Chapter 14
CHAPTER 14
L ondon to York, present day
Cara was only semi-conscious of the lush green fields rolling by as the train sped en route from King’s Cross to York. She stared out of the window in a daze, her thoughts had been hijacked.
She longed to stay with George, but her guilty conscience needled her to be at Daniel’s side. What if his heart attack was brought on by the stress of her leaving? He’d been in great shape at his last medical, or so he had let her believe.
Had he hidden the news of his poor health because he didn’t want her to worry? It seemed unlikely; he wasn’t typically the secretive type.
Who knows what’s really going on in people’s heads? They seem to so frequently say one thing but think another.
Cara nibbled her thumbnail, pondering the quirks of human nature, as the first-class carriage rumbled on through the open countryside. She should arrive in an hour. Daniel’s daughter had surprised her by offering to meet her at the station and take her to the hospital.
Cara disembarked from the train and scanned the platform. Sally appeared, waving and smiling.
‘Hi, how kind of you to pick me up. I’m so sorry about your father. You must have been through hell,’ said Cara.
‘It’s been awful.’ Sally’s cheerful facade crumpled and she leaned against her shoulder and began to sob. Tears streamed down her face and dripped onto the lapel of her navy-blue blazer. She made an obvious effort to stem the flow but only grew more agitated as she tried to contain her emotions. Usually cold and distant with Cara, today her composure disintegrated.
‘It’s okay—it’s okay,’ said Cara, wrapping her arms around Sally. ‘Your dad will be just fine. He’s a fighter and has everything to live for.’
Sally pulled away, wiped her damp, red eyes, and said, ‘I don’t know. Since you split up, he’s not been himself. I’ve never heard him sound so low. I’ve made an effort to call him more often, but it doesn’t seem to help. Your leaving hit him hard.’
A fresh wave of guilt clutched at Cara. She’d hoped she’d managed to cut her ties to Daniel and was free. Now she feared she was about to be sucked back into his life in this emotional whirlpool.
When did everything get so complicated?
I want George.
Daniel wants me.
Who does George want?
Cara doubted whether even he knew and she was tired of trying to understand.
Cara entered the private room in the hospital ward and saw Daniel, his head thrown back on the pillow as he snored. The low hum comforted Cara. His snoring used to irritate her, but now it was a reassuring sign of life. He looked frail as he slept. His vulnerable pose plucked at her heart.
She sat by the bed and waited. He wasn't a physically unattractive man—at one time she’d believed herself to be in love with him. But then she realised she was trying to persuade herself to be in love because she was in love with the idea of love.
Once she realised this, the relationship flourished, and she accepted it for what it was. She didn’t explain her feelings to Daniel. And he didn’t have a need to explain his feelings to her. He seemed content with the situation as it was and so she let it be.
One night when he was tipsy on one too many measures of whisky, he had confided in her that the last time his wife had tried to make love to him, they had both known it was over. Soon after, she filed for divorce.
Cara became good friends with Daniel, and they eventually called it an engagement. Cara wasn’t bothered one way or the other, so she had chosen to please him. She talked herself into thinking their platonic love and the lack of passion, would be enough.
It was enough until it wasn’t. Until she met George. From the day he disrupted her life like a force of nature in the bookshop; she knew the way she had been living would never satisfy her soul again. Whatever happened in the future, she was positive that not a day would go by without her pining for him. It was one of those things.
When you know, you know.
She had thought the depth of love she felt for George was only the stuff of romantic novels. She hadn’t expected to fall in love like this, to fall in so deep that it made her previous love affair seem like a pale ghost of the real thing.
Cara lightly thumped her fist against her forehead. Why couldn’t she want the man who wanted her? Then they could all be content with what or who they already had.
She was startled by the melodious ring tone of her phone. It was George. She turned the sound down. It seemed wrong to speak to him in Daniel’s presence even while he slept. Besides, she didn’t want Daniel to know about George. The less he knew, the better. He couldn’t possibly understand the feelings that had erupted between them.
Daniel stirred, opened his eyes and smiled.
‘Here you are. I knew you would come.’ His voice was cracked, his throat dry.
‘Of course,’ she said. ‘Here, have a sip of water.’ She raised the glass to his lips and supported his head.
‘The lady with the lamp, my very own Florence Nightingale,’ he croaked. He shifted position and after a few seconds drifted back to sleep, satisfied Cara was at his side.
Cara messaged George to let him know she’d arrived and then dropped her phone into her bag. She was here now and would try to focus on Daniel even though she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life with him.
George would be fine. He’d probably return home to his wife shortly. Cara pushed her bleak thoughts aside and busied herself with Daniel’s chart. She couldn’t understand it and decided to speak to his doctor at the first opportunity.
Daniel slept on, drugged with heavy medication. Cara grew restless. She wandered into the cafeteria, ordered a coffee and then picked up a dog-eared copy of her favourite classic from the waiting room bookshelf.
She settled into the armchair in Daniel’s room. She used to plough effortlessly through books, though recently she’d lost her ability to concentrate. It troubled her. She was so distracted that fictional worlds no longer held her attention.
She turned the pages of Pride and Prejudice , conscious that even now her mind was preoccupied with thoughts of George.
Perhaps there was a spark of hope despite the circumstances.
She read Mr Darcy’s passionate confession.
“In vain, I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”
She scanned the text for a few minutes and then, with a heavy sigh, closed the book. George wasn’t Mr Darcy. She must stop romanticising him and face up to the reality of the futile situation. Cara fished her phone out of her bag and saw three missed call notifications. Her spirits lifted, a smile shone on her pale, tired face and her feelings overpowered her dark thoughts.
How could she end it with George when he was present in every thought and in everything she did? He was with her every moment of the day. And what about Tudorville? Whatever happened, she’d see him there, so how would she be able to move on?
It was a conundrum with which she continuously struggled. She knew she should end their love affair. It made no sense not to. But she couldn’t bear the idea of losing him. Six hours without him was like a week in the desert; a lifetime would be like being cast into an inferno.
Although not religious, she prayed for the resolve to end it. None came. She read George’s message.
‘How are you doing? I hope Daniel’s okay. Give me a call when you can.’
She’d call him on the way home.
Sally appeared in the doorway. ‘Hello. How is he?’
‘Oh, hi, Sally. You look refreshed. Did you get some sleep?’
‘Yes, thanks. It was the first time I slept in two days. I could relax knowing you were here. Thanks for coming.’
‘No problem, we may have ended our engagement, but I still care for him.’
Sally twisted her hands and looked down at her feet, ‘I’m sorry I was so awful to you when you were with my dad. It was horrid of me. I resented you. You see, I always had this idea that my parents would get back together. I realise now that’s never going to happen.’
Cara smiled. ‘I can’t imagine how tough it must be to see a parent with a different partner.’
‘Please accept my apologies. Can we turn over a new leaf and be friends?’ said Sally.
‘Yes, of course.’ Cara squeezed Sally’s shoulder. She felt a surge of compassion for the poor girl. Daniel’s heart attack had obviously shaken her. At least something positive had come of it. Daniel would be pleased to see they were at peace with each other.
It was late. Sally continued the vigil by her father’s bed. The two women chatted a bit and then Cara decided to head home.
She called George from the taxi.
‘Ah, there you are. How was it?’ he said.
‘It’s been a long day. Daniel’s stable but the doctor said they’re keeping him in and are still uncertain as to whether he’ll need surgery. It’s touch and go whether he’ll make a full recovery, apparently.’
‘I’m sorry to hear that. You been there all day?’
‘Yes, since I arrived back from London. He slept for most of the day, but I wanted to be there in case he woke up. And for the first time, his daughter was pleased to see me.’
‘Oh, nice,’ She heard George’s voice tighten. ‘And did he wake up?’
‘Yes, but just for a few minutes. He was pleased I was there.’
‘I bet.’
‘How was your day? Tell me about the interview. What happened after I left?’
‘Not much really, except they said it went well and they’ll be in touch with more details.’
‘That’s fantastic. You must be thrilled.’
‘Yes, I suppose I am. It all feels a bit surreal. Would have been better if you’d stayed.’
‘I’m sorry I had to dash off like that. The news came as a bit of a shock.’
‘I’m returning to York soon,’ he said.
‘Great. So you’re not needed in the London office as long as you thought?’
‘They can manage. Joanna asked me to come home to be there for Jane while she takes a trip for work.’
‘Oh, right. I don’t think you ever mentioned what she does. I sort of got the idea she didn’t work.’
‘Oh no, she’s pretty much always worked. She’s an art dealer. Loves it actually. Does most of it in the UK but occasionally she needs to travel. She’s off to the South of France next week.’
‘I see. Good,’ said Cara.
Oops. I said that out loud.
‘Um, I mean good that she has work she enjoys.’
‘Yes, quite,’ said George. ‘I know what you mean.’ He laughed.
The Great North Road, 1536
George took a risk by throwing himself upon the mercy of King James V, but he didn’t know what else to do. His family were as good as imprisoned in Sir John Locke’s basement for the past two weeks, and he could stand hanging about on the whim of fate no more.
He saddled up one of the horses with Sir John’s blessing and set off once again on the Great North Road in the driving rain.
Cara was terrified he’d be captured and thrown in the Tower. As he rode through the bitter winds, he saw her sweet face before him. She was his lucky charm, urging him on and keeping him safe on his mission. She’d initially been against his Scottish plan, to seek asylum from James V, because she thought it too perilous. But she knew it was fruitless to try to stop him when he’d made up his mind. And so, she swept her misgivings aside, and together they devised a plan.
United, they were a formidable force. He knew he could count on Cara to have his back even when she didn’t agree with his actions.
He missed her when she wasn’t by his side, but he felt her presence. They were constantly in each other’s thoughts, and they could often sense each other’s feelings, especially when together, but even over great distances. Words were of little importance to their eerily telepathic connection. If there was such a thing as a soul mate, then George was certain Cara was his.
She said they were the ultimate soul mates. They were Twin Flames, something she’d learned about when reading Plato’s, The Symposium . She explained it to him, saying they were like mirrors, and that Twin Flames were two halves of the same soul, split apart. Their purpose was to heal each other, and in so doing, they shined the light of unconditional love on the world.
They shared an unbreakable bond since the first night they met. It was love at first sight. Many of his friends barely spoke to their wives beyond social and family expectations, but he and Cara were different. He couldn’t bear to think of a life without her.
He pushed his horse hard through the cold nights and rested in the forest or travelled on back roads during daylight. He nibbled on the dwindling supplies in his saddlebag, as he edged closer to the Scottish border. Sir John Locke had managed to arrange a meeting between George and King James V’s special envoy.
King James V was King Henry VIII’s nephew and under normal circumstances, appealing to the young Scottish king would be as good as signing his own death warrant. However, there was a long-standing feud between the two kings.
George was counting on King James’s distrust of his uncle to work in his favour. He planned to ask for asylum, and if the king was agreeable, he’d send immediately for Cara and the children to join him at Stirling Castle or wherever the king would extend his hospitality. King James had supported the Irish rebels and had a soft spot for the northern lords.
George lost count of the nights he’d been riding. By the time he reached Berwick-upon-Tweed, his hands were raw and chapped from the bitter winds, and he nearly fell from his horse, such was his exhaustion. He was to meet James V’s envoy, and at the same time, he would send a note to Cara. He knew she would be anxious for word that he had arrived safely.
‘It’s courageous of you to come here, my lord, under the circumstances. How did you know King James wouldn’t have you immediately arrested and delivered to King Henry for the handsome price on your head?’
‘I confess I didn’t,’ said George. ‘But I counted on King James’s honourable character.’ George sipped his wine and warmed his cold body in front of the fireplace.
‘There’s a bed for you here. Please stay a few days to recover from your long journey whilst we await word from King James. He’ll know what to do, and we’ll reconvene as soon as I hear from him.’
George quickly wrote to Cara and paid a lad to arrange for the note to be despatched, slipping him an extra coin for urgency and confidentiality. Later that evening George crawled under the bed covers and fell into a blissful sleep, content he’d completed the first part of his mission.