Chapter Sixteen The Hangover
The last time Danny had been hungover was after Emma and John’s anniversary celebration and the contrast between the two parties was making his hangover worse.
Emma’s wedding anniversary was well-behaved with a lavish buffet, melon-mint cocktails, a champagne bar and articulate speeches.
His engagement had been commemorated with smashed sinks, broken glasses and barely an hour’s supply of finger food.
Most glaringly of all he hadn’t just failed to give an emotional speech, he’d mocked the very idea of them for a cheap laugh, missing the opportunity to tell his friends how much he loved Luis or how remarkable the prospect of marriage was.
Having been sick, Danny accepted a glass of sparkling water from Luis and the two of them perched on the edge of the bathtub.
Danny apologized. ‘I’m so sorry. I panicked.
I thought no one would show up. I had this fear of telling the world that we were getting married and the world shrugging its shoulders.
I don’t know why I needed it to be so crowded.
Or why I kept drinking. I feel ashamed.’
Luis knew the meaning of the word shame too well: waking up in the morning and converting memories most people celebrated such as sex, joy and love, into memories they tormented themselves with. Luis was stern.
‘I know you feel bad right now, but you arranged a fun night for all of our friends and people were happy for us.’
Danny remarked, ‘I’m just so glad Emma wasn’t there.’
Luis corrected him.
‘She was there. John stayed at home with the kids, but she came. She was drinking pornstar martinis with an actual porn star.’
As Danny winced, Luis added, ‘She said it was one of the best parties she’s ever been to. You’re jealous of her parties. She’s jealous of our parties.’
Danny stood up, running his face under the tap.
‘Trust me, Luis: she’s not jealous of us.’
At hearing this, Luis’s mood changed.
‘Danny, you haven’t asked if I had a good time.’
Now Danny did feel shame.
‘Last night all I was thinking about was whether you were having a good time.’
But Luis didn’t accept this.
‘That’s not all you were thinking about.’
Luis walked out of the bathroom leaving Danny with the conclusion that he had failed the very person the party was intended to celebrate.
After rinsing with mouthwash he followed him, belatedly understanding that Luis had been the responsible adult last night.
In the kitchen Luis readied some coffee.
‘The problem is you don’t know what you want.
You want the crazy party in Soho with strangers off the street, but then you wake up and feel ashamed because it wasn’t done the right way.
Except you can’t say what the right way is.
You want to put on a big show except who is the show for?
It’s not for me. It’s not even for you. It’s for other people.
But we never cared what other people thought. ’
Danny pushed back, ‘Sure we did. We just pretended we didn’t to make it less painful.’
Luis accepted the point.
‘It was never more important than what we felt.’
Danny briefly considered questioning Luis’s assertion. What other people thought had always been of paramount important to Luis. Instead, he raised his hands in a gesture of surrender.
‘I screwed up. I admit it. You were right. Maybe the point of an engagement party is to screw up so we get it right at the wedding.’
Hearing this admission, Luis softened his voice.
‘I have a suggestion. We hire someone. A wedding planner. You’re a dreamer, Danny.
I don’t know where we would be without your dreams. But turning dreams into reality is tough.
It’s logistics. And spreadsheets. This is too stressful for you on your own.
You have a job with long hours; we don’t have our families helping us.
We’re on our own. You’re pulling in so many directions.
Everything needs to be perfect but not too perfect.
It needs to be traditional but not too traditional.
It needs to be respectful of the conventions but not conventional.
Fun but not funny. Hiring a professional, someone who has done it many times, will make it more enjoyable for both of us. ’
Accepting a cup of strong black coffee Danny calibrated his mind to the idea.
‘Are they expensive?’
Luis nodded.
‘But they’ll save us money too. They negotiate better rates for venues and catering. And Danny, I love you, but you are a terrible negotiator.’
Danny knew this to be true.
‘I ask the price; they tell me the price. How am I supposed to know that isn’t the price?’
Serious, Luis asked for confirmation.
‘You agree that a wedding planner is a good idea?’
Part of Danny felt that he’d failed and was having responsibilities taken away from him.
‘Should I be negotiating right now?’
Luis shook his head.
‘No.’
Without making a conscious choice to do so, Danny echoed the exact wording Luis had used in the Highlands.
‘Okay, Luis. Let’s hire a wedding planner.’
He couldn’t tell if Luis noticed or not.