EIGHTEEN
Eighteen
Bel lifted her head from her arms where she’d been resting it, feeling defeated. She’d just taken her second batch of biscuits from the oven and they were as terrible as the first. She didn’t know what she was doing wrong. How hard could it be? It was basic science. You measured out a bunch of ingredients and followed the instructions. It should have worked.
The sound of heavy footsteps coming up the steps outside made her give an irritated sigh. The kitchen was a mess and she hadn’t gotten a single other thing done all morning.
‘Hey,’ Dean said. ‘Whoa.’ His cheerful tone nosedived rapidly as he surveyed the chaos. ‘What happened here?’
‘Me. I happened,’ she snapped. ‘I’ve been trying to cook these bloody biscuits for the kids’ lunches and it’s not working.’
‘They don’t look that bad,’ he said, eyeing the biscuits cooling on the wire rack beside her. He picked one up and bit into it. ‘Oh fu—’ His muffled exclamation was lost as he put a hand to his mouth to feel for broken teeth.
‘They’re a little hard.’
‘Just a tad,’ he agreed, and dropped the half-eaten biscuit in the bin. ‘We’ll give these to the dog,’ he said, taking the tray outside. He returned seconds later wearing a lopsided grin. ‘Apparently he’s had enough.’
‘Great. Even the dog won’t eat my cooking.’
‘It takes a bit of practice,’ Dean said. ‘Is there more flour?’
‘In the pantry,’ she said a little grudgingly. She’d really wanted to discover a new talent for cooking. ‘I should have known you can also bake,’ Bel said as he carried out a new packet of flour and placed it on the bench.
‘Not really. But I figure, between the two of us, we can work it out. It can’t be that hard, right?’
Bel sent him a narrowed glare. ‘That’s what I thought two batches ago.’
‘Well, third time lucky?’
He really was annoyingly cheery. It kinda made her want to stab him with a fork.
‘Where’s the recipe book?’
‘It’s from a website, Emma sent it to me.’
‘Well, there’s your problem. You have to use the old-fashioned paper method. Emma must have a cookbook around here somewhere … here we go,’ he said, triumphantly holding up a pretty hardcover book with The Country Women’s Association Cookbook emblazoned across the front.
‘Seventy years in the kitchen,’ Bel read aloud. ‘Surely there’s a foolproof recipe in there we can use.’ She was almost certain Gran had had an older edition of the same book. Not that Bel had ever read through it. She’d missed out on the cooking gene.
Dean looked around for a place to put the book, then gave a small grunt. ‘Maybe we should clean up a bit first?’
They worked side by side until the dishwasher had been stacked and the bench wiped down, restoring the kitchen to its original condition. ‘Are you sure you don’t have something more important you need to be doing?’ Bel asked him.
‘Nothing that can’t wait. Besides, you’re going to need something to feed the kids when they come bounding through that door in a few hours’ time. I’d say this is pretty important.’
It’s not like they’re going to starve . She decided to keep that thought to herself. If he thought he could do better, who was she to stop him?
‘Do we have a sifter?’
‘I have no idea.’
‘It says we need to sift the flour.’
‘But do we really?’ she asked doubtfully. ‘I mean, surely it can’t make that much difference?’
‘Did you sift it before?’
‘No. Who has time for that?’
‘And how did that work out?’ he asked.
Fair point , she conceded. Unnecessary to point out, but fair.
‘I need a coffee—want one?’ she asked, already taking two cups from the cupboard and switching on the jug. ‘I think I’ll buy a coffee machine for Em next time I go into Toormanlee. Instant isn’t doing it for me.’
‘You’ve become a coffee snob, I see.’
‘I wouldn’t call myself a snob. I have … acquired an appreciation for good coffee.’
‘Hmm.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ she asked, looking at him over her shoulder.
‘Nothing.’ He continued tapping the side of the sifter before putting it aside and returning to the book. ‘Beat butter, sugar and vanilla until pale and creamy,’ he said, his face wearing a mask of concentration that Bel found … cute. She went back to making the coffee and tried to ignore that thought. Moments later she placed his mug on the counter next to the open cookbook.
‘Does this look pale and creamy enough?’ he asked, tilting the bowl slightly.
Bel stepped in closer to get a good look but was distracted by the light brush of his arm next to hers. She self-consciously swallowed back the unexpected rush of butterflies that swarmed her insides. ‘Uh, I guess so …’ she said, looking up at him. His chin and mouth were so close. Her head only barely reached his shoulder, but at this range, she suddenly noticed the tan line on his neck, and the slightly lighter shade of the skin just under his collar. His beard, trimmed just longer than stubble, ran across his lower face, and for the first time she noticed that among the blackish hairs were flecks of rusty brown.
Her gaze slowly moved across to his mouth and she saw it turn up ever so slightly into a crooked smile. Her eyes shot to his in alarm, but instead of seeing the expected humour she found an intense expression that made her catch her breath. For what seemed an eternity they stared at each other, until one of them moved—she had no idea who. All she knew was one moment, she was holding her breath and the next, she was melting under warm lips. Her senses overloaded—the slight but not uncomfortable friction of his beard against her face, the smell of him, a line-dried scent of sunshine and clean shirts, a manly sandalwood-type fragrance mixed with vanilla essence and sugary butter. She heard a small groan and realised that it had come from her. The kiss deepened and she moulded against him, losing herself in the sensation.
It was too much and somehow also not enough. He broke away from the kiss momentarily to run his lips down her neck, setting off a new wave of longing. It was as though she had no control over her body. It craved him. His hands went to her waist and in one smooth movement, he’d lifted her onto the bench, bringing their faces to the same level. Her thighs opened automatically to allow him to step closer. His mouth returned to hers and she wound her arms around him as he pulled her forward to fit snugly against his torso.
At one point, she heard the clang of something hitting the floor, but it didn’t matter. She felt as though she were on fire and the only thing keeping her from burning up was his kisses and his roaming hands sending quivers of unexpected delight throughout her entire body. Her own impatient hands went to the buttons on the front of his shirt.
‘Bel?’ She heard the question in his husky voice and continued until her hands found his heated skin beneath. She heard him let out a low sound close to her ear. ‘Wait. We need to take this somewhere else.’
She impatiently nodded towards the hallway. ‘My room.’
Without waiting for further instructions, he lifted her down from the counter and led her towards the bedroom. Once inside, Bel spent no time trying to talk herself out of whatever crazy nonsense this was, but pushed his shirt down over his well-defined shoulders. She didn’t linger too long on the discovery of his naked torso—there was too much else going on. For one, the need to get out of her own shirt and kick off her boots.
In record time, they’d both disposed of their clothing. Bel drew in a ragged breath as they came back together again, the kisses more desperate than before, the urgency to get closer, to want to almost step into the other person’s skin completely overwhelming. She had never felt like this with anyone before, and the nearly primal need that roared inside her should have scared her. But there was no time to try and analyse it—there was no time for any rational thought. All she wanted to do was feel the raging heat between them and lose herself in wave after wave of sensation.
There was a strange quiet in the room; the only sound was their harsh breathing, which had eventually started to slow. She could sense Dean’s uncertainty. It was the same as hers.
‘I wasn’t expecting that at all when I came over here today,’ he said, breaking the silence.
‘No. Neither was I.’
‘That was …’
‘Yeah,’ she said with a nervous chuckle. ‘It was.’
‘I don’t usually do that, just for the record,’ he said after an awkward pause.
Bel rolled her head sideways to look at him and felt suddenly shy. She wished she could pull the sheet over herself, but they hadn’t even bothered turning back the covers. ‘Do what?’
‘Have spontaneous sex at my friends’ houses.’
His reply overshadowed her earlier discomfort and she giggled. ‘Not an everyday occurrence for you?’
‘No. Definitely not.’
‘Me neither. But if I’d known what would happened when you offered to help cook, I might have been better prepared. Who knew it would be such an aphrodisiac?’
He gave a strangled chuckle, but quickly sobered. ‘I wasn’t even prepared … we didn’t … use anything,’ he said, his concern and awkwardness making her heart soften.
‘It’s okay. I’ve got an implant. I also haven’t been with anyone in a long time, in case you’re worried about, you know, diseases and stuff.’
‘Oh. No, I wasn’t. I mean … I’m okay too. But I was more concerned about accidentally getting you pregnant.’
Bel’s heart picked up speed at the thought, but then quickly crashed back to reality again. She knew that getting pregnant by mistake would not help her current situation, even as she felt a microsecond of disappointment. She didn’t want kids … did she? No! Of course she didn’t. At least not that she was about to admit out loud to his face. It seemed too embarrassing. She’d never felt the least bit maternal, not even when Em was having hers. She liked being the fun aunty and handing them back.
She shook away that weird train of thought and realised they were going to have to somehow deal with what had just happened.
‘Bel, I—’
‘Dean, I—’
They both stopped and shared a small grin.
‘You first,’ she said.
‘I was going to say, I didn’t plan on jumping you like some horny teenager—clearly not one of my coolest moves—but I can’t say I haven’t thought about it.’
‘Really?’
‘You haven’t thought about us, like that?’ he asked slowly.
‘Well … no. Not really.’
As soon as she said it, she sensed him withdrawing and wished she’d kept her mouth shut. ‘I mean, I know Em’s tried to push us together a few times, but I didn’t think you really liked me like that.’
‘Why would you think that?’
‘I don’t know … I guess because I always saw you as the kid who was mean to me at school. And it’s not like you ever asked me out.’
‘When I came back, I couldn’t believe my luck to find you still here and single. I thought it was a sign that I’d made the right decision. But when you’d barely give me the time of day, I began second guessing all my choices. Then Mr Tall, Blond and Handsome came to town and you left. You know, even then, I didn’t quite give up hope. I figured you’d come back after seeing through him … but you didn’t. I gave up after that. Then, the day I picked you up from the airport, you walked in through those doors, the sun streaming in behind you, and you were dressed in that white blouse and tight jeans, and you did this thing where you slid your sunglasses onto the top of your head as you looked around … it was the hottest thing I’d seen in a long time.’
‘Seriously?’
‘You looked like you’d just stepped out of some high-fashion magazine. And for a minute, I had no idea who it was until you looked at me and it hit me like ten thousand volts.’
‘You’re crazy,’ she said with a soft laugh.
‘I’m being completely honest. You terrify the hell out of me, Bel. I can’t think straight whenever you’re around. I never have. You used to have me tripping over my words and getting all tongue-tied whenever I tried to talk to you … and that was before.’
‘Before?’
‘Before you went and changed your hair and stuff,’ he elaborated.
‘You barely even said two words to me back then, when you first came home.’
‘Because I was always so nervous.’
‘Of me?’
‘Yeah. I really liked you. You couldn’t tell?’
‘No, I thought you couldn’t stand me.’
‘I thought you couldn’t stand me .’
‘Only because I remembered how you used to tease me all the time at school.’
‘I liked you back then, too,’ he said with a shrug.
‘Then why did you tease me so much?’
‘I don’t know. That’s just what kids did, I suppose. I didn’t do anything bad, though.’
‘You laughed along with everyone else whenever they made fun of my glasses,’ she said, then groaned inwardly. Why on earth was she saying any of this? It was a million years ago. Who the hell cared?
‘I do remember that,’ he said grimly. ‘I’m really sorry, Bel. I wish I’d been brave enough to stand up to them the way you did. You never backed down from anyone.’ He sighed, leaning back on the pillows. ‘I took a while to grow up. In primary school I was always shorter than most of my friends. I think I used to feel self-conscious about it, and figured if they were teasing someone else, then they were leaving me alone. I know how shitty that sounds, but as a kid, it kind of made perfect sense.’
‘I get it,’ she said with a long sigh. ‘Honestly, I do. I probably would have felt the same in your position.’
‘I hope we get a reunion someday. If you like, I’ll beat up every kid that made your life hell.’
‘Not that I don’t appreciate the offer,’ she said, ‘but I don’t think violence is as sexy as you seem to think it is.’
‘Thank God for that, because last time I saw Brian Phelps, he was built like a brick shithouse. I’m pretty sure he’d flatten me with one punch.’
Bel laughed and he smiled back at her. He had the nicest smile. ‘You should do that more often,’ she said impulsively.
‘Do what?’
‘Smile,’ she said. ‘I don’t think I’ve seen you do that much.’
‘I guess when you were around, I was always wondering if you were going to snarl at me.’
‘I wasn’t that bad,’ she protested.
‘You really didn’t seem to like me much when I first came back to town.’
‘I guess I wasn’t in a particularly happy place back then.’
‘You seem better now.’
‘I am. I think. I’m not sure why, though.’ She took a moment to find the right words. ‘I mean, I still don’t really know what I’m doing with my life. I have a great business and that makes me happy, but I just don’t really know where I fit anymore.’ She glanced up at him and saw he was listening to her carefully. ‘I mean, I absolutely loved Perth. I never thought I’d leave here, but I did and it was …’ She paused as everything she’d gone through rolled past her eyes in a succession of memories that almost made her dizzy. ‘Well, a lot happened, good and bad I suppose. I came back here in such a hurry that I didn’t give much thought as to where I want to go in the future.’
‘You don’t see yourself back here?’
‘I’m not sure,’ she said, wincing a little as she dragged out the words. ‘I mean, this has always been home, but I think you were right earlier when you said that I was different. I am. I have changed and I’m not quite sure who I am anymore.’
‘Maybe it’ll take some time. It was the same for me when I came back. Once you leave somewhere, you’re never the exact same person when you come back. That’s why they call it change,’ he said with a flash of a grin.
Bel had almost forgotten they were both lying side by side, completely naked. It felt weirdly … natural. How strange.
‘I guess we should probably go and make a start on the kitchen mess—again,’ Dean said reluctantly.
‘Yeah. So much for baking.’
‘I don’t have any complaints. I’m more than happy to come over and bake with you any time,’ he said, gathering up his clothing.
‘The CWA ladies would be horrified if they knew what we’d done while supposedly following their recipes.’
‘The CWA ladies have probably done a lot worse than that in their day.’
‘My gran was in the CWA,’ she said, eyeing him doubtfully.
‘I’m just sayin’,’
‘Well, don’t. It’s disturbing.’
‘I think I can save this,’ he announced once they were back in the kitchen, dressed and somewhat respectable again.
The damage wasn’t nearly as bad as she’d expected. Only a few implements had clattered to the floor, and the bowl of eggs and sugar was safe. Dean opened the book back up and continued mixing in the ingredients. ‘Okay. I guess we wait and see now,’ he said after he slid in the last tray and closed the oven. ‘I’ll have to leave you in charge. I’ve got to get back.’
‘Sorry that I kept you longer than you were planning,’ she said, feeling the words suddenly thicken in her mouth like sugary toffee as his eyes slid across her face and down her body.
‘It was my pleasure,’ he said, lowering his head to kiss her.
‘I think this is what started it before,’ she said when they broke apart.
‘Yeah. I know,’ he said with a regretful sigh. ‘I’ll be working tonight and probably flat-out for the next few days. They say there’s some bad weather coming, so I want to get as much in as I can on the off-chance the weather bureau is right for once.’ He ended with a small grin but held her gaze. ‘I don’t want you to think I’m avoiding you.’
‘It’s okay. I know you’ve got a lot on.’
‘But if you need anything, call, okay?’
‘I’m sure we’ll be fine. But thank you.’
They walked towards the back door and Bel felt another wave of shyness wash over her. This was so weird. In the space of no more than an hour, everything had changed.
Dean stopped at the top of the steps and turned back to face her, looking as though he wanted to say something, but then seemed to think better of it. He gave a brief wave before leaping down the stairs and jogging to his vehicle.
She watched as the dust tail plumed up behind him on the driveway until a loud buzz alerted her that the biscuits were done and she raced back inside.