18. Drake
Drake
Three months ago, I would have been spending my Friday nights at a trendy new bar with a beautiful woman on my arm.
I would have smiled and waved at the paparazzi as they planned the next day’s headlines.
Then, I would have gladly taken the woman I was with home for the night and sent her on her way the next morning.
But that's not what I'm doing now. It's a Friday night, and I'm at home in my living room, my feet kicked up on the coffee table, watching The Matrix with a pizza on my lap.
Admittedly, it's an enjoyable night. I rarely get to spend time alone unwinding, so I should be taking advantage of this, but it just feels depressing. I want to be doing this with Olivia.
The hold she has on me is unnatural. No woman has ever made me feel this way. No matter where I am or what I'm doing, she's always on my mind. I'm fixated on her in a way I've never been, and I can't move on.
“Come on, Drake,” I say, shaking my head in disappointment. I never wanted a girlfriend for a reason, and I told Olivia that. Why is it so hard to forget her?
I look at my phone on the couch beside me and contemplate my options.
I can sit here and feel pathetic because I'm not with the girl I want, or I can put myself back out there and forget about her.
It's been a while since I've been on a date, and I know it won't take long to find one. I could even set something up for tomorrow. Maybe that’s what I need to get over Olivia.
I pick up my phone, open the app store, and search for Raya. I've used it a couple times in the past, but I can’t even bring myself to download the app.
“Who am I kidding,” I sigh as I toss the phone back on the couch beside me. I try to focus on the movie, eating pizza, and laughing at the old graphics that were once cutting-edge.
My video doorbell alerts me that someone is outside, and I pick up my phone to see the alert. I open it, toss the pizza on the coffee table, and jump to my feet. It’s Olivia.
She's been out of the office all week since our conversation, and I wasn't expecting her to show up here.
I watch her on the video camera for a moment, seeing that she's nervous and looking over her shoulder as if she might change her mind and leave.
As much as I would like to change out of the sweatpants I'm wearing, I don't want to miss this opportunity.
I open the door, and she looks up at me nervously. Without saying a word, I step aside to invite her in, but she lingers nervously in the doorway, wringing her hands.
“To what do I owe this surprise?” I ask, confused but not unhappy.
“I need to talk to you about something.” She's almost shaking, so I'm worried, too.
I put on a brave face and lead her into the living room, taking a seat beside her as I wait for her to elaborate.
“There's no easy way for me to say this, and the longer I wait, the harder it's going to be, so I'm just going to say it.”
I wait for a moment, expecting her to say something, but no words come out. “Okay. I'm listening.”
She nods, gearing herself up to speak. Every second that passes makes me more anxious, but I don't want to rush her.
“I'm pregnant,” Olivia says so quietly that I'm not positive I heard her correctly. I couldn't have heard what I thought I did because it doesn’t make sense.
“Come again?” I ask, shaking my head and blinking faster to shake myself out of the daze those two words put me in.
“I'm pregnant, Drake. I found out last weekend, and I didn't know how to tell you,” Olivia continues. She lets out a long exhale. Now, I understand why she acted so strangely this week.
My head is swimming, and I feel like I might pass out. I'm so thankful that I'm sitting down. She watches me as I process the information, and I don't know what she wants me to say.
I swore that I would never have children.
I've never wanted them. Growing up in the family that I did, I've always known that fatherhood wasn't for me.
We learn how to raise our own children based on how our parents raised us, and my parents were not good role models.
I wouldn't know the first thing about raising a child.
“How sure are you?” I ask. I can't even imagine what she's going through. I reach a hand for her shoulder and squeeze it, and her body tenses beneath my touch.
“I took four pregnancy tests, and all of them were positive, but I haven't seen a doctor yet.” She relaxes a bit, folding her arms across her chest. “I just wanted to let you know because you're involved in this, too.
I'm not expecting you to be happy or anything.
You told me you didn't want a girlfriend, so I can only imagine that this is less than ideal.”
I sit next to her in silence for a few moments, trying to process the information.
Something like this happening wasn't an impossibility.
I've slept with my fair share of women, and this scenario was always in the back of my mind.
Knowing that it's happening with Olivia makes it that much more complicated.
She's someone I have real feelings for, and this is just another facet of our relationship.
The question is whether it will bring us closer or drive us apart.
“I've been thinking about it a lot this week, and I'm going to go through the pregnancy,” Olivia says calmly. “I'm going to start interviewing for adoptive parents soon. I figured that'll be–”
“You're putting it up for adoption?” I ask, sitting up with a furrow in my brows.
“I figure that's what's best right now,” Olivia says, shrugging. “Is that okay?”
I'm surprised to realize that the answer is no.
I don't know why the idea of her putting our child up for adoption upsets me, but it does.
I feel my blood run hot and shake my head as I try to set my feelings aside.
It shouldn't matter if she gives the baby up for adoption.
I've never wanted a child. Olivia and I aren't together, so it's not like we would be starting a happy life together because of this. So why do I care?
“You would make that decision without even consulting me?” I ask, not able to control my frustration. “This is just as much my problem as it is yours.”
Olivia stands up and chuckles, shaking her head and glaring at me. “Your problem?”
I immediately regret my choice of words. I understand why she's upset, and I wish I could take it back. I move to put an arm around her shoulder, but she jerks away and stares daggers at me.
“I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out that way,” I say, holding my hands up in front of me. “I just mean that the baby is also mine, and I should have some say in the decision.”
“You told me you wanted nothing to do with this!” Olivia shouts. “You made it abundantly clear when we slept together that you didn't want a relationship. I thought this decision would be the easiest thing for both of us.”
“What the hell are you talking about? Yes, the night we slept together, I told you I didn't want anything to go any further, but I have made it clear since then that I don't want that anymore,” I continue, raising my voice back at her.
“You have no idea what you do to me, Olivia.
I think about you nonstop, and you've just been ignoring me.”
“I've been ignoring you for a reason, Drake.
We can't entertain anything.” I take a step closer to her and she doesn't back away, but she rolls her eyes and folds her arms in front of her while she watches me.
“It would break my dad's heart. On top of that, it could be detrimental to your business.”
I put my hands on her shoulders and feel how she relaxes when I touch her.
Tears pool in her eyes and threaten to spill down her cheeks as her lip quivers.
I hate knowing she's had to go through this week alone, trying to figure out what to do about this.
I wish I could take back what I said the night we slept together.
“Olivia, we don't have to worry about any of that.
What matters most is that you're taken care of right now,” I say in a hushed voice, wiping some fallen tears from her cheek.
“If I have to tell your dad about us, so be it. He’ll understand.
Everything will work out, I promise. But I don't want you to go through this alone.”
Olivia places her hand over mine and looks up at me with wide eyes, biting her lip softly. I inch closer to her and lean down to press my lips against hers. She doesn't hesitate to kiss me back, pulling me closer and wrapping her arms around my neck.