24. London
Iknew I’d find Kelly with her grandmother. She wasn’t enrolled to start at the high school until Monday, so while her friends were occupied with classes, Fiona was watching over her.
Murray’s mom was surprised to see me on her doorstep. I’d gotten the address from Cammie who seemed to know where everyone and their mothers lived on Glenvulin.
“I thought I’d pick up Kelly and take her home. Save you the trip.” My heart banged against my chest as I waited for Fiona to react.
Maybe she saw my sincerity because her expression softened and she stepped back, gesturing me inside. “Come in.”
I noted Fiona’s house was very much the same footprint as Taran’s bungalow and wondered if Murray had ever offered to build her somewhere new. Somehow, I just knew he had. Murray was generous and clearly adored his mom. Fiona had declined his offer, if my assumptions were true.
Kelly was less enthusiastic to see me, but I reminded myself she was a teenager in pain and not to take it so personally. I was grateful when she got into my Suzuki. She could have point-blank refused to let me drive her home.
Kelly did, however, stare forlornly out the passenger window, not making any attempt at conversation.
“Did you have a good day?” I tried.
“It was fine,” she mumbled.
“What did you get up to?”
She sighed heavily, her tone impatient when she answered, “I hung out with Nana.”
“You’re lucky to be so close with a grandparent. I had a nana who I adored, but I only got two years with her before she passed.”
“Oh, aye, my mum is a druggie slut who doesn’t care about me, but aye, I’m lucky.”
My hands tightened around the steering wheel at the pain in her angry words. No matter what her mother had done, there was a conversation to be had in the future about using words like slut when discussing other women. That time was definitely not now.
I let a couple of seconds of silence pass between us as I got up the courage to confess, “Both my parents neglected me my whole life. They never loved me.” Still my voice cracked on the word love. At almost thirty years old, I still felt that familiar, burning resentment toward my parents.
Kelly glanced at me, but I couldn’t see her expression because I was watching the road.
When she didn’t respond, I wasn’t sure what to say to fill her answering silence.
But then she suddenly spoke. “I thought your parents were really successful surgeons.”
Relieved, I nodded. “They are. That’s why I was raised by nannies, all of whom were just there to do a job and cared very little for me.
But then my nana had to move in with us when I was eleven.
She taught me to cook. And she loved me and took care of me for two years before she passed away.
She was the first adult in my life who took an interest in me. ”
“So, your mum and dad didn’t spend time with you?”
“They took turns attending my piano recitals because they were afraid of what it would look like if they didn’t.
To be fair, it was the only time they ever showed me any positive emotion.
But they only had me learn piano because they wanted me to be a surgeon.
It helps with finger dexterity.” One of my most hurtful memories rose and I confessed it to Kelly.
“When I got my first period, I had to ask the school nurse for help. I’d left my mom a voicemail asking her to come help me, and she sent me a quick text telling me to ask the school nurse instead.
I was thirteen, my nana had just died, and I was scared because my body was changing, and my mother, the goddamn heart surgeon, told me to go to the school nurse to deal with it. ”
“It sounds like your mum is the one who needs heart surgery.”
I pulled the car to a stop outside the house, my chest aching at Kelly’s observation. “Yeah, hers is pretty small. She only ever had space for my father and her work in it.”
Kelly met my gaze, her tone disbelieving as she asked, “And your dad wasn’t there for you either?”
“My dad showed even less interest. His attention to my life didn’t go beyond my school grades.
He insisted on academic updates every month and while he never praised me for good grades, he certainly admonished me for those he considered poor.
And a B was poor to my father.” While I’d stopped craving my parents’ attention with the deep intensity I’d had as a child, I still remembered the terrible agony of desiring their interest and love and never receiving it.
Life in my parents’ apartment felt like another life entirely now.
I think the human brain had a way of creating distance from those memories, compartmentalizing them, to protect the heart, so the heart could endure.
“They sound awful.”
“You know, most people aren’t all good and all bad. My mother and father saved all their good for their patients. And it was like they just had nothing left to give. I tell myself I can live with it because they’ve saved a lot of people’s lives between them.”
“But weren’t you … weren’t you lonely?”
“Very.” I blinked away emotion and gave her a sad smile. “But I found family elsewhere. You know Tierney McRae?”
“Of course.”
“Well, she’s the reason I’m here. Her family welcomed me into theirs. Gave me a real home.”
Kelly considered this, nibbling on her lower lip.
I pushed ever so gently. “If you ever want to talk about your mom, I’m here. You can talk to me. I know what it’s like to wonder why a parent doesn’t act like a parent should.”
Kelly jerked her head away, and I saw her throat and jaw working like she was trying to stave off tears.
She didn’t respond, so I pulled back. “Let’s get inside. I’m cooking my five-cheese macaroni tonight.”
“I’d like to go to my room. Unless you need help.”
I knew it was only good manners that made Kelly offer.
While I was disappointed, I also didn’t want to make her life harder.
“You can hang out in your room.” I let us into the house and as we took off our jackets and shoes in the mudroom, I tentatively touched her arm to get her attention.
“I’ll be at the piano, Monday after school. ”
Kelly nodded ever so slightly without meeting my gaze before she hurried off, disappearing into her bedroom.
It was a step forward.
While I was impatient to feel like I was making a difference in her life, I rationally understood that forging a relationship with her wasn’t going to happen overnight.
While my mac and cheese baked in the oven, I sat down to the piano to play “Moonlight Sonata.” I kept fumbling a chord in the second movement and had to google the piece but once I’d noted the correct phrase, practice went a bit smoother.
Once more I was surprised how good it felt to move my fingers over the keys, eliciting beautiful sound from the baby grand. For so long I’d thought it would be painful, bring up unwanted nostalgia, but all it did was remind me that I could do anything if I put my mind to it.
“We need to talk.” Murray’s deep bark startled me, my fingers scattering across keys with the jolt.
I hadn’t heard him come in over the music.
Now he stood in the doorway, lips pinched, brows pulled together.
That was one unhappy hot fisherman. My pulse skittered with concern. “What is it?”
“Where’s Kelly?”
“In her room.”
“Follow me.” He abruptly turned and walked out.
Confused, anxious, because his demeanor was so unlike him, I pushed back from the piano and hurried after him. Murray was already taking the stairs downward two at a time.
“I have food in the oven.”
“This is important.”
To my surprise, he led me into his bedroom, shutting the door quietly behind us. I tried not to gape, but I’d been curious about his room since I moved in.
It was huge with lots of floor-to-ceiling glass …
and a bathtub in the corner of the room framed by wraparound windows.
I could see a door leading to a separate en suite, so the bathtub was an interior design statement.
My cheeks felt hot at the thought of Murray lingering in that tub.
You wouldn’t need to worry about strangers seeing you naked, but anyone else in the house would need forewarning not to venture onto the yard facing the water in case they got an eyeful of Murray Shaw.
Not sure I’d take heed of the forewarning, to be honest.
His room lacked personality compared to Kelly’s. There was a super king bed with navy sheets. The bed was made. The built-in closets on the wall opposite the windows hid all his clothes. There were no throw cushions or art or photographs.
There wasn’t even a cozy armchair or a reading nook, and the space could take it.
The view out to the water distracted me until Murray brushed past me. He stopped in the middle of the room, hands on his hips, brow furrowed.
“What is it?” I repeated.
“Why didn’t you tell me about Nick’s latest threats?”
Surprise and dismay mingled at his unexpected question. “How …”
“Ramsay told me.” Something flickered in Murray’s beautiful eyes, and I realized what it was when he asked, “Why did you go to Ramsay and not me?”
Hurt.
I’d hurt his feelings.
After he’d done more than he’d ever know by sending me that song this morning, I hated the idea of hurting him.
I had to make him understand. I bridged the distance between us.
“Murray, I was only trying to save you from more stress. You have so much going on with Kelly and Jill, and I know there’s something stressing you at work too. I didn’t want to add to that.”
Murray took a step toward me, closing the distance entirely.
When he bent his head to mine, I sucked in a breath because we were so close our noses almost touched.
He smelled of a heady mix of his woodsy cologne and the salt air of the sea.
There were specks of yellow gold in his eyes; it was what made his mossy green irises so compelling.
Or was it the warmth in them, even when he was disappointed with me?
“I have very broad shoulders, London. I can handle it. I want …” He searched my face almost frantically. “I need you to know you can trust me.”
Without thinking, I reached for him, my palms resting on his hard chest. “I do trust you. I don’t want you to think my going to Ramsay was a slight.
I was just trying to protect you and Kelly.
It wasn’t … it’s not that I don’t think you can handle it.
I would never … especially after this morning.
That song you sent …” Tears stung my nose.
“It means more than you’ll ever know. I needed to hear your message more than I’ve ever needed to hear anything. ”
Murray’s gaze dipped to my lips as he covered my hands with his, curling his fingers around mine. “Good.” The one-word response was gruff.
My belly flipped as the tension tightened between us like a coiled spring, his gaze never wavering from my mouth. Excitement heated my blood because it was the first time Murray had ever overtly shown attraction for me.
Pulse throbbing in my ears and neck, I lost all rational thought, thinking only of his lips.
On mine. My skin burned hot, the tension connected by a thread to the throbbing place between my legs.
It tugged and tugged on it until I couldn’t quite catch my breath and all I could imagine was that the solution to my problem laid within Murray Shaw’s kiss.
Pushing up onto my tiptoes, my lips had barely brushed his when the door to his room crashed open.
“Dad!”
We jolted apart, my lips tingling, my nerves jangling as we turned to find Kelly, pale-faced and holding out her phone. If she was aware of catching us in a moment, she didn’t let on. Instead, she waved the phone desperately in the air, her voice shaking as she announced, “It’s Mum.”
Just like that, the air chilled as Murray marched past me and took the phone from Kelly’s grasp. He strode out of the room, and I heard him demand, “Why are you calling Kelly?”
Kelly stared after him, her hands clenched at her sides.
Shaking off whatever had almost passed between me and her father, I walked over to press a comforting hand to her shoulder. “My mac and cheese is probably ready. Why don’t you help me set the table?”
Kelly nodded numbly and followed me upstairs, leaving Murray to deal with Jill.