And the third swore she was going to stab him in his good shoulder to make it match the other one if he didn’t get the hell out of her office.
Luckily, Sabine stepped in. She took over and hasn’t backed down once. She’s the only one who seems to be able to handle the snarling storm that is Lex Barinov.
But even she looks like she might throw a dumbbell at his skull today.
Lex is allowed to be out of the sling for a few hours a day now. Just enough to tease him with an ounce of freedom and drive him half mad at the same time. He’s got some mobility back, but not nearly as much as he wants. Not nearly as much as he’ll need for his next trial.
He tests Sabine’s patience like it’s his full-time job.
Pushes too far and too fast. Groans when the pain spikes and then glares down at her like she caused it.
Yesterday, she caught him and Rez squaring up in here without her.
She was so pissed that I thought she was going to throw Celeste at both of them.
Today, she’s got him on light movements. A few controlled stretches and some core work. Limiting his range of motion so he doesn’t injure himself more. He hates every second of it and makes sure to let the entire Pit know about it.
“This is stupid,” he mutters under his breath, dragging a resistance band across his body with all the grace of a seriously pissed off lion. “How the hell is this going to help?”
Sabine clicks her tongue. “Your trial is not for a few more weeks. I’ll get you ready by then. Promise.”
“With what? Yoga and stretchy bands? How the fuck is this—”
“Lex!” she snaps, her dark brown eyes burning like embers. “Look around you, child! Your options have withered like moss in a drought. That fire of yours burned so hot, it’s left only me and Cade to sift through the ash.”
She inches closer, a small shadow against the seething beast, but she doesn’t shy away.
“So, you’re gonna listen to the words I say.
You’re going to find your strength and find your way.
And for all our sakes, you better tame that darkness curling through your soul before it swallows us whole. You hear me, chéri?”
Lex flinches at her words. Probably because deep down, he knows she’s right.
His recovery wasn’t only a nightmare for the poor physical therapists assigned to him.
It’s been hell for the rest of us as well.
Between the mental toll of what he had to do to the Vasilev brothers and the constant throb in his shoulder, Lex’s rage has become something sentient.
Add in the fact that Bella’s location is still a black hole and Knox hit a gigantic wall with those updated collars, it’s been miserable.
For all of us.
Lex has spent the last few days systematically tearing a new one into anyone within earshot.
I can barely reach him anymore. Half the time, he stands paralyzed in front of the mirror, staring at his reflection with his good hand balled into a white-knuckled fist while the other hangs uselessly in that damn sling.
The girls have stopped coming by after he yelled at Haley for nothing more than breathing in his direction. Even Knox goes MIA now, not wanting to touch Lex’s anger with a ten foot pole.
The check-in texts are getting shorter and the hours between them wider. Everyone’s retreating.
Daniel and Irina are worried about him. She called yesterday in tears asking if maybe Dr. Monroe could get through to him. I told her the harsh truth. He won’t even look at me right now and barely talks to Rez, there isn’t a chance in hell he’s letting a shrink inside his head.
“I said,” Sabine continues, her voice drawn tight as a wire. “Do you hear me, Aleksandr?”
I force a smile when his gaze snaps to mine. The darkness in his eyes flicker, softening just enough to let me in.
He turns back to her and I see him catch himself as he tries to square his shoulders. His side hitches with a quick, uneven movement. He tries to mask the flinch behind a cold stare, but he’s not fooling either of us.
“I understand,” he says, giving her a sharp, singular nod.
???
NOX - Room 1122
Lex hardly talked on the ride home from The Pit. He just glared out the window of my car. All I got out of him was a few yeahs and a couple hushed grunts.
“Do you want to come tonight?” I ask, heading to the closet to grab a change of clothes.
“Where?” he grits.
“The basketball game, remember? Ellie and Haley—”
“They won’t want me there,” he cuts in, ripping off the sling and throwing it on the bed. “I’m gonna go take a shower.”
“Do you need me to help with—”
“I can do it, Cade!” he snaps so loud it echoes in the small room, causing me to flinch.
“O-okay,” I whisper, my shoulders rising. “I’ll… I’ll just leave you alone.”
He tenses again, like maybe he wants to take it back. But he doesn’t say another word. He disappears into the bathroom, the wooden door slamming shut behind him.
I sink down onto the bed, leaning forward just enough to pull my phone out of my back pocket.
ME: I don’t know what to do.
MOM: What happened?
ME: He won’t talk to me anymore.
MOM: It’s only been a few days. Plus, he loves you, sweetheart. You know that.
ME: Doesn’t feel like it.
MOM: He does. Think about it from his shoes. Lex has always been the strongest one. The protector for you and Bella. Now he’s broken and doesn’t know how to lean on others.
ME: He’s not leaning on anyone. He’s pushing everyone away.
MOM: Then push your way back in. You’ve done it before.
ME: That was different. We had Bella and she was always better at getting through to him.
MOM: That’s a lie.
ME: What?
MOM: I love Bella. I do. But honey, he loved you first. YOU! You always were a calm to his raging fury before he ever knew that girl existed. Show him that hasn’t changed. You don’t need Bella to get through to him.
“Cade,” Lex’s voice calls out from the bathroom.
I drop my phone, push myself up from the mattress, and cross the room. Inside the bathroom, steam curls in thick, heavy ribbons, choking the mirror until my reflection is nothing more than a phantom.
“You alright? Need something?” I ask.
“Just…” He exhales, slow and shaky. “Can you just come in here please?”
I step inside, carefully shutting the door behind me. “I am in here.”
“No,” he murmurs. “In here. With me.”
A breath catches in my throat, holding me still for one heartbeat too many.
My fingers fumble against the buttons of my shirt as the humid air clings to my skin like a second layer.
I kick off my shoes, letting them clatter against the vanity and shed off the rest of my clothes.
I pause for one final, lung-burning gulp of mist before sliding the door back. It screeches along the track.
His head is bowed under the spray, water cascading down the hard cut of his back and pooling at his feet. Steam coils around the broad span of his shoulders, the angry scar tissue still raw and red.
Lex turns his head just enough to meet my eyes and swallows. His icy-blue eyes track me slowly as I step forward and let the water soak through my hair, my skin, and my nerves.
“You alright?” I whisper, my voice unsteady even to my own ears.
He doesn’t answer right away. Just lifts one hand and laces our fingers together, palm to palm.
“I…” He blinks hard. “Sabine was right. I… well… Damn it, you know I’m shitty with my words.”
I let out a breathy laugh. “It’s okay, babe.”
“No. No, it’s not. Just let me get this out.”
He bites the inside of his cheek, his throat bobbing. “She was right when she said I’m going to burn everything good in us, or whatever the hell it was that she kept screaming at me. I keep shutting you out. Pushing you away. Yelling at everyone. And I don’t want to do that anymore.”
I squeeze his hand. “I know.”
“You keep staying and well I…” he continues, fumbling all over the place. “I-I don’t know how to put it into words what you mean to me. I couldn’t if I tried. I’ve been standing here in this damn shower trying to find them, but nothing I can ever say will truly show how much I need you.”
“Hey,” I whisper, my hands cupping his wet face. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“I know,” he rasps, pulling back just a step.
“I may not know how to say the right words,” he admits, placing his hands gently on my hips. He looks down at me with a kind of reverence that steals the air from my lungs.
“But I think I know how I can show you,” he whispers, lowering himself down in front of me. He braces himself for a moment with his good arm before pressing his fingers deep into my waist.
“Lex. What are you—oh my God!” I choke on the words as his hot mouth finds the inside of my hip, trailing slow and peppering kisses along the way.
He made it very clear early on in our relationship whose dick was going where.
I never questioned it. I never minded being the one on my knees.
The one making him fall apart. I love the taste of him, the weight of him on my tongue, and the way he sounds when I take him deep.
I love the feel of him inside me. How he pulls moan after moan from me every time he hits that spot. It’s perfection.
But this is different.
This is a surrender.
This is everything.
When his tongue finally grazes the sensitive head of my cock, my knees nearly give out on the slippery floor. I brace my hands flat against the cool tiles behind him and stare down at the man I love.
Lex Barinov with all that rage and fire. All those muscles and tattoos and bad behavior.
Down on his knees.
For me.
I watch as he closes his eyes and takes me into his mouth, slow and unsure at first. Like he’s learning me from scratch. He pulls back, his tongue swirling at the leaking tip, before sliding his lips around my length.
“Lex,” I breathe, my fingers sliding off the tile to tangle in his soaked, black hair. “Fuuuuck, babe.”
He slides his mouth off and glances up through the water with a faint smile. “Is this okay?” he asks, his voice almost shy as his hand wraps around the base of my cock twisting it with a strong grip.
I bite my lip and nod, running a finger down his jaw. “It’s amazing.”
“Good,” he whispers before wrapping his lips around me again, tighter this time. More certain. Like the hesitation in him has burned off and all that’s left is admiration and intent.
“Holy shit,” I groan, trying to balance myself on the soaking wet tiles. “Babe, you feel so good.”
I try to hold still. I really do. But when his throat opens just enough and I feel the back of it flutter around the tip as he tries to swallow me down, my hips snap forward before I can stop them.
Lex chokes and his broad shoulders jerk. A retching sound catches in his throat as he gags around me.
I freeze.
“Shit. I’m sorry, babe,” I start to pull back, guilt already clawing through my spine. “Lex, I didn’t mean to—”
His fingers dig bruisingly into my thighs as he drags me back in. He keeps going. Keeps bobbing his head as if he’s not fazed at all. Like choking on my dick was just part of the plan. Like he wants to take every bit of me. No matter how much it wrecks him.
His rhythm picks up, rougher, wetter, and sloppier than before. He moans low in his throat and the vibrations pierce through me so fast I almost explode right then and there. I try to breathe it back, gripping his shoulders and not wanting this to ever end.
“Lex,” I rasp, my voice fraying at the edges. “Babe, you’re gonna—” I gasp. “Fuck, babe you’re gonna make me come.”
Lex nods his head in approval and hums low.
The sound muffled by my cock shoved down his throat, thickening by the second.
The base pulsing harder with every pass of his lips and every jerk of his head.
I look down and the sight nearly ends me.
Lex on his knees drenched and desperate.
His throat working around me as if he wants to drown in it.
He pulls back just enough to gasp for air, his lips red and glistening with spit and shower water. Ice-blue irises are barely visible from his pupils blown wide with something between wrecked and worshipful.
“Baby,” he growls, breathless. “Promise me something.”
“What’s that?” I pant.
“Don’t you fucking hold back.”
I nod, my vision blurring.
The second his lips wrap around me again I brace both hands back on the tile and thrust deeper than before. And he takes it.
Every single inch of it.
The sound of it is filthy, wet, and obscene over the rush of the shower as his throat stretches around me. Spit drips down his chin as his fingers ground himself into my thighs.
“Jesus, Lex—fuck, oh!” I groan, head dropping down as I lose the fight for control. Every single muscle in my body locks, trembling at the edge of something brutal and divine.
“Babe, I’m… God, babe I’m close,” I rasp.
He moans around me like he’s proud of that, like he’s waiting to taste me. He reaches up and works my balls through his fingers, squeezing them just slightly to push me over the edge.
I’m done for.
“Lex,” I moan.
My whole body bows forward, a ragged shout tearing from me as I pulse down his throat. The dark behind my eyes splinters into a thousand shards, a chaotic spatter of light that stains my vision.
I can feel his throat constrict as he swallows. I can feel the relentless pull as I jerk in his mouth, helpless to anything but the pleasure that washes over me like nothing I’ve ever felt before.
Lex doesn’t let up.
Not when I twitch.
Not when I gasp.
Not even when my knees threaten to give out and I almost topple on top of him.
He just keeps sucking, slower now, as he eases me through the shockwaves. He licks every last drop of my cum like it’s the only thing he’s ever wanted to taste.
When he finally pulls back his lips are swollen and his skin is flushed. He sits back on his heels, blinking up at me with wrecked eyes and a feral, utterly satisfied smirk that tells me everything he couldn’t find the words to say.