24. Finn
TWENTY-FOUR
Finn
PRESENT
I am physically and emotionally exhausted.
It’s just after six in the evening, but it feels closer to ten. After Ash joined us—at my mother’s insistence—we took a cab back to my folks’ home near the coast. Since then, I’ve been trying to get her to rest.
She refused to eat and threw an absolute fit when she found me tossing out all the spirits in the house. I have no doubt she will just send one of the staff out tomorrow to replenish it. Hopefully, she will also have them grab some groceries because this place is fucking barren. I offer to order takeaway, but she chooses a shower instead, and before long, she’s in bed with an Ambien.
I cover her with a blanket and turn off the light, trying to decide what to do. When it came to my parents, my mom was the one I never had to worry about. She’s always been solid, steadfast, and dependable. However, this is a version of her I don’t know how to handle, and I can’t decide if grief has brought on this sudden change or something else entirely.
I head downstairs to look for Aisling. As I turn the corner into the den, I see her curled up on the sofa with her phone to her ear.
My steps falter as I hear her speaking to someone.
“Yeah, I know,” she says. “I was looking forward to it, too.” My throat feels thick at the thought of her missing something because she was guilt-tripped into coming to my childhood home by my drunken mother. Her gaze catches mine as she seems to fixate on the open collar of my dress shirt, where I’ve left my tie behind. “We’ll reschedule soon, okay?” She bites at her fingernail. “Yep, okay. Bye.” She ends the call and puts her phone in her lap. “How is your mom?”
“She finally fell asleep. She took medication, so she’ll be out until morning.”
She nods, but before she can respond, I ask, “Did I ruin your weekend plans?” I dread what her answer might be. Was she planning to go out on a date? Had she moved on? You did tell her to…
“Um, sort of, but it’s fine.” She chews at her bottom lip as she watches me take the spot next to her on the sofa.
“It’s not fine, Ash. It’s?—”
“I was supposed to fly to London to see Theo.” I don’t know what I expected her to say, but it wasn’t that, and I can’t help the wave of jealousy that sweeps over me.
“I see,” I grit out.
“He’s been asking me to come for a while now?—”
I raise a hand. “You don’t need to explain yourself,” I say to her. “I’m sorry you had to cancel on account of me.”
“I’m not.”
My eyes jerk up to meet hers. “You’re not?”
She shakes her head and turns to face me. She’s kicked off her shoes, and I can barely make out the thick brown socks covering her feet as she sits cross-legged in the clothes she wore to work. “He had this extravagant weekend planned. Fancy dinners in his new fancy car. Oh, and then there were the hours of soccer practice I got to watch. No offense to Theo, but I’ve sat through enough soccer practices to last a lifetime.”
I chuckled. “You don’t seem like much of a football fan these days.”
“To be honest, I’m not sure I ever was.”
“Well, it is an inferior sport,” I say with a shrug, causing her to laugh. “Rugby is far better. Rugby players too, for that matter.”
“Mmm, I’ve heard that.” Her eyes sparkle with amusement.
“Thank you for today,” I say, my tone turning serious.
“You don’t need to thank me, Finn.”
“I do,” I insist. “I know things between us have been”—I search for the right word—“strained, and I can’t imagine it was easy for you after you saw?—”
She raises her hand. “As you mentioned, we don’t need to justify ourselves.”
I let out a sigh, already sensing the invisible walls she’s trying to construct between us at the mere mention of the moment in the pub. “That may be true, but I still want to. What you saw in the pub, Ash?—”
She shakes her head. “I can’t do this, Finn. I just can’t.”
“Brenna is a friend from school,” I tell her. Her eyes dart up, revealing the hesitation in her gaze. She’s been betrayed before, and though this would hardly be classified as one since we’re not together, I know she would still feel the sting of it nonetheless. “She was in town for a conference. We met for drinks and to catch up.”
“Things looked pretty intense between you two.” She barely makes eye contact as she speaks, which shows she still doesn’t believe me. That hurts a little, but I understand.
“Just because I was the one to walk out of that loo doesn’t mean it was easy, Ash. It’s been a rough few weeks,” I confess as her face softens ever so slightly. “She’s always been someone I could confide in.”
“So, you’ve always just been friends?”
I wince. I had hoped she wouldn’t ask that particular question. “We dated briefly in secondary school before we both went off to university.”
“So, you’ve…” She trails off, but I understand what she’s asking.
“That was a long time ago. She’s engaged now and is planning a wedding in the fall.”
“Why are you telling me all of this?”
My gaze drops to her lips for a brief moment before I answer. “I don’t know,” I sigh. After two years, I still can’t seem to keep my mouth shut and not say things like this. “I don’t know how to just be friends with you, Ash.”
“Then why try?” My heart flutters in my chest at her bold words. “Why keep pushing me away when we both know this is exactly where we’ll end up anyway?”
“You don’t know that—” I try to argue, but she cuts me off.
“I do know that, Finn. Do you realize how many times fate, the universe, or whatever you want to call it has thrown us together? How often I’ve turned a corner or walked into a restaurant—or moved halfway around the world and found you waiting for me? We’d be crazy to think that’s merely a coincidence.”
I swallow hard, knowing she’s right. Rian even pointed it out, but I brushed him off.
“But you know I can’t give you the life you deserve. I know you’ve suffered enough from the men who have been absent in your life—first your father, and then Leo. I refuse to become just another name on that list.”
“Then don’t.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Why not? I’m only here for three more months.” Just the thought of it makes my stomach feel hollow. “I’m tired of pretending this thing between us doesn’t exist, Finn. So, if we can’t have forever, at least let’s make the most of the time we have.”
“Three months and then what?”
Her expression turns sorrowful. “Then I’ll go back to the States, and you—” I’ll go back to being miserable.
Can I do it?
Can I give myself to Ash, knowing that in the end, I will have to walk away?
I instantly know the answer is yes because having her for even a moment is better than not having her at all. I knew this two years ago, and I still know it now.
I stand up and extend my hand. “All right. Come on.”
“What?” She lets out a laugh but rises from the sofa. “Where are we going?”
I don’t want to be in the same house as my mam right now, but I also don’t want to waste precious time trying to get back to my apartment.
I guide us through the spacious sitting room and the formal dining room until we reach the doors that lead to the back of the house. I flip the outside lights and the dead bolt but pause before turning the brass knob. “If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do it for real.” Before she has a chance to ask what I mean, I take her hand. She watches as I slide off the gold Claddagh ring and rotate it so that the crown points outward. Toward me. “For the next three months, Ash, you’re mine.”
“What about work? What?—”
I silence her with a kiss, and she answers with a whimper. Her hand reaches up and fists the collar of my shirt, and I groan. I didn’t think this through, and my brain suddenly goes haywire from the feel of her mouth on mine.
I pull back, and we’re both breathless. “I don’t care,” I say. “Tell them. Don’t tell them. It’s your decision. We’re not breaking any rules, but if you’re worried about what they’ll think, I’ll understand if you want to keep it quiet.”
“And Theo?”
“Oh, you’re fucking telling Theo,” I nearly growl, dragging her back to my lips. He will not be scheming to win her back while I’m around.
And when you’re not?
I am not thinking about that right now.
I manage to open the door without breaking our kiss, and I hear her gasp. She pulls back, her eyes taking it all in. “Oh, my god, Finn. This is?—”
“Yeah, it’s pretty grand,” I agree. While the interior of my parents’ historic home resembles a damn museum, the grounds have always been something of a passion project for my mam and never fails to impress. The pool and the expansive gardens blend together seamlessly, with the rugged coastline providing a stunning backdrop.
“What was it like growing up here?” She walks down the patio toward the pool, taking off her socks as she goes. It’s a grand old thing with a fountain and marble statues, but recent renovations have added modern features like a sound system and lighting.
“Lonely,” I answer honestly, watching the steam from the water swirl around her like a thick blanket. “With my father never home and my mam constantly trying to fill the time with parties and events, I was by myself a lot of time alone. It made me jealous of my friends who had siblings.”
“I’ve always wanted a sibling, too,” she admits, glancing back at me over her shoulder. She dips the tip of one foot into the water. “I even did one of those DNA kits secretly, hoping I had a brother or sister out there that my dad never knew about.”
“No such luck?”
“None so far,” she says, but the corners of her lips turn up. “But I’m half Irish, if you wanted to know.”
I feign disappointment. “Only half? Sorry, darlin’. Not everyone can be perfect.”
I hear her laugh as I step behind her, but the moment my hand slides around her waist, it’s cut short, and her breath hitches. I lean into her, my lips brushing the tip of her ear. “There are so many things I want to experience with you,” I say softly. “Too many to fit into a lifetime, let alone three months, but I’m still going to try. Go for a swim with me?”
“We don’t have any swimsuits,” she points out.
“No,” I agree with a smug grin. “We don’t.”
She turns around, and her heated gaze meets mine. Taking a step back, she reaches for the hem of her shirt and slowly drags it up and over her head, letting it flutter to the ground. “Okay.”
With a wicked smile, she unbuttons her slacks, and I watch as her fingers slip under the waistband. Slowly and deliberately, she pushes them off her hips, and the fabric pools at her feet. She steps out and kicks the slacks aside, leaving only a satin blue bra and knickers.
I swear my damn heart stutters.
Her hands move to the clasp of her bra.
“Wait,” I say, my voice rough and ragged as I take her in. God, it’s like a fucking feast. I don’t know where to start. I want to lick, suck, and taste every fucking inch of her. “My turn.”
Her eyes darken as she watches me unbutton my black dress shirt and toss it to the ground. Her gaze wanders down my body, lingering on my abs while I reach for my belt buckle. I am so painfully hard that I nearly forget about the pool. All I think of is ripping the rest of our clothes off and taking her right here on this damn patio.
For two years, she is all I’ve thought about. For two years, I’ve denied this connection between us, and I just can’t do it anymore. I know I’m still not the perfect man for her. I know I can’t give her everything she deserves, but I also can’t walk away either.
So, while she’s here, I will be hers. Even if it destroys me.
I loosen my belt and unbutton my slacks, and as the fabric brushes against the cool tiles, I look up and find her staring. The heated gaze that was there just a moment ago has vanished, and suddenly, she looks…
“Why do you look nervous, Ash?” I ask, taking a tentative step closer. She bites down on her bottom lip as those bright blue eyes meet mine.
“I haven’t been with—” She struggles to finish her thought and exhales in frustration. “I don’t have a lot of experience.”
Understanding washes over me, followed swiftly by a wave of relief. “You haven’t?—”
She shakes her head. “Only?—”
I hold out my hand, stopping her mid-sentence. I don’t need his name on her lips while she’s standing half-naked in front of me. Besides, I understand what she’s trying to say. What I find more interesting, though, is the implication that she hasn’t been with anyone since.
“I haven’t been with anyone for a long time, Ash,” I tell her as I slowly slide my hand over the bare skin of her waist. “You see, I met this girl on a street corner in Dublin. One look, and I was a goner.” Her breath catches as my lips brush the side of her neck. “And even though I made a mess of things, I couldn’t seem to let her go.” Her nails drag down my torso, and I nearly groan. God, yes. Touch me.
“Are you saying you haven’t been with anyone since—” She swallows, hesitant to even finish her sentence.
“No, I haven’t,” I reply softly, staring into her eyes. “I couldn’t—” I draw in a shaky breath. “Even though I was the one who walked away, Ash. It was never over for me.”
She reaches for me. Her arms go around my shoulders, she grips my hair, and her mouth is on mine. I groan. Damn, kissing her feels like coming home. Like finding a missing piece of my soul I lost a long time ago.
Two years ago, to be precise.
She trembles in my arms, and I pause.
That was not a shiver of pleasure.
“You’re cold.” I pull back, rubbing my hands along her arms. It wasn’t a question.
“Spring is not quite the same here.”
“No, darlin’, it is not.” I laugh, pulling her toward the stairs. “Come on, you’ll warm up in the pool. It’s heated.” I look her up and down again. “But you’re a bit overdressed.”
She licks her lips, her cheeks instantly turning crimson. “Well, typically, one wears a bathing suit in the pool. What we have on is pretty close, wouldn’t you agree?”
She’s teasing me.
“All right.” I stalk toward her. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“Warn me? Warn me about?—”
I wrap my arms around her waist and leap. Her high-pitched squeal is the last sound I hear before we both dive underwater.
* * *
Aisling
Of all the things I thought I’d end up doing today, Finn Larkin is not one of them.
And yes, that pun is one hundred percent intended.
We’ve been ignoring each other for weeks, moving seamlessly around one another like a choreographed dance. At first, I think it was mostly for self-preservation. When he left me standing alone and confused in that restaurant bathroom, I wasn’t sure what else there was left to say.
So, I avoided him, and he gave me the space to do it—just as he said he would. It hurt, but I think part of me understood why he was pushing me away. I had no idea what it was like to run an entire company. He’d grown up watching his father push aside everyone and everything else for it, and both he and his mom were sacrificed for that dedication.
I can understand why he wouldn’t want to make the same mistake.
Did I think he might find another way? Maybe. But I wasn’t sure anyone could convince him otherwise.
When I saw him a few weeks later in that pub, though, that’s when I began to feel like I’d been played.
I knew I had no right to be angry.
We weren’t dating. We weren’t anything, really.
Still, it hurt to see him with another woman. It felt like a betrayal and a rejection all at the same time.
But none of that mattered when I saw him walk out of our meeting today. I sensed something was wrong. I noticed the worry in his expression, and before I could stop myself, I went after him.
I’ll never forget the haunted expression on his face when I found him in that hallway.
Mo chroí. My heart.
Two words I never thought I’d hear again, and even now, I’m not even sure he remembers saying them.
I kick to the surface as Finn’s arm wraps around my waist. The pool water is incredibly warm—warmer than any pool I’ve ever been in. As soon as I have air in my lungs, I splash some water in his direction, attempting to wipe that smug grin off his face. It doesn’t work. “That was incredibly rude.”
He shrugs. “I did warn you.”
“Five seconds before you tossed me in!
“I tossed myself in with you. Doesn’t that count?” He pulls me closer, and I wrap my legs around him. His eyes turn feral because, oh god , I can feel all of him now.
Every hard inch of him.
“You realize I don’t have any other clothes with me, right?”
“Mmm, yes. I did think of that.” His hand slides over the wet satin covering my ass. “It’s a shame that when we take a cab home later, you’ll have to go without these. What will we do about that?”
My brain short circuits as I picture that. Clearly, my adult life thus far has not prepared me for Finn Larkin.
Touching under tables.
Restaurant bathrooms.
Skinny dipping.
“Do we need to, like—” My cheeks flush as I struggle to get the words out as he grins knowingly. I swat his shoulder as he laughs. “You still need a condom in a pool, right?”
“I thought we were just swimming, Ash.” He chuckles. “Who said anything about sex?”
“Oh my god.” I roll my eyes. “You’re an ass.”
“You’re in Ireland now, love. It’s arse.”
“Whatever.”
He bites the inside of his cheek to hide his grin. “I’ll, uh, need to go get my wallet. Have you never?—”
“No!” I cover my face to hide my embarrassment.
“Really?” He tries to pry my fingers away. “In six years?”
“Yes, well.” I let out a huff as I relent, letting him place my arms around his shoulders. “We were really young when we started dating, and then when I was diagnosed with RA, he treated me like?—”
“Like what?”
“Like I was broken.”
He tilts my chin up and meets my gaze. “You’re not broken, Ash. Far from it, and I hope I never make you feel that way. Will you let me know what works and what doesn’t?”
I smile and nod. “The water is actually kind of perfect.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“What else is perfect?” He reaches for my bra strap and drags it down my shoulder, leaving a trail of kisses behind.
I lean in and press my lips close to the shell of his ear. He shudders. “I’m on birth control.”
“Thank fuck,” he breathes out. “Because that condom in my wallet is old as shit.”
Any anxiety I have vanishes as his mouth takes mine. I thought I knew what passion felt like—until I met Finn. He is passion personified.
When I’m with him, I feel sexy. Cherished. Whole.
He pulls back, his breath ragged from our kiss. “I told myself I’d go slow and take my time. But I think I might lose my mind if I don’t have you naked in the next five seconds.”
“So demanding.”
“You have no idea.”
I reach back to undo the clasp of my bra, but he beats me to it. As he peels it from my body, allowing the pale blue fabric to drift away, his gaze turns feral.
I let out a gasp of surprise as I’m hoisted out of the water onto the pool ledge. He wedges his large body between my thighs. “Hips up,” he demands, and I see the look of pure lust fall over him as he slowly slides the last of my clothing down my legs. “I know it’s probably cold up there.” He pushes my knees further apart, exposing all of me to him as he runs a hand down my inner thigh. “But I’m gonna make you nice and warm in a second. Lean back, darlin’.”
I lean back on my elbows, watching him strip off his boxer briefs before I quickly start to sit up. His amused chuckle fills the air while a hand rests on my abdomen, holding me firmly in place.
Not fair. Not?—
“Shit!” His tongue finds my center, and I jolt. My back arches, and I let out a strangled gasp. The way he makes lazy circles over my clit over and over has me seeing stars that have nothing to do with the night sky above me. That hand on my stomach keeps me pinned as his mouth continues to do wicked things to my body.
I let out a string of garbled words. “Ohmyfuckinggod.”
He laughs, and I feel the vibrations of it in my core. I let out a moan, my head falling back as I surrender to every touch.
I don’t feel the cold at all.
He slips a finger deep inside me, then two, as his tongue continues to work its magic. I feel my stomach begin to flutter, and I wantonly reach for him, roughly fisting his hair as I grind against him. He groans, his movements becoming frantic, like he’s getting off on pleasuring me as much as I am.
“So fucking sweet,” he murmurs.
God, that’s hot.
Everything else disappears. Nothing else matters except the slick rhythm of his fingers, the sinful slide of his tongue, and the dirty words tumbling from his lips. When he pulls my clit into his mouth and sucks down hard, I explode, writhing and crying out my orgasm to the heavens.
Holy shit.
I really hope his mom’s sleeping pill is working, because I’m pretty sure I just woke up half of Ireland.
Before I have time to form a cohesive thought, Finn pulls me back into the warm water and into his arms. His mouth slams down on mine. I can taste myself on his tongue. My hands glide down his torso, up to his shoulders, and then to his back. I can’t stop touching him. I’ve waited so damn long to be able to do this; it almost doesn’t feel real.
“Hearing you scream my name is my new favorite thing,” he says with smug satisfaction. “I think we need an encore. Wrap your legs around me.”
I do, and it lines our bodies up perfectly, and I gasp when his cock brushes up against my still-sensitive core.
I stare into his pale green eyes, just for a moment, as it all hits me.
He’s finally mine. This isn’t a stolen kiss or a secret tryst. This is us choosing each other.
Even if only for a little while.
I grip his shoulders and watch him slowly fall apart as I reach between us, wrap my hand around him, stroking him once, twice. He groans. When I finally sink down, inch by inch, onto his hard cock, he’s practically shaking with need.
“Fuuuck,” he drags out, his head tilting back as he holds me. I am trying to be seductive, but the snail’s pace turns out to be kind of necessary because I need a second to adjust.
Finn is…large.
“You okay?” His voice is deeper, rougher, and, if possible, hotter.
“Yes,” I practically moan.
“Good,” he replies darkly as he pulls me closer and buries himself all the way to the hilt. I gasp. God, I can practically feel him in my womb. “Now, ride me, Ash.”
I’ve never been super confident when it comes to sex. It wasn’t that Theo made me feel bad about myself or my body. But he never went out of his way to make me feel good about myself.
Every moment with Finn is slowly melting away those years of self-doubt. When he says to ride him, I’m like, hell yeah, let’s go, cowboy. With the buoyancy of the water, this ride is more like a glorified grind, but neither of us seems to mind.
Because, oh my god, I’m fucking Finn Larkin—in his parents’ pool.
“You feel—shit, Ash. You feel even better than I imagined.”
His fingers dig into my ass, sliding me up and down his shaft. I feel—I feel everything. We fit together seamlessly. His cock fills me completely, and when I roll my hips? Fuck. It hits just the right spot. The water sloshes around us. “More,” I groan. Feeling him move deep inside me is both overwhelming and not enough at the same time. He’s everywhere, yet I can’t seem to get enough.
“More of what?” He nips at my ear, his warm breath on my neck.
“More—” Heat rushes to my cheeks. He wants me to say it?
“Come on, Ash. Be a little more specific. More of this?” His hands slid down between my legs, fingering my clit. Yes. Oh my god, yes. He starts making lazy circles with his thumb. “Or more of this?” His lips kiss a trail down my collarbone. Between the valley of my breasts. Shit . I arch my back as his mouth closes around my nipple and gives a hard suck.
“Everything,” I gasp. “More of everything. Just keep fucking me, Finn. Never stop fucking me.”
Whatever I said must have been the right thing because I’m suddenly being hauled out of the water again and back onto the ledge. He’s moved us to the shallower side, making it the perfect height to?—
“Hold on to me,” he instructs, just as he wraps an arm around my waist and thrusts back into me.
I let out a guttural moan that is borderline embarrassing. I’m fairly certain I chant Finn’s name and cry out to a few deities while he fucks me mercilessly right there on the pool ledge.
This is how I die because sex should not be this good. Should it?
I’m not sure my ass is even touching the ground anymore. With my arms wrapped around his shoulders and his hands palming my ass, I’m sort of hovering in midair as he slams into me over and over again.
It’s exquisite. It’s everything I knew it would be and so much more.
“I’m going—” I try to say.
“I know.” That smug smile returns as his thumb circles my clit again, sending me right over the edge. I cry out his name, my nails digging into his back as he lets out a deep, guttural groan. He buries his head in the crook of my neck, shuddering as he comes. “Mo chroí,” he murmurs. Fisting my hair, he pulls back and kisses me long and hard.
And I know in that moment that nothing about this is temporary. The ring on my hand will always point to him because I belong to him.
I will always belong to him.
Forever.