Chapter Thirty-Six Matthew Roche & Christopher Cramp
Danny and Luis sat down with Jasper at his Covent Garden office to decide whether to amend or cancel their wedding plans.
Throughout his life Danny had suffered from bouts of anxiety that he was letting people down, parents, friends, colleagues, because at some point during childhood he accepted that letting people down was not an event or an incident – it was his identity.
Being gay was a letdown from being straight.
He had spent his adulthood trying to uproot that definition, applying rationality and positivity.
Nonetheless, minor failures were often indistinguishable from major ones, since they reaffirmed the same underlying belief.
One of the loftier hopes from last summer was that a wedding would free him from this recurring sensation.
Instead, the engagement now presented an opportunity to let down everyone in his life at the same time in the most public way possible.
In the meeting Jasper kept his notebook closed, adopting a more measured and formal tone that Danny found both understandable and upsetting.
After hearing Luis talk about his desire for the wedding to be a new beginning rather than an affirmation of the past, Jasper eased into the conversation.
The fact that Luis had skipped their first meeting now made sense.
Jasper asked Luis the questions he would’ve asked back then – what marriage meant to him, including memories from his childhood. Luis was able to answer openly.
‘My family would attend almost every wedding in town. Even if we only knew the couple a little. They were one of the few occasions my parents wouldn’t fight.
At weddings a stranger might mistake them for being in love.
Back at home, when the only person watching was me – my parents would fight again, and I always wondered why they couldn’t behave like they did during the ceremony.
There was one wedding in particular, when I was very young.
It took place in the cathedral in Cádiz between two wealthy families.
We sat at the back. I remember turning around when the bride entered.
The sunlight was behind her veil. The air smelt of incense.
Truly a union blessed by God. My dad hugged me tight, which was rare.
Afterwards, at the reception, he told me that one day I would be married, and my wedding would be even bigger, and my bride would be even more beautiful.
He boasted to the guests about my great future, telling everyone how clever I was, how successful my career would be and how splendid my wedding would be.
He loved me, at that party, because everyone believed him. ’
Jasper stood up and walked over to the window. He looked at the busy street below.
‘Do either of you know about the first civil partnership registered in this country?’
They didn’t. Jasper continued, ‘The two men were Matthew Roche and Christopher Cramp. The venue was St Barnabas House Hospice in Worthing. The date was the 5th of December 2005. Eight years ago. There were fifteen guests. Matthew was in a wheelchair with a blanket over his legs, too weak to stand. For the ceremony, Christopher sat beside him wearing a yellow shirt. I wasn’t there.
I know these details only from the newspaper articles and photographs.
At the end of the day the hospice staff put another bed in Matthew’s room and Christopher slept beside him – that was their honeymoon, a night together in the hospice, their first and only night as legally recognized partners.
The following day Matthew died of cancer.
He had clung on to life long enough to be married to the man he loved.
Why am I telling you this? Because these were the wedding stories we didn’t have growing up.
But we have them now. For years they’ve had cathedrals while we’ve had hospices and hospitals.
While they have weddings, we have funerals.
It’s time to move on. This wedding can’t be a farewell to your past. It can only be a celebration of your future. ’
Jasper concluded, ‘If you want to give up Black Rabbit Farm I can find another wedding to take the slot so you’re not on the hook for the costs.
But you need to decide today, in this room, not after the trip to Spain.
Easter will be too late for anyone to make plans.
And this isn’t simply about the money; it’s about whether that venue still feels true to the two of you. ’
Luis remained silent, not wishing to intervene in this decision. Danny loved the farm with the herb garden, the threshing barn and the marriage forest.
Jasper pressed, ‘Gentlemen, do we hold on to Black Rabbit Farm or give it up?’
Danny replied with a certainty that surprised everyone, ‘Give it up.’