Chapter Twenty
“Come on, I know you didn’t get much sleep last night.
Neither did I,” Hawkeye said after they’d eaten.
He stood next to the table where she sat, holding one hand out to her.
“I’ll show you our room and you can nap for a bit.
Later, if you’re up to it, I’ll take you out to get some clothes and personal stuff. ”
Delilah stood, laying her hand in his. She wanted to tell him not to spend money on her, but she had to admit, the one set of clothes she had wouldn’t last long if it was all she had. Plus, she would need something to change into when she cleaned these.
“I could use some sleep.” She let him tug her to her feet, then followed him until he stopped beside a door and released her hand to dig for a set of keys. He unlocked the door and pushed it open, then motioned for her to go ahead.
“Sorry, I wasn’t expecting to bring anyone back. Give me a minute and I’ll get the place picked up,” he said as he stepped inside and closed the door.
She didn’t say anything but stood several steps into the room, taking it in.
The walls were a dark gray, with a couple of Harley Davidson posters.
There was a large bed on one side of the room, a chest of drawers between the closet door and another door on the far wall, and a huge desk with three monitors almost as big as the TVs in the other room, on top.
A chair sat in front of the desk and there was a pile of what she assumed was dirty laundry on the floor beside the desk.
The bed sat unmade, but other than that the room wasn’t bad.
It looked lived in instead of like a show place.
“There. That’s better. I could make the bed, but if we’re going to lay down, why bother?”
She looked at him, then at the bed for a moment, then back to him.
Could she get in bed with him? He’d had plenty of opportunities to hurt her, if he wanted to.
She’d woken in his arms this morning and he had done nothing more than hold on to her while they’d both slept.
Or she thought that was all he’d done. Her clothes had still been on and she hadn’t been sore this morning like when Warren had exercised his husbandly rights.
That’s what he’d called it. What everyone in Jericho had called sex.
Since leaving Jericho she’d learned other words.
Still, she didn’t think Hawkeye had done that to her.
“Is this okay?” he turned and looked back to the bed. “I washed the sheets a few days ago. I never bring women back to my room, but I can change them if you’d like.”
She blinked several times, his words drawing her back to the present. She turned to him and did her best to smile, though she wasn’t sure she succeeded.
“It’s fine. I just got lost in my own head. Are we going to be sharing the room?” She wanted to look around again but kept her gaze on him. He liked it when she looked at him and not away.
He crinkled his face. “Yeah, we are, sorry. We don’t have any open rooms right now. If you would be more comfortable, I’ll hunt down a sleeping bag and crash on the floor.”
Delilah shook her head. “No. I’m not running you out of your bed.
If anyone’s sleeping on the floor, it will be me.
I’m used to it anyway,” she said with a shrug.
“We were okay last night. Can we do that again, at least for today? I can sleep on the floor tonight, if you want.” She dropped her gaze, then lifted it again to watch him after reminding herself that he wanted her to look at him.
He wasn’t Warren. He wouldn’t slap her, or worse, for being insolent, as he had put it.
“Yeah, we can do that. I’m not agreeing with you sleeping on the floor later, but we’ll deal with that later. For now, let’s see how things look after some rest.” He sat on the edge of the bed and toed off his boots. “Come on and get comfortable, little dove.” He patted the bed beside him.
Delilah didn’t know why he kept calling her that, but she liked it.
She didn’t want everyone to call her that, but she liked it when he did.
She toed off the thin canvas shoes they’d gotten for her, looked down at her sweater and wished she had something thinner to sleep in but shrugged it off.
This would do. She crawled up from the foot of the bed until she reached the top then lay down.
“What side do you want me on?” she asked.
“Get comfortable, baby. I’ll figure it out.”
Delilah closed her eyes and tried to focus on her breathing. A moment later the mattress shifted. Nothing touched her, but there was a warmth that hadn’t been there before along the front of her body, then she felt Hawkeye’s breath feather across her cheek.
She opened her eyes and found herself staring into the soft brown of his eyes.
“Is something wrong?” she asked, watching his face.
“I didn’t want to scare you by touching you without warning you first.”
“Okay. But I know you’re there. I know we are the only ones in the room. I’m okay.”
“Want to come over here and let me hold you while we rest?” He didn’t pull her where he wanted her.
Delilah nodded, then rolled over and scooted backward. Hawkeye’s arm came around her middle, pulling her tight against him. She couldn’t help but notice the erection pressed against her butt and froze. What did he want from her? What did he expect?
“It’s all right, little one. It’s natural and I can’t help it but that doesn’t mean I have to use it. Close your eyes and relax.” Hawkeye’s voice was soft in her ear.
She did as she was told, wondering if Hawkeye wanted her there or if he felt responsible for her since he’d found her, then the other women had threatened to hurt her.
He hadn’t known she existed, hadn’t been there for her.
and hadn’t planned on having the burden of a woman who knew nothing more than how to take care of a house. He didn’t have a house to care for.
Delilah lay still, unable to make her mind stop spinning.
Did Hawkeye not want her? She didn’t think that was it, not with what she could feel against her back side.
Why was he holding back? Did he care she wasn’t pure?
Warren had insisted she be pure, untouched.
It was important in Jericho, but not everyone felt that way.
Her time with the Royal Crows had shown her that.
Still, she wondered why Hawkeye held back.
“I can hear you thinking, little dove. Tell me what’s got you so wound up.” Hawkeye’s voice was barely more than a whisper.
She lay there, silent as she tried to figure out how to ask without offending him. After a moment, she decided she needed to see his face, so she scooted away, and rolled over. She needed to see his reactions as she asked this.
“Why did you kiss me earlier?”
He frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean before we ate. Before our food arrived, you kissed me. Why?”
“I was trying to show you something.”
“I know that part,” she waved one hand. “You said if you’ll kiss me, you’ll drink after me. That’s not what I meant, but let’s take that detour since you brought it up. Why are you willing to drink after me?”
“I know you’re headed somewhere, but I’ll be damned if I can see it. Tell me what you’re looking for, little dove.”
She closed her eyes. She wasn’t doing this right. She needed to find a better way.
“Okay, let’s go back to the kiss. Do you kiss everyone?”
“No, of course not.”
“Okay, then, why did you kiss me?” She let her gaze drop to his chest.
“Because I wanted to. Because I had been fighting the need to kiss you since I put you on the back of my bike.”
“You kissed me because you wanted to.” She lifted her gaze to his face again. “Is there anything else you want?” She didn’t know if she was making a mistake or not, but she trailed one finger down his chest, smoothing it down the soft cotton of his t-shirt while she watched his reaction.
Hawkeye’s brown eyes turned soft. He reached up and ran the back of one finger along the side of her face.
“Yeah, sweetheart, there’s more I want. But there are things you need to understand first.”
“What?” She frowned. Was it something horrible? Something she wouldn’t be able to live with?
“Number one and most important is this one. Once I’m inside you, you’re mine. No other man will touch you. If they try, I’ll be standing there between you and them.” He fell silent and watched her, as if he wanted to give that time to sink in.
“Can I ask something?”
“Of course. If we’re alone, you can always ask anything you want. You can tell me no, you can scream and hit me if you need to. But in front of my brothers, I need you to be a little more circumspect. Show respect to me and them, okay?”
She nodded. She could show respect. She had lots of practice at that.
“Actually, I have two questions about that. One, if I’m yours and no one else can touch me, what about you?
Does anyone else get to touch you?” She remembered the way the Royal Crows had no qualms about walking up to the women there—well, not her, but the others—and demanding that they get on their knees.
Or they would push them forward over a table or the back of a chair, remove whatever underthings she was wearing, if anything, then have sex there in public.
She didn’t know if any of them had someone they called their own but none of them hadn’t been involved in the public sex that went on nearly anytime someone was awake.
He blinked. “Of course not.”
“Not “of course not.”” She shook her head slightly.
“Remember, I grew up in Jericho. Many of the men there have three or four wives. Some have as many as eight or nine. I was not raised to expect a man to be faithful to me, even though I was expected to look at no one but him. It always seemed a bit, I don’t know, off, to me.
Are you going to be only with me or are the women around a club like this still fair game? ”
“I’m not going to lie to you, Delilah. We have women around here, women who are here to sleep with a biker. But there’s a big difference in the women here and the ones we pulled out of the Crows clubhouse.”
She didn’t know what to say, so she remained quiet, waiting for him to tell her what the difference was.
“Those women, we call them club mamas, are here because they want to be here. No one is forcing them. If they don’t want what happens here, they simply choose not to show up.
I know that wasn’t the case with a lot of the women where you were.
But to answer the question that started this, no.
If you’re mine, then I’m yours and I won’t touch anyone else. What was your second question?”
“How long?” She couldn’t stand to watch him, so she let her gaze drop to the collar of his shirt.
She didn’t want him to see how much the thought of him setting her aside like Warren had hurt.
She ignored the tear that leaked from one eye and fell silently to the pillow.
She didn’t want to draw his attention to it by wiping it away.
He didn’t answer for what felt like a long time. After a while, she realized he was watching her, waiting. For what she had no idea.
“Look at me, Delilah.” His voice was gentle, yet unyielding.
If she didn’t look at him, he’d find a way to make her. Not that he would hurt her. She’d realized already that he wouldn’t hurt her if he could help it. Slowly, not ready to see what he was thinking, she lifted her gaze to his face. She hadn’t expected the sorrow in his eyes.
“Little dove,” he cupped one side of her face in the palm of his hand.
“Once you’re mine, it’s permanent. No divorce, no setting anyone aside.
We have a disagreement, we talk it out. We get mad, we can fuck it out or find something else that works for us.
But if I make you mine, you’re mine forever.
Got that?” He met her gaze. She could see the serious glint there. Something in her warmed.
“Why would you want to tie yourself to someone who can’t give you children?”
“Sweetheart, I’m not convinced that’s true.”
“What do you mean?” She searched his face. “Not one pregnancy in six years. Of course I’m barren.”
“Delilah.” His voice was patient this time. “It takes two. You said he was older, older than me, right?”
She nodded, not seeing where he was going with this.
“Did he have any other children? Had he had any wives before you, do you know?”
She frowned and tried to remember everything Warren said. Had he mentioned ever having a wife or sleeping with anyone other than her?
“No kids and I don’t think he was married in Jericho, but he may have been with someone before.
” She rolled her eyes upward as she tried to find the rest of the memory that was teasing her mind.
Something she couldn’t quite place. “He mentioned something one time. Something along the lines he would finally have the child she would never give him.” Delilah shook her head.
“It was only the once, and so long ago I may not be remembering it right.”
“See, if he’d been with several women, and still no children, then the problem is probably the common denominator.”
She scowled. “I’m not following. I mean, you said you’ve been with women ... do you have kids?”
Hawkeye shook his head. “Not that I know of. I’m careful. Since I became sexually active at sixteen I’ve always wrapped it.”
“Wrapped it?”
“Condoms, baby. I always use condoms. Or I have in the past. I don’t think I want to with you.”
She frowned. “Why not?” she didn’t see what made her different from all the other women he’d been with.
“I don’t want anything between you and me, little dove. I want to feel every bit of you surrounding me. I want to show you how good it can be between us.”
“Good?” she said with a frown. “Sex has always been something to endure. I never understood why some women seem to enjoy it.”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me? I can show you how good it can feel, baby. If you want.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to say yes, then have you feel like you’re stuck with me because you told me if we start something it’s forever.”