Chapter Seven Part Two
Bryce
Bodie hasn’t slept in his bed in weeks, and it’s been incredible. I’ve always had trouble sleeping, something most don’t know—I keep those issues to myself , after all. Bodie lying in bed with me makes the reasons I don’t sleep well disappear, at least for the time being.
Bodie is the only person, aside from Calisse, who has even come close to knowing how little I sleep at night.
He’s randomly caught me in the early mornings in the kitchen or watching TV in the living room.
I usually head to my room and try to sleep then.
He’s mentioned before that he’s amazed at how I sometimes sleep so much after working nights.
Truth is, I pretend to sleep when he checks in on me.
Luckily, he doesn’t do it often, so I don’t have to feel bad about lying to him.
I just don’t want to worry him. He gets stressed out about so few things in life, but I’m one of them.
And when he does get stressed out, it’s amplified. I can’t do that to him.
Tonight, it was even harder to deal with the sleeplessness now that I’ve gotten used to him in my bed. Bodie is on an away-game stretch, which means I don’t get to see him for the next ten days. He had a game in Tucson this afternoon, so I haven’t talked to him since this morning.
The wondering what he’s doing all day is so unfamiliar to me, I don’t know what to do about it.
The mindset switch from best friends to—boyfriends?
—was so sudden, I didn’t even notice it had happened until yesterday.
When I walked to his room twice to find him and realized how much I missed him, it hit me like a brick to the head that I didn’t seek him out this way before.
I put a movie on to avoid the endless tossing and turning and circling thoughts, just to switch to a hockey game for comfort.
My phone lights up, and I grab it—maybe a little quicker than normally.
Bodie
You awake?
Me
This sounds like a booty call.
Bodie
I’m almost thirty hours away.
Me
Guess I better get driving before you get blue balls, huh?
Bodie
Too late. I just jerked off in the shower.
Me
Hope your porn wasn’t up too loud. *face with tears of joy emoji*
Bodie
Didn’t need porn. I have my own visuals now. *eggplant emoji* *eggplant emoji* *fist emoji*
Me
Glad I could be of service so far away.
Bodie
Why aren’t you sleeping?
Me
Why aren’t YOU sleeping?
Bodie
It’s 5 a.m. here. Morning skate starts in an hour. Getting some breakfast and heading over to the rink.
Me
I was watching hockey and got sucked in.
Bodie
You were watching hockey alone, willingly? You really must miss me.
Me
I’m going to sleep, I promise.
Bodie
Uh huh. Get some rest. We’ll talk later?
Me
Yeah for sure. Have a good skate.
Bodie
Thanks
Me
And Bodie
Bodie
Yeah?
Me
I do miss you.
Bodie
I miss you too, Bryce *heart hands emoji*
I actually try to lie down and sleep after that, because I don’t want to lie to him, but I always wind up back in the same dream that startles me awake.
There’s no escaping it. I’ve tried so hard to forget—went to therapy dozens of times as an adult, did the work they asked me to—but I still wind up back in that car, alone and scared.